Dear Diary November 27, 2000 Dear Diary, The first snow had fallen the night before. I woke up and the first thing I see out the wooden window is heaven…the world was so white…so pure. I couldn’t wait to plunge and enjoy myself in heaven’s blessing. After quickly dressing, I ran out into the snow and held two handfuls of the year’s first snow. It was cold against my bare hands, but I didn’t mind. Holding the sparkling, fresh snow felt like as if I was holding millions and millions of diamonds. I look back and realize that I made a trail of deep footsteps. The first mark in the peaceful, perfect snow… November 28, 2000 Dear Diary, I met a man that symbolized the first snow of yesterday. The snow lightly fell today, so I decided to go out to the local café and have some coffee to warm up. I was looking out the huge café window when I saw a guy about my age walking along outside with a wife beater on. ‘Crazy fool’ was the first thing that came to mind. It was snowing and this guy was actually wearing only baggy jean jeans and a wife beater. He came into the warm café and seated himself across from me without hesitation. He greeted me with a bright hello and a genuine smile that hung from ear to ear. His name was Minwoo, and for some reason, I felt comfortable with him…like the aroma of fresh brewed coffee. He chattered along most of the time, just talking about this and that. It wasn’t about anything special, but the way he told it was amusing. I was just floating around in thoughts and listening to his talk, until he stopped. He cupped his steaming, light coffee in his cold hands and asked me to talk about my life. There wasn’t much to tell him…other than that I live in a wooden cabin couple steps away by myself and that I enjoy snow. He gave an acknowledgeable grin. He then turned and thanked me for keeping him company and that it was his time to leave now. He paid the waitress of the café and walked out the door, still with only his wife beater and baggy jeans. I picked up my belongings getting ready to go because I had just realized I’ve spent the whole morning and afternoon there talking to this guy I didn’t really know. I went up to the waitress, but she refused the money, saying that a young man I was sitting with had already paid for my drink. December 1, 2000 Dear Diary, I haven’t been outside for the last couple days because it hadn’t snowed and the snow from previous nights were getting all watery and dirty. Instead, I stayed in my cabin and worked on my fiction and spent time with you. During these few days, I couldn’t help thinking back to the guy I meant at the café. Every time I thought of him, my heart would feel all warm and tingly inside…a good feeling like when you slowly drink down your hot coffee on a cold day. Any who, I woke up this morning, the first day of December, due to the sunlight that shone in my face. Slowly, my eyes peeked open one by one, trying to shade from the sun. Finally, I got up and looked out my wooden window…where the birds were singing in the light new snow. Ah~ it was the new fallen snow that reflected the warm sun. Within couple minutes, I ran down to the café again to drink my coffee, and deep down, I was hoping to see him again. I ordered my coffee and sat down in the same seat I sat several days ago. I waited, leisurely drinking my hot drink, giving him time to come. I looked down at my watch and it was almost lunchtime so I decided to go home. I was about to pack my belongings and head to the cabin until I saw purple hair and a wife beater running into the café. His eyes searched for me until our eyes met. His face brightened and lightly jogged towards me. He was breathing hard; he must have run all the way to the café. He and I exchanged a friendly hello before he suggested we order lunch here at the café and eat outside at the patio since the snow ceased. I ordered a bread-bowl of English clam chowder and he bought a cold turkey sandwich. Once we sat down, I asked him if he’s ever cold. He was wearing white baggy pants, tight shirt, and gulfing down a cold turkey sandwich. Minwoo only shook his head and finished off his sandwich. I was kind of surprised because I didn’t even start eating yet. He looked bashful and turned slightly pink. I laughed and told him if he was still hungry, he and I can share the English clam chowder. I think he ate most of it without realizing it. But, it didn’t matter…his body was close to mine…and it felt warm…something strange for a guy who ran around in thin clothes. His cologne smelled refreshing and I couldn’t help feeling that I felt more for this guy than I should. Right then, I felt something cold on me. I looked up and saw small flakes of