11/07/01 - What can I say? I have been doing some writing here and there, but I can't find something to really sink my teeth into, just a bunch of thoughts. There's substance floating around in my head, but when I write it's coming out full of fluff. I am so not into fluff.
I was writing in the coffee house the other day. Well, I was trying to write. The musical performer for the evening was annoying. I was about to leave and feeling a bit disappointed that I had even purchased a cup of coffee. I felt obligated to the coffee and the performer to give it all a chance, not be so hasty in my conclusions. So, my pen was ready but the words wouldn't come. It was then I noticed this handsome young man sitting next to me. The first words out of his mouth were, "Writer's block?" That was the end of a disappointing evening. In the hope of avoiding the fluff, the evening progressed with good conversation, a change of venue to a pub where the performers were into classic rock (much preferred), skipping (literally) down the main street of town and ending with a handshake by the light of the silvery moon. With that I found myself skipping two blocks to my car feeling very unblocked.
What I had been dealing with up to that day was the lack of spontaneity, a lacking of adventure. I had given myself up to hoping and planning, wishing and dreaming ... I had thoughts of trying to conform and fit in. A friend of mine told me in an exasperated sort of voice that he was too weird for "these women." These women being the sort of glizty/trampy looking type that hang out at disco clubs. That was the last time I ever went to that club. I was too weird too. I'm too old to change now and I'm too wise to be spending time wondering if I could. I don't want to re-invent myself, I'll leave that to Jane Fonda.
So what to do with my dreams? This same friend told me, in so many words, that they were possible if I'd only allow them to happen. I couldn't understand that at the time, but now I see that I may have blocked my dreams. I got close, but no cigar. So maybe the dreams need to be redefined. And adventure, well, I can't live without it. It may be on the tame side for some, but I figure it's adventure all the same. I can only imagine what some people would think about me if they knew some of the adventures I've had. They wouldn't understand. So, they will remain secrets. They were and are for only my benefit anyway. But, then that's where the dream lies. You'd think there would be some adventurous person with just the right amount of weirdness out there who could make it a shared experience. And that leads me to my current adventure which started out with taking the dog for a walk around the corner. I returned four hours later. Another adventure begins ...
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