| ** Star in the sky… By: Ji Yoon Kim The cold night wind breezes by, the dark crescent moon reflects upon my soft glinting necklace. The necklace that molded a shape across my heart, the shape of the crescent moon. I gaze upon the intricate stars above, dazed by the countless hours of days. Grasping the delicate crescent moon, until one day I’ll be near him always… Hwan Hee, just the name makes my face brighten up with sheer delight. Hwan Hee was my childhood friend, someone I told my every secret too. I never had to tell him to keep it, he knew me as if I was him. Everyday, when the darkness covered the glorious land, we sat on the high grassy hilltop, hidden far away from the rest of the world. Gazing upon the millions of stars that filled the lovely night sky, we sat in silence. Never did we say a word, silence was all we needed. Silence… Such a precious word… I never told him I loved him more than a friend, never in my wildest dreams did I think one day he would be gone… And that day came, when he was called to move back to Korea. I guess I wasn’t ready for the shock when he told me. I yelled in anger “Hwan Hee? You… You can’t move back!” But those words didn’t stop him from going… At the airport, I concentrated on pressing back my tears, trying to control my emotions. It seemed like he was trying to do the same, but I didn’t dare break the silence. He handed me a crescent moon necklace, as he dangled it around my neck. Also holding one in his hand, he whispers “As long as you have one, and I have one, we’ll always be near…” Those last sweet words, were enough to let my tears come uncontrollably. Hwan Hee put his arms around me comforting me, people at the airport turned and stared. For all I care those people could just got fuck them selves. All I wanted was to stay cuddled up against his warm chest, and never let go… “ Flight EVA to Seoul, Korea please board the plane…” The damn announcement ruined my last precious moments with Hwan Hee. Finally he let me go as I dried my tears, he turns as he gives me one last kiss, and he was gone… Forever… Four long years has passed since Hwan Hee left, I haven’t heard a word from him, damn the kid… I vowed to myself never again would I love again, till my precious love returns to me, and once again fill half of my empty heart. I am a junior in high school, and I’m quite attractive if you mean outer terms. I’m not conceited into my looks, nor care what others think of me. I am myself, and life is just an illusion, I… Myself is also an illusion, life is just a test to my terms, You pass or you don’t, it doesn’t matter to me. Ever since four years ago when my precious love left, my heart went cold. I had no faith, no hope, no feeling towards anything anymore. Four years have passed and I wonder if Hwan Hee ever thinks of me anymore… But life goes on, so I better get my lazy ass to Biology before I’m late. I quickly rush in and quietly take a seat near the window. Looking out of the glassy window I see the summer bud growing. I’ve never defied myself to nature but instead defied myself from people. I try my best to avoid contact with others and never say anything till asked. “Jin Su… Is their something exquisite outside that’s much more important then what’s in class?” Ms. Park the Biology teacher asked. “No…” I whispered silently. Seems like hours till fourth period class passed. Wanting to get out for some fresh air, I walk outdoors to the beautiful green scenery. Cold hands went around my waist and squeezed tightly. I turned around in shock only to find Tae standing they’re grinning. My eyes dropped the gaze as I stare at the ground. “Jin baby why you all alone?” Tae asked menacingly. “ Please leave me alone…” I said softly. Tae looked like he was gonna laugh in my face, “You know Jin… You’re the sexiest bitch in school, and you don’t even try to act like it… What’s up with that?” Tae said questionably. I turned my head and walked toward my destination, under the blossoming willow tree. I guess Tae didn’t know when to take a hint, all I wanted was to be left alone. To enjoy natures beautiful things, but this mindless idiot mistaken for a human is ruining it. My mind flooded back to Hwan Hee, he was the only one who understood me, and the only one I loved. Someday I would be reunited with him, but till that day comes I will keep on waiting… The day seemed to of drag on forever, finally the last bell rung… Frustrated by Tae’s presence, I quickly escaped from his sight. As soon as I came outdoors I silently walked pass the bitches that glared at me. I don’t understand what they envied against me, nor care what they think, all I wanted to do was to get away from all this… “Yo Jin Su!” I heard a voice call out behind me. I swiftly shift my head towards the direction and saw an Asian girl with light orange hair glaring at me. Also noticing the tons of make up covering her hideous face. “Yes?” I said in a hardcore tone, I recognized her but didn’t seem to know her name. “You best stay a way from my man Tae…. Aight?” I was really irritated with her tone, which was highly unappreciated, just, then another bitch dressed like her, ran up to me… “Sydney… This bitch giving you problems?” Oh there you go, her name is Sydney, and the other slut next to her was Lily. “If this doesn’t conflict with your mindless brain, would you be so kind to step aside and let me walk towards my destination?” I replied with more sarcasm then I had intended to. “Man… Yo I can’t take no more shit from you, you’re dead!” Sydney yelled throwing a punch. Of course I stepped aside and she hit nothing but air. A few minutes later a crowd stood around us, just what I needed more public attention. “Fight! Fight! Fight!” The crowd was hollering. I wasn’t at all worried about Sydney beating me to the ground. It’s really what I prefer, if I have an ugly face then nobody would look at me, the better for me. Of course I could beat her to the ground in one second flat, it’s just too easy. I dunno why she prefers to pick on me, but it’s hardly my intention of fun. Sydney was ready to throw another punch towards my face, instead of letting it slide I decided to play along with her little game. “Let’s fight…” I whispered. Sydney tried to kick me, I took her foot and slammed her hard against the ground. “Fuck!” I heard her scream. Lily decided to join… The more the merrier. Lily tried to punch me, which is way too typical, I grabbed her fist and swung her towards Sydney, who was on the ground trying to get up. They both collided into each other, a loud smashing sound tore through the air. “Next time leave me alone.” I hissed into their ears. They looked at me angrily, but didn't do anything but groan in pain. I quickly picked up my things from the ground, and headed home. This wasn’t the first time I beaten up bitches in my school, so I knew my consequences to my actions. I walked towards my house, it was brightly colored