PERSISTANT RAMBLINGS

I am not a tool. I am not a tool.
I AM NOT A TOOL
I will not BE a tool. I will not be YOUR tool - I will not be a device, used and thrown away. My ineptitude at shrugging you off doesn't mean the constant mindfuck I subject myself to, isn't prescient of what I will-can-might become. I'm beyond your scheming selfish associations, and my world is a rich, imaginative, complex place - you'd be crushed forever if you even glimpsed into my crazed eyes. ...Like having a sulphur feast.

So am I a god? Who isn't? And what's a god anyway? Look at our pathetic selves, in constant effort to achieve this....word called peace. And here I am, spitting violence like a fucking lunatic. Sit back as I rape your face with my words...

I am not a tool. I will fly away if I have to. I will walk the earth alone forever, happy and free. Free of you and your selfish cohorts. Can't you see you're killing me?! Inside and out, like a rotting sack of flesh, my eyes see solid shapes and colors, my mind registering only what's been placed directly into my perception, placed there by my captors. My tears are dry now, ripped away by your troups to make room for ignorance. My love and awe have been stolen away too - I won't forget what you've done, every last one of you bastards. When I look over the edge, I see the swirling mass of chaotic beauty. Vertigo tugs at my soul like a whisper in the wind, pulling me over the edge with her seductive promise.

WAIT

...No

I will not be a tool

This world is spewing bullshit. The earth, the void, these words... the rain. Peace calm, the landscape. Beauty, girl, love... Death, pain, stench... Real, imagination, dream...

The death and the calm...none of this is real. I can't think... have I gone insane? No... I've just come to realize that this world, these words... it's not mine; it's not for me. The hunger meets the dawn, and the sea meets noon. Dusk brings the blood, and with death comes night. My words directly scathe your soul, because I am not among you. I walk the stars of madmen, forlorn and alone. Don't bother to confront me; I won't be your tool.

Fitting, that my blood runs dry thoughout every crevase of this rotting, fascinating landscape. Peer into the badlands of my soul, where not one fertile place is left in the whole abyss. Yet I am as fruitful as Eden. I'm ripe as the spring. The clouds around my head were put there for a reason. My eyes blare scorn at you 'cause my love is reserved. I wait, bereft of hope moreso in each fleeting moment, waiting for the owner of this blue ribbon, the one who smiles in my dreams, and speaks words of comfort and understanding. Only with her will I share my romantic insomnia. Why should you care anyway though? I can see into your soul, you greedy shit. You just want to use me, to chip off a piece of my soul for your own, and when I'm worn and dry, you'll cast me into the wind without a second's thought. You're just like everyone else... it's no suprise. Go away. Leave me to myself. let's see if I can squeeze any tears out of this long-forgotten dried up well. Laugh your rounds, spew your bullshit, and get out of my face already. Say what you want, but your words will fall on deaf ears, for I've already heard it all. I don't care who you are, or what you say. you just want me to be your tool, in one way or another, so just do both of us a favor and leave me be.

I'll steal the sunset for my treasure. The moon will be mine as well, and the limitless cache of stars inhabiting the night sky. Every tree, every glorious waterfall. The eternal depths of the ocean. Every contorted, twisted face of emotion. The harmonious notes upon the wind will be caught by my omnipresent nets. Ecstasy unbound will be mine. Every fragile whisper will be swept up in my limitless bag of delights. Watch me work, evolving at an alarming rate; a new deity; your new god.

Get off your knees. Fight me, bring me down, or I'm gonna strip you of everything you thought was dear: morality, tradition, formation, regulation, and boundaries. The colors are gonna change. The words will randomize, and time's relentless grasp will be relenquished. You're all gonna find yourselves swimming in my bleak, sensational universe of chaotic aristocracy. Enjoy the void, and let your fear become your passion, as I grace each and every one of you with the ecstatic new dimension of my reality. Breath. Blink. Break. Be free.


----UnNm