WANDERLUST

To be possessed with intelligence and superior creative abilities is not always a blessing, especially when living in a society of regulations, conformity, and trends....

Reality

Reality is a word, a substance firmly set in stone. It cannot be changed or redefined. Every object is permenantly labeled. Every property is constant. A tree will always be a tree. One will always come before two. And at some point in time, each of us must die. When you're not dead, you're living. There's no other word to describe that condition. But what is living? ...A beating heart? ...A working brain? Suppose the condition of living is to have a beating heart. So then, those of us with beating hearts are alive. What then keeps us alive? ...Food, water, and sleep. We eat and sleep regularly with a constant supply, and so we stay alive. So then, what is it that stops us from living? Illness, old age......accidents. What is real then, is that we are born, we eat and sleep, and at some point, an event occurs which causes us to die. This cycle repeats itself eternally, making our species a part of reality. There is no purpose for any of it however.

Imagination

So then, the question is asked: What is it that gives us the desire to stay alive? Could it be pleasure, to seek joy and happiness? Could it be success, to achieve a goal, and work toward another higher one, to eventually achieve the ultimate goal? Or could it be the mystery of what's lurking behind the corner, at the end of the trail, at the bottom of the ocean? The ability to choose is both our freedom and imprisonment. Throughout our lifespan, we are offered a series of paths and forks in our road of life, and as the limited mortal entities that we are, we can only take one at a time, so we choose whichever one seems appropriate for our nature. Yet, as we walk our chosen path, we ponder on what the other paths would have been like. We can only take one fork, and the others must remain a mystery. Imagination... a word that is not real, yet it seeps into reality, unyeilding and uninhibited. With this trait, we manipulate objects and environments to appeal to our senses, while still part of reality. We can produce sound waves that harmoniously clash in a way that can alter our mood and state of mind. We can also create paths we have never been on, or never seen. We can possess supernatural powers. We can alter reality to our satisfaction... every desire can be ours. The word for this is dreaming.

Science

As time has advanced, the mathematical structure of the scientific world has taken a physical form. Man-made structures are geometric. A symmetrical balance is applied to everything. In most cases, neccesity takes precedence over appeal. Reality is applied to everything, and the law of nature becomes the law of existance. If you consist of matter, you exist. If your heart beats, you live. The mathematical world is absolute and constant.

Religion

So then, since the beginning, reality has clashed with imagination. We realize that many things are constant, like the fact that the sun will always rise and will always set. Yet we didn't know how or why it did. Lacking the knowledge and tools, we used our imagination combined with our primitive knowledge to attempt to describe the phenomenon as best as possible. Eventually came the question of our purpose, our goal, our reason for being alive and having this incredible ability to devise and create. A higher power...an immortal being beyond our comprehension seemed to be the most logical answer. The structure of this world and our own selves seemed too well designed to be just random. In time however, through mathmatics and our imaginations, we discovered why the sun truly sets and rises, and what the white dots in the sky really are, among other things. The concept of a higher power became less sensible as we further discovered more and more properties of reality. The question still remains however, even if all of what we are becomes known, Why?

Society

So society is formed. Society is an enigma. A human seems incapable of living in solitide. We achieve more when we are in groups. This fact also seems true for the multitude of the species on this earth. We group together and pool our ideas and thoughts. We build cities and structures. We also create forms of entertainment. Sports and music, acting, and stories. We share our dreams and ideas to create a collage of dreams, which is recreated in the form of paintings, books, songs, movies, and a multitude of other things. Recreation has become our priority in life. This is no suprise either. As we advance into the geometrical state of society, all properties of life become given. Personal goals and ambitions are overruled by the general consensus. This new governing group becomes the public. As the society grows and expands, opposing groups form, leaders arise, and conflict begins. In order to stifle the conflict, the public agrees to set certain standards in order to maintain sctrucure and order. These standards and then applied to the each member of the public. Standards which aren't posted on guidelines anywhere, but are universally understood by each member of society who wishes to remain part of the whole. Some of these standards consist of public education, marriage, religion, careers, housing, and other constants you see regularly in a conformed society.

Kinetic Flow

When an object is hurled into the air, it slowly deccelerates as it rises, until it comes to a complete stop at its peak. Then it accelerates back to the ground at the same speed. Metaphorically, society is behaving in the same way. This geometrical conformity of the public is going to come to a standstill. Evolution will no longer be possible because too many limitations on human expansion have been set. Our growth will abruptly stop, and then we will begin to fall apart. War, chaos, anarchy....destcruction. Our species has become so advanced now, that our inhabitance on this natural world, as part of reality, is too limiting. To advance, we must evolve beyond flesh and blood. Energy, electricity, and perhaps magic. Science is factual and constant, eternally reliable...but it's limited. It's stale and will destroy us all, just like the creation of this universe. The nature of reality is kinetic energy, eternally recycling itself, and we will all be destroyed unless we elevate ourselves beyond what we see as real.

Recreation

Recreation is what remains of our imaginary minds. Entertainment is seen everywhere, always in the corner of the eye. It's what drives us to finish our 9-5 job week. It's what drives us to continue life. The daily routines of life would destroy us if there was no pleasure to seek in the effort. We see our dreams and fantasies come to life on movies and TV. We have our moods and thoughts tugged on through all forms of music. We socialize at parties and concerts. We play games which let us enter pretend realities. We explore the world for adventure and mystery. We play sports to release energy and harness our competitive natures. There are a million ways that we have fun, and that is what seems to maintain our desire to live. Or, perhaps, there is another condition that fuels our need for life...one that has yet to be harnessed or realized fully: emotion.

