| Chapter 36 “She’ll be fine.” Hee Jun assured Kangta, though he wasn’t sure anymore. It had been two months and there were still no donors. They stood by Melissa’s hospital bed. She lay asleep, flat on her back, arms mottled with bruises. So thin, he thought. So pitifully thin except for her face, which was unnaturally swollen by the drugs. She has almost left them, almost slipped away. She opened her eyes and, seeing him, curved her lips into a smile. “ Hi guys.” She said weakly. “ Hi kid.” Woohyuk forced a smile. “ The answer is no.” Melissa said. “ What do you mean?” Kangta asked. “ I know what you want.” Melissa said. “ Guys, could I have a time alone with her?” Kangta begged. “ Sure.” The rest said as they left the room. “ Melissa, I want you well again. I want you fit. I want you…” Kangta tried to explain. “ I know all that. They didn’t find a match did they?” “ Not yet.” Kangta confessed. “ Not ever, Kangta. Get real.” Melissa said. “ You can’t be –” “ Even if they find a match, I don’t want any more treatment.” Melissa said stubbornly. “ You’ve said that before.” “ And I’ll keep saying it until you believe me. I am not a child anymore; I know how I feel about things.” Melissa said. “ Melissa, you’ve got to look beyond the short term.” Kangta told her gently. “ Short term’s all I’m going to get.” Melissa said sadly. “ Don’t talk like that.” “ It’s true. And I had it Kangta. I am tired. Let me go. Don’t make me feel bad about it.” Melissa begged. “Letting go is not on the agenda, Melissa. Just try to be brave for a little while longer.” Kangta told her. “ I am sick of being brave. The only thing I want now is to go back to the ranch with the rest of you. Period. I am sick of hospital rooms and IV poles and guys in white coats.” “ Look Melissa. You are very sick. The hospital near the ranch isn’t set up for specialized care.” Kangta explained. “ I don’t care.” Melissa said stubbornly. “ I’ll be the last time.” “Don’t say that!” Kangta yelled. “ Just don’t say it.” Wearily he turned away from her. “ Are you okay?” Min asked, concerned. Kangta left the room with tears in his eyes. “ How could I? How could I just let her go without putting up a fight? How could I watch her die and do nothing about it?” Kangta’s voice was shaking. “ I don’t want her to give up either. But sometimes, I couldn’t help wondering if we should just let her go. Maybe then she’ll be happier. At least she wouldn’t be in pain.” Woohyuk said quietly. “ I wouldn’t let her give up.” Kangta said, determined. How could he let someone he loved so much slip away from him just like that? He was in pain too, watching helplessly at her suffering. The only thing he could do was to encourage her and make her feel better. How could she think of giving up? How could he live on without her? Her laughter, her smiles, her cries, her tears, her words have all became part of his life. How could he live without them? A tear fell from her eyes. Couldn’t Kangta just let her go? Couldn’t he just let her so peacefully? She was sick of all these. She knew it wasn’t going to help her. She wanted to get out of the hospital. Staying in the hospital wouldn’t do much. She might as well enjoy herself outside. Why couldn’t Kangta understand that it was time to let go? “ Kangta…It’s time to let go…” she whispered. ************************************** Chapter 37 “ It great here.” Melissa smiled. She was allowed to go home, but she insisted to come up to the ranch. “ As long as you like it, we can come here everyday.” Woohyuk said. “ Yeah.” Min agreed. “ Evade? I don’t think I have a lot of ‘everyday’ anymore.” Melissa smiled sadly. “ Don’t say that! You’ll be fine. You ought to look on the bright side.” Hee Jun said. “ Oh, by the way have I told you?” Tony asked. “ The results are out and you guys won the second prize for the singing competition!” Tony exclaimed happily. “Really… Oh Kangta, I’m so happy. At least I have won something together with you.” Melissa said weakly. “ They’ll be more to come in future.” Kangta assured her. Melissa sat down on the soft grass. The air was cool and it feels so great to be back. “Oppa? Let’s go for a walk.” Melissa told Woohyuk. “ Sure.” Woohyuk agreed as they left the group. “ But dinner…” Min was about to stop them. “ Let them go Min, they probably have a lot to say.” Kangta said. “ Kangta! You are so understanding.” Tony gave Kangta a friendly punch on his back. “ Oppa, you were right. Nothing