Emails that Amuse Me
Much like these Clay Aiken icons? Yes, verily. Okay this little page is the new home of all emails that entertain me. Most of them, pathetically, will be my own. Why? Because most of my outgoing emails are saved in a "sent" folder. Sometimes for fun I go back and read them. And then I laugh a lot. Why? Because I'm an ass. So, it's not as egotistical as it might seem. Then again, this whole website is about me and what I like. I don't know why I'm justifying anything to you. Yeah... yeah! SCREW YOU!!!! Just kidding, enjoy.
OH NO I THINK THIS EMAIL WAS SENT TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Katie,
Well now! I can see college is doing wonders for your psychotic side! I am pleased of this development, and I would like you to know that I whole-heartedly stand behind you losing your mind. DON'T WORRY SUMMER IS COMING AND THEN YOU CAN SLEEP AND ROCK OUT WITH YOUR PEEPZ AND HAVE A LOT OF JAMMIN' GOOD GIORDANO'S DDR LOVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah. So just keep it real and cool... and you got it *shoots a basket* *SWISH!* in the bag.
=====================The More You Know *star* *heart*
=======================Paid for by NBC.
TYIOR FRIENS OCYD!!!!!!
(^ that's how I type without backspace when I type super fast yes [it says, "YOUR FRIEND CODY!!!!!!]
I would, of course, like to complete my own vendetta. AH AND I DID NOT USE THE WORD "VENDETTA" CORRECTLY BUT THAT'S OKAY KNOW WHY?!?! Because this email is pointless. Hmm so April Fool's Day tomorrow. I wonder what trick I'm gonna pull on you guys. I heard this rediculous thing on the radio on the way to Oakbrook Mall yesterday... "If you're involved in boycotting the French, it may not be a good idea to play an April Fool's prank on someone. More on that NEXT!"...?!?! Subject of today's "WhaaAAAAaaaaAAAAaa...????" Haha I soon after escaped to the comforting solace of the bus. So I uhhh have been listening to the Chicago soundtrack non-stop since Saturday night. My life is complete. Hahahaha Jim I BOW TO YOU-- You are a brilliant master of the email! ROFL YOU SENT THAT TO STRONGBAD!!!!! AHAHA!!!! Okay I've started my project, as promised...
The Trailer.
(blackness)
*increasingly intense and fast heartbeat*
:::flash::: *boy curled in fetal position*
(blackness)
Screen Reads: It’s coming...
:::flash::: *boy lifts his head, his face contorted with fear*
(blackness)
Screen Reads: You can’t escape...
:::flash::: *boy looks around, breathing heavily*
Boy- It’s so cold... I’m so cold...
(blackness)
Screen Reads: ...something that looks so innocent...
:::flash::: *girl on beach*
Girl- Mommy look! A Starfish!
(blackness)
*girl screams*
*cue scary music*
Screen Reads: This ain’t no sissy M. Night Shamaylan crap...
:::flash::: *gnarled hand covered in a disgusting blue substance*
Frightened Voice- IT’S EVERYWHERE!!!!
(blackness)
Screen Reads: With music from the third reunion album of “The Juggies”...
:::flash::: *teenage boy threatens a horse with a knife*
Frightened Voice #2- JOHNNY NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
*music stops* (blackness)
Screen Reads & Deep Announcer voice says: “THE GOO”
:::flash::: *close up on victim’s eyes widened in terror*
Victim- Help...me...
(blackness)
Screen Reads: Summer, 2014
Nobody's got no class....every guy is a snot....every girl is a twat! Holy shit. Holy shit. What a shame. What a shame. What became of claaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssss?! Yay Catherine Zeta-Jones you're HOT!!!! Uhh..not that I would care or anything...hmm, yeah...
I don't have to make out with Steve! HAH I WIN! We're doing Picnic and not stupid Ah Wilderness! DOWN WITH YOU EUGENE O'NEIL!!!! Muahahahaha!!!!! William Inge all the way baby!!!! Okay so I still have to beg Steve to marry me but ahhh whatever. Today we walked around with a real shotgun in Centennial East :0) :0) :0) My favorite line of mine is: "What'd people say if I thumbed my nose at them? What'd people say if I walked down the street and showed 'em my pink panties? What do I care what people say?" AND AND THEN STEVE SAYS "You were the best sport I ever saw, always good for a laugh." I mentioned that that reminded me of Beauty and the Beast and we both had to restrain ourselves from singing. *tears* Crazy old Maurice...
oh yes oh yes oh yes they both oh yes they both oh yes they both reached for the gun the gun the gun the gun oh yes they both reached for the gun for the gun!