snow raining down from the heavens again. Minwoo caught me by surprise when he put his hands around me to shield me from the snow. He and I ran into the café and sat down. I looked at him, still a bit surprised. Did he feel the same way I felt for him? His eyes were warm and somewhat mischievous. I guess he read my mind because the next thing he said shocked me. He looked into my eyes and confessed that he really liked me…a lot. December 10, 2000 Dear Diary, After he had confessed his true feelings, he and I have been spending together often, mostly like a fairy tale. Of course, many will not believe that we clicked together so quickly and so easily, but it’s true. Everyday, we would meet at the café and have a warm drink before going out to play in the snow. We would have snow fights, which I won, of course. I can’t help thinking though, that he let me win. Minwoo and I made the cutest snow angels. We would lie side by side and flap our arms and legs to make angels and then label them…MINWOO x THERESA. His eyes would light up when we stand in front of it, his arms around mine, and we both looking at our simple creation. Delighted, we continued to make more things out of snow, like as if we were seven again. We pushed and rolled a snowball until it was big enough that we couldn’t move it. Minwoo started to roll a smaller snowball while I went out to look for sticks, stones and perhaps run and get couple carrots at home. I ran down from my cabin where Minwoo was waiting for me patiently…just sitting there, plopped in a pile of soft white snow. I ran to him with a plastic grocery bag in hand that were filled the snowman materials. He and I took our time making it the very best snowman we can. He pushed in two black stones for eyes and small pebbles to make a big smile. He and I both reached in to grab the carrot, but his hand was over mine on accident. We both had a surprised look on our faces, but his expression soon melted into a smile. He let go of the carrot and motioned me to add the nose. I tiptoed and gently pushed the nose in. He genuinely held my hand and asked me if the cabin ahead was my home. I nodded and asked him if he wanted to come in and get warm…since he still wore light clothing. He anxiously nodded a ‘yes’ and followed me into my small cabin. He settled down on a worn out, but comfortable couch while I baked some cookies and mixed hot chocolate. He complimented how cozy the small place was, how it was beautifully decorated. He fingered the pot of flowers that I had to put inside because of the snow. He explored the rest of my yellow decorated cabin on his own, opening things here and there, touching and seeing things around. I finished baking and making cookies so I set it down on the coffee table and went to get Minwoo. When I found him, he was sitting on my bed, looking at the photographs that were on my side table. He took interest in looking at my old family pictures. He then pointed to my toddler pictures and laughed. I gave him that “what~ I was cute back then” look and stuck my tongue at him jokingly. He laughed heartily again until his eyes focused on something else. I followed his eyes and found out he was looking at you. He gave a playful smirk and took you in his hands. He asked me if he can read it, but I refused. Not that I’m ashamed of you, but when the right time comes, I will share page by page with him, next to the fireplace on a cold night. I led him outside the room so we can have our cookies and hot chocolate. Time went by so quickly when we laughed and joked around. Without realizing it, the skies have turned black outside the wooden window. December 12, 2000 Dear Diary, I was sleeping peacefully until I heard knocking sounds on my window. I got up and went up to the window to see what was making the loud noises. I looked outside and saw a small, but built figure with light hair throwing pebbles and snow at my window. My heart jumped when it finally dawned on me that it was Minwoo in a wife beater and baggy sweatpants. I ran downstairs to let Minwoo in. There were sprinkles of snow resting on his purple hair so I got him a towel to dry himself with. I asked him why he was here so late at night, or rather so early in the morning. He was still huffing and puffing, but managed to tell me that he couldn’t sleep without being with me…that he missed me too much. I never knew one could love me so much like that. For the rest of the night, we sat in the sheltered balcony, looking out the snow we played in pervious days. Minwoo was wrapped in my colorful quilt and I was in his strong arms, slowly drifting off to sleep. He kissed the top of my head and pulled me in closer…for my first kiss under