Chapter One: Because I Didn't Say I Love You

You want know what pisses me off?

I can't touch him anymore.

Before that whole Zay'tarc thing happened, I was... depressed, unhappy, in doubt... all that may be true, but I could touch him. Nothing serious, just a hand on his arm when he started to fiddle with some of my projects in the lab or a hand on his shoulder to say thanks. I can't do that now. Out of fear, the fear of inappropriate behavior, the fear of rejection, the fear of reaction.

Not that he is any better.

He can't touch me either, he doesn't even come close to me. No chin appearing over my shoulder, followed by a grin when he asks me what the hell I'm doing. No hands that ruffle my hair to wake me when I fall asleep on my keyboard.

No Colonel who takes care of me. Not the way he used to. It seems like we lost what we had because we didn't take what we wanted, am I making any sense?

I admit it, I wanted Jack O'Neill. Like a woman wants a man. I surprised myself with the intensity of my feelings, but I was pleasantly surprised. It felt so good, so... alive to love. Now all I have is this longing for his touch.

And in this instant I hate Anise/Freya.

Because as I sit here still mourning over a love that wasn't even my own, a lover I never held in my arms before I killed him, I can't surrender into the embrace of my savior. As much as it contradicts my believes in independence, I do need him, not because I am weak and he is not, but because blood is pumping through my veins screaming that I am alive while my heart tells me I'm dead.

I need him to tell me my heart is pounding for another reason than supplying my muscles and cells with oxygen. But I can't ask and he can't give.

And why is that? All of that is, as it is now, just because I couldn't admit it. Because I didn't say 'I love you.'

Chapter Two: Because She Said It

You know restraint is a wonderful thing that you learn in the military. And I am career military, so go figure.

But today I was tempted. Temptation had its claws around my throat threatening to suffocate me if I should remain silent. And I wouldn't have, but the tragedy that ended the day prevented me from saying anything.

Denial is a wonderful thing, too. I was into denial for so long that Inearly believed it myself. But now everything is out in the open.

And why is that? All of that is, as it is now, because she said it. People think I am a very brave man. Faced with danger I laugh and joke. The truth is the only time I really feel alive is when the adrenaline of fear runs through my veins.

Or when she smiles at me.

I'm not a romantic kinda guy, but with her? With her all the roses in the world and every candle I could lit combined with the best poetry the human race ever came up with wouldn't be enough. Not for her. But today I was tempted to try.

Revelation tends to be a good thing, generally. But why do the two of us always get ourselves into these embarrassingly revealing situations?

What I said today was, as usual, the coward's way out. I might be a brave man when it comes to battle, but I'm a coward when it comes to feelings. And she's a coward, too. When feelings are concerned, I mean. But today she was brave, she stood before me trying to make me understand what the hell she was talking about and all I did was making it harder for her.

And instead of cowering back she confronted me, it, love.

I know I love her and now I know that she loves me too, because she said it.

Chapter Three: Because They Never Talk

Teal'c practically carried a subdued Sam to her quarters. Her cheeks are stained with silent tears, as I watch her sitting on the bed, staring into nothing.

Suddenly I realise something about Samantha Carter.

She's just as human as the rest of us, except for that little protein marker, of course, but that's not what I meant.

I mean she is a woman like Janet, a soldier like Jack, a scientist like myself, and warrior like Teal'c. I knew all of these things, but only now do I know that this is the right order.

Whatever fate throws at Samantha Carter, she throws it right back, and a grenade after it. That's what she wants us to believe. She never fooled me with that act. Just about the depth of her pain.

As much as she wants us to believe she's the soldier first, her heart bleeds every time she has to act as one.

And today, her heart bleeds because the woman once again, fought her way to the surface. She was all soldier when she pulled that trigger, killing Martouf, but as soon as he fell and she ran to catch him, she was the woman, not the soldier or the scientist, no part can explain that what she did was right.

Well maybe one part could or rather someone could. Someone who's a part of her.

Something happened today, I haven't had the chance to find out yet, but the grapevine is buzzing. That's NEVER a good sign.
But, even without the busy gossipers, I would know that something changed. They act different, more aware of each other, painfully aware.

It's a pain they could easily resolve together, among other pains.

But they won't. Because they never talk.

Chapter Four: Because We Are Their Friends

I sometimes think that I finally understand how the Tau'ri mind operates.

And then there are days like today, which prove my assumptions wrong.