last forever. But though some things are not forever and cannot last forever, it doesn’t matter. The most important thing is that you treasure and enjoy it when you have it. The most important thing is the memories of it, not the time you have it. Just like life.” Melissa said. “ You know what, some things do last forever. Our friendship for instance, no matter where you are, we’ll always be friends right? That is one fact that cannot be changed.” Woohyuk smiled. “ Will you cry if I die one day?” Melissa asked. “ Well, I might not.” Woohyuk teased. He wanted to tell her that she would not die, that she would be fine. But he was no longer confident of what he wanted to say. “ Oppa, have you fallen for me before?” Melissa asked. Woohyuk was shocked. How did she knew? “ Of course not! You’re Kangta’s girl.” Woohyuk faked a laugh. “ Are you sure?” Melissa asked again. Woohyuk gave in. “ Actually, yes. I have. In fact, all this while I have been hiding a torch for you.” Woohyuk admitted. “ Aww Oppa, you must feel terrible.” Melissa said. “ Of course I do. But seeing you happy makes me feel contented.” Woohyuk smiled. “ I’m so sorry I didn’t even notice. How could I be so dumb? It was only after I overheard the conversation between you and Kangta, then I realized.” Melissa told him. “ You mean you even saw me punch him?” Woohyuk asked. “ Yep, bad boy.” Melissa smiled playfully. “ But Oppa, I really hope you understand that the person I love is Kangta and Kangta alone. I have only regarded you as my brother. You shouldn’t waste your time on me. You are such a nice person. You deserve someone better. Someone who doesn’t bring trouble to the people around her.” Tears began to form in her eyes. “ And I’ll never ever forget how good you were to me. You are my greatest brother. Whenever I need help, you were always there and no one can ever replace you.” “ You know what?” Woohyuk asked. “ Hmm?” “ I knew it from a long time ago that the only person you love was Kangta.” Woohyuk said quietly. “ Aww.. oppa!” Melissa cried as she hugged Woohyuk. “ You’ll always be my best oppa.” “ You’ll always be my best oppa.” ***************************** Chapter 38 Melissa opened her eyes. “ Kangta? Why are you looking at me like that? Why aren’t you sleeping?” she asked. “ Hey pig, it’s morning, I was just about to wake you up.” Kangta laughed. The truth was that he had been beside Melissa’s bed throughout the whole night. He was afraid, afraid that she might never open her eyes again, that she would just leave her like that. “ Hey guys, do you know how much I treasure you guys and you guys have really really been so great. I don’t know how to thank you guys. I’ve been such a pest, and you guys are still so good to me. You guys are like angels.” Melissa smiled. “ Are you okay? You’re talking weird today.” Jae Won asked. “ Wow! Not bad, for the first time someone called me an angel!” Tony laughed. “ I doubt she was calling you an angel you.” Min said. “ Come on Melissa, What pest? You’ve been a great friend too. You’ve brought us laughter and joy.” Woohyuk said. “ And tears and sorrow.” Melissa added sadly. “ That’s what friends are for isn’t it? We’ll always be there to share all your sorrows.” Min put her arm over Melissa. “ Hey Min, aren’t you afraid that Kangta might get jealous?” Tony joked. “ I am not a lesbian for goodness sake!” Min made a face. “ Kangta, I love you.” Melissa suddenly blurted out. They were strolling along the seaside. Kangta looked surprised. “ I have not told you that before right? You’ve told me that many times but I didn’t tell you how much I love you.” Melissa smiled playfully. “ Aww… You don’t have to tell me anyway. I knew that long ago.” Kangta said as he gently hugged Melissa. “ And I’m sorry.” Melissa said. “ Sorry? What for?” Kangta laughed, giving her a pat on her head. “ I’ve always caused you to worry, caused you to be upset. When was the last time I actually made you smile? Sometimes I even wished that we didn’t meet, so that you wouldn’t be suffering as much as me. I feel terrible.” “ Silly. I feel happy whenever I’m with you. If I didn’t meet you, I’ll be suffering even more. Because how could I not know such a pretty girl?” Kangta laughed. “ Pretty? Oh please. I am nowhere near pretty now. I look like a total freak.” Melissa said. “ Your heart is always pretty to me. You will always be pretty to be.” Kangta told her. “ Kangta…” Melissa suddenly sobbed. “ What’s