the peaceful, dark skies, above the clean, new flawless snow. December 17, 2000 Dear Diary, It’s been only a day since I said good-bye to Minwoo, but I already missed him, his fresh scent, silky hair, built body, his warmth, his laughter, and his presence. He got a call the other night from his family down in the countryside, saying that his mother fell sick. He immediately explained the situation and went to see his mother. He asked me if I wanted to come, but I said no. I wanted he and his mother to spend some quality time together and not worry about me. For the first time in a long while, I looked around the house to see what to do…I was bored…something I haven’t been in a long time since Minwoo and I spent every moment together. I found the fiction I was writing, but I was no longer interested in writing it. Everything I wrote seemed so weak and pointless. When Minwoo came into my life, he showed me another light; happiness. I lain down on my bed, thinking how did I survive the loneliness before he stepped into my life? He had changed everything, all my feelings, my attitude towards life, the way I live. I know it has only been about twenty days, but those daily twenty days meant the world to me; I wouldn’t exchange it for anything else, I’ll protect those memories with my life. December 24, 2000 Dear Diary, All this week, I’ve been just lying around the house with nothing to do. I missed him terribly, and felt too sluggish to do anything without him. I looked out my wooden window and saw the world covered in white. I longed to go out there and enjoy the snow, but without him, it seemed so much more like a bore. When he was around, he would come running at the crack of dawn and drag me down to play in the snow and later get something to drink. Joy and laughter seems inexistent now. I continued to gaze out the window. The café shop Minwoo and I always went to put up yellow Christmas light on its roof. It seemed like everyone was in the Holiday spirit…except me. Everyone was bustling around here and there, shopping for last minute gifts for their loved ones. Loved Ones…Loved ones like Minwoo. Realizing I didn’t have anything for Minwoo, I immediately got up and changed into something warm and went down to greet the world. I went down the mountainside and went into the nearest city. Lights were glowing everywhere and every store window had sales advertisement that lured customers one at a time. I walked around the city blindly; I wasn’t sure what to get my dear Minwoo. I looked at watches, jewelry, gadgets, hats, etc, but I couldn’t find that one perfect “ah ha!” gift. Finally, I came across a store where people were buzzing around. Guys were watching models on TV displays while the girls were trying to pick out cute winter clothes for themselves. I entered the store quietly, still somewhat observing the people. I looked around the store, looking for nothing in particular. I walked down the aisles until something caught my eye. I excitedly jogged to it and marveled. Perfect! It was a real Tommy windbreaker. I was always worrying about him; worried that he would be ill because he runs around in the cold with only a thin layer of clothes. I promptly bought the jacket along with a white visor and cologne. Did I mention that I was broke after that? It didn’t matter, it was for my Minwoo. I just hope that he came home soon, or at least call me on Christmas morning. December 26, 2000 Christmas is officially over and Minwoo hadn’t come home or even called yet. Hot streams of tears are running down my cheeks as I write this. That bastard. I was so miserable; it felt like he stood me up. Didn’t he care? Didn’t he think of me on this special holiday? I mean, he was gone for the past 10 days and he didn’t make a single call or leave a simple message. It made me wonder if he even cared…wondered if he was just playing with me and I didn’t know it…Everyday, I checked my mailbox, incase the mailman delivered a late Christmas greeting or gift. I waited by the phone every moment I can and opened my email box open all day, waiting for that special someone. December 27, 2000 I sat down at the usual place at the café…except I was alone. It was slightly snowing…but not much. I held the steaming coffee mug between my hands, not really thinking about anything…or at least I tried. Tears had begun the blur my vision of the snowy hills and the snow-roofed cabin of mine. Out of nowhere, I hear hard breathing coming from my side. I look next to me and saw a white, wet wife beater. It was him…maybe it was my stubborn self, but I no longer wanted to look at him. But deep inside, I knew I still loved him, but my self-esteem couldn’t be let down so