The concept of true love is one of the most desirable things on Chulak, due to our situation, 'love' is, in most cases, just a simple physical attraction, nothing more. But the rare times when one finds his or her true love, those people are celebrated and congratulated for their luck.

On Earth they are ashamed.

I have seen their telivision shows and half of them deal with love in some capacity, their minds are highly preoccupied with the subject. But my two friends...

I like MajorCarter, she is a good and dear friend, and I do not enjoy to see her hurting, but as DanielJackson, I know that I cannot assist her, so I left together with him to 'get some air' I believe he said.

I restrained myself from reminding him that we are indeed getting the same amount of air inside the SGC as we would get on Earth's surface, instead I simply walked beside him.

We met DoctorFraiser on the way to the elevators, but she was unable to be detained much longer so we did not engage in conversation with her. I briefly wonder if I should ask her to speak with MajorCarter, but I decide not to.

For two reasons, one, DoctorFraiser is a very persistant woman and good friend of MajorCarter's, she will talk to her regardless of my recommendations to do so. Second I am unfamiliar with the mourning rituals on Earth, DanielJackson demonstrated that occurance after the death of his wife. I would not want to intrude in what is a fragile set of friendships.

The only reason I would disregard those intentions are in the case of O'Neill. He, by all means, should be the one to help MajorCarter through this. I have witnissed something today, which I should not have, the words spoken were those of privacy.

Granted those words may never would have been spoken otherwise, they were still private.

I like ColonelO'Neill as I do MajorCarter, they are, with Dr. Fraiser and Dr. Jackson, my best friends on this planet, my surrogate family and I can not help but feel their pain as if it was my own. And it's such an unnecessary pain.

I smile as I remember a converstaion I once had with DanielJackson, he said at one point, "I swear to you if those two don't resolves their issues in the next few weeks I'm gonna lock them into a room together until they talk to each other."

I smiled then and I smile now, the only bad thing is that DanielJackson was probably right. Maybe we should put them in a room and do not let them out before they are honest which each other.

I think we are obligated to do that, we have to help them, because we are their friends.

Chapter Five: Because We Didn't Know

How were we to know?

Teal’c’s idea seemed pretty good at first. Daniel was all for it and me… I guess I got caught up in the enthusiasm. We couldn’t have known that it would backfire.

You see we locked them up. In storage room 25P-854.

I thought they could help each other if the they finally confronted their feelings. Seems like I should leave the psychology to good old Dr. MacKenzie after all.

I asked the Colonel to get some supplies from the storage room, he went without question, I guess he was happy to finally do something, anything. Sam was a little more difficult, in the end Teal’c simply dragged her up and half carried her to the room. I nearly cried when she didn’t even protest.

Daniel observed the Colonel and signalled us when he’d seen him enter, after that, we hurriedly pushed Sam after him, closed the door and locked it up.

We’d decided to leave, give them the privacy they’d been denied before,

We’d expected a lot of things when we came back an hour later. From kissing to yelling, everything, but what we found.

Sam sat in the corner behind the door, crying softly, her knees drawn up so she could hug them to her chest, while Jack stood in to opposite corner, facing the wall, his fists balled at his sides.

When he turned around he simply glared at us, then he turned around and walked through the open door without a word.

I turn my attention back to Sam, I’ve never seen her like this, I never saw her this frightened, so openly crying, so not in control. She doesn’t get up and she doesn’t glare at us.

I have no idea what happened or how we can make it better. I thought I understood what was going on with her, but it seemed like my knowledge was flawed.

We’d made it worse, because we didn’t know.

Chapter Six: Because I Have To

Because I have to

I love my job; this whole 'saving the world, being a hero' stuff.

That was what I dreamed of when I joined the Air Force, that and I knew that it would drive my father nuts. But that is not what all this is about. I’m not what this is all about. I may be in command, but I can’t kid myself about who the key players are.

It’s SG-1. The four people of my top team have become somewhat surrogate daughter and sons to me, I know what I put them through and I know that they can handle it. Well I knew.

What happened today could be the beginning of the end. Major Carter’s involvement with the Tok’ra has always worried me. The trust she places so unconditionally into them, the friendship she shared with some, the love that she shared with one. And another.

I’m not blind, that’s the problem. I know there’s something going on between my two best officers. Anise reported what happened at the second zatarc testing, and I didn’t want to know. But I know about it now, and there are things I need to do.

