Human
By kenza
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don’t own Roswell or any of the characters. The song belongs to Phil Collins (I did change the ‘Oh Lord’ part to ‘Alone’ because that is what it sounded like Maria was singing on the show and fits in better with my story.)
Distribution: Anyone who wants it can have it but please let me know if you take it or put it on your site.

Summary: Just the usual, Michael figures out he’s in love with Maria fic.
Spoilers: Blind Date
Category: Michael/Maria

Author's Notes: *indicate thoughts*

This is the first thing I have ever written for fun so… please send me feedback!! kenza@burningmail.com

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Part 1: "Alone"

From under her lashes, Maria peaked at the trio in the booth by the door. Just from looking at them you wouldn’t know there was anything different about them. They were just three normal teens hanging out after school. *Normal! Ha, they’re anything but that!* Maria thought. Michael chose that moment to look up from his friends, he looked right at her.

She quickly looked back down at the counter and began scrubbing furiously. *Now what does that mean?* she wondered. *All Michael does is give me conflicting signals. First he can’t stand me, but he kisses me, then says it was only to ‘calm me down’. Then it seemed all he wanted to do was make out with me during his every waking moment, but he changes his mind and tells me that he ‘can’t get involved’. He gives me that beautifully hand made napkin holder, then tells me not to help him again. He wants to know why he would want to make an good impression with my mother, but then he saves the day by filling in for her missing wrestler. And then when I kiss him he blurts out ‘Mud. I’m thinking about Mud’. Yet now he’s over there starting at me.*

She chanced a quick glance up, he was still looking. That now familiar warmth filled her belly. *Why do I keep hoping he’s going to change his mind?* She groaned in her mind. *I even put my heart and soul into that song for him, and he didn’t even show up.* She sighs heavily and continues her conversation with herself in her mind. *God, I wish so badly that he had heard.*

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Michael couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She stood there wiping the same spot on the counter over and over again, like it was the most important thing in the world to her. She glanced up and met his eyes for a moment before looking back down and rubbing furiously at the counter again. *What was that about?* he wondered.

He turned his thoughts back to Max and Isabel, trying to concentrate on what they were saying. But his mind and eyes kept straying back to Maria. *Why can’t I get her off of my mind lately?* He thought angrily. Somewhere in the back of his mind a voice whispered, *It was that song!*

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After he and Isabel had left the library, she had offered to drive him home. He had refused, telling her he would rather walk. The disappointment was acute, he had wanted so badly to find Nasedo, to have some connection to his home. He didn’t want to go home, he didn’t want to crash at the Evans’, so he just kept walking until his feet led him to the concert. He stood there for a moment wondering if he should go in. Iz had told him she had heard a rumor that Maria was singing with Alex’s band. *Maybe I should go in and check it out.* He quickly walked around to a side door and slipped in before he could change his mind.

It was dark and hazy inside, a great cover so no one would notice him. Max was up on the stage, his lips passionately caressing Liz’s. But he broke away suddenly, turned and fled the stage. Liz looked bewildered for a moment but promptly got hold of herself and followed close behind. Michael didn’t know what was going on. He started to follow, but stopped as his attention was snagged by the newest person to enter the stage. He is captivated, mesmerized. The room began to hum with the sound of the band. Maria’s eyes, wide with fear, searching the crowd.

"You can do it Maria." He whispered. Had he spoken aloud?

Her eyes still searched the crowd, looking for someone. She began singing, her voice quivering slightly.

"I can feel it comin’ in the air tonight/ Alone/ And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all of my life/ Alone, Alone"

Michael’s eyes widened, she is wonderful. Her voice gained emotion and confidence as she continued.

"Well I remember, I remember don’t worry/ How could I ever forget/ It’s the first time, the last time we ever met."

Michael couldn’t take his eyes off her, couldn’t blink. He felt as though she was singing for him alone.

"But I know the reason why you keep the silence up/ No you don’t fool me/ The hurt doesn’t show, but the pain still grows/ It’s no stranger to you or me."

She spoke to his soul, she understood his pain.

"I can feel it, comin’ in the air tonight/ Alone…"

He slowly turned and made his way out the door, into the night.

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"Michael!!"

He shook his head to clear it of his musings and looked away from Maria, who was still absent mindedly cleaning the counter.

"What?" he asks, his eyes now focused on Iz.

Max and Isabel exchange a look, then glance back at him quizzically.

"What?!" he asks again, irritably.