Mind alteration

Thousands of years ago, someone most likely from a tribe of natives, found a cactus, and ate the buttons thinking to appease his hunger. Some time later, he experienced an altered state of conciousness and saw visions of incredibly mystical proportions. Stricken, he described the experience to his comrades, who then partook of the cactus. All of them were forever changed by the revelations they beheld. Another time, a hunger man in search of food happened upon a mushroom patch, and gathered the fungi up to brew into a tea. That night, he and his tribe were visited by the gods and saw a myriad of incredible visions. It was later discovered that the mushroom and peyote contained mind altering chemicals in them. But just as the phenomenon of the sun couldn't be described scientifically back then, neither could the effect of these substances. Once again, gods and higher powers became the explanation of the effects. The gods had blessed the mushrooms to bestow the user with mystical visions and revelations. Hundreds of years later, as science began its reign, a small number of incredibly intelligent, insightful people began their pursuit into the altered states of reality. Through experimentation, chemists began to discover mixtures of substances that could affect a human brain and seem to grant them temporary superhuman abilities. Little was known of the effects, possible brain damage, or residual side effects, and little is still known about these obscure chemicals. One thing however, is that they grant the user with revelations and insights, granting them abnormal and profound mental and physical powers. For this reason, and their possible psychological danger, the public and its leaders deemed these substances to be too dangerous and too unstable to maintain a structured environment, and banned them from use. Some of these substances grant the user with complete physical performance, euphoric feelings, heightened state of mind, lowered inhibitions, disassociation from reality, and intense positive emotions. Of course, constant use of these substances can result in physical brain damage, psychological dn physical dependance, a myriad of mental disorders including psychosis, neurosis, and insanity. Many people experiment with these substances for a multitude of reasons. Perhaps they want to experience the altered states for themselves. Perhaps some of them use the substances to enhance their performance, physically or mentally. Some of them might use the substance to help them with their work, writing music or stories. And then some of them might simply use the substances because reality is just too inhibiting for them, and the seductive altered states of mind, body, and soul allow them to explore their mental capacities far more than what reality allows. Some may seek guidance. Others may seek knowledge beyond what's real...

Emotion

This is an unlocked trait in our society, forced into seculsion by our limiting scientific approach to living. It is generally regarded as a weakness for one to allow their feelings and emotions to govern their decsions. People react negatively, even violently when emotions are mentioned or transferred. Emotions are often exchanged verbally, in order to physically convey their meaning, but this is ultimatly impossible. Emotion is not party of reality, or imagination. It's a state, an existence all its own. It's properties are unknown except through descriptions and actions. Moods and feelings can sometimes be subdued through chemicals or mental effort, but the concept of their preexistance is foreign. The world of emotion is a dimension yet unexplored by any mortal soul. A few have felt the pull of love and hate, joy and sadness, hope and despair. For each positive trait, there is an equal and opposite trait. This is probably the only truth known about emotion. Emotion is a trait felt by the mind, body, and soul equally, and cannot be truly described in any way or form. It is simply, Felt... like a sixth sense perhaps.

I

So then, all of reality and imagination eventually boils down to myself. I am possessed of all the characteristics and traits of the human being. I eat, drink, and sleep to keep my body alive. I mingle with other humans: friends, family, strangers. I laugh and talk and have a good time. I watch movies, I play games, I dance and party. I consume mind altering substances to achieve altered states of mind, elevated mood, and lowered inhibitions. I have found myself in a world of chaos and instability...the world I have always wanted. Part of me is still clinging to society's cold but stable grasp. If I were to lose myself in the chaotic world, there would be no turning back. I can feel insanity creeping up on me every day. I have to actually strain my mind to hold it back constantly. And there are emotions built up inside me... primal rage and hate which I thought I had abandoned, were really only dormant inside my mind, waiting for me to snap and release it all in one single incredible blast of rage. Other emotions: wonder, confusion, bedazzlement. I am drawn toward the mysteries of imagination. Reality, science, mathmatics...sure it's interesting and a good investment, but once I know the formula, the solution may be different, but the path to it is always the same. When I encounter a fork in the road, I want to be able to take all paths at once, to explore existance in its full expanse. I am now aware that my mind is indeed capable of doing this, but to do so would mean I have to leave reality behind....forever. It's a difficult decision....

Love

An alternate solution... to explore the foreign world of emotion. Of all the feelings that I have felt, I don't know if I've ever felt love. I've felt infatuation, lust, and perhaps a brotherly sort of love, but I have never felt love for another woman who also shared the same with me. The chaotic explosion of feelings that hurtles toward one that suddenly becomes passionatly attracted, is almost always unbearably dizzying. All day every day, she is on my mind, and I envision us together, high up in the arms of a mighty tree, or kissing under a sky full of stars. Yet I cannot say a word... it's as if my body coils at the concept of sharing myself with another. And, perhaps that is what emotion is.... the eternal bondage of man and woman. The two become one, and transcend to the dimension of emotions. Perhaps I could try and explore this undiscovered realm, in my ambitious journey to elevate my being to the highest possible state, before this body ceases to function. I am the transcient wayfarer.