I just wish I could give them a break after all the things they went through in the last the few days. But I can’t I’m obligated to act now.

Not because I think that anything wrong occurred, but because I am an Air Force officer, and I swore an oath. I don’t report them because I think they need to be reported, but because I have to.

Chapter Seven: Just Because

The planet was green. Green trees stood on green grass and even the mountains in the distance, up to the low hanging clouds, were green. Jack looked around him scanning for enemies as well as allies, and after determining that they were being greeted by neither he turned to his companion, Lieutenant Gunnar.

Gunnar looked suspiciously... green.

Jack sighed before he nodded and motioned for the young soldier to follow him. The poor Lieutenant was his nanny for the mission; the General probably thought he'd go AWOL on him.

Jack snorted at the thought and Gunnar who was walking next to him watched him wearily.

"Don't be afraid kid, I'm not gonna run. So relax, will ya?" he watched him tense up even more, but decided not to make another comment. He could even understand the General to a certain degree, he sure didn't want to face the music back home. Not after what happened this morning.

That Morning

General George Hammond sat in his usually comfortable chair, behind his usually impressive desk, wearing his usually beloved uniform feeling very... unusual. And he'd bet his command that the Major and Colonel before him felt equally troubled. Probably even more so. They'd been at this for about thirty minutes and his mood became darker and darker while the people in front of him stood straighter and straighter.

General Vross was questioning his officers. Major Carter was currently telling him about her conversation with Dr. Fraiser while the Colonel had been with Anise for his more than experimental treatment.

The tragic events that had led to Martouf's death had happened a week ago. It had taken the President a while to find someone with the right security clearance, who was also qualified to make a decision concerning fraternization regulations. All qualified people in question were under Vross's command, but since none of his officers had a high enough clearance he had to come himself. A fact he didn't seem to be too happy about. In fact up until now he'd been downright hostile. So all in all they had everything against them. A great start if you are already standing with your back against the wall.

"What happened after Major Fraiser injected you with the sedative?" Vross asked with a mixture of annoyance and arrogance. He sat opposite Hammond facing the door where Carter and O'Neill stood.

"I started to slip into unconsciousness and had some... flashbacks," Sam answered trailing off. Her mind was set on fast replay of the Colonel walking past her cell. She straightened her back even more trying not to let any of her emotions show. She was still angry although the reason for her anger wasn't that clear to her anymore.

"And?"

"I thought about what happened on px9-757, uh, the planet Apophis' new ship was on before we blew it up," she added as she saw the confused face before her. The General only stared back, his expression darkening even more if that was possible. She was angry at Apophis, she realized. It was his fault that she was in this situation now, whether she meant the hearing or the turmoil that her relationship with her superior officer had become she wasn't sure. She remembered so clearly when she'd been on that fateful ship…

"I... I saw myself and Colonel O'Neill standing in front of me. The force shield between us," Sam explained before General Vross could ask. Her anger subsided somewhat as the feeling of helplessness came back

"Then what happened?"

"I realized that we didn't lie, I... I figured out what we had been hiding," as soon as the shaky words had left her mouth she knew that they'd been the wrong ones to say.

"You knew about your commanding officer's feelings?" came the harsh question in a voice that carried a definite undercurrent. Triumph.

Sam swallowed before she answered. "Yes," she said weakly, awfully conscious that the Colonel was in the room, standing next to her in fact.

"And you didn't do anything against them?" he asked with a smugness that rivaled even O'Neill's at his best of times.

"What?" her head whipped up so she met the General's gaze. For a brief moment the spark that made Samantha Carter so special, was back. "With all due respect sir I don't think that's something I could have done anything against," the fire in her eyes burned brightly and Jack felt hope. She hadn't lost herself in tears and sorrow, as he had feared. After Martouf's death she had hidden herself from everyone. After that unfortunate episode in the storage room, she hadn't talked, just left. When she had returned two days later she had been quieter, her smile not as bright and her eyes dull. And still she hadn't said a word about the Incident as he called it in his head.

Jack had been so lost in his comparison of the woman Sam was now and the woman she had been before that he was startled by the impatient General's next words.

"But you encouraged him, did you not?" he asked, his voice so loud that it was hurting everyone's ears.

"No!" she protested.

"Then why does this report tell of a sexual assault on Colonel O'Neill committed by you?" there was that smugness again as he held up the folder containing the report about the events after SG-1's initial trip to the Land of Light.