wrong?” Kangta asked. “ Why do I feel that I miss you so much even when I am sitting right beside you? Kangta…I love you…” Melissa sobbed. “ Yes, I know that. I’ll always be with you no matter what happens.” Kangta promised, stroking her hair gently. “ Why did God bring us together only to separate us in the end?” Melissa asked. “ Separate? That’ll never ever happen. I assure you that. You’ll be fine. Trust me. There’s always hope.” Kangta said. They spend the rest of the day just sitting at the beach watching the sunset. “ Kangta, could you sing ‘If Only’?” Melissa asked. “ Sure.” Kangta said. Melissa snuggled up to Kangta. If only this day could keep repeating forever… “ Kangta… I am sorry.” ********************************* Chapter 39 Kangta went downstairs. There was a lingering smell of coffee in the empty kitchen. Early morning sun slanted through the windows, golden and hopeful. There were two mugs on the table and a milky cereal bowl. “ Melissa?” Kangta called. “ Melissa? Where are you?” There was no answer. “What’s going on?” Tony asked sleepily, as he came out from his room. “ I don’t know, I can’t find Melissa in her room. “ Where could she have gone?” Kangta asked. A jolt of alarm shook him. Suppose she had collapsed, supposed she was lying somewhere, waiting for them to find her? “ Did something happened to her?” Hearing the anxiety in his voice, Tony said, “ Let’s go and look for her then.” With that, the two of them left the house. “ Where could she be at this time?” Kangta asked anxiously. “ Could she be at the beach or something?” Tony asked, and they ran to the beach. To their relief, they saw Woohyuk and Melissa in a boat in the sea. “ Isn’t is great? Seeing the two ‘siblings’ together again.” Tony smiled. “ Yeah.” Kangta said. He was so relieved. He thought something had happened to her. In the little boat, Woohyuk was apparently exhorting Melissa, one hand slapping through the air as she made whatever point she was trying to convey. Melissa kept shaking her head. The little boat tacked between pot buoys, then veered away towards the open water. It sailed between the wooden arms of the bay before turning and tacking back again, while the both of them talked. “ I wish this day could last forever.” Tony said lazily. “ Yeah.. everything peaceful.” Kangta agreed as the both of them continued to watch Woohyuk and Melissa in the boat. Woohyuk put his arms around her for a long moment, hugging her tightly. Melissa then took his hand and talked earnestly. The little boat came in right below the bluff, so close that Kangta could hear the clunk as the boom swung over. Neither Woohyuk nor Melissa looked up, however, too engrossed in their conversation. He wondered what they were discussing about. Kangta saw Woohyuk leaned forward and hugged Melissa again. Then he saw Woohyuk speak and then turned away from her, his face grim. At the same time, Melissa let go of the tiller. She clasped the anchor around her, wrapped the chain around her wrist. She swung her legs over the side. “ What’s she doing?” Kangta asked. Melissa slowly, slowly slipped over the side of the boat into the sea. A silent splash of spray rose. Disbelieving, Kangta watched her disappear beneath the surface of the sea. “ The water is so cold.” He said in a reasonable voice while fear clutched his heart. “Why would she swim out there?” “ I don’t think she’s—” Tony began. “ What’s she doing?” Kangta cried. “ Tony, why hasn’t she…” “ Oh, God.” Tony moaned. Woohyuk resolutely sailed away from the spot where Melissa had disappeared. “Where is she?” Kangta began to panic. “Why has he left her alone? Why isn’t he helping her?” Tony said nothing. Kangta stared at the spot where she had last seen her. Melissa did not reappear. Woohyuk, his head bend, steered across the water towards the open sea. Understanding finally came. And horror. “NO!” Kangta screamed. “ Melissa…Oh, my God, Melissa no!” The words flew across the water. “ Melissa, I love you!” He turned and began to run downhill to where the bluff grew less steep and it was possible to gain access to the beach. Tony ran behind him, calling him, but he paid no attention. If he could swim out to the spot where she had disappeared, he could save her. He could breathe life back into her, turn back the clock. Melissa… But even as he scrambled across the rocks, slipping on the seaweed--- Melissa! He knew it was useless. He swam. He screamed Melissa’s name, and the sea