Etherunreal

Written, March, 2000

An orchestra of illusions
A choir chanting in a chamber hall
A symphony of random notes
A piano idle under the spotlight

And I am alone viewing the concert
Scathing my eardrums
Beating down my heart
I'm going to explode

The conductor drops his arms
The concert ends
The audience applauds
Two hands....my hands
Then...A shriek
Fear, terror, abhorrence
A plea for help
Desperatly

Alarmed, I look about
Nothing...no one...nowhere
So then where?....
I rise, and the world falls
All is black...I cannot see
Cannot feel
My mind goes numb
And I am drifting, floating away

An age in which life becomes a burden
A passing phase I later knew
That accompanies maturity

I realized that I am not like others
Who met me in the downward slope of madness
They took shelter in narcosis
Whilst I stood unwavering
In the stellar mindscape of black wind
That swarmed me

The cosmic chaos inside my head
Did not exist in others
Perhaps I don't have the ability
To discern black from white
Or perhaps I was a rarity
Who passionatly debated
With my own conscience

Upon my return from oblivion
Blissful and terrifying
Unforgiving and relentless
Mental torture
From despair came indifference
And life was insipid
Worthless

Faith was the first to go
Such an effort to uphold traditions
Without a solid foundation
I buried myself in knowledge
Lacking of wisdom
Searching for answers
And finding plenty

But from every answer
Sprang another score of questions
Until madness crept in
Like a rioter in a powerless night
Fueled by unconsious desires
Too blind to see
And too confused to believe

And I grew and ripened
Coming closer and closer
To incredible propositions
Of what I knew and concieved
Life flipped upside down
Jostling my senses and flooding my brain
I viewed myself in the third person
The world was seen through a distorted glass film

Sometimes I wonder if the human brain
Has a limitation for the data it can hold
For if so, I fear I must arrage a defragmentation
And if not, am I capable of evolving
To the level of a deity?

Forever curious
Forever wandering
I've sat still for too long
Lost in a mess of propaganda
I will not try to dillude who I am
An explosive flurry of emotions
Forever the sceptic
Forever in search

I've found an answer to one of my strongest questions
'Where do I go from here?'
....
....Wherever I want