Sam was speechless, "That was years ago, sir! And I was under the influence of an alien virus. If you take that incident serious, you'll have to accuse half the base for violent assault. Apart from that the president himself cleared all personnel from all responsibility."

"They are not here today, neither are they on trial," he looked at her sternly, "And the president might want to review some of his decisions after I hand in my report," his voice had been rising again and by now he was shouting, "Major, you are here today to answer my questions and did you or did you not kiss your commanding officer in the locker room?" the General asked grimly. The 'hearing' had been like this the whole time, whatever Sam said was gruffly rebuffed or even ignored and Hammond got the impression that maybe Vross had a little problem with the position she held in the SGC, maybe even in the military. And although General Hammond knew that this couldn't be the first time his Major had encountered this type of prejudiced behavior it seemed to work on her. The spark in her eyes faded, taking Jack's hopes with it as she hung her head, knowing that arguing wasn't an option.

"Yes, sir. I did."

The room was eerily silent as Samantha Carter stood, her head held low, starring at her shoes.

Vross only shot a quick glance at her before he turned to Jack again, "Colonel what can you tell me about..." he started but was interrupted by a sharp knock.

"Come in," Hammond called and Sergeant Davis entered.

"Sorry to interrupt sir," he said in a hurried tone as he turned and pointed back to the door, "we could really need the Major's help, sir."

"With what?" Hammond asked hating that this hearing confided him to this room. He would have preferred not to be directly involved, but Vross had been very adamant about his presence and the third star on his shoulders gave him the power to make his request an order.

"SG-6 is having a little problem off world with the naquadah reactor, the naquadah is reacting with something in the atmosphere, making it unstable and..." before Davis could finish Sam spoke up.

"Sir, permission to go and help the Sergeant," she requested her stance relaying her eagerness to do just that.

"Of course, Major. Go do what you do best," he said more for the benefit of General Vross than his Major. When he saw the General's face darken he knew his earlier suspicions weren't unfounded.

Hearing her commanding officer's approval Sam turned on her heel nearly running the short distance to the control room.

"What's happening now?" Vross asked and O'Neill was the first to speak.

"She does her job, sir," with a sharp turn he faced Hammond, "Sir? Permission to see if I can help," receiving a nod he left as well, happy to finally be out of that room.

"I'm going to take a look at this," General Vross announced and walked through the door.

"Feretti?" Sam called into her microphone once she'd taken her place in the control room. The wormhole had still been active when she'd arrived and Davis had told her to call Feretti over the MALP's microphone. SG-6 had been sent to the planet with a naquadah reactor because the MALP hadn't detected the DHD, which meant that they couldn't even leave the planet if they failed to repair the reactor.

"Hey Major glad to finally hear from you," Feretti answered, the relief in his voice obvious. It seemed like he, too, had figured out the implications of the failing machine.

"What's happening?" she heard Jack ask behind her.

"I don't know yet, sir," Sam spoke in his direction without looking up and than spoke into the microphone again. "Ferreti, where's Hudson?" she asked. Hudson was the science officer in Feretti's team and she had expected to talk to him instead of SG-6's commanding officer.

"He was knocked out by the reactor."

"How?" she asked, already wrecking her brain for an answer.

"We came here and after about half an hour the damn box started to go all wacky on us. Hudson tried to figure it out. Said something about the atmosphere being charged with... something. Then there was a bright flash from the reactor going right through his body and Hudson was out cold. Sam you know I'm not good with this science stuff, just tell me which wire I cut to prevent the damn thing from exploding into my face."

"Wait a second," Sam told him, before she turned on her chair, shocked to find General Vross standing there with Jack. Holding Jack's gaze for a second she called for Davis.

"Sergeant? Did you speak to Captain Hudson?"

"Yes, ma'am. He sent us some data, it's on monitor three," he said and pointed to the screen.

Sam turned her eyes on the information displayed on the screen and started to click her way through the various files. All eyes were on her, waiting. The technicians around waited with confidence born from experience as well as admiration, while her fellow officers watched with expecting pride. Only one pair of eyes was filled with suspicion. Starring at the screen, Sam hadn't blinked until her eyelids suddenly fluttered rapidly and she spoke, "Colonel?"

"Here," he said and stepped close to her, trying to get a look at the monitor over her shoulder.

"I need the second reactor to get Feretti and his men back," she said half explaining half asking, "Then I'd like to go through to see what I can do about the other one," she addressed both Jack and General Hammond.

