| Chapter 31 Melissa woke up with an earache. She came home by herself the day before and slept once she was home. She felt so tired after so many things had happened. She recalled Kangta beside her bed, watching her sleep. Her heart ached at the thought of Kangta. “ How could I ever face Kangta and Woohyuk today?” She thought worriedly as she took some painkillers. She went out of the house extremely early. She just wanted to have some time alone. She strolled down the streets. Her mind nowhere. It was time for school. She hailed a taxi and headed for school. When she reached, lessons had already started. She found a note in her locker. It says: “ Hi, Please meet us at Alpha Café today after school.” “ Hello!” Min said as Melissa approached them. “ Some of them are not here yet.” Tony explained. “ Look, there’re here!” Jae Won said as Hee Jun, Woohyuk and Kangta walked towards them. “ So, what’s so special?” Melissa asked cheerfully. There were no smiles on their faces. “ Melissa, tell us what’s wrong.” Woohyuk said seriously. “ Wrong? Nothing. What can be wrong?” Melissa laughed nervously. “ Melissa… Please.. Tell me what’s wrong..” Kangta begged. Lying to Kangta was hard. She gave in. She finally admitted that she had been feeling tired lately and that she’d thrown up a couple more times lately and that she had slight fever occasionally. “ Why didn’t you say?” Kangta tried to cram the panic back inside. “ I wish you’d told me.” “ It’s stupid, I feel like I’ve been making a fuss.” Melissa said. “ Of course you are not. You’ve been ill. We’ll need to keep tabs on you for a while yet.” Tony said. “ I didn’t want to trouble you guys.” Melissa said, her voice shaking. “ That’s what friends are for.” Min said gently. “ Besides, I don’t think it’s anything serious. Normal people DO get sick right.” Melissa said. “ Sure. But we are really worried.” Min said. “ Don’t worry, I’m fine.” Melissa forced a smile. “ Okay, if you insist that it is nothing. But please inform us if you don’t feel well again okay?” Hee Jun said. “ Sure.” Melissa said. “ Show me your arms.” Kangta commanded. They were at home and Melissa was resting in her room. “ Your legs.” There were bruises around her elbow joints, purple blotches behind her knees. Watching his face, she said defeatedly, “ It’s come back, hasn’t it?” “ Don’t be ridiculous, Melissa.” Kangta said gently. “ We won’t know anything until we’ve had you checked out.” he assured her. “ It’s back.” She turned her face to the wall. “ It could be anything. The treatment – the chemo- all those drugs are bound to undermine you.” “ I was fine during last month.” Melissa said, trying to control her tears. “ And you’ll be fine again.” Kangta told her. “ Yeah. Right.” Melissa said bleakly. “ If it’s back,” Kangta thought, if the mutant cells are once again ravaging her body, there is help at hand. Radiotherapy. A bone marrow transplant. We have options, we have chances. “ We’ll have the doctors look at you.” Kangta said as he hugged Melissa. She knew it was back… ************************************ Chapter 32 “ Oh, Melissa.” Kangta said. “ I love you. You know that don’t you?” Melissa nodded, her head moving against her. “ But I can’t stand it Kangta.” she confessed. “ I mean it. I am not going through all that again. The needles. Aching all over. Wanting to throw up all the time. If I have more treatment, it’ll all be for nothing in the end.” Kangta put his arm around her shoulders. “ You’re wrong. Life is good Melissa. You have to go on believing that.” “ Not for me. Not if I am sick again. I’d rather die.” Melissa said. “ Don’t.” Savagely he pulled her face towards him, ignoring her cry of pain. “ Don’t say that. Not ever. You’re going to live. We don’t even know if there’s anything wrong.” “ Don’t we?” She stared into his face, and the territory behind her eyes was the bleakest of landscapes. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~* They waited in a room with low ceiling. Woohyuk and Min came along too. It was not the room that had became so familiar during Melissa’s previous illness, and Kangta wondered if it had been chosen in order to avoid dredging up memories. There were two armchairs upholstered in brown corduroy, separated by a square wooden coffee table. To one side was a love sear upholstered in a contrasting beige. There was a picture on the wall of mountains covered with snow. Through high windows she could see the sky. Dr. Caldbeck and Gearin came in, looking subdued. “ We are very disappointed.” Dr. Caldbeck said. “ After such prompt remission we hoped for better results.” “ Did you stop the treatment too soon?” Kangta asked bluntly. The confusion and fear he had felt the first time around had temporarily vanished. He was not going to give in, or allow Melissa to do so. “ I don’t think so. Her blood was clear; the disease had gone. We certainly