Person: I have nothing to give to you, the audience, except, of course, I, myself. But if you insist I am going to give everyone of you this speech (before my speech) on audience rules and manners. Listen up because I will say each rule once and only once. If you love my speech, which you might,(pleading) probably, maybe, will, (back to normal talk) you simply clap like this, (claps and hollers), and if you don't like me, (pleading again) Please, please like me. (Back to normal talk) you should not, would not, can not, will not, shall not BOO! You clap like this (acts like seated in a chair with nose in snobbish manner, stick hands in the air and tap softly.) I do not want this audience to talk while I am talking, like you, sir, with the green skin. (points) That is not proper audience behavior, you shall leave at once! Sorry about that, now what was I saying? (pauses to think) Oh yes, if you have a cold, I do not want to hear sneezing during my performance. Please if you cannot refrain, dismiss yourself, WITHOUT TALKING. Do not return until you are sure you can stop. Babies beware, cute as you may be, but don't you dare interrupt me! Now that we all understand that back to my speech on... (pauses)... on... hold on one second. (Whispering offstage) Hey! What am I supposed to be talking about here? Ca.... what? I can't hear you. Cats?...... no.... then what? CATHOLIC RELIGION!!!! What? !?!?!? I'm a Jew! Oh, can I stop? No? What? I HAVE to make it work? I'll try. (Walking back to podium very afraid and almost speechless) Um…..what I have to say....(pause).. in my speech today is.......is......is.....the catholic religion is, um, GOOD. (Reassuring more to his/herself). It is very good. (looking at wrist but has no watch). My turn seems to be up. What do you know, my time is up. (rushes to leave) Bye!