"I'll get the reactor," Jack said even before the General gave his approval, then made his way to the labs, knowing that things weren't looking too good for Feretti at the moment.

"General Hammond?" Sam asked when he still hadn't answered.

"What do you need Major?" he asked knowing as well as everyone else that you better followed the Major in times of crisis.

"I'd like to go through alone, sir. There's no need for anyone else to be there should I get stuck on the planet. I'll go through with our second reactor and sent SG-6 back with it."

"What about you?"

"From what I can see here," she said and motioned to the monitor, "it's not the naquadah that's affected, but the trinium several pieces are made of. The wall between the reaction chambers is dissolving causing the naquadah to react out of sequence. That's what's causing the flashes and the bigger the hole gets the more destructive will the energy bursts be. They are microscopic at the moment but that could change quickly. I have to try and see what I can do to prevent that."

"That sound pretty dangerous," General Vross spoke up and Hammond agreed.

"He's right Major, I don't want you to risk your life for this, you'll just come back through with SG-6," Hammond said.

"But, sir. Half our naquadah is in that reactor, we need it back," Sam said trying to convince him.

Hammond took that into consideration and had to admit that she was right, "Okay, but I won't let you go alone," he said. "You could be injured just like Captain Hudson, I won't take that risk."

"But, sir, there is no need to…"

"Ah! Major I let you go through and try to repair the reactor, but I won't let you go there alone. Colonel?" Hammond called to Jack, who just arrived with the second reactor.

"Yes, sir?"

"You'll accompany Major Carter to p3x-449, get geared up and…" whatever his orders had been he never spoke them.

"Belay that order, Colonel you'll stay here," Vross interrupted.

"What? General with all due respect, this is my command and my decision is to sent my best two officers on this mission," he was furious; he didn't have to take this from the General.

"Well George, your two officers are currently on trial, so technically Major Carter should be confided to base, as well as Colonel O'Neill. Send someone else."

"I can't do that, sir," he said.

"Why?" he asked, his annoyance reaching a whole new level.

"Because Major Carter is the only one who knows how to solve this."

"Are you telling me that all those genius scientists who work here can't repair that machine?"

"Yes, sir and it's her machine," Jack said and pointed to Sam, "she built it and up until now your people sent nobody down here to learn about it."

The General was speechless, a fact that all people present enjoyed.

"General?" Sam asked hesitantly, she knew that time was a rather important figure in Feretti's case.

"You won't go, Major, neither will Colonel O'Neill. General Hammond find someone to get your team back. Then we'll continue the hearing."

"But, sir!"

"No Major Carter, go back to the briefing room. Colonel, you too."

"That man is... argh!" Jack exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

"I second that, sir," Sam said from beside him. They lapsed into the first comfortable silence that had been between them for some time. It seemed like time was running out while all they could do was stand on the sidelines waiting. Taking a deep breath, Jack decided that this was the end of his silence.

"Carter? Are we okay?" he simply asked.

"What?"

"You know are we okay? You don't hate my guts for getting you into this situation?" he elaborated.

Sam smiled shyly, "No, sir. Besides, I'm as much to blame for this as you are."

"Still, I'm your commanding officer, I should... I don't know... Be a little more in control?"

"I'm afraid this," she said and motioned between them, "isn't exactly something that makes a difference between ranks, sir."

He looked at her with wide eyes and she hastily added, "Only we do, sir. We make the differences. And ranks is what we are."

"What did we cease to be people, Sam?" he asked in a low voice that made her shiver.

"I don't know I guess what we do just became more important than who we are," she answered.

"Do you really think that?" he asked softly.

"I have to. I have to believe that what we do is worth the sacrifices that I make. The sacrifices that 'we' make. The day I can't do that anymore, I'll lose my mind," she answered equally softly.

Jack stared at her, "What do you mean?"

"Martouf is dead, sir. I killed him. I have to believe that his sacrifice meant something, something other than that I failed."

"There was nothing you could have done, Anise should have thought of..."

"No, sir! I should have thought of it. At least I should have figured it out sooner why the machine thought we were zay'tacs or..." she was ranting and she knew it.

"Sam?" Jack asked softly. He had been waiting for this for the last several days. He had been worried when she hadn't talked to anyone on that fatal day. That was how she usually coped with things. She would talk it off her chest and then pretend it never happened. He couldn't really understand it, but it seemed to work for her.