Isabel answers, "Michael, are you aware of the fact that you have been sitting there totally out of it? You’ve been staring at Maria for like the past fifteen minutes."

Michael looks at Isabel, then over to Max.

"I’ve gotta get out of here," And with that he stood and quickly strode out the door.

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The jangling of the door broke Maria’s spell. She looked up to see it closing after a hastily retreating Michael. She stared for a moment, then glanced over at the table where he had been sitting. Iz and Max were now both staring at her. She looked down at the counter where her hand had finally stopped scrubbing the counter. For a moment she stood there looking at the counter, frozen, then, without looking up, she turned and walked through the swinging door into the kitchen.

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Part 2: Silence

Liz and Maria sat in companionable silence behind the counter. The only sound was the clink of the forks being laid on the knives, and the soft sound of the napkins being rolled around them. It had been a busy night, the Friday night crowd more than double the usual since Molly’s Diner, one of the Crashdown’s competitors, had closed for the week while the owners of the family run business were on vacation. But finally everyone had left, the doors had been locked, the place had been cleaned, the only thing left was rolling the silverware for the next day.

Maria knew Liz was saddened by Max’s most recent rejection. She had spilled the whole story, his intoxication, the magical moments they had shared, and his vow of love that had disappeared when he sobered. But Liz had known he was drunk and that it would only last for those moments, so she hadn’t been terribly surprised when he had changed his mind, just saddened. But Maria was proud of her friend, it hadn’t broken her. She hadn’t even been avoiding Max. In fact the few days since that night, they had regressed back into the ‘good friends’ they had been before. Maria had been surprised at how well Liz had taken his rejection.

*Defiantly better than I took Michael’s* she thought. Liz had told her the whole story from an almost scientific perspective, detached. Only after she was finished relaying the story did any emotion enter her voice.

"I can tell your are surprised at how well I am taking this. You want to know why I’m not crying." She said this as a statement, not a question. Her lips curved into a small smile, her eyes brightened. "It’s simple, I know he loves me, I know he knows he loves me." She looked up into Maria’s eyes, her face breaking into a beautiful smile. "And I know I just have to wait for him to come around."

Maria smiled with the memory of Liz’s confidence. It slowly faded as she thought of Michael. She had come to a clam acceptance of their relationship, or lack there of.

Liz interrupted her thoughts with a loud yawn. Maria looked up and smiled at her friend.

"Why don’t you go up to bed. I’ll finish these," Maria said, indicating the silverware.

"You don’t have to do that," Liz said, trying to contain another yawn.

"Hey, what else do I have to do tonight. All I have is an empty house waiting for me, I might as well be sitting here getting paid for my time."

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Where is she this time?" Liz asked, the she being Maria’s somewhat flaky new-age mother.

"Um…psychic convention I believe, Dallas. Now get upstairs and into bed." Maria prodded.

"Are you sure?" Liz questioned.

"Positive. I’d kind of like to be alone with my thoughts anyway."

"Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow." Liz came around behind Maria, giving her a big hug and a kiss on top of her head. "But no depressing thoughts, promise?"

Maria grinned, "Promise. Goodnight Liz."

"Goodnight Maria."

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Maria took a deep breath and slowly let it out, relaxing her tense muscles. Being here alone in the Crashdown, with the soft hum of the walk-in coming from the back, the stars shining through the front windows, the permeating silence of the night, it always seemed to comfort her.

Her hands stopped the mechanical folding of the utensils. Her spine tingled. Slowly she raised her head, her eyes met those of a shadow looking through the window. Their eyes held for long minutes.

His name came out on a breath, a whispered sigh, "Michael."

He took a step back, then another, then turned and walked away.

Maria smiled and began humming, remembering Liz’s words, "…I know I just have to wait for him to come around."

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Part 3: Dream Walking

Michael didn’t know what had possessed him to watch her through the window. He had been standing in the shadows where he hadn’t thought she could see him. But she had sensed him there somehow. She had looked up, straight into his eyes, and he couldn’t have looked away to save his life.

Then her mouth had formed his name. It had felt like a fist to his stomach, a shout, though he knew she had only whispered. There was no humanly way possible for him to have heard. But, he wasn’t human, and he had heard, he just didn’t know what it meant. So he did what he always did, he turned and ran.

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The cave usually comforted him. The familiarity of where he had been ‘born’ served as a refuge of sorts. But tonight he just felt alone, completely alone. He tossed and turned in his sleeping bag, trying to find the haven of sleep. All he could think about was Maria.

