Inside Out
Written by Rachel Narow.
Cold. So cold. Do you care? I don't think so.
I don't think you know HOW to care.
No one does. At least not about me. Why would they?
I've been alone for so long. Alone in my life. Alone in my head.
You don't care. Don't bother denying it. It's the truth. Isn't it? My truth. Your truth.
Doesn't matter now does it? As long as we all know.
It hurts. Really. Trying to conform to what you think. I think. That I should be.
I try. But I don't think it'll work. Not now. Not after all this time.
I hurt all the time. My skin. My flesh. My bones.
I can feel them under my skin. Growing.
So what? Everyone's grow.
Not like mine. Not out of their skin.
Don't you see? Can't you see? Look at my back.
You can count my ribs. Literally. Just look.
You're scared to look. Scared to see who I really am. What I really am.
I'm a monster, aren't I? I try not to believe. But I can see it in your eyes.
Those eyes I love so much.. those eyes I want to drown in. I do drown in.
Eyes like an angel. You are my angel.
I can hear you when you...just...are. I can feel you. You are you. I want to be you.
I want to just crawl inside you and become you. This is love. Isn't it?
And I love you so much. People say I shouldn't, maybe I shouldn't.
But I do. And I want to. And I'm scared. How can I be me. When I want so bad to be you?
Can you just...Hold me.
For a little while. Like you used to. Late. At night. In my dreams. Waking dreams.
I promise not to hurt you this time. Scratch you with my hardness, bruise your soft and sexy skin.
I just want to hold you. Love you. The way I do now. In my mind.
And maybe you could hold me back.
If you don't want to. I understand. I. Really. Do.
I am a monster. Deep down. I'm not.
I try to be beautiful. But up close. On the surface. I wear a mask.
And I don't think you see past it. And so I am a monster. I become your monster.
And I really don't care. Because everyone needs the monster.
There has to be someone to fight. To hate. To make them love you more.
And I don't mind. Because then you need me. Like I need you.
And maybe someday. You'll love this monster. Like beauty loved the beast.
But I'm no fairytale princess. Under an evil spell. I am the evil spell.
And I might curse you too. I have cursed you. With my love.
Because if I'm a monster. Then you're loved by a monster. And that's not. Good.
You deserve. Angel love. Love like what's inside me. Deep down.
To match your angel exterior. Maybe you're just an angel on the outside.
And maybe. You really are a monster. But you're my monster.
And you could be so evil. And hateful. And ugly. But you're beautiful on the outside.
And I'd love you anyway. No matter what you were on the inside.
Like I wish you would love me anyway. No matter what the outside.
But when was the last time you saw an angel. Kissing. Loving. A devil. An ugly devil.
With a soul. So clean. But hidden?
I tried to show you my soul.
But you were blinded by those angel eyes of yours. Captivated by your own beauty.
And I want to be in your beauty. I want to be seen through your eyes.
Maybe you could see the real me. The way I should be. And maybe I'd discover.
You truly were the angel on the inside... that I feel in love with on the inside.
But for now. I'll be alone. And follow in your shadows. The ever faithful puppy.
Hiding behind my own claws...my thorns...my bones on the outside.
I can't help it if god made me.
Inside out.