"What?" she asked, tense now that the emotions had started to bubble out of her.

"What's happening to you?"

Wide blue eye met relaxed brown ones in silent contest that couldn't be won by neither.

General Hammond broke the heavy silence that had fallen over the room. He noticed how his officers seemed to be lost in each other and some kind of conflict he didn't know anything about.

"I'll send SG-3 through with the reactor, they'll get Feretti and his team, anything I should tell them?" he asked Sam. She blinked and for split second her eyes traveled back to Jack before she finally regarded her commanding officer with full attention.

"They should hurry, maybe Feretti could put up a camera in some distance so I can check what happens later?" she requested.

He nodded, his face was grim. "I assure you that I don't like Vross's behavior one bit, I'm gonna take this to my superiors, I can not think of any reason for his decisions. We are wasting a good chance to salvage some important technology and resources."

"I don't think so, General," Vross said from the door nearly spitting Hammonds title.

"With all due respect General, I fail to see the logic in letting that reactor blow up when we might have prevented that by sending Major Carter through."

"It's her duty to be at this hearing," he said. "It is not my fault that she failed to teach her fellow officers how to use that machine of hers. But maybe it's time to get some perspective into this command!" the General was on a roll, it was obvious to all present that he wouldn't have been able to stop his diatribe if he'd wanted to. "You General Hammond seemed to obviously unconcerned to take orders from a Major under your command, even worse, a woman under your command! It's not just Colonel O'Neill who seems to be at this woman's bidding it's everyone here! Tell me Major are you trying to take over here?"

"Okay, I think we have lost track here a little, sir," Jack tried to intervene, but he was ignored.

"I asked you a question, Major!" Vross bellowed.

"Sir, no, sir."

"Was that an answer soldier?"

"Sir, yes, sir," Sam bellowed at the top of her lungs. Vross stared at her using his extra five centimeters to his full advantage as he seemed to rise another inch above her head. Still Sam refused let herself be intimidated. She was just to damn frustrated to still care. The heavy atmosphere was suddenly dissolved as the speakers above them blared, "Major Carter to the control room, Major Carter to the control room," in Sergeant Davis voice.
Sam looked up and then back at the General before her, "Excuse me, sir," she mumbled before she left the room.

Vross was speechless, never had he met such resistance to his demands. "Major Carter?" he called after her but she was already through the door as well as the two other officers. Angrily he pushed back his seat and followed her, Jack hot on his heels.

"General! What's going on?" Vross demanded once he had followed the others in the control room. He found the Major once again sitting in front of the computers, as she seemed to study some data delivered through the active wormhole.

"We're receiving data indicating that the reactor is about to explode, I want my expert on the technology having a look at it," he answered, with that cheeky grin of his that indicated that he knew something the rest of them wasn't aware of.

"I thought we'd been over this General," Vross said with a sigh, "Major Carter is not available right now."

"Actually, she is, sir. You may want to recheck with your superiors again, I think you'll find surprising news," After he dropped his little bombshell he turned back to Sam and ordered her to get geared up and ready to leave as soon as the reactor showed any signs of settling down one way or another.

Sam left for the locker room and the General called for two soldiers to accompany her.

"Sir?" Jack asked from behind a still shell-shocked General Vross.

"Colonel, I want you to talk to Feretti and Hudson when he wakes up, I expect a report on my desk tomorrow morning, understood?"

"Yes, sir," Jack said and nodded, before he left. He knew when the General wanted him out of his way and this wasn't the time to argue.

"General Vross, may I talk to you for a second?" was the last thing he heard.

Present Time

Jack stopped abruptly, causing Gunnar to bump into his back.

"We are going back," he announced and the confused Lieutenant looked at him as if he'd declared that he'd grown a second head.

"Sir?"

"I have to get back to the SGC, now."

"But, sir, my orders were..."

"Forget your orders, let's head back."

He turned and made his way back to the gate, not even checking if Gunnar was following or not.

Jack stalked the corridors of the SGC in search of his commanding officer. A confused looking Walter Davis had greeted him, but Jack hadn't bothered to tell the man why he'd returned less than twenty minutes after Hammond had sent him after Carter, he'd just asked where he could find the General and then headed to the infirmary, where Hammond had last been seen.

"General Hammond, sir!" he greeted in the happily sarcastic tone that was so typical for him. "Could I have a word?"

"You are already back Colonel?" the surprised General asked.

