By Laneybug

Disclaimers: I don't own the characters, but that doesn't mean that I won't try my best to persuade them to stay...

Rating: PG-13

Category: M/M

Feedback: Please! I want to know what you think.

Distribution: If you want it, ask!

Notes: It's a bit disturbing, but I heard the song "Damaged" by Plumb and this had to be written. It was as though the last two lines brought an entire story into my mind with eighteen words. I'm debating about adding more, but I've basically got that feeling that there's no better way to write this.

Dedication: To those out there that have lived in this world and were surprised that I had not save in my imagination.

***

Maria DeLuca sat at the counter at the Crashdown with a book open in front of her. She really wasn't paying attention to the words. She didn't need the book anyway. She could recite Romeo and Juliet at command. But now, her mind was on other things, or rather, another person. Which is why, when she felt him sit beside her, she didn't need to look up for conformation. There was something about Michael Guerin that could almost make her forget. But that same part often times made her remember.

She wasn't quite sure what it was that she felt for him. It was...complicated.

For anyone else, it might be defined as love. But for Maria, love was only a fairy tale word. There was no such thing as true love. Or was there? Could she be in love? Could he possibly love her back? She shook the thoughts from her head. After all, if he knew, he would never love her. No one would.

***

"Dreaming comes so easily
'Cause it's all that I've known
True love is a fairy tale
I'm damaged, so how would I know?"

Michael silently waited for Maria to look up at him. When she did, her green eyes had a haunted look to them and her smile was fake. "Hey," she said.

Michael frowned, "Are you all right, Maria?"

Something must be wrong. No jokes about his hair or clothes, no witty remarks, no silly conversation. Just a tired "Hey."

She stretched her arms in front of her. "I'm okay. You?"

Michael almost did a double take. Not only was she not playing around, she was actually asking how he was. "I'm good...I guess. Maria, can I talk to you? Alone?"

She sighed as she closed her book and they rose from the counter. She led him into the back room and sat on the couch.

Michael pulled a chair in front of her and sat in it backwards. He stared at her for a full minute before speaking. "I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"For what?" She looked a little confused.

Michael took a deep breath and almost quit right there. But this had been on his mind for some time and he really needed to talk to her before he lost his nerve again. "For everything. Mostly the way I've been acting. I haven't been exactly honest with you."

Maria leaned forward a little and waited for him to continue. When he didn't, she pressed, "What do you mean you haven't been exactly honest with me?"

He looked down at his shoes and his forehead creased, "I wasn't being honest...when I told you that I needed to be alone. I..." he trailed off.

Maria just sat in shocked silence. "Oh?" she finally managed to squeak.

Michael nodded and looked her in the eye, "I need you. I've never needed anyone. I didn't want to every need anyone...to depend on anyone. I've been let down too many times." He looked ready to bolt if she gave him any negative signals. "I love you Maria. I need you."

Her expression softened and before she knew it, she was swept into a passionate kiss. It wasn't like the ones they had shared during the heat wave. It was tender and raw at the same time. She knew he was finally being honest. Not just with her, with himself.

All of her previous thoughts flew out of her mind as she returned his kiss and slid her arms around his neck. She had missed the sensations that she felt whenever their lips met. She had told Liz once that it was as though every molecule in her body were on fire.

She was right.

He eased her lips apart and pulled her a little closer. His hands roamed across her back and down to her waist.

Maria let out a small sigh of pleasure as his fingers crept up under her sweater and rubbed against her back. That was when it hit her.

She froze and pulled away quickly, causing Michael to be temporarily stunned. As the nightmares crept back into her mind, she ran out the back entrance and across the parking lot to her car.

Michael watched, confused and a little hurt, as she drove off.

***

Later that night, Michael stood in the alley beside the Crashdown looking up. "Liz!" he hissed.

A moment later, a surprised looking Liz Parker peered over the edge of the roof. "Michael? What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you."

Liz nodded, "Come on up."

Michael made quick work of the climb and was soon standing in front of her.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" Michael looked around. "I'm not sure. It's about Maria..." He paused and looked at her to see her reaction. He still didn't know why he was here. It seemed he was just full of surprises today. First his confession to Maria, now going to Liz for help.

