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Scene 8 BILLY’s Office (BILLY walks out of the previous scene as if to exit the stage and walks into AMOS) BILLY: (bumping into AMOS) Well, hello, Andy. AMOS: Amos. My name is Amos. BILLY: Right. Did you bring the rest of the five thousand dollars? AMOS: Well, I have five hundred on my insurance. Three hundred dollars I borrowed from the guys at the garage… seven hundred out of the building and loan fund… BILLY: That’s two thousand. AMOS: And that’s all I got - so far. BILLY: What about her father? AMOS: I phoned him yesterday… long distance… and he told me he’ll probably be able to raise some money later. BILLY: You’re a damn liar. I spoke to her father myself. You know what he told me? That his daughter went to hell ten years ago and she could stay there forever before he’d spend a cent to get her out. AMOS: I’ll pay you twenty dollars a week out of my salary… I’ll give you notes with interest – double, triple – until every cent is paid. BILLY: You know, that’s touching. But, I’ve got a motto, and that motto is this – play square. Dead square. Now, when you came to me yesterday, I didn’t ask you was she guilty. I didn’t ask you, was she innocent. I didn’t ask you if she was a drunk or a dope fiend. No foolish questions like that, now did I? No. All I said was, "Have you got five thousand dollars?" And you said yes. But you haven’t got five thousand dollars so I figure you’re a dirty liar. AMOS: I’m sorry, Mr. Flynn. BILLY: But, I took her case and I’ll keep it because I play square. Now look, Hart, I don’t like to blow my own horn, but if Jesus Christ had lived in Chicago today – and if he had five thousand dollars – things would have turned out differently. Now, here’s what we’re gonna do… by tomorrow morning I’ll have her name on every front page. She’s the hottest little jazz slayer since Velma Kelly. Then we announce we’re gonna hold an auction to raise money for her defense. They’ll buy anything she ever touched – shoes, dresses, underwear. AMOS: Underwear? BILLY: Plus, we tell ‘em that if by due process of law she gets hanged… AMOS: Hanged? BILLY: …the stuff triples in value. I’ll give you twenty percent of everything we make over five thousand, so that’s what I call playing square. AMOS: I don’t know, Mr. Flynn. You’re talking about my wife. You’re talking about our live! BILLY: (BILLY starts walking off to the stairs at the back, where ROXIE is sitting)… You see, it’s like this… either I get the entire five thousand… (Trombone plays segue from Bandstand. To ROXIE)… or you’ll rot in jail before I bring you to trial. ROXIE: Look Mr. Flynn, I’ve never been very good at this sort of thing. But couldn’t we possibly make some sort of arrangement between us? BILLY: Hey, you mean one thing to me – five thousand bucks – and that’s all. Get it? Now look, in a few minutes we’re gonna have a big press conference here. There’ll be a whole bunch of photographers and reporters and that sob sister form the Evening Star is coming. (off stage, behind the bandstand, a coloratura trill) I don’t figure we’ll have any trouble with her. (another trill) She’ll swallow hook, line and sinker. (another trill) Her name is Mary Sunshine. (MARY SUNSHINE appears at the top of the Rostrum.) "A LITTLE BIT OF GOOD" MARY SUNSHINE: WHEN I WAS A TINY TOT OF MAYBE TWO OR THREE I CAN STILL REMEMBER WHAT MY MOTHER SAID