"Yes, sir."

"I there something wrong with Major Carter?" he asked worriedly.

"No, sir. Could you just..." he waved to the door and the General obeyed the universal gesture for 'follow me.'

Jack led him to Dr. Fraiser's office, which happened to be empty.

"Colonel, what is going on?"

"This whole situation is bogus, sir. I want this matter to be solved, so I'm going to talk to Vross. I just wanted to give you a little warning, General."

Hammond watched him for a second before he shook his head, a small smile grazing his lips.

"That's very... considerate of you. You have my support in this, Jack."

"I have?" he asked shocked.

"Of course you have, I had a few choice words for the General myself and with support from the President I managed to get my point across. And most importantly got him off your backs."

"How?" Jack was shocked, he hadn't been gone that long and still the situation had changed and for once for the better. "What about the hearing, sir?" he asked carefully.

"There is still going to be a hearing, but we are having a much better stand now," he said, leaving Jack confused.

"How?"

"Oh it seems that Vross has a lot to say in the higher ranks. And the fact that I told the President about his irresponsible behavior made him a lot more... open to our suggestions. He doesn't want to lose that power."

"Sir!" Jack exclaimed before he lowered his voice again, "Are we blackmailing a General of the United States' Air Force?"

"I wouldn't say..." he started but Jack interrupted him.

"I like your thinking, sir!"

"General!" Jack greeted enthusiastically when he found Vross in General Hammond's office.

"Colonel, I didn't know you were back."

"Oh, I just remembered that I had to talk to you first. So I heard you had a little talk with the President?" he asked sweetly and he practically heard the older man grind his teeth.

"Yes, I did, Colonel. I've been recalled to the Pentagon, there will be no court-martial, due to your commanding officer's high praise of both you and Major Carter. Congratulations."

"Actually I think that's a little early, sir. There is still going to be a hearing and I understand you are the expert on the fraternization regulations?" he asked.

"My staff is responsible for the fraternization regulations and for ensuring that our lawyers interpret them correctly yes," Vross said uneasily. Jack got the impression that the good General might not be so happy with his own position.

"That makes you just the person I'm looking for, sir," this time it was Jack who carried no ounce of respect in the way he spoke to his commanding officer.

"Why?"

"I want you to find a way for Carter and me. I want a guarantee that should I, let's say ask her on a date, there'd be no repercussions."

"I can't..."

"Yes, you can," Jack hissed stepping closer to the man.

"I've been feeling guilty for the last couple of days. And I just realized that I shouldn't. I shouldn't feel guilty for surviving all the shit we are put through every day and coming out emotional intact enough to still care for the people close to me. So, General unless you want me to tell the President about your lack of perspective in this case I would work really hard on finding a way to make this work, understood?" Jack felt the adrenalin surge through his veins, he could get into so much trouble should the General ever decide to find his backbone again, whatever Hammond had said to this man, it seemed to have done the deed.

"I guess we could make an exception for you as long as your work isn't affected and you are being discreet..." he mumbled and Jack grinned.

"Yes, sir! If you'll excuse me now I have to do some talking, nice meeting you General."

Before anything else could be said he'd made his way through the door a happy bounce in his step.

Some Time Later

"Hey Carter!" Jack called when he finally saw her hunched over the remains of the reactor. It had taken him an hour to cross the distance from the gate to the impromptu lab she had sat up on the planet. While Jack had been on earth talking to Feretti and Hudson, who'd finally regained consciousness, the reactor had exploded and General Hammond had sent Sam together with two members of SG-10 to the planet to salvage as many parts as possible. Hammond had actually sent him to recall Cater who had moved out of communication reach when he'd decided to talk to Vross for another time. Since he hadn't fulfilled his earlier mission he had asked Hammond for another chance to go and get Carter. Hammond had agreed and had even allowed him go alone. Both Jack and Lieutenant Gunnar were thankful for that.

Sam's head shot up after she heard him call her name. "Sir?" she asked uncertainly.

"Could I talk to you for a second?" he asked and pointed to the hill a few hundred yards away. A look of panic came to Sam's face and it stung him like a physical blow. Was she afraid of him? Afraid of being alone with him? He smiled at her trying to look none threatening.

But Sam didn't even see him. All she saw were the two soldiers, who were quite obviously listening to their conversation. What was he doing? Wasn't the situation bad enough?

"I'm rather busy, sir," she tried and pointed to the burned metal parts on the workbench.