by the afternoon light, and the beautiful grassy lawn was sprouting with new life. Walking into my house, I dropped my bags and was greeted by my older brother Kang Ta. “Dad’s on some sort of business trip so he won’t be back till next week…” He said. “Where’d he go?” I asked… He just shrugged. I had to admit my brother was cute, if he weren’t my brother I’d be all over him. But just thinking of that makes my stomach churn. “Where’s Umma?” I asked. “ The kitchen” he pointed. I nodded my head, and walked toward the kitchen quietly. “Jin Su… I just got a call from the principal… He said you beat up two helpless girls at school. What are you thinking Jin Su? You can’t go around hitting people…” My mom was lecturing me again. Lecture number 27. “Umma… I know but they were going to whoop my ass if I didn’t do anything…” I tried to reason with her. “Enough Jin Su! I’m so sick and tired of your attitude… I will not be excepting this any more… You’re moving back to Korea this weekend!” Korea, I thought, I guess it’s a good change for me. I might even run into Hwan Hee… Yea right, no way was I gonna find him in a big city like Seoul… But just the idea made my face lighten up a little. I guess I should get packing today was already Thursday, I wonder who I’ll be living with? During dinner I didn’t much feel like eating, on one side my mom was nagging me about doing better in Korea… While Kang Ta was swirling his food around, which was really irritating me. Finally I was molested with everything, “May I please be excused?” I said quite irritably. I walked up into my room, and toppled myself over my bed. I flipped through my things on the floor, and finally found what I was looking for. My scrapbook of Hwan Hee, all my memories and photographs of him was filled inside. Carefully I opened it, finding a baby picture of us inside, I could see the picture was quite faded. I flipped through all the letters he wrote and found one poem that I found much relishing. "See Me" The world crashed within a matter of minutes the stars started dropping n they touched the earth spinning, All I can do is just grin n bear it, this smile, I gotta wear it I just wont share it. Why do I? Wish That I can hold u now that u can tell me how to go around n be safe and away from the trouble n the pain I appreciate Every time that u saved me everything that u gave me n I gotta give it all back Now theirs a part a me that’s missing that I lack. I cant TAKE IT Its too good for me to just forsake it But it’s gone and it took only a minute to break it. You asked me to love u and I did with my soul when u told me to hate u, My breath u stole And I said it just so u can get it And u know I was lying but you did it any ways So I guess it's the end Can’t stop knowing u but I can’t remain friends. I can’t keep on feeling this hurt in my heart, and hopefully this wound Would start to heal I’ll start to feel everything once again and I’ll start to deal with it, get real with it knowing that one day ill be chills with it n once its fitted, I can move on I can keep on Living this stride that I call life Broken its token is lost, but I’m fine. I can shine, if I look for my Inner Light But once I had to stop looking at u U took it with u, now I’m still looking at u see? See me, see me crying, see me, see me dying, see me, see me trying, see me, what’s underlying. You know that I was never lying. Was applying My all to get u smiling. But once the shit starts pilin, you’ve already bounced I’m bouts to fall to the ground see me now… Tears welled up in my eyes, I’ve missed him so much. The funny thing was after he left I never cried, never showed any emotion. But why now? Why is it all coming back to me now? As tears surmounted on my cheeks, I look up the night sky, and remembered all the endless moments together. Even though we were never together, we still had affection and passion towards each other. Well I’m not sure what he exactly felt towards me, but I knew I was in love with him… And nothing could stop me… I cried myself to sleep that night, wondering what could have been. I woke up the next morning, “damn it, I’m late for school.” I groaned. Tossing on my cloths I walk to school, as well as avoiding eye contact. First period class, I got English and language arts… I looked around seeing if I could find Lily or Sydney, guess not. “Ms Jin Su…” Someone called disturbing my thoughts… It was Ms. Lee, my humanities teacher. “Principal Lee So Man wants to see you…” Without saying anything I got up and walked down the silent empty hallway. As soon as I arrived at his office he stared at me with a displeasing look. The comical thing was, I got into many fights, but was still the top student in my school. I didn't say much but just sit down in the chair, the principal as well took his seat… “Tell me why did you strike those two helpless girls yesterday? They haven’t any sort of violence against you. I must insist that you do not violate another school rule… Now tell me the reason for attaining those girls?” Mr. Lee So Man asked. I wasn’t entirely in the mood to neither argue nor forsake myself, so I said “I wouldn’t be violating any school rule, if maybe bitches like Sydney and Lily don’t get in my fucking azz way!” Hmm… He didn’t seem to take that very well, I could see his face reddening in resentment, his eyes were now scanty. “Ms. Jin Su… Do not use obscene languages while talking to me… You will be chastised for your violation…” He said quite peevishly. “Well, I don’t think I’ll be chastised for anything, I’m moving… And I don’t give a rat’s azz about whatever shit you say… So if you would please excuse me I have to get back to class…” I said with a forced smile. He let me go with out any sort of argument, I was quite relieved that there was no sort of lecture to this stupid shit… Oh well, I’m going to Seoul, Korea tomorrow I can forget about everything here, and leave behind all my memories… I’m going to start out fresh, which made me feel a lot better… At lunch I sat alone, like always there was no surprise. Eating my freshly packed lunch, I looked down avoiding eye contact. I had light brown hair and hazel eyes which is weird for a Korean girl, but I guess I just got a recessive gene. I hated when people asked me if my hair was a natural color, or if my eyes were contacts, it’s so irritating. Maybe that’s why girls were jealous of me, just the thought made me smirk. “Hey you mind if I sit here?” a male voice asked. I nodded my head, I caught a glimpse of how he looked like. Dyed light brown hair, dark eyes, and mushroom haircut. Hmm… pretty cute. “So what’s your name?” He asked looking at me with a grin. I took out my student ID card and showed him it, like I said I don’t talk unless it’s absolutely necessary. He nodded, “Were you always in this school?” I nodded. “I just moved here from Korea, my name’s Brian.” I nodded my head again, he just moved here while I’m