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The room was defiantly feminine. A fragrance permeated the air, familiar. Michael took a deep breath trying to place it. Cedar oil…Maria.

His eyes flew to the bed. She was there, lying on her back, head turned towards him. Their eyes met and held. Her eyes seemed to hold the answers to all his questions, all his desires. Slowly her arm reached out and pulled back the covers beside her. The invitation was clear in her eyes. He slowly walked over and settled in the bed next to her, pulling her into his arms. Holding her close against him, her back flush with his chest. He didn’t know if it was his dream, if she was just the Maria of his imagination, or if he had somehow walked into her dreams and this was real. He didn’t really care.

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Part 4: Truce

The night after his dream Michael walked into the Crashdown. He was somewhat embarrassed. He had skipped school as usual that day, in order to avoid any questions from Maria. He still didn’t know if ‘the dream’ had been some freak dream walking episode or just something his mind had made up. He needed to know.

Maria stood at the counter helping a customer, he hung back until they were through.

She looked up and smiled. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," he replied, knowing from the look in her eyes that he had been in her dream. "Thank you," he stated simply.

"I’ll always be there for you Michael."

A feeling of warmth invaded his body at her words. He had never felt this way, not even with Max and Is, certainly not with his foster father, not even in her dream had he felt this loved.

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Now a few weeks later they had formed a tentative friendship, not unlike Liz and Max. In fact all of them seemed to be getting along. Maria and Isabel, Isabel and Alex, him and Maria, all of them. It was no longer uncomfortable for the six of them to be together. They went to movie’s, they hung out, they had fun.

Of course Michael and Maria still argued constantly, but it was usually just in fun. The rest of the group just rolled their eyes, they knew the two of them enjoyed it.

The six of them were sitting at the Crashdown, Liz and Maria both having the day off for once, drinking shakes and eating fries. Chatting, having a good time, being ‘normal’.

Alex and Isabel were talking about his band, they were still searching for places to play even after the exposure of the blind date concert.

Michael broke in, "Is Maria still going to sing for you? She was wonderful at the concert."

Maria looked up quickly, "You were there?" She asked, her voice intense.

Michael’s eyes widened, knowing he had given something away. "Yeah, I caught part of it."

"Which part?" she asked breathlessly.

He lied, "Um…the part about the girl…" he stumbled to find some plausible scenario that might have actually been a song she might have sung. "…and the guy and that…place…"

"Oh." She looked away disappointed. Maria had hoped he had heard ‘the song’, the one she had sung for him, had poured her heart and soul into.

Suddenly she needed to get of there, she felt trapped.

"Um…I need to get home, my mom is going on one of her trips and I need to say goodbye." With that she hurried out, Liz, Alex, Max, and Isabel saying goodbye behind her.

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"Is her mother ever home?" Max asked Liz.

"Not much. She’s by herself a lot. It’s more like Amy De Luca is the daughter and Maria’s the mother looking after her, making sure she eat, goes to work, stuff like that." Liz said.

"We need to get her out more often, have some fun," Isabel told the others, they all agreed. All except Michael, who was still looking at the door wondering why Maria had really left. She had told him earlier that her mother had left that morning.

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Part 5: It’s like…Tarzan

Maria pulled up in front of her house. She felt tired everywhere. She sighed and trudged her way up the sidewalk into the house. The click of the door shutting echoed through the empty house. She walked to her room and laid back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Liz’s words echoed through her head for the thousandth time, "…I know I just have to wait for him to come around."

"Well you have more patience than me Lizzy-girl. I’m about waited out." She spoke to the ceiling. *What I need is a nice, hot, long shower and afterwards, masses of chocolate.*

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As she stood in the shower, her head held back under the hot spray, she couldn’t help thinking.

*What if I’m wrong? What if he doesn’t really have feelings for me? What if I took this whole dream walking thing wrong? He hasn’t been back since that night. And then there is everything he said before:

"Not if you were he last woman on earth!"

"That was to calm you down."

"I can’t get this involved."

"If anything like that happens to me again…don’t help me."

"Mud. I was thinking about Mud."

…but we have been almost friends lately. He’s probably thinking stupid human girl, look how I’ve got her wrapped around my little finger…*

By the time she turned off the faucet she had worked herself into quite a rage.

She mumbled as she entered her room, wrapped in a towel, "Damn Michael Guerin. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!"