Creepy Dan is out there somewhere... I can sense it...
JEAN VALJEAN!!!!
Okay I have rambled enough. GOODBYE FOREVER
Love and Cookies,
Katie
Fellow, fellows~
I really should check my email more often.... See all of this time I, Ginger Hundgen, have been living with GOD, Katie Kammes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who would have known!?!?!?!?! I did think it was a little odd that she could turn on the TV by just blinking at the screen. Katie is quite extraordinary, so I never put 2 and 2 together. Katie suppose you are infact God, why would you live in the dorms of ISU? Are you trying to pull a "What if God was one of us?" If you were God you could turn water into wine, or at least make $7.50 on your meal plan last till the end of the semester. Also, if you were God you wouldn't even need to go to crew because you could operate all of the controls with you mind. Not to mention causing a massive flood that would get rid of all of the stupid people on this campus. If you are God, then you should get back to work.
Fellow friends of Katie, I am worried for our dear friend. It must be the stress of the end of the semester or maybe some Clay Aiken brain-washing. I just don't want her to end up like other people in history that have claimed they were God. For example, the freak from Heaven's Gate that told everyone to put on their black Nikes, cover themselves with purple sheets and eat rat poison pudding.....ANNE HECHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!...... or that other God-wanna-be in the 70's, who moved 300 people to a remote island and told them to drink his lethal Cherry Red Koolaid. I am just stating my concern.
Ginger
This is from a recent article, quoting the President on a breaking news speech last evening. (In case you missed it on TV.)
Attention my fellow Americans.
We have now upgraded to the highest level of terror, level RAINBOW. We have recieved word that homosexuals have begun to marry. Flocking to chapels in Las Vegas by the thousands, and any other state that allows this vile pagan act, the perpetraitors have acted as a catalyst for normal heterosexual civilian terror. THEY JUST KEEP GETTING MARRIED. Thus far our defense system has discovered no plausible way of stopping them. This is one reason to allow the millitary more funds to rebuild Iraq. Iraq: Where Homosexuals Originated. The word ‘Homosexual’, as we’re all aware, is the Webster Dictionary’s axis of evil.
I am advising the citizens of the greatest country in the world to stay calm, and remain in your homes. Avoid all single men; for there is a chance he might be a renegade homosexual terrorist. These renegades have been rumored to be carrying highly nucularized gas bombs in their shoes; which, when inhaled by a normal non-gay American, will cause them to break into a show-stopping musical number from West Side Story. During this period of EXTREME RAINBOW, please be aware of potential suspects holding one or more of the following qualities:
1.) Tight clothing
2.) Designer clothing
3.) Bleached blonde hair
4.) Dark tans
5.) Any male within a three mile radius of a gym.
If you spot a potential suspect, it is your duty as an American to report it to the local authorities. It is also the 11th Commandment. However, only report your find to those who are married to a person of the opposite sex.
My fellow Americans, I promise you we will avenge this tragedy. We will capture these renegade homosexual terrorists: Dead or Alive. And you have my word, that San Fransisco will be bombed. Thank you. God Bless America.
To maybe ease your boredom i am sending you on a savenger hunt and if you collect all the things on my list you will be awesome...jk...you will win a prize*
Here we go...
1. If you're bad Santa might put this in your stocking.
2. Without hurting yourself, get 3 thorns from the stem of a rose
3. There's gotta be a loose brick around here somewhere. Can you find one?
4. Get a disposable camera and take some wacky pictures.
5.What's the name and color of the nearest dog grooming place sign?
6. Regardless of the time of year, track down a candy cane.
7. Track down a bochure from a local caterer.
8. Make a toy boat that floats.
9. Make a house of toothpicks and marshmallows
10. Name the nearest island
11 Regardless of the time of year find some snow.
12. Find a newspaper headline with the word "murder" in it.
13. Get a worm before the early bird does. Bring it back alive and make a home for it. Double points if you name it and keep it as a pet.
14. Catch the ever elusive, yet common housefly. Then put it in with your worm or set it free.
15. Find a fish and keep it alive for at least one week.
If you can't do any of these things due to money, that's fine. But try to have fun.
*You will really get a prize!!