gonna be moving back. He must of known after a while that I wasn’t much of a talker. “So why don’t you talk much?” I shrugged. I really wasn’t into the mood to even say anything, nor start a meaningless conversation. So I quickly got up, threw my stuff out and walked away without saying goodbye. Fifth period class, Statistics… Just great, another boring lecture. I walked into class taking a seat near the front, just then that Brian kid walked in. Great I have class with him, he waved at me but I pretended I didn’t see. Class passed by like a summer breeze, walking out of class I bump into someone. “You ass… Watch where you going…” I scowled, I looked up it’s Brian again. What a small world, man it’s like a size of a golf ball. “I see, you do talk,” He said in a grin… I was so pissed off I walked away, not realizing I dropped my moon necklace. “Jin Su… Where did you get this?” Brian said running up to me, he was holding my moon necklace. “A friend of mine gave it to me!” I said and snatched it. “Who? This looks so familiar…” He said studying it. “Why you so nosy?” I yelled. “I have a friend named Hwan Hee in Korea, he wears the same one… So I was wondering where you got it?” Amazing. My life is fucking amazing… I couldn’t help it tears rolled down my eyes… Hwan Hee, he still remembered me, Brian has to tell me where he is… I was shaking terribly from crying so much, Brian tried to comfort me by putting his arms around my shoulders. “It’s ok don’t cry what’s wrong?” He walked me home holding my hands trying to comfort me, but the more he did the more I cried. If any guy held my hands, I mean any… I would kick his azz so bad he would go running back to his mom… But Brian seemed different, or was it just my imagination. I cried like a baby all the way home in Brian’s arms, mom wasn’t home but Kang Ta was… Brian walked in, Kang Ta could tell I was crying. “Yo who the fuck are you? You making my sister cry?” Kang Ta said grabbing Brian by the collar. “No… No… I was walking her home…” Any day from now, I would be happy to let my brother beat up some kid… “Oppa… He’s a friend” I whispered, “Don’t worry, he didn’t make me cry,” he nodded and walked toward the kitchen. Whoa that was a relief, Kang Ta would have killed Brian. “Come on in, my room” I said walking upstairs. I led him toward my room and sat upon my bed. “So tell me about Hwan Hee…” I asked drying my tears. “Well he’s my best friend in Korea, and he wears the same moon necklace as you, he told me a lot about the girl he gave the other necklace to. You were childhood friends weren’t you?” He asked smiling. “Yea we were best friends…” A smile escaped from my lips. “He also said he left for Korea when he was thirteen, he said he gave you the moon necklace so you’ll always remember him. I guess you still do huh?” I smiled, and blushed, ah… I blushed that’s so girly. “ Where does he live?” I asked… “Seoul City, 128 park St…” He said, I quickly jotted down the address. Never in my wildest dream did I think I would find him again. “Thanks I smiled.” Surprisingly I gave Brian a hug, he was also surprised by my warm act. I guess my old self was slowly coming back. “I’m moving to Korea tomorrow, so I guess I’ll go find Hwan Hee right away. “You are?” He laughed. “And I was just getting to know you.” “You wanna stay for dinner?” I asked Brian, I couldn’t believe I was being so straightforward. “Sure, just as long as your brother doesn’t try to pin me against the wall.” He replied in a grin. I let out a suppressing giggle, as we walked downstairs. “Jin Su?” My mom hollered across the room. “Yes… Umma?” I answered trying to sound casual. My mom walked across to the living room and saw Brian sitting on the sofa. “Anyong hae say yo…” Brian said and bowed. Hmm… I didn’t know Brian would be the polite kind of guy. Before I’d let my mom think that this Brian kid was my boyfriend I said “Umma… This is Brian, he just moved from Korea.” “Oh… How nice… I must insist you stay for dinner…” My mom smiled wholeheartedly. “Thank you for the invitation, I will accept…” Brian grinned. We sat in the dining room and ate, I swear if my mom says anything to embarrass me I’ll kill her. Kang Ta was swirling his damn food again, Brian ate like a bird. Man… does anybody here eat normal. I was interrupted in my thoughts when my mother brought up something… “It’s nice that Jin Su is making friends, she never had any, except for our neighbor’s boy Hwan Hee…” Err… Just great my mom has to bring that up. Brian just nodded and smiled, while continuing to chew his food slowly. “So what grade are you in?” Kang Ta asked, ugh… Damn him. “ I’m a senior right now,” Brian replied. Kang Ta nodded. Dinner was quite boring, it was nearly 8:00 and I insisted Brian to go home. Finally after being such a stubborn azz he listened. I said goodbye gave him a hug and told him I would come back to visit him. I thanked him for reuniting Hwan Hee and I together after such a perpetual time. Since I was already all packed for the flight tomorrow, all I had to do was sleep. That sounded nice, sleeping, I was quite tired, I went upstairs and dwelled upon Hwan Hee, I was really going to see him, I was extremely excited. “Flight EVA, to Seoul Korea, passengers please board the plane.” I picked up my luggage, and hugged Kang Ta, I was gonna miss him. I waved goodbye to my mom, and left for the plane. Finally I was free, I was going to start out fresh, I promised myself I would find Hwan Hee no matter what, and that promise I will keep. Since there was nothing better to do on the 6-hour plane ride, I fantasized about Hwan Hee. I groaned as I woke up, I felt someone tapping my shoulders. “Ms. We’re in Korea, you can go and get your luggage.” One of the airline ladies said. I got up and smiled at her, and quickly got off the plane. Finally after getting my luggage, I waited for my cousin, I was going to live with him, shit how am I gonna find him? I don’t even know how he looks like. After wandering around like a lost child, I sat down and waited for my cousin to come. I was bored out of my mind sitting in this crowded, stuffy airport. “Excuse me, are you Jin Su?” I heard a male voice ask. I turned my head, I studied him, he was about 18 or something. Dyed brown spiky hair cut, light brown eyes… Not that tall, shit I forgot his name? “Yes… You’re my cousin right?” I asked making sure. “Of course your one and only Yun Suk Oppa…” He grinned. Oh yea… His name is Yun Suk, hmm… I hope he’s not my 1st or 2nd cousin, he looked cute. “My car is parked outside, I’ll carry your bags…” He said taking my luggage. “Thanks.” I muttered. He put my bags in the trunk, whoa, this car was hella nice. It was a silver convertible, looked like a Benz. He opened the door for me, like a perfect gentleman, he smiled. With the sunlight dancing across his baby face, he looked like an angelic angel from the heavens. Maybe I’m exaggerating, but he definitely looked