easily. I wanted him to suffer the way I did for him…but at the same time, I didn’t want to hurt him. He called out my name, but I still turned the other way, not facing him. He lightly grabbed me by my shoulder and pulled me so I would look at him. I quickly turned my head away…river of tears were sliding down my face. I wasn’t sure then, but now I know that my tears were tears of relief and happiness…happiness that he came back. But my expression told a different story… “YOU DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME! HOW CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THAT MORE THAN A WEEK?! YOU DIDN’T EVEN CALL ME ON CHRISTMAS DAY, WHILE I WAS WAITING FOR YOU!” Shit…I screamed at him…I just blew up…and the whole café was staring at us…being spectators of our relationship. Minwoo looked hurt for a split second, but his face retorted into anger. His face turned bright red from the embarrassing stares he received from the café customers. He just stomped out of the café…without one look…without one word. I sat there and gave nasty looks to the other people who were watching us. It was none of their business. I recomposed myself and thought about what I had said. It was harsh…I guess…but it was his fault for not even calling once…making me worry and lonely all at the same time. Yet, I knew deep inside that what I said was cruel because I had embarrassed him in front of the whole place. I handed the waitress couple bucks and left to find Minwoo. He was outside, couple yards away from the café. He was sitting on a rock, smoking with an angry look on his face. Just to piss him off more, I snatched the cigarette out of his fingers. I killed the fire by rubbing it on the snow. I glared at me and shouted annoyed remarks at me. He picked the cigarette back up and reached into his pockets for his lighter but I took his cigarette away from him again. “Don’t do this kind of shit in front of me, I don’t need it coming from you, unlike the rest of the world.” Yeah…you know what diary, I was still pissed at him, but I was still ready to apologize. Out of nowhere, he spoke…and I remember every word of it…haunting me. “My mom died…on the night of Christmas Eve.” He said that so quietly, I could barely hear him. My heart stopped…he told me that…after all the things I said to him moments before. Minwoo fell silent again. I couldn’t do anything but to hold him…showing him that whether he hates me or not, I was still there for him. December 31, 2000 Dear Diary, I am writing to you, and Minwoo is sleepily watching me. We are in front of the fireplace, leaning against each other as I write. I have revealed everything that I wrote in you to Minwoo today. Speaking of today, it’s a day I will never forget. You see, it was about five in the evening, and the skies were already dark. I haven’t spoken to Minwoo after he told me of his mother’s death. Finally, he had called me and asked me to meet him at the local beach. He still sounded mad, and I was afraid of what he was going to say. Nevertheless, I agreed and arrived at the beach. It was pitch black and was hard to see anything without my headlights. Suddenly, a dark figure appeared out of the dark. I called out to him…Minwoo? Indeed it was Minwoo…he half smiled and took my hand. We both said nothing as we went down to where we were close to the water. There were little flames of light everywhere. Minwoo’s eyes glowed not only from the candles, but also from love. I couldn’t understand…I thought he was still mad at me. I looked at him with questioning eyes…not knowing what was going on. He kissed me…deeply. I was slightly caught off guard…I didn’t know what to do. I accepted the kiss and it grew deeper…like as if he had been starved. I was quickly running out of breath, but he wouldn’t let go. I started to pull away from his embrace, and gradually, he let go. “Marry me.” I gasped…that was the last thing I expected him to say. He opened a box and inside was a silver band with bits of diamonds on it. It wasn’t new…it looked old. “This is a family ring…it was handed down for generations now…will you accept it?” It was something new…and I was totally in for it. I didn’t need a new ring…the ring that Minwoo presented me was far more valuable…and I felt honored…to be part of his family. Minwoo slipped it on my finger as he spoke. “My Mother gave this to me before she passed away…she wanted me to give it to you…and so that she can watch from the heavens…” Minwoo continued to kiss me…in the middle of the small candle flames. We were there for the longest time…and suddenly, fireworks went off…It was officially a new year…2001. He is now at my house…sleeping next to me…he had fallen asleep.