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"Well I’m glad to hear you still think so highly of me." Maria squeaked as she realized the object of her ire was lounging on her bed, quite at home.

"What. Are. You. Doing. Here?" She ground out. He just looked at her and shrugged his shoulders.

He couldn’t say anything. She stood in front of him in a towel, her skin flushed from her anger and the hot shower. He had dreamed of her this way countless times. His dreams hadn’t done her justice. She was so much better in reality. But reality wasn’t safe, dreams were.

"What are you staring at?" Maria questioned angrily, before realizing she stood in front of him clad only in a towel. He simply stared at her. *Serves him right. He can suffer.* She thought.

Michael couldn’t take his eyes off her. She was beautiful. But then she had to go and open her perky little mouth and ruin it. She was grumbling again, cursing him and his alien parentage. Her anger only served to raise his.

"What is your problem?!" He snapped.

"What is my problem?!!" She shouted. She could hardly believe him. "You kiss me, then tell me, and I quote ‘that was to calm you down’. Then you proceed to use me as you own private… Oh, I don’t know…disposable girl-toy, after which you throw me away because you, and let me quote again ‘can’t get involved’. And NOW your asking me what my problem is?!!!"

"Are you back to that again?" His own anger had risen, whether because he was angry at her or himself for dumping her so cruelly, he wasn’t sure. He just knew he was angry. "I’ve told you. I am not normal. I have to be able to leave at a moments notice. I don’t belong here. I AM NOT HUMAN!" He shouted.

She stood there silently looking at him. It felt like she was staring into his soul when she looked at him like that. He wondered what had happened to their understanding of the past few weeks? What had happened to being friends? He had really begun to enjoy their friendship, just hanging out, arguing with her.

"You’re not human?" She asked it quietly, more to herself than to him. She looked up at him again. "You are just as much a human as me or Liz or Alex. Maybe not your genetics, but your feelings, your life, everything else is human. You may have some special alien power, but your still human."

He knew he didn’t want to know the answer but he asked anyway, "How do you figure?"

"It’s like…it’s like…" She fumbled to find the correct analogy. "…Tarzan!" She was excited now, warming to her train of thought, her whole body getting into her explanation. "Yeah like Tarzan. He was left in the jungle, his family apes, they raised him, he grew up to be one of them. Everything he knew, everything he was, was an ape. His genetics may have been human, but he was still an ape." She said this last part softly, willing him to understand.

He did, but he didn’t want to admit that to himself and especially not to her. Instead he said sarcastically, "Gee Maria, I think you need to review that movie. Because seems the way I remember it is that his own people, in this case human, found him, they taught him who he was supposed to be. And he left the jungle and went home."

Maria, still quite, never taking her eyes from him, "Gee Michael, I think you need to review the movie. He was ostracized when he found his ‘home’, he didn’t fit in, didn’t understand why the ‘humans’ lived like they did. So he went back to the jungle, his home, where he was loved and understood by those he had grown up with."

Silence permeated the room.

"What happens Michael," she asked, "if you find what you are looking for, your ‘home’, and you are ostracized and don’t fit in. What if your race are killers or their way of life is completely opposite of your beliefs?"

Michael looked up at her angry again, "You can stop now Maria. I get your point. Humans are the ‘apes’ in the story, I’m ‘Tarzan’ the jungle man, and aliens are the ‘humans’. It’s brilliant, everything is clear now, wonder why I didn’t see it before." He rolled his eyes at her. "The difference is, Maria, I don’t have a loving home, a wonderful childhood, people who want me here."

"Yes you do Michael. Max, Iz, Liz, and Alex…me, we all love you, we want you here. I understand you, even if no one else does." She turned from him then. "I sang a song for you at the concert that night. I wish you would have been there to hear me sing."

*I heard you* Michael’s mind whispered. He wanted to tell her that he had, that he knew she understood. But how could he rid himself of all the fantasies he had held for so many long years? How could he just let those dreams die? It wasn’t that easy to just throw everything he had ever wanted away. He knew she was right, had been questioning his desire for ‘home’ for weeks, but he couldn’t even admit it to himself, how could he admit it to her? How could he let go of the only thing that had kept him going in all his life?

*But, if you leave, how do you let Maria go?* his mind wanted to know.

So he said nothing. Finally he stood and left the way he had come, through the window.