damn azz fione. I could tell my cousin was trying to strike up a conversation, and since I was gonna start off fresh I decided to join in with his meaningless talk. “So… You have a boyfriend?” He asked. A boyfriend? HA! I was gonna laugh in his face! Of course I don’t have one, nevertheless I never had one! “No…” That was all I said. “Are those contacts?” He asked, man I hate when people ask me that! Fuck people think I’m fake shit or something! “No… This is my natural eyes color,” I replied trying to smile slightly. “Is that your real hair color then?” He asked still concentrating on the road. “Yes…” Ok I am going to kill him! I would reach over and strangle him, if he wasn’t driving the car right now! Err… “So what did you do to get kicked back to Korea?” He asked glancing at me. “I beat up these two girls in my school,” I replied, not really wanting to talk about it. Before he asked me another damn question we arrived at a mansion. I assumed this was his house, not so shabby. When I walked in, it was beautifully carpeted, with paintings on the walls. It looked so capricious. “Would you like me to show you your room?” He asked. I nodded as he led me down the hallways, it seemed like a maze. “This is your room…” He grinned, it was spacious and the room was filled with tare panda accessories. I wonder who told them my favorite Sanrio character was Tare panda? “Do you like it?” He asked setting down my bags. Do I like it? Of course I do! Man it’s like a princess’ room! But I just nodded. “If you need anything, just holler, I’ll be two room’s next to you…” He said flashing his killer smile. Damn… My cousin is Hot! I think I’m already getting use to this… “Ok…” I smiled sweetly. He walked out the door, but then turned around. “Hey I’ll be chilling with my friends down at Sa Rang café, you wanna come? My friends would like to see you…” I nodded my head, I wonder what I should wear? “Ok… Um… I’ll be right down the hall…” He said and walked out. I should really get started in finding Hwan Hee, I hope the address is right, or Brian is not gonna be a lucky boy. I decided to go with the cute look, I wore a khaki tube top that went above my stomach. Over khaki jumpers, I put white streaks in my hair, and shiny clear lip-gloss. I stared into the mirror. I guess this is the new me, my obsolete life is just about to begin… “Yunnie…” I called, I like that nickname. “O hey…” He said quickly putting on his pants, he had a perplexed look upon his face. “Oh shit… Sorry… I didn’t know you were still dressing…” I said blushing while quickly looking away. “It’s ok… Hehe, you look so cute” He grinned. “Thanks, so we going out now?” I asked uneasily. “Yea… Sure… Just let me get my shirt on…” He replied. I blushed and closed the door. Oh shit… I think I should knock next time. The doorbell rung… Ok… I think I’m going to have some trouble finding the front door. I wandered around trying to sense where the ringing was coming from. Ok! Found it! I swear I’m gonna kick some azz when I see who the hells ringing the doorbell like crazy. “Yo… Jin… Open the door it’s my friends…” I heard Yun Suk yell. Slowly I opened the damn door there were 3 guys standing on the hugely constructed porch. “Hi… must be Jin Su? Yun Suk’s cousin right? I’m Danny…” A guy with brown hair and blue contacted eyes said. “I’m Roland…” A Korean boy with blonde hair greeted. “I’m David,” a boy with brownish hair grinned. Ok… I wonder what I shall say? I smiled and invited them to come sit in the living room. Hmm… Yun Suk has cute friends. “So how old are you?” Danny asked. “I’m 16,” I replied. “ Ooo… You’re young…” Roland grinned. “I wonder how a busted Asian boy like Yun Suk, get such a cute azz cousin…” David laughed. Yun Suk came down and they all went to Sa Rang café. Now I understand when people say looks aren’t everything. Damn… I can’t stand, Yunnie’s friends, I’m getting out of this café! “Yunnie, I’m gonna go walk around…” I smiled. “Sure… Don’t get lost…” Yun Suk said worryingly. The beautiful afternoon sunlight was so refreshing, the gentle summer breeze swept past my face. I inhaled the summer breeze, the wonderful smell it possessed. I watched as people rushed along roadsides hurrying to their destination. No one seemed to understand natures beautiful creations, always ignoring such natural beauty. I walked admiring the glorious blue sky that stretched over us. Sometimes I wish I could be up above, gazing down upon the strive we call life. I guess the person in front of me was also gazing upon the sky, since my attention was not all subtle, I bumped into someone. “Watch where you’re going…” I shouted with haste. I looked up, a guy about 18, dyed brown hair was looking down at me. “Where did you get this?” The mysterious guy asked me pointing at my moon necklace. “Never mind where I got this… Now apologize for bumping into me!” I shouted. “I have the same one,” He said taking out his moon necklace. Upon his necklace is carved his initial’s H.H. Oh my god! I found him! I found Hwan Hee! I found him! “OMG” I muttered. “Hwan Hee…” I said embracing myself in his arms. “I missed you Jin Su,” Hwan Hee said with tears flowing from his eyes. “It’s been so long…” I nodded my head. We walked around catching up on what we missed. Sitting along the Seoul Park, we watched the sunset together, hand in hand, arm in arm, just like we use to. The horizon was a streak of silver, the sunset was so captivating, and it filled my heart with warmth. This was where I belonged, and where I would forever stay… In Hwan Hee’s arms… Holy shit… I gotta get home, not wanting to ruin the moment, I quietly get up and signal that I had to go. Hwan Hee got up, took my hands and walked me to my house. I looked up the graceful night sky, and see the intricate stars, the ones I wanted to reach and touch, but knowing I’d never be able too. I was unsatisfied when we arrived at my house, the walk was short and I wanted the moment to last… Ugh… Bullshit… “Meet me at Sa Rang café tomorrow at 2…” Hwan Hee whispered by my ear. I nodded, hugged him and walked inside. I pinched myself to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating, or dreaming everything that had happened today. Inside Danny, David, Roland, Yun Suk were playing Nintendo. I slammed the door to get their attention, they turned around. “Hey where you been Jin?” Yun Suk asked with concern. The rest of them smiled at me, I grinned back, I was so happy I wanted to hug someone. That night I fell comfortably asleep dreaming of Hwan Hee and I. Shit… It was 1:00, damn it I woke up late. Gotta meet Hwan Hee at 2:00, I got 1 hour to get ready… Taking a quick shower, I blow dry my hair, quickly tugging on my cloths, ok I did that in 50 minutes. I applied a light brown lip-gloss, and told Yun suk where I was going before I ran out. Quickly I found Sa Rang café, and went in, Hwan Hee was sitting there, he handed me iced coffee. Hm… I was 