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| Dream A Little Dream ... |
02/05/02 - What’s to write? ... If I were to tell you about all the mundane day to day things I do, you would be bored. I don’t even pay attention to them anymore. If I were to tell you about all the interesting things I do, you may be shocked. So, what’s to write? Well, I could write about this dilemma. I could say that I’ve been thinking of ending my online journal. I could think that there is too much of my life that is no body’s business. For instance, why should you have to explain a relationship to anyone? Why would someone put you on the spot by asking you to explain? And why does it bother me that I don’t have an answer. What is it you want to hear? I don’t think I would ask a married friend how her/his love life is. At least not unless we were total confidants and there was some sort of problem confided in me ... total confidants. So if you call me up and ask me out to lunch and I decline the offer, why do you want an explanation? And if you see me going out to dinner with someone, why do you want to know what that’s all about? If I tell you I have a friendship you might not understand, does that warrant an explanation? And what’s to explain about friendship anyway? I have come to accept many people's relationships without demanding explanation: gay/lesbian, remaining in a marriage for the sake of the kids, living together without commitment. It matters not to me. It’s none of my business. So, what’s it to you? The dilemma has brought to light a personal revelation though. I have always lived with unspeakable relationships, or maybe they were just unexplainable relationships. My parents had separate bedrooms. My first husband was a batterer. My second husband was an alcoholic. Unexplainable relationships ...What’s new? Nothing, and everything. My current unspeakable relationships are hardly earth shattering, or even all that shocking. They are separate from my everyday life, but they are good, and they work. All I require is honesty and personal openness. In other words, in my private world all must be speakable. That is what makes any relationship good. And that’s all you have to know. Considering I’ve decided to publish the above, it looks like my online journal is still alive for now. Tomorrow, back to the mundane ... |