06/20/01 - I got the fan for the bedroom today. The first thing I did when I got home was to set up the fan and take a nice hour's nap. After my nap I went out to the back patio and relaxed. It's my day/night off. I've been working on cleaning up the patio the last couple of days. What a difference! You can actually sit at the picnic table and enjoy your meal outdoors. It's a covered patio, it's beautiful out there. I bought a new flood light so now I can read outdoors at night too. Now all I've got to do is to get the propane tank refilled and then I can use the barbeque. There's a lot more work to be done in the yard, but I'm getting to that gradually. I'm not worried about it any more. I don't want to spend too much effort in case we have to move. I just want to get things workable.
I can't believe I've been here five years. Where have I been? What have I been doing? You think I'd have the answers. Maybe I was depressed. I'm not sure. I think I was more disgusted, angry and disinterested. Yes, I was definitely disinterested, and easily distracted. But I'm changing now. I'm defining myself. I'm focusing. I'm not angry. The energy I'm expending around here is physically good for me. I'm not interested in the aesthetics all that much. I'm more interested in the toning and conditioning I'm getting from doing these chores, the physical exercise.
It takes a while to recover from the abuse. I thought I had. I thought leaving it was all I had to do. I was wrong. It takes purpose, finding the purpose, living with purpose. It's coming together now, I feel it. |