10 minutes late, not bad… As I set my things down, I looked at Hwan Hee, he changed a lot. The once natural black hair was dyed to light brown. His once beady eyes were now almond brown, his small thin lips were adorable. The once scrawny boy I knew, changed into what I see before my eyes… The perfect angel… I grinned at him slightly, while sipping my cold iced coffee. I’ve found out that he now works in a computer company, and after all this time was hoping one day we would meet again. I always dreamed of us together, under the dark night sky looking up upon the beauty that glowed down upon our land. Never a worry in my head, never a thought of fright, I would remain they’re forever… Just me and Hwan Hee… “Hello Jin Su?” Hwan said snapping his fingers to awaken me from my fantasies. I nodded my head slightly, and grinned… He smiled slightly and held my hands, I held his tightly. A girl with highlighted blond hair gazed down at me and smiled, she walked to Hwan Hee. Who the fuck is this bitch? She kissed Hwan Hee’s lips and grinned. Fuck? This bitch be kissing my boy? Err… I’m gonna kick her azz! I gazed at Hwan Hee and he could tell my face was written all over with confusion. “Jin Su this is my girlfriend Kyuri, Kyuri this is my best friend Jin Su…” Hwan Hee introduced us… I gritted my teeth slightly. All this time Hwan Hee thought of us as friends? All this time? I tried to keep a straight face, keeping all the anger buried inside of me. I’m gonna do some major yelling later, after I finally found the fuckin love of my life he has a girlfriend. A damn girlfriend! I was totally beyond pissed… I couldn’t take it! After all this time, after all the misery and strength to find Hwan Hee, I failed. The one person I loved, and I failed to win his heart. I failed! Fuck I was ready to throw anything in my hand across the damn room. He grinned at me, I forced a smile back… I wanted to take his damn cute face and rip that grin off his stupid face… I hate him! Err… If I opened my mouth to speak, I would swear every word I could possibly think of, so I kept it shut. “Hi Jin Su… It’s nice to finally meet you… Hwan Hee always talked about you…” Kyuri smiled warmly towards me. I nod my head… Fuck I can’t take this… “I’m gonna breeze past the ocean ok? I need some fresh air…” I said as calm as I could. They nodded and waved goodbye as I left… I walked along the shores barefooted gazing upon the glistening blue water. I sat upon the hazel sand, and watched as the wind blew lightly. I smiled, I always loved fading from reality and into my own fantasies, it was the only way I could escape, escape from the strive we call life. The bright sun glowed down its powerful rays, I squint and look up at the sky, the sky that represented where I wanted to be… Strong hands went around my waist and squeezed tightly… I was startled and tumbled back, I looked up and saw Brian. What is he doing here? “Brian ah… Why are you here?” I struggled to say. He smiled sweetly and lifted me up from the sand. “My dad got transferred back to Korea to work in CIC computer corps, so I moved back… You happy to see me?” He grinned sheepishly. “Hwan Hee has a girlfriend…” I replied not answering his question. He looked at me, trying to think of some comforting words. “I’m sorry… How about we walk along the ocean, then we’ll go for ice cream…” He smiled with glee. I couldn’t help but giggle, the way he tried to make me happy made my heart feel warm. We spent the whole day walking along the shores, I cried till no tears came out. I told Brian how I always loved Hwan Hee, and how much I cared for him, but it turned out he didn’t care the same way. My tears clung to my cheeks, as more trickled down. He held my hands and let me lean on him, I quickly dried my tears. Brian looked down at me, he grinned and stroked my hair slightly. He leaned down and kissed my lips softly, I wanted to reject, but instead got caught up in the moment. I returned his kiss back softly, after we looked at each other, I blushed slightly. From that moment a spark glinted between us… We walked quietly under the full moon and time to time looked up at the night sky, looking at the intricate stars that would always remind me of my first love… Hwan Hee… I knew it was time to move on, and forget the past, but I knew that no matter how hard I strive to achieve, I would always fail. Hwan Hee did care for me, but not the way I had expected. Brian was always sweet from the day I met him, but in reality it seemed like he was like all the other guys, always trying to impress me. Maybe he was different, I guess I’ll give him a try… If I’m heart broken after this, I swear I would never love again… That promise I would swear to keep… Ding… Ding… Ding… My alarm clock rang like crazy. I quickly click off the switch and got up yawning. Today was my first day of school in Korea, I promised myself to start out fresh and make a good appearance. Of course I was going to a private Korean school, which totally sucked. I have to wear a god damn uniform, it didn’t look as bad as I thought. The skirt was white and above my knees, and the shirt was a tank top that was also white. Ok… Maybe the uniform wasn’t that bad, but I bet the bitches there would be… On my way to school, I walked trying not to be noticed. I can’t believe Yun Suk signed me up for a private school, he better hope my day goes well or else he’s to blame. Yun Suk and Brian went to Seoul College, about two blocks away from my school. A moment later strong arms grabbed me, I looked up… A Korean guy about my age with dyed blond mushroom hair cut, also wearing the same uniform as me, except it was for guys. “This crazy girl is chasing after me… Hide me… Quick…” He said out of breath. I nodded and dragged him to an alley. Soon a hideous girl emerged from the block… “Hey did you see this cute blond haired Korean boy?” She asked. I pointed down the opposite block, she nodded her head and continued to run. “Thanks…” He said appearing out of the alley. “That girl has been stalking me like crazy… You’re new in school right?” He asked. I nodded my head, and continued walking toward school. “My name’s Tony… What’s yours?” He asked again. “Jin… Jin Su…” I smiled brightly towards him. “How old are you?” He questioned. “16…” I replied. “O kool same age as me…” He smiled with affection. “If it wasn’t for you, that girl would’ve raped me…” He said joking. It was a horrible joke but I tried to fake a laugh, I didn’t want to make a bad impression. “I’ll meet you again…” He said and walked away. After a while I missed his company, but oh well I’m at school already. I reported to the main office so they knew I was present. A middle-aged woman with curly black hair smiled at me, she was the head secretary. “Jin Su… Please wait here… The school’s valedictorian will give you a tour of the school.” She replied warmly. Oh great, a day touring the school with a super geek, not