TO ME… PLACE ROSE COLORED GLASSES ON YOUR NOSE AND YOU WILL SEE THE ROBINS NOT THE CROWS FOR IN THE TENSE AND TANGLED WEB OUR WEARY LIVES CAN WEAVE YOU’RE SO MUCH BETTER OFF IF YOU BELIEVE… THAT THERE’S A LITTLE BIT OF GOOD IN EVERYONE IN EVERYONE YOU’LL EVER KNOW YES, THERE’S A LITTLE BIT OF GOOD IN EVERYONE THOUGH MANY TIMES, IT DOESN’T SHOW IT ONLY TAKES THE TAKING TIME WITH ONE ANOTHER FOR UNDER EVERY MEAN VENEER THERE’S SOMEONE WARM AND DEAR KEEP LOOKING… FOR THAT BIT OF GOOD IN EVERYONE THE ONES WE CALL BAD ARE NEVER ALL BAD SO TRY TO FIND THAT LITTLE BIT OF GOOD JUST A LITTLE, LITTLE BIT OF GOOD HA HA HA.... IS SOMEONE WARM AND DEAR KEEP LOOKING FOR THAT LITTLE GOOD IN EVERYONE ALTHOUGH YOU MEET RATS THEY’RE NOT COMPLETE RATS SO TRY TO FIND THAT LITTLE BIT OF GOOD! (ROXIE & BILLY rise from their seats and applaud as MARY SUNSHINE exits. ROXIE & BILLY face the audience.) ROXIE: Mary Sunshine is gonna interview me! Holy Crap! BILLY: Hey, and pipe down on the swearin’. From here on in, you say nothin’ rougher than, "Oh, dear." Get it? Now, the first thing we got to do is go after sympathy from the Press. They’re not all pushovers like that Mary Sunshine, Chicago is a tough town. It’s gotten so tough that they shoot the girls right out from under you. But there’s one thing they can never resist and that’s a reformed sinner – so I’ve decided to rewrite the story of your life. "From Convent to Jail." Get this… (he begins to make up her life story on the spot. BILLY cues the CONDUCTOR. Music under) Beautiful Southern home… Every luxury and refinement. Parents dead, educated at the Sacred Heart, fortune swept away – a runaway marriage, a lovely, innocent girl, bewildered by what‘s happened… young, full of life… (BILLY cues music change)… lonely, you were caught up by the mad whirl of a great city – jazz, cabarets, liquor (ROXIE getting caught up, rises) Sit down. You were drawn like a moth to the flame. And now the mad whirl has ceased. A butterfly crushed on the wheel. (Music Out) You have sinned and you are sorry. ROXIE: God, that’s beautiful. BILLY: And lay off God, too. Stay where you’re better acquainted. Now, when they ask you why you killed him – all you can remember is a fearful quarrel and he threatened to kill you. You can still see him coming towards you with that awful look in his eyes… And get this – you both reached for the gun. That’s your grounds. Self-defense. MATRON: Mr. Flynn, the reporters are here. BILLY: Let ‘em in butch. (A barrage of REPORTERS and MARY SUNSHINE enter). Good day, ladies and gentleman, ah, Miss Sunshine. You know my client, Miss Roxie Hart. ROXIE: (With a Southern accent) Ladies & Gentlemen, I’m just so flattered y’all came to see little old me. I guess you wanna know why I shot the bastard. (BILLY grabs ROXIE and sits her on his knee like a ventriloquist dummy) BILLY: Sit down dummy. (Music up. BILLY sings all ROXIE’s responses. His voice seem to come out of ROXIE) MATRON: Mr. Billy Flynn sings the "Press Conference Rag" – notice how his mouth never moves – almost. "WE BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN" REPORTERS: WHERE’D YOU COME FROM? BILLY (ROXIE): MISSISSIPPI REPORTERS: AND YOUR PARENTS? BILLY (ROXIE): VERY WEALTHY REPORTERS: WHERE ARE THEY NOW? BILLY (ROXIE): SIX FEET UNDER BILLY: BUT SHE WAS GRANTED ONE MORE START BILLY (ROXIE): THE CONVENT OF THE SACRED HEART! REPORTERS: