04/11/01 - There was a message on my machine this morning. It was from Betty Boop. "It's been a while since I've heard from you," she said. Yeah, about five years. I didn't write down her number. I erased the message. See, I remember the last time I talked to her, all those years ago. She called to get me to join her in Amway. I declined. This woman and I did have a past, we had been friends. I used to stop by and catch up with her. She did business with me. I never solicited her though. The one friend I still have from high school calls and leaves a message occasionally. I never call her back either. Many years ago she had told me I could only come and visit her when her husband wasn't home. I could never figure that one out.
I'm actually a very friendly person. But, I have more acquaintances than friends. I'm able to fit in most anywhere. I like people in general. But I guess I just don't have much patience for close friendships. I was an only child. I learned how to keep myself amused. I was never comfortable with the sistership thing, even though I tried. Every place I've ever lived I would always introduce myself to the neighbors. I'd drop by and visit; no one ever dropped by back. I gave all that some thought, though it never really bothered me. People are busy, life is hectic. When the kids were little I was satisfied with the moments spent with the other parents at soccer games, Little League, and scouting events. People were always friendly to me and I was always friendly back. But I was never interested in being in a clique. And then again, there has always been something strange going on in my life, something that needed to be hidden.
All of the above is probably why the business I had for ten years worked out so well. It was all about socialization. This was perfect for me. You show up, love em for two hours, and then leave em. Geez ... think I'd better clarify that. I wasn't a prostitute ... I sold Tupperware. I was good at what I did. They called me an Upper Tupper. There were times when I was partying five nights a week. I met lots of people, being friendly was very profitable. I was privy to a lot of people's lives in those days, all the while keeping my own locked up.
These days I haven't anything to hide. I don't think I'm used to that yet though. I still have a barrier up ... My house. It's not wlecoming, it's maybe a bit scary. There's five of us living here; four out of the five of us are male. That's my defense these days; it's a weak one though. It's also my current dilemma. So I ponder what I would want to welcome in. That's scary to me for some reason. But, it's also very exciting. It's a dilemma.
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