very satisfying to my sake. Just then Tony walked into the office. Hmm… I wonder what’s he doing here? “Hi Jin Su… Ready for the school tour?” He said smiling… I almost gagged when he said that, he’s the school’s valedictorian? This hella azz cute boy… He doesn’t even seem like the valedictorian type. “Yea… I’m ready.” I grinned. The whole day was spent walking around, Tony showed me class to class, as well as floors to floors, my legs ached like crazy. School was over finally, no one told me that we tour the school the first day. I think I’m going to get use to Korea. Tony offered to walk me home, he was afraid that Kang paes would rape me or something, what a silly idea. While walking down the dark alley I was glad Tony was by my side. All of the sudden out of nowhere hands grabbed me, I looked up and saw two guys glaring down at me. Oh… I guess Tony was right, doesn’t matter its just two guys I can kick they’re azz so bad. “Give me you’re purse…” One of them, yelled hastily. “Don’t got one…” I replied and tried to walk away. “What the fuck?” Tony yelled, he came in trying to fight off the Kang paes, but they beat him to the ground. Blood was everywhere, and it was Tony’s blood, he laid they’re crippled on the ground looking as frightened as ever. “You shouldn’t have done that,” I said vindictively. “Don’t kid around with me bitch, or you’ll end up like you’re little boyfriend there…” He said referring to Tony. Boyfriend? They both stood there mocking me, I leaned down and stroked Tony’s hair. “It’s gonna be okay… I’ll take you to the hospital…” I said smiling at him. He grinned a little still unconscious. I never had any guy throw himself in to a fight, and instead risk injuring themselves. I guess taking karate class for 11 years actually paid off right about now. I’m gonna do some major azz whooping. One of them grabbed me by the shoulders, I took his hand and twisted it until you could hear his bones crack, he yelped in pain. The second guy tried grabbing me, instead I ducked and threw a blow at his stomach. Finally they were both down, using they’re last piece of strength, they tried running for their lives. I quickly returned to Tony, who was crippled upon the floor, his breaths were getting shorter and heavier. The hospital was way to far, and I couldn’t carry Tony all the way, so I decided to bring him to my house. No one was home at this time, I dragged Tony into my room and laid him on my bed. Blood soaked everywhere, I got some alcohol and rubbed it on his scabs. I bandaged his head, and cleaned his cuts, his faced was left untouched. I took off his shirt and put on Yun Suk’s shirt, I didn’t think taking off his pants would be such a great idea. He also had many cuts on his legs, I cleaned them and laid him there to rest peacefully. The doorbell rung, I quickly went to get it. It was Hwan Hee and Brian. “Sh…” I whispered. “Why?” They whispered back. “Tony’s sleeping upstairs don’t wake him…” I said quietly. “Whose Tony?” They asked. “Long story…” I replied. They walked upstairs with me, they saw his head was bandaged up and cuts upon his arms, it wasn’t a pretty sight. “Whoa… What happened to him?” Hwan Hee asked quietly. “He tried to save me from a bunch of Kang Paes…” I replied. “Word…” Brian whispered. “So how come you didn’t get beat up?” Brian asked. “She’s a black belt stupid…” Hwan Hee said. It was surprising that he had remembered after so much time. I sat near Tony and waited for him to awaken from his sleep. I stayed by his side for hours, because I had to thank him for protecting me. He finally had awoken blurry of his surroundings. “Mmm… Where am I…” He groaned touching his bandaged head. “Jin Su? You ok? Did those Kang paes hurt you…” He said worryingly, finally gaining consciousness. “I’m ok… Thanks for saving me…” I smiled lightly… I didn’t want him to think that his efforts to save me didn’t work. I grinned… “Do you want anything to drink? I’ll make you soup…” I offered. “Sure… Thanks for taking care of me…” He said smirking… “Since I’m the little patient here, I also want Ra men, and…” I interrupted him before he said anything else. “Hey… I’m not your slave…” I said throwing a pillow at him… I immediately regretted that I did that, it hit him in the arm where he was wounded. “Owwie… That hurts… You’re so mean…” He said giving me a sad puppy face… “I’m sorry,” I said giggling. “I’ll go make whatever you want then…” I also regretted saying that… I went downstairs and quickly started to take out the pots and pans to cook for Tony. I was glad he was ok… Although his attempt to save me really failed big time… I still wanted him to think that he protected me… Now I know that Hwan Hee isn’t my other half, nor my eternal mate. I know now that someone you love is risking anything in their hands to save you, even if they know they’re odds are against them… Thanks to Tony I will soon find that somebody… “Tony here’s your food,” I said shouting from the stairs… I carefully carried up al he wanted and set it near bed… “Thanks… Can you feed me?” He grinned raising up his wounded hands. “Sure…” I said. After feeding him everything I cooked, he said he was still hungry. “Aigoo Jin Su your cooking is yucky…” He said jokingly. “Fine… Since my cooking stinks so much… I’m not cooking for you ever…” I said pretending to be serious… “Fine…” He said laughing. I dunno but now I’m confused, first I thought I liked Brian? Now I think I’m falling for this kid who just saved me today… Well I’m only going to pick one, and I’m gonna make sure I pick the right one… I had a test in mind… After Tony was all done eating, I walked him home. Under the night’s breezy wind, I could feel the moon watching over us. I look up at the starry night, the way I did four years ago… I still gaze upon the night, the far extraordinary sky that stretched above us. I’ve always wanted to be in the sky, twinkling down on life, giving people the strength to go on, to live on… Till life comes to an end… I’ve known that my obsession was not ordinary, nor something every 16-year-old girl would want. But each and every time I gaze upon the countless starry night, I wished I were up there instead of down here. Maybe I was meant to glitter and twinkle in the darkness giving hope to others, maybe that’s what my existence is for… After walking Tony home we said our good-byes and I left. Ever since I could remember the twinkling stars that shone so bright fascinated me. Ever since then inspiration took over me and all I wanted to be was a star in the extraordinary sky. Maybe fulfilling my dreams would be impossible, but I would know that somehow I tried… After walking home, I found Hwan Hee was over again… Weird two times in a day… “Jin Su… Where have you been? Yun Suk and I have been worried about you… Where did you go!” Hwan Hee said. Wow just shows how much he cares about me, I couldn’t help but feel warm inside… I knew Hwan Hee still cared. “Walked