poured through him, swamped, deluged him. The gasp, the choke. Clutching at water that slid through his fingers. Or was it his tears? ************************************ Chapter 40 Encumbered by his clothes, heart bursting with terror, a cold numbness filled him. “ What were you doing!” Kangta shouted at Woohyuk, grabbing him by the collar. “ What was going on?” Hee Jun asked. The rest were there too. Tony quickly filled them with the details. Min gasped. The rest were speechless. “ She said she was getting weaker and weaker. This morning, she could hardly stand. He didn’t want you to know, but she was afraid she soon wouldn’t be able to get up. She said she was damned if she was going to spend a perfect down-east summer in bed.” Woohyuk explained, equally upset as the rest. “ How could you just let her leave us like that?” Kangta shouted, tears brimming in his eyes. “ I couldn’t stop her if she really wanted to die. She didn’t want to live. She told me this morning. She was tired of being ill. She didn’t want anymore treatments. Just a few days up here and then, finished, over, ended. The way she wanted to go.” Tears gathered in Woohyuk’s eyes. “ But I thought she wanted to spend the summer here…” Min cried. “ She wanted to die here, Min. She told me that she had had a wonderful life and she knew it wasn’t going to get better, only worse. She told me to take her out in a boat and I know she was planning something, I could see it in her eyes.” Woohyuk said, as he handed a piece of folded paper to Kangta. Kangta opened it, scarcely able to see the letters. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Dear Kangta, Knowing you was one of the best things that ever happened in my life. Thank you for all the things you have given me. I would have to leave sooner or later. I love you. Please don’t cry. I am sorry. Love you forever Melissa ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~ Kangta thought of her swollen-knuckled fingers struggling to hold the pen to write the words. Grief welled up inside him. How could he ever live without her? Woohyuk left the beach, living the rest in the beach, weeping over the incident. “ Okay, now we’re back. Kangta you want to stay over at our house or something?” Hee Jun asked quietly. Kangta shook his head. He left the van and roamed the streets. “ Hee Jun, I am worried for Kangta, let’s follow him just in case.” Tony suggested. Kangta went over to the roof- top of a building. He needed some time alone. “ How can you be so cruel? Leaving me alone in this world… Everything of you has become part of my life too. How can I ever survive without you?” Kangta whispered sadly. His heart ached. He felt as if nothing mattered anymore… “ Why is Kangta at the roof- top? He’s not doing anything silly is he?” Jae Won asked, and the rest ran up to the roof- top. Kangta could see Melissa… He could see her up there in the sky… She was waving at him… His life was meaningless without her. His life was nothing without her… He wanted to join her… He closed his eyes… and jumped… “NO!!!!!!!!!” Min screamed, just in time to see Kangta jump from the building. She felt faint. Two of her closest friend just left her like that. Suddenly, everything went black. “Are you okay?” Hee Jun asked. “ Sure, I guess I over tire myself. Oh Hee Jun, why did they do this?” Min wept. “ Let’s look on the bright side. At least Kangta is with Melissa now…” Tony said sadly. “ Yeah… I bet they are happily together in heaven now.” Woohyuk said, his voice filled with grief. ****************************** Chapter 41 If Only I remember the first day when I saw you, We met in the most unexpected way. I didn’t think I would see you again, But fate brought us together again. I remember how shock I was when I saw you. First time is was coincidence, Second time, it was fate. Were we meant to be? If only I knew it was the last time, I’ll see you fall asleep, I’ll tuck you in tightly, And never let you go. If only I knew it was the last time, I’d hear you say you love me, I’ll tape each action and word, so that I could play them back day after day. If only you knew, How much I didn’t want to close my eyes, When I know I might never open them again. If only, we met earlier, We could have more days with each other. If only you knew how hurt I feel, When I know it’s going to be the last time. If only we knew there were no tomorrow… ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~~*~*~*~* |