Entry122601

12/26/01 - Another one bites the dust ... another Christmas that is. No bah humbug here. I had a thouroughly enjoyable time. With not much said about California’s energy crunch lately, the lights were back, gloriously. I love the lights the best ... something about glowing, yea, glowing is good. There was one house in particular that really touched my heart. It’s right around the corner. All aglow, so cute. I think Hansel and Gretel must live there ... Just like a gingerbread house.

I’m crying right now. I don’t think it has anything to do with sad. It’s joy ... tears of joy. I just think I’ve got a lot of emotion stored up in me. I don’t cry much, not at all. But today I’m crying. I’m fine. I’m very happy. It was a very enjoyable Christmas and, as usual .. I’ll try to keep the spirit going as long as possible.

Except where it comes to my Ex. Gees ... what’s with that man? No support payment in over six months, Merry Christmas. No job either, not even looking. It’s hard for me not to be judgmental here. However, the journal is the only place these words go. Even though I’m perplexed, I can’t seem to vent my frustration on the man. How dare he though, watch me scrimp so that the boys have some sort of Christmas and he gives them ... Bibles! He gives The Oldest a set of phamphlets on Christianity. He knows The Oldest is an Athiest. It’s none of my business what my Oldest is. It’s his life. But how my heart sank watching him open that little packet. He didn’t get upset. He just gently placed the gift on the table and walked away. The rest of the boys got gifts along the same line ... Jesus In 12 Lessons, etc., etc., etc. I am not an athiest. However, I’m not a Christian, I’m not any religion. I’m not religious. Later I picked the gifts up and hid them away. I didn’t throw them away. If anyone ever asks about them I know where they are. I love my kids. I don’t require anything from them. They and their individuality are my gifts.

Love, to be pure, must be absolutely unselfish ... Spoken by Patience in the
Gilbert & Sullivan operetta of the same name.

I have no love for my ex, so I can be selfish ... I want my support money!!!!!