Tony home… You know how hurt he was…” I said. “You could have told one of us…” Yun Suk pointed out. “I’m sorry, I’ll make sure I do next time...” I said forcing a grin… I wasn’t entirely in the mood to have an argument, so if I agree to everything then there won’t be any fuss… “Ok… That’s a good girl…” Hwan Hee smiled… I slightly smile back. “I’m gonna go to sleep… I’m exhausted…” I said walking up the staircase yawning. “Ok… Night, night…” They both say… Oh damn it… I don’t feel so good… Everything around me stirred in dizziness. This have started happening since I was little, Doctors gave me medication to help out my dizziness… But even that doesn’t work anymore, they haven’t found what was wrong with me. They did many blood tests but never found anything. Maybe this will fade I thought to myself… Boy was I wrong… Next morning I woke up… Everything around me was hazy, I couldn’t make out anything. I couldn’t even walk right, maybe I should call Yun Suk I thought. “Yun Suk? Yun Suk?” I yelled. I could hear footsteps walking into the room. “Jin Su? What’s wrong?” Yun Suk asked… I hated to admit it but I said… “Yun Suk I can’t see…” Even though my eyesight had just gone to zero, I could still sense Yun Suk’s astonishment. “Jin Su… I’m taking you to the hospital… Come on I’ll help you get on your cloths…” Yun Suk says. My life is crumbling before me, I hadn’t want to admit it… “Yun Suk… You’re putting on my cloths are you crazy? You’re a guy…” I laughed, even though I was in the worst position ever. “Come on… I won’t look…” Yun Suk said. “How do I know if you’re not looking? I can’t even see…” I laughed again. I had a tendency to laugh when things went wrong. “Ok… Here… Khaki jumpers… Wear them…” He instructed. He put on my white gap T-shirt and helped me put on my jumpers, while saying he wasn’t looking. He better not be, if I find out he is… He’s dead! Our way to the hospital, I was worried, my life was at stake. We got there and the Doctor’s took some blood tests… The results would be in about two days… So all I could do is wait… We went home and Yun Suk offered to take me out. Since I didn’t know if death was around the corner I decided to live my life at the fullest. So I can remember that I never wasted a minute of it. We took a walk around the park… Even though I couldn’t see, I could smell the light summer breeze and hear the pleasant chirps of the summer birds. Just then I head Hwan Hee and Brian’s voice… “Hey Jin Su, Yun Suk…” They both shouted. I was holding Yun Suk’s hand, which must have been a weird sight, cousins and cousins. “Hi… Hwan Hee, Brian…” I smiled, I had totally no idea how I looked today… Probably terrible… Yun Suk put on my cloths, my earrings and to top it all off my eye shadow… He said he knew what he was doing… After exchanging our hellos no one knew anything was wrong really. Until I bumped into a tricycle on the park floor. “Oww…” I shrieked, the pain shot through my legs like a bullet. “Jin Su… Come on let us carry you to a bench…” They offered, holding on to my hands. After a while Hwan Hee could tell something was wrong… “Jin Su… Follow with your eyes where my hand is going…” Hwan Hee said. I just stared blankly cause I had no idea where his movements were going. “Jin Su? You’re blind?” Hwan Hee said with fear in his voice… Yun Suk explained to them all about my situation and told them to keep it quiet. He told them that the Doctors would be sure what was my problem, when my results come in on Saturday… Today was Thursday… I could tell they felt sorry for me… Damn them… I don’t need any pity from anybody! “Yun Suk? Can you take me to Tony’s house?” I asked. I really wanted to see him, well maybe not see him, but being in his presence made my heart fill with joy… After telling Yun Suk, Hwan Hee, and Brian the directions they led me to his house… It kind of felt good, having three guys hold your hands, directing you anywhere you want. Haha… I felt like I had power… Tony opened the door after we rang his bell for the 20th time… “Hi… Hey Jin…” I could feel that he grinned. “I’m gonna stay over if it’s ok…” I said smiling my usual joyous smile. I told Yun Suk and them not to tell him I was blind, well not yet… “Sure… Of course…” He said leading me into his house. I could smell the fresh aroma of flowers. “Look… My scars sort of healed from yesterdays attack…” I couldn’t tell where he was pointing to but I nodded and grinned. “Jin? Is there something wrong? You’re not looking at me?” He said seriously… I could tell I was staring blankly into space… I could feel his swift movements of his hands go across my face, my eyes of course weren’t following… “You’re… Blind?” “Yes… Just this morning… I have some sort of problem… But I’m not sure yet…” I said trying to force a smile. I could tell he was alarmed of what I just said. “Don’t worry about it… I think it’ll go away…” I said trying to reassure him. I knew what I said was quite inevitable in my position, but I didn’t want him to pester over such a little thing. “Come on in the living room… You want anything to drink?” Tony asked sweetly as he led me to the living room. I didn’t care much that I couldn’t see my surroundings nor did I care. But I did miss seeing the iridescent night sky, that was filled with glistening stars. I missed the days when I was just a little girl, not a worry in the world I stared up at the night sky everyday fascinated by such beauty that extravagated day by day. As a young child, I believed in wishing on stars, people might think it’s quite naïve, but even though it is I still wish upon the star every night… My wish every night is the same… The same as every wish I made four years ago… I could feel Tony’s soft eyes gazing at me, I smiled at the thought of it. Two days from now my hospital result of my blood testing would come in, and then would I know my infirmity of my destruction. I didn’t want to really think about death at such a young age, but who wouldn’t in my position. I guess we’ll just wait and see… I wonder how long would it be till the day I decease. My hospital results are in, I wouldn’t say that I wasn’t nervous, I was also scared… Scared that I would be leaving the one I loved, the ones that cared for me. The Doctor was explaining my situation to Tony, Yun Suk, and Hwan Hee. I was eavesdropping through the whole conversation. The Doctor said I had about 1 month to live, for the disease that I possess is incurable, and unable to overcome with any circumstances known to science. I knew that couldn’t be good… But there was more… He also said… “This disease will slowly little by little weaken her throughout the days, she will be lucky if she lives through 2 months… But it’s extremely susceptible if she doesn’t try, or want to live…” Ugh… The hell with it… Since I had a deadline to my decease, why don’t I just get over with it and kill myself? It would be less painful, and can be done in a minute or