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| Dream A Little Dream ... |
09/30/01 - Waxing poetic ... Portions He prepares a midnight snack, French toast Two slices cut in four pieces And arranged, well, pleasingly Like what you would get in a restaurant. His experience tells tales like how For years I cut my own sandwiches In fourths by rote as I did hundreds Of times in service to my kids. I've come together - I eat my sandwiches whole now While the traveler moves along To more pleasing arrangements. - C. Hanlon 9/2001 It happened again. Second Friday night in a row that I found myself scared, frightened. This time I felt like I had to run. I tried running, I collapsed instead. I just broke down. Part of me was running, tears. What the hell is going on? I couldn't feel anything at that point. I didn't know what to do. Then I was comforted. He did his best to make ammends. I don't know how I can continue this. You don't put yourself in a position to be frightened. Two Fridays ago I was awakened in my sleep by a nightmare. I was shaking and crying and frightened. I couldn't get back to sleep. It took me all day to become rested, to get over the events of the prior night. After this Friday's incident I had the best sleep I've had in a while. But when I awoke, I was still tired, and confused. I think my emotions are sitting on the outside of my skin right now. I think I'm exhausted. I've been thinking too much. And, I'd had a very busy week. I need a break, to give myself a break. I decided not to mope though. I had planned a couple of activities with The Child and I really didn't want to miss them. We went to a flea market down the street that was held by a church. I guess The Child didn't understand what a flea market was because the minute he saw it was "just a bunch of old stuff," he wanted to leave. I made him walk past all the booths hoping something would catch his eye. He bought a soda for $1. I found two great wooden framed pictures in glass, both large, for $1 each. There were horses in the pasture next to the parking lot. I had forgotten my camera. Next we headed to the Heritage Guild event. They were holding an open house at the Duarte Garage, a land mark of the Lincoln Highway which was the first coast to coast highway in America. Yes, we got a history lesson. We also enjoyed checking out the "classic" 50's cars, live 1950's style music ... wishing you were here by me, to end this misery ... and pizza and coke. We've had some strange weather here lately, but it was a beautiful evening. Today I woke up to some hot winds ... they called the wind Moriah ... there are other activities available, but I'm not in an activity mood. I'm activitied out for this week. I don't think going out just to go out is necessary. I'm not restless. I've come together - I eat my sandwiches whole now. |