"I just need to talk to you," he said and short of outright refusing to obey a direct order she had no other choice than to leave her tools and follow him.

She closed the short distance between them and then fell into step with him all the way trying to ignore the whispers behind her.

She first gasped then tensed when she saw the blanket lying invitingly on the grass. She stood ramrod straight, her eyes focused on a point far ahead, her body still, except her heart, which pounded furiously. She closed her eyes willing her heart to calm as she took deep breaths as silent as possible. The sudden hand on her back burned through her clothes and skin directly to her fast working heart.

"Carter?" came her Colonel's voice from much too close behind her.

Nothing more than an uncertain "hmm?" came past her lips before she pressed them into a thin line again.

"You trust me, right?" he asked with only a hint of uncertainty.

"Of course," this time the words came easy, trust had never been a problem between them.

"Then trust me that there is nothing wrong with sitting down on that blanket with me next to you," he hesitated for a heartbeat before he added a whispered, "Please?"

Her eyes still closed she nodded and walked the remaining distance before she lowered herself to the ground. She watched him sit down and couldn't stop her eyes from growing wide as he brought an arm around her shoulder.

"Trust me," he whispered and lay down, bringing her down next to him. It only took a second for her body to betray her common sense as she started to relax into his arms, noticing with guilty pleasure how well their bodies fit together. "What did you mean when you said that you'd go crazy if you no longer believed that our work was more important than we are?" Jack asked his carefully prepared question.

She sighed, "What happened to me… afterwards, in the storage room… for a second I couldn't believe it any longer." He urged her on with a slowly raised eyebrow, "When I shot Martouf I just thought that… I don't know, maybe that nothing is worth killing people who love you. I felt cheated, his life wasn't supposed to end this way. I just had to get some distance between me and the real world. Otherwise I would have been overwhelmed and never found my way back again," she felt his arm tighten briefly around her and the sudden movement reminded her of the very unusual situation she found herself in.

"What happened?" she whispered against his side, her lips brushing the rough material of his fatigues.

A hand traveled up her side to change her position so she was half lying on top of him. She rested her chin on her folded hands and looked at him expectantly. The new position was unnerving in its intimacy, an intimacy they had never shared before.

"I changed Vross' mind," he answered her nearly forgotten question.

"How?"

"One would think you had more confidence in me after you've seen me convincing entire races that their gods weren't quite so... godly." Her raised eyebrow told him exactly what she thought about that, "Okay, so I may have had some help from Hammond," he relented.

She hid her smile, burying her face in his shoulder, her forehead now resting on her hands.

"I like your hair this way," came a sudden confession coupled with surprisingly soft hands at the nape of her neck, playing with the, today, curly strands.

"I'll probably get it cut in a couple of weeks," she said.

"Why?"

She looked up at him, and the hand that had been in her hair was suddenly holding the back of her head.

"Why did he change his mind," she asked while she held his gaze, his previously question forgotten.

"Because..." he breathed and closed his eyes.

"Because what?" she questioned further trying to signal with her body language that she wanted him to look at her again. Upon her unspoken request the hazel orbs revealed themselves again, drawing her in their magic.

He raised his head and she felt his hand tucking her head towards him and suddenly their lips met. Uncertainty ruled that first touch as lips tried to withhold their owner's actual need for what was taking place. Both their eyes had fluttered close as their lips continued to linger in their sweet connection. When his hand moved a little, bringing her closer, their lip's contact intensified and the kiss grew in passion, desperation as well as honesty.

Her hands, which had been relieved of the weight of her head found their way up his neck caressing the unfamiliar flesh they encountered until one rested at the nape of his neck, mirroring the hand on her own. The other held his face next to his ear, the thumb stroking his cheek lightly in a stark contrast to the intense fusion their lips were locked in.

Hands kept stroking gently even when their lips finally parted to allow the air around them to fill their hungry lungs. His hand drew her head down, so her cheek rested against his, her ear so close to his lips that he could have planted a kiss there with next to no effort. 'Later,' he promised himself.

He shivered when her lips suddenly grazed his own ear with her next whispered words, "Because what?"

His eyes closed and a smile played across his lips before he leaned as close to her as possible.

"Just because."

Her head rose and he returned her bright smile before tucking her body next to his in a possessive embrace, neither minded.

Contently lying in his arms she nearly missed his next words.

"Just because it's love."

FINI Just Because

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