so… I was so satiated and emboldened, of my whole fucking life, I just wanted to get the shit over… I wasn’t quite satisfied with myself, I guess I wasn’t ready to malady. But whether I’m ready or not it isn’t to my concern anymore… The clock is ticking and each minute that passes is a minute closer to death… Death, such a strange word… A word that causes so much grief and sadness to the whole repugnant world. The Doctor slowly walked away… I wasn’t exactly in the mood to start a conversation. Besides knowing my limit of life, I fuckin got my PMS… I was in one of my mood swings, anyone say anything that was uncalled for, I swear I’d kick there ass so bad. I guess the guys sensed that I heard the whole conversation, nor was I in the mood to talk. They left me alone as I had expected, that was a relief… I really wanted to be left alone, alone by myself, under the captivating night sky, one day I wanted to be a star in the sky… Maybe death was the only way to fulfill my deception. I knew that I would literally miss Tony, Hwan Hee, Kang Ta, Mom, Dad and Yun Suk… But what choice did I have, I didn’t have much time to live… And a month wasn’t enough duration for me… That night Tony led me into the tranquility of the dark night. Although I couldn’t see the sky above, I could feel the aura that warmed my heart each time I looked up the captivating sky. “Isn’t the sky just wondrous?” I said slowly, lifting my head slightly to feel the light wind brush past my face softly. “Yes it is,” He said with a soothing voice. “Did you ever wish you could be a star in the sky? Never a worry in mind… All you’re purpose of life, is to glow in the night sky… Don’t you wish you were as free to roam the sky as the intricate stars above us?” I asked softly. “Yes I do wish that… Life is to compelling and complicated…” He answered honestly. He held my waist as if afraid to part from me… In my heart I knew that I found my completion… It was Tony, he was the one that would make a whole… He was my other half… If I could turn back the hours each day, I would change it to this moment… The moment I realized that what I’ve been searching for all my life, is right in front of me… So close but yet so far… I want to reach out and touch but I can’t, it’s to far for me to grasp. One day I would be able to grasp it, and fully realize what my motive is… I wonder why I found out my soul mate so early in life, and yet it’s also to late in life. “Jin Su… It’s getting late… I’ll take you home…” Tony said interrupting my thoughts… I nodded my head signaling that I agreed. After Tony took me home… Yun Suk led me upstairs. After the incident in the hospital, and after all that the Doctors said, they treated me as a fragile being. Afraid that if they let go any minute I would fall apart. Damn! I can take care of myself, even with out my fuckin eyesight. I won’t let this stupid shutdown effect me! A month has passed, and everyday I feel weaker and weaker. The disease has spread through me, and I’m afraid I was soon cease to exist. I couldn’t leave this world without Tony, I needed him by my side. I needed him to be with me, but my motions are too selfish. I cannot ask one to die for my sake, it was just not a fair situation. Every day I got more exhausted and tired, but that didn’t stop me from going on with my daily matters. I was now Tony’s official girlfriend, and things were going well. I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend then Tony, he was always there for me when I needed him, and mostly he loved me. I know that it would come to the day where I would leave this world, and where I would leave behind everything I dearly treasured, but I didn’t know that day would come so soon… “Jin Su… You wanna go to the beach today? It’s such a beautiful day…” Tony said while going through my dresser to find my bathing suit. I nodded in agreement, while he handed me my bathing suit. After fussing to get my bathing suit on, we drove towards the grotesque ocean. I could smell the fresh scent of the rumbling waves, and the cheerful sounds of children. Tony led me towards the shore, while I stood there feeling the hot sun beat down on me. “Come on let’s go for a swim,” Tony said softly. He led me into the cold ocean water. He held me tightly in his arms. “Jin Su… I know that this is quite sudden… But the only way to have you, is to commit to this… Would you marry me?” Tony asked holding me tightly. I was astonished with what he had just said… I couldn’t even answer… Just then the most anguish feeling shot through my body. My vision turned from dark to light, I saw Tony’s face and the sun shining up above. “I can see…” I said blinking. My whole body twisted with pain, I felt paralyzed, I couldn’t move. “Is that a yes?” Tony asks smiling. I opened my mouth to speak, but dark blood spilled out. I coughed and coughed, and each time I did, more blood flowed from my lips. Tony stared at me horrified. “We need to get you to the hospital…” He said with tears flowing from his eyes. I knew that this is the end… “Tony…” I said trying to make out the words. The whole world seemed to have spun around my vast eyes. “It’s… time… for me to go… Be good… I’ll always be… you’re star in the… s… sk… sky…” I said while more blood flowed out. The pure ocean water turned into the color red. “Jin Su… JIN SU…” Tony yelled, but it was too late. She reminisced into the sky and was gone… Forever… Only the tranquility of the sky stood as a memory. I couldn’t understand why the one thing in this drafted world, was taken away from me in just seconds. It seemed like just yesterday Jin Su was in my arms, and all my worries just dissapeared. But here I stand at her funeral, holding a white rose in the memory of her death. Her death that caused my whole world to fall apart, the day I asked her hand in marriage she died. Life’s complexity confuses me, I don’t think any of us could really figure out the true deception of life. During the funeral I could see Jin Su’s mother crying her eyes out, with Hwan Hee next to her doing the same. I walk towards her coffin. I look down and see her beautifully crimson lips, long brown hair, and her captivating sculpted face. She was a sight to see, and now she was dead. I waited for the last minute to proclaim my love to her, and she slipped between my fingers and dissapeared. Dissapeared into a world where I may never know, nor may ever find. I carefully place the white rose upon her hands, and stroke her silky brown hair one last time… Before I walked away… Even up above, the tranquility of the sky still captivates me. I was meant to be up here, and this is where I will forever stay. I wait patiently till the day I would be reunited with my love once again. I hold on tightly to the white rose, and smiled. Tony… Look up at the sky… Remember, that forever till the end… I will always be you’re star in the sky… END *********************************************** |