wouldn’t want to feed a high dose of powerful drugs to a healthy body.” “ What are his chances?” Woohyuk asked. “ Last time you told us eighty percent of cases like Melissa’s end in a cure. What’s the percentage now that the disease has recurred?” “ Somewhat lower than fifty. I can’t pretend otherwise. And as you know, the blood samples we took from all of you and Melissa’s aunt were not a match, so a bone marrow transplant is not an option. We have every hope, though, that we’ll be able to find the successful combination of other treatments.” Dr. Gearin answered. “ How can I hope?” Kangta asked. “More importantly, how can she hope? She went through all that horror for nothing.” “ Not for nothing. You have to believe us.” Dr. Caldbeck said. “ Since Melissa’s form of the disease is proving resistant to the standard drugs, we think we should move to the next level of therapy, and this time combine chemo with radiotherapy. Radiotherapy isn’t as painful as chemo, but the side effects are much the same. Luckily, they’re mostly temporarily. ******************************* Chapter 33 Five days later, Melissa was given her first dose of radiotherapy. The dim room and the brooding shapes of the equipment produced a malevolent atmosphere made all the worse by the silence. Kangta held her hand as she was lifted onto a vinyl-covered table, and then he stepped back as they began to wrap her in sheeting, almost like a mummy. Packs of lead shielding designed to prevent unnecessary incidental radiation leaned against her body like ramparts against the cancer-destroying lights. Even her face was covered. The table slid slowly into the dark cavern of the machine. “ Oh Melissa… What was she thinking, alone, inside that steel casting?” One of the technicians approached. “ It looks worse than it really is. Honestly, they don’t feel anything and it doesn’t last too long. She glanced across at the sinister glow inside the machine and added, “ Poor girl.” Because her immune system was low, Melissa had to spend two weeks in the hospital. Her needle phobia made each jab an ordeal. Standing by and watching while the nursing staff dug needles into her flesh, trying to find a place to draw a sample became almost as painful for Kangta as it was for her. That is her body, he wanted to shout. Leave her alone. Hurt me instead. I cannot bear the agony of helplessness. He wanted to tell her not to try to be brave, but he recognized that maybe her pride was the only thing she had left. He took refuge in aggression. “ Should she be mingling with the other patients?” he asked sharply, standing at the nurses’ station. “ She’s susceptible to infection. She ought to be keep in isolation.” Kangta said. “ Excuse me, but I don’t think you can assume -” His fist thumped. “ She needs every chance she can get if she is going to beat this thing.” “ It’s not the hospital policy.” One of the nurses explained. “ Maybe I should speak to the hospital administrator.” “ He would agree with us sir.” “Well…” Kangta tapped on the counter and moved away. He was behaving badly – He knew that. But the last time he had trusted the doctors, and they had let him down. He looked at Melissa through the window along the corridor. Why her? *********************************** Chapter 34 “ Christmas is coming!” Tony said excitedly. “ Any ideas where to go?” The group was at the hospital visiting her. “ Let’s just hold a small celebration at Kangta and Melissa’s house or something.” Woohyuk suggested. “ I guess that’s where we’ll go again.” Kangta laughed. “ Well, it beats staying here. We should go out there and breathe in the fresh air.” Min smiled. The main reason they all agreed was because they couldn’t really leave for somewhere really far to celebrate Christmas because Melissa wasn’t well yet. But none of them said it out; they didn’t want her to feel bad. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ “ We wish you a merry Christmas… We wish you a merry Christmas…” the group sang in the van. Hee Jun just had his driving license and he was driving them to Kangta and Melissa’s house. After the two long weeks, Melissa was at last allowed to go home. The house and barn glowed in the last of the winter daylight. The sun hung low in the misty sky, indistinct and hazy, as though submerged in dry ice. The flat pasture was a thick pale blue, and beyond it the spined spruces stood black and cold. Melissa sighed with pleasure. She smiled at Kangta, “ It looks great. It’s so great to be home! Can I get out now?” “ If you want,” Kangta said. “ Just make sure you’ve got your ---- ” But she had already opened the door and jumped into the snow. They watched her struggle towards the house, whooping faintly with joy, tumbling into the snow and dragging herself up again. Her breath hung in the icy air. “ Look at her, just like a little kid.” Tony chuckled. “ Will she be