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Maria let out the breath she had been holding. For a moment she had thought he had understood the message she was trying to convey. But he had left instead, without a word. And as he climbed back out the window, her hope had disappeared with him.

She sat down and shivered, she was cold. Then she laughed, realizing she had made all her heart felt revelations to him clad only in a wet towel. *And that hadn’t even been enough to keep him here* she thought. Her laughing slowly turned into sobs.

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Part 6: Will Power

Michael fell through Max’s window. It was early, only nine, he didn’t usually make his appearance until much later.

"Michael," Max jumped up, somewhat guiltily. Michael heard a startled female squeak. He looked up and saw Liz sitting on Max’s bed, frantically trying to comb her hair back into some semblance of order.

Michael blushed slightly, realizing he had intruded on a romantic moment. "Sorry, I didn’t figure you would have company." He said, starting back out the window.

"Michael, it’s alright, you don’t have to go," Liz jumped up to try and pull him back in the window.

He just shook his head and kept going.

*Max has no will power* he thought to himself. He was angry, but it was more than that. He was jealous. Jealous that Max got Liz, but he couldn’t have Maria.

He went to the cave, his solace. But it wasn’t comforting. He kept repeating in his mind, *I cannot have Maria, I cannot have Maria, I cannot have Maria* If he said it enough, and didn’t question it, maybe he might begin to believe it. He rubbed his head, trying to make the words sink in.

"Why can’t I have Maria?" He was startled by his own voice, asking the question aloud.

His mind answered, *You can’t get involved.*

He sat silent for a moment, then "Why not?"

*You must be able to leave at a moments notice.*

"Why?"

*So you can go home.*

He stared at the cave wall. Maria’s story sinking in completely now. If he went ‘home’, if they ever found a way, he wouldn’t fit in, he wouldn’t be like everyone else. He would always be the alien who grew up human. They would probably even want to run tests on him, just as he was sure the government here would if they found out about him.

*It would be no different than Roswell.* Except it would be different…because Maria wouldn’t be there.

He heard Maria’s voice, "Everything he knew, everything he was, was an ape. His genetics may have been human, but he was still an ape… You may have some special alien power, but your still human… Max, Iz, Liz, and Alex…me, we all love you, we want you here."

The realization suddenly hit him. "I’m human." No matter what happened, he would always be more human than alien.

"Am I o.k. with that?" He asked himself.

*As long as you have Maria* his mind answered back.

Then he smiled.

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Part 7: Human

Maria was lying on her bed staring at the ceiling. She had finally put on her night clothes and tried to sleep. To no avail. She was still staring at the ceiling when she heard him stumble through the window.

"Maria?"

"What do you want now?" She sighed.

He moved closer and saw her eyes were red rimed and tear tracks marked her cheeks. His heart clenched. *I made her cry. I caused her this pain.* He hated himself in that moment. But he would make it up to her, he promised himself.

She pulled the pillow over her head and mumbled into it, "Just go away Michael. You were right. We can’t get involved." She sounded so emotionless, like she didn’t care anymore.

He panicked for a moment. *Did she give up on me? Am I too late?* he stood there wondering what to say.

Finally she looked up at him. In her eyes, he could see the pain that had been hidden by her emotionless voice. But there was something else there to. His eyes widened with the awareness. *She loves me.*

"YouwererightMaria." He said on a rushed breath.

Maria sensed the change in him. But she was still cautious, "I’m always right."

He laughed.

"What exactly am I right about this time?" She asked, her eyes narrowed, suspiciously.

"I’m just as human as you, or Liz, or…Max and Iz even. Even if I could figure out where we came from and how to get back, what would be there for me. It wouldn’t change anything. I would just be wanting to be back here…with you."

Maria sat up trying not to look to hopeful, still suspicious, " ‘You’ as in all of us or ‘you’ as in Maria De Luca?"

Michael smiled, he was going to have to do some major groveling to get her to fully trust him, " ‘You’ as in Maria De Luca."

She just looked at him, then huffed, "So what’s a girl got to do to get kissed around here anyway?"

Michael grinned, *Back to the old Maria.* he thought.

He stepped over to her, gently holding her face between his hands, and pressed his lips to hers.

He broke away, "I heard you sing at the concert. I didn’t want to admit it, but I knew then that you understand me. You reached into my soul that night. You were trying to tell me something."

"I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it, but I have an answer for you now." He pulled her into his embrace, resting his cheek on the top of her head and whispered, "I love you too, Maria."

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The End (hope you enjoyed it!!)