A worried look came over Liz's face. "What is it?"

"I...I'm not sure. We were talking earlier...and..." he mentally kicked himself for being embarrassed, "I told her how much she meant to me...and I kissed her."

Liz smiled a bit, "I still don't see the problem. What'd she say?"

Michael shifted a bit, "She didn't say anything. We were kissing..."

Liz waited patiently, knowing how hard this was for Michael to talk about to anyone, much less her.

Michael cleared his throat, "And I had my hand on her back...and when I touched her skin..." he shook his head, "she froze. And the next thing I knew, she was in her car and driving off."

He ran a hand through his hair, exasperated. He didn't notice Liz's face go white as she sank down onto her lawn chair.

He did, however, hear her whispered comment. "Oh God..."

"Liz? What is it? What do you know?" Michael was now sitting before her staring at her.

It was all she could do not to start crying. It had been a while since Maria had had any real problems with this. Liz wasn't sure if she should keep this a secret from Michael. He loved Maria. She knew that. But did that mean he had a right to know? No one else but Maria's mom and a small amount of the authorities ever knew. Liz herself had only been told a few years ago during a bout of memories wreaking havoc on Maria.

Liz took a deep breath and looked back up at Michael. "I'm not supposed to tell anyone...but you should know. Maybe you can help her where I can't."

Michael nodded. "I'll try."

"When Maria was four, her mom was dating this guy...I think his name was Kent or something like that. Anyway..." she paused to collect her thoughts, "Kent...abused Maria." Tears welled up in her eyes and she could see that Michael was on the verge of losing it.

"What?" His expression was one of pure rage.

Liz continued, "Only once though. Amy found out and turned him in on the spot. It's pretty much been kept under the rug though, seeing as Maria was so young. But every now and then...something happens..."

"And she remembers." Michael nodded sadly.

"Yeah. God, Michael. She was only four and he...he..." the dam she had built broke and she began to sob.

Michael awkwardly put his arms around her and let her cry on his shoulder.

It wasn't too long before he got past the initial fury and he began to weep.

***

"I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm ashamed
And all I need is for you to know..."

Maria lay awake in her dark room. The memories were bad enough when she was awake. Now she was just terrified of what she would see in her dreams. She pulled the covers closer around herself. She was lost in her thoughts and almost missed the light rapping on her window.

When it sounded again, she slowly climbed out of bed and crossed the room. She wasn't surprised to see Michael there, but wished it weren't him. She didn't want him to see her like this.

"Hey."

"Hi." He sounded eerily calm.

She slid the window up farther so he could get in and waited while he climbed through. "What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk."

Maria sighed. She was really not in the mood. But she sat on the bed and waited for him to go on.

"I know."

To most people, those two words didn't hold much meaning. But to Maria, it was everything. Part of her was furious at Liz for telling. Part was ashamed and scared to know what Michael thought of her now. And part of her was relieved.

She licked her lips, "You know." She couldn't look at him.

"I won't give you my pity, because that's the last thing you need. But I might have something else to give. I just want to know one thing."

She nodded.

"Will you let me be the one to heal you?"

She had a hopeful look in her eyes as she raised her head. "You mean...regardless..."

"Maria." He sat next to her on the bed and put his hand on her cheek, "I told you before that you're the only one I need...the only one I love."

"Yes..." her jaw trembled a bit as he lowered her to the bed. What she didn't expect was when he pulled the covers up around her and lay down beside her, on top of the covers.

He held her close and whispered, "I told you I wouldn't run anymore and you can't either. But you won't do this alone. I'm here." He placed a feather-soft kiss on her brow.

Feeling completely safe, Maria slipped into a restful sleep held by the one person in the universe who could save her from herself.

She finally had everything she needed. The damage was being repaired.

"I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

Healing comes so painfully
And it chills to the bone
Will anyone get close to me?
I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know

There's mending for my soul
An ending to this fear
Forgiveness for a man who was stronger
I was just a little girl, but I can't go back..."

(Damaged by Plumb ~ on the CD candycoatedwaterdrops)