okay?” “ Tomorrow she’ll be bruised and her joints will ache, but the hell with that. It’s so good to see her happy.” Kangta smiled. “ Come on guys! What are you waiting for? Let’s get out of the van!” Jae Won shouted excitedly. “ Whoa! You guys actually bought a Christmas tree?” Melissa exclaimed happily. “ Well, it’s decorated by our famous couple here.” Kangta said, looking at Hee Jun and Min. “ Wow! It’s really nice!” Melissa said sincerely. “ I miss everything here! My bed, my room, Kangta’s room, the little kitchen with nothing inside and you guys!” “ We miss you too.” Woohyuk smiled. Melissa smiled back. “ Aww.. it’s too good to be true. I’m back!” Melissa laughed. She knew she was not well yet, but she decided to make the best of everything. She wasn’t going to let that illness destroy her Christmas. “ Wow! Just look at all the food.” Tony exclaimed. “ Food again. Can’t there be anything else on your mind besides food?” Hee Jun asked. “ Um… Sure… I think of how delicious some things can be too!” Tony joked. “ Isn’t that thinking of food?” Min rolled her eyes. “ Whatever. Let’s tuck in!” Tony commanded. “ Hey! I can’t stand it. Why is the guy so stupid? Can’t he just confess to the girl?” Min complained. They were sitting in the living room watching movies. Melissa snuggled up to Kangta. “ That’s what love’s all about isn’t it?” She smiled at Kangta. Kangta hugged her gently. “ Sure.” he whispered into her ear. “ Would you guys stop being so mushy?” Tony rolled his eyes. “ My hair is all standing up if you haven’t noticed.” “ Do I smell vinegar? Is someone jealous?” Jae Won teased. “ HA… Right, I am.” Tony said sarcastically, and the rest laughed. “ Stop talking so much and concentrate on the movie.” Woohyuk laughed as he threw a cushion at Tony. Melissa smiled contentedly. She felt so happy with them. She never wants to leave them. Ever! But she knew she had to. One day… Someday… She’ll have to leave them. Was Woohyuk really right? Nothing last forever? *************************** Chapter 35 It was impossible to ignore the fact that Melissa was not thriving. Just before the Easter weekend Dr. Gearin called Kangta into his office. He knew already what he would hear. “ Melissa’s last CBC was discouraging.” he said. The doctor’s brown eyes were dulled by the difficulty of what he had to say. “ There’s been no improvement in her blood count for some weeks. Quite the opposite, in fact.” “ What does this mean, exactly?” Kangta asked. “ We keep on trying.” Dr. Gearin explained. “ But you’re not hopeful.” Kangta pointed out. “ We’re always hopeful. We never know what might lie around the corner in terms of treatment breakthroughs.” “But if there isn’t a breakthrough-” “ Then, yes, things are looking less good then we wished.” Kangta had tried to pretend away his doubts and fears. Now, made concrete by the physician’s words, hopelessness ran along the narrow byways of his body, saturating him with grief. “ How can I stand by and watch her die?” He practically shouted. “ It hasn’t come to that yet. Not anywhere near it. Since we haven’t found a bone marrow match in the immediate family, our best hope now is to find a non-related donor.” Kangta knew it was not going to make any difference in the long run. “ We’re now going to undertake a serious search for a non-related donor. There is a worldwide register of three million names, so there’s a good chance we might get lucky and come up with a match of Melissa’s tissue type.” “ She keeps telling me to leave her be, to let her go quietly.” “ I know it’s tough on her, but she’s got one more dose of chemo. Let her take that, then let her rest at home. We’ll build her strength and pray for a donor.” He managed to move his lips. “ And what if we don’t find a match, how long do we have?” “ I can’t say. The desire to live is always a determining factor. I’m sorry, I have to say maybe six months, perhaps a little more or less.” “ You’re telling me that’s the end of the road?” Dr. Gearin was silent. Then, very slowly, he bowed his head. “ Maybe six months, perhaps a little more or less. Maybe six months, perhaps a little more or less.” The sentence kept repeating in Kangta’s mind. “ Six months? Oh God, why are you so cruel to her?” he shouted. It was unfair. Why should it be her? She has never done anything unforgiving like murder or arson. Couldn’t God see? Was he blind? “ All this sux!” Kangta shouted with all his might. “ Kangta, relax.” Tony said, watching Kangta throwing things around, venting his anger. “ There’s always hope. A donor might appear and Melissa would be saved!” Hee Jun said confidently. Woohyuk was silent. He just sat at the corner quietly. He felt as upset as anyone. Or maybe even worse. He refused to believe that it would be the end. “ Nothing will happen to her.” He consoled himself. “ Nothing will happen to her.” **************************** |