WHEN’D YOU GET HERE? BILLY (ROXIE): 1920. REPORTERS: HOW OLD WERE YOU? BILLY (ROXIE): DON’T REMEMBER REPORTERS: THEN WHAT HAPPENED? BILLY (ROXIE): I MET AMOS AND HE STOLE MY HEART AWAY CONVINCED ME TO ELOPE ONE DAY MARY SUNSHINE: (spoken) A convent girl! A runaway marriage! Oh, it’s too terrible. You poor, poor dear. REPORTERS: WHO’S FRED CASELY? BILLY (ROXIE): MY EX-BOYFRIEND REPORTERS: WHY’D YOU SHOOT HIM? BILLY (ROXIE): I WAS LEAVIN’. REPORTERS: WAS HE ANGRY? BILLY (ROXIE): LIKE A MADMAN! STILL I SAID, "FRED, MOVE ALONG" BILLY: SHE KNEW THAT SHE WAS DOIN’ WRONG REPORTERS: THEN DESCRIBE IT BILLY (ROXIE): HE CAME TOWARD ME. REPORTERS: WITH THE PISTOL? BILLY (ROXIE): FROM MY BUREAU REPORTERS: DID YOU FIGHT HIM? BILLY (ROXIE): LIKE A TIGER BILLY: HE HAD STRENGTH BUT SHE HAD NONE BILLY (ROXIE): AND YET WE BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN OH YES, OH YES, OH YES WE BOTH OH YES WE BOTH OH YES WE BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN OH YES, WE BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN, FOR THE GUN BILLY & REPORTERS: OH YES, OH YES, OH YES THEY BOTH OH YES THEY BOTH OH YES THEY BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN OH YES, THEY BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN, FOR THE GUN BILLY: UNDERSTANDABLE UNDERSTANDABLE YES, IT’S PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE COMPREHENSIBLE COMPREHENSIBLE NOT A BIT REPREHENSIBLE IT’S SO DEFENSIBLE REPORTERS: HOW’RE YA FEELING? BILLY (ROXIE): VERY FRIGHTENED REPORTERS: ARE YOU SORRY? ROXIE: (in he own voice) ARE YOU KIDDING? BILLY: Hey! ROXIE: What? REPORTERS: WHAT’S YOUR STATEMENT? BILLY (ROXIE): ALL I’D SAY IS THOUGH MY CHOO-CHOO JUMPED THE TRACK I’D GIVE MY LIFE TO BRING HIM BACK REPORTERS: AND? BILLY (ROXIE): STAY AWAY FROM REPORTERS: WHAT? BILLY (ROXIE): JAZZ & LIQOUR REPORTERS: AND? BILLY (ROXIE): AND THE MEN WHO REPORTERS: WHAT? BILLY (ROXIE): PLAY FOR FUN REPORTERS: AND WHAT? BILLY (ROXIE): THAT’S THE THOUGHT THAT REPORTERS: YEAH. BILLY (ROXIE): CAME UPON ME REPORTERS: WHEN? BILLY (ROXIE): WHEN WE BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN MARY SUNSHINE: UNDERSTANDABLE UNDERSTANDABLE BILLY & MARY SUNSHINE: YES, IT’S PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE COMPREHENSIBLE COMPREHENSIBLE NOT A BIT REPREHENSIBLE IT’S SO DEFENSIBLE | |
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BILLY: Let me Hear it! A little louder! Now you got it! |
REPORTERS: OH YES, OH YES, OH YES THEY BOTH OH YES THEY BOTH OH YES THEY BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN OH YES, THE BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN FOR THE GUN OH YES, OH YES, OH YES THEY BOTH OH YES THEY BOTH OH YES THEY BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN OH YES, THEY BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN, FOR THE GUN |
| BILLY & REPORTERS: OH YES, OH YES, OH YES THEY BOTH OH YES THEY BOTH OH YES THEY BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN OH YES, THEY BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN, FOR THE GUN OH YES, OH YES, OH YES THEY BOTH OH YES THEY BOTH OH YES THEY BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN BILLY: BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN REPORTERS: THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN, THE GUN BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN | |