DRUG CO
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Memo
From The President of the Company, Jerry Seagram
06/05/98
Employees,
There have been several inquiries into the mysterious disappearance of janitor Bob Limpy. Rest assured that when my office receives any information about this we will inform you.
As for speculation that we had him killed, that is positively NOT true. Bob was a dedicated employee and we have only the highest hopes that he will be found alive and well, and as soon as possible. Hopefully these rumors will die as quickly as the ones about him having an affair with my wife did.
If you have any information about the whereabouts of Bob, please feel free to call my secretary, Lucille, at any time.
Thank you,
Jerry Seagram
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Memo
From The President of the Company, Jerry Seagram
08/01/98
Employees,
A new visiting policy will be instated today following the reports that some of our night shift workers have been charging admission to our testing facilities and calling it an amusement park. Hereafter, no visitors will be allowed in the building for any reason whatsoever.
No one has come forward to report who it is that so crudely painted the water tower with my likeness and the devil horns. This is an adult business, run by adults and staffed with adults. No further immature behavior will be tolerated. If you have any information on the 'artist', please contact my secretary, Lucille.
If you have any problems with the way this company is run or with me personally, please allow yourself to find the closest door out. If you have any questions about the way out, please feel free to call Lucille at any time.
Thank you,
Jerry Seagram
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Memo
From The President of the Company, Jerry Seagram
09/14/98
Employees,
I am a patient man,but the week's past events have both shocked and angered me. As you probably know, someone stoned my car and wrote 'Where is Bob?' and 'Murderer' on it twice this past week. If you have any information on this happenings, please feel free to call my secretary, Lucille, at any time.
Thank you,
Jerry Seagram
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Memo
From The President of the Company, Jerry Seagram
11/23/98
Employees,
I am saddened to report that my secretary, Lucille, has been missing for three days now. I appreciate your concern with my great loss. Rest assured that when my office receives any information about her we will inform you.
I also owe you all an apology for accusing you of defacing company property and my car. It seems that all the while she was typing those memos for me, Lucille was the one behind the actions. I was intending to reprimand her when he disappeared. Again, I apologize for any hurt feeling caused by the previous memos.
On a brighter note, a new gene-altering program was started this week and we have a volunteer undergoing gene therapy now. Please steer clear of room 321 in case of radiation leaks. I wouldn't want harm to befall any of my honest employees.
If you have any information about the whereabouts of Lucille or Bob, please feel free to call my NEW secretary, Terry, at any time.
Thank you,
Jerry Seagram
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Memo
From The President of the Company, Jerry Seagram
01/27/99
Employees,
The new gene-altering exhibit will open for the public tomorrow. The world's first 'human-fish' will available for viewing at 9:00 A.M.
Thank you,
Jerry Seagram
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Memo
From The President of the Company, Jerry Seagram
01/28/98
Employees,
I am shocked about the rumors that the 'human-fish' we've named Ethel resembles my former secretary, Lucille. I will not tolerate accusations that I altered her genes or forced her into this experiment as retaliation for stoning my car.
If you would like to discuss this further, please feel free to call my secretary, Terry, at any time.
Thank you,
Jerry Seagram
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