 |
|
 |
| Dream A Little Dream ... |
02/22/02 - It’s time for a change. I think I’m ready to change my schedule. Oh, I’ve tried this before, unsuccessfully, but I’ve attributed that to a belligerent attitude. I wanted to be in control at whatever cost. And believe me, a schedule, or the lack of following one, is the only place that would ever work for me. I’m so uncontrolling. But it never worked. I know I have limitations on my time. I let those limitations hold me back. You hear over and over about taking one small step. Easy does it, slow and steady. There was a time when schedules were no problem for me, I lived very well by them. I just don’t think I ever rewarded myself for doing it. No payback. Actually I think I was probably too tired from sticking to the schedules to realize I should have gotten a reward. I had four small children and was running a day care business. Boy were we on schedule then. Everything went like clock work. I even got the babies to all take naps at the same time ... In the same room!! I was a sort of a wizard back then. My clients actually commended me for how clean the house was when they came to pick up their children. I wish I had that on tape now. I was looking through my journals of the last few years and scattered throughout them were hopeful affirmations: I will get organized. I like affirmations. I think they even work somewhat. At least my attitude is usually good, and I’ve been through a lot. The journals definitely work, they make my life seem meaningful in a strange kind of way. I’m writing at 6 p.m. now - 6 to 8 as the new schedule goes. And, I’ve scheduled only an hour for online time at 5 p.m. I think I’ve surfed more than enough for one person and finally it’s feeling like a giant waste of time (it always was). Besides, I missed an important phone call this week; because of that, I missed a delightful opportunity. Thus, no more online in the evening before my nap as the computer shares the phone line. See, I knew that some people could be helpful motivators, even unintentionally. Almost as good of a treat though is my reading. And, I’ve scheduled in an hour and a half of reading (oh the joy, doesn’t take much to make me happy, see?) in the morning before I go to bed. I have this new schedule all written down ... somewhere. I will get organized! |