Numbers

Numbers 1

The Census

¹ The Lord spoke to Moses in the Tent of Meeting in the Desert of Sinai on the first day of the second month of the second year after the Israelites came out of Egypt. He said: ² "Take a census of the whole Israelite community by their clans and families, listing every man by name, one by one. ³ You and Aaron are to number by their divisions all the men in Israel twenty years old or more who are able to serve in the army. ⁴ One man from each tribe, each the head of his family, is to help you.

So let’s review: god has to teach them how to plant. God has to teach them what to eat. God has to teach them how to clean themselves. God has to teach them what to do with the sick. Now, god is teaching them how to protect themselves. These, so-called, holy people had no self determination, and it appears that if god hadn’t ‘saved’ them they’d still be in servitude. It would be one thing if this was Adam and Eve, but there are already other Cultures in the world by this time in history that have mastered all these things. What verses like this are saying is that man is worthless and needs god to guide and rescue him from the savage world. And it also says that men who have mastered nature without god’s help are evil and not worthy.

To add insult to injury god has to name all the people that are suppose to help. I imagine the conversation went something like this:

God says, “Okay, so you’ll need an army”. Then he looks around the table and sees that Moses looks lost. He turns to Aaron, who is was currently busy shoving an offering into his mouth. God sighs and says, “Fine, these are the names of the men who are to assist you:”

The rest of the chapter is the actual counting coming up with the total: 603,550.

Here’s more of that tabernacle nonsense:

⁵⁰ Instead, appoint the Levites to be in charge of the tabernacle of the Testimony-over all its furnishings and everything belonging to it. They are to carry the tabernacle and all its furnishings; they are to take care of it and encamp around it. ⁵¹ Whenever the tabernacle is to move, the Levites are to take it down, and whenever the tabernacle is to be set up, the Levites shall do it. Anyone else who goes near it shall be put to death.

That’s right, just ask those that conquered and destroyed the temple… oh wait nothing happened to them.

Numbers 2

This chapter is not important. More talk from god about the arrangement of the tents…like I said before, god doesn’t even believe we can set the tents up correctly and we have to be told what to do. God goes so far as to tell them which groups goes to the south, which groups go to the north, etc. Sad, sad day when after Genesis and god says, “Created them in OUR likeness” that we have to be told where we’re going to put our tents.

Numbers 3

The Levites

¹ This is the account of the family of Aaron and Moses at the time the Lord talked with Moses on Mount Sinai.

Remember, that this family was the one that created the golden calf, and when Aaron was confronted by Moses about it he says, “Um…it wasn’t me, it was the people, they, um, wanted me to do it! I was forced into it! Yeah, that’s the ticket! I had no choice! They would have kkkiiiillllleeeeedddd me!” So Moses, the Murderer, agrees and exterminates 3000 of his people.

Don’t you find it odd, that even though Aaron did this terrible thing, that Moses still makes his family the caretakers of the church? Aaron receives no punishment for his responsibility in the golden calf massacre, instead he is rewarded for it. But, if we look back at Genesis, and see how Abraham, Issac, Jacob, & Judah were allowed to act, it’s no surprise that god likes Aaron.

² The names of the sons of Aaron were Nadab the firstborn and Abihu, Eleazar and Ithamar. ³ Those were the names of Aaron's sons, the anointed priests, who were ordained to serve as priests. ⁴ Nadab and Abihu, however, fell dead before the Lord when they made an offering with unauthorized fire before him in the Desert of Sinai. They had no sons; so only Eleazar and Ithamar served as priests during the lifetime of their father Aaron.

As we saw in the last book, Aaron’s boys are murdered by god because they start a fire when they aren’t suppose to. Why then is Aaron allowed to create false idols? Just more of the idiocy of this book.

Anyway, as we can see, poor Aaron doesn’t have a family to pass the tradition on to. So:

⁹ Give the Levites to Aaron and his sons; they are the Israelites who are to be given wholly to him.

…god again steps in and plays daddy to this wandering bunch of children.

“Daddy?”, says Moses with squeaky voice.

“Yes son”, booms the voice of the almighty.

“How do I help you, I’m just too stupid to figure it out on my own”, asks Moses as spittle dribbles from the corner of his mouth.

“Christ, almighty! Must I do everything! Why did I bother creating you? Do the fish come to me and ask how to swim? Do the bird ask me how to fly? Is there nothing with in you that you can learn yourself?”, Screams god, eyeing the big red “nuke ‘um all” button.

Then after god tells Moses the Murderer what to do with the Levites, he adds:

¹⁰ Appoint Aaron and his sons to serve as priests; anyone else who approaches the sanctuary must be put to death."

…and little Tommy was stoned in the square, and god said that it was good.

So the chapter goes on, and god tells Moses where to put all these new ‘priests’ and care takers of the holy of holies.

But this is where we start to see how even Moses can’t murder thousands of people and not feel some pity for it:

⁴⁰ The Lord said to Moses, "Count all the firstborn Israelite males who are a month old or more and make a list of their names. ⁴¹ Take the Levites for me in place of all the firstborn of the Israelites, and the livestock of the Levites in place of all the firstborn of the livestock of the Israelites. I am the Lord ."
⁴² So Moses counted all the firstborn of the Israelites, as the Lord commanded him. ⁴³ The total number of firstborn males a month old or more, listed by name, was 22,273.
⁴⁴ The Lord also said to Moses, ⁴⁵ "Take the Levites in place of all the firstborn of Israel, and the livestock of the Levites in place of their livestock. The Levites are to be mine. I am the Lord . ⁴⁶ To redeem the 273 firstborn Israelites who exceed the number of the Levites, ⁴⁷ collect five shekels for each one, according to the sanctuary shekel, which weighs twenty gerahs. ⁴⁸ Give the money for the redemption of the additional Israelites to Aaron and his sons."

This means, that instead of following his own command, god says that he no longer wants the first born of all the Israelites, but instead only wants cash for the 273 delta created by his decree. Notice again, that who gets the money: Aaron and his sons. I just can’t believe that people actually think this behavior is a sign of god. It’s hogwash. It’s trickery, set up to create a kingdom for Aaron and his children. It’s evil.

⁴⁹ So Moses collected the redemption money from those who exceeded the number redeemed by the Levites. ⁵⁰ From the firstborn of the Israelites he collected silver weighing 1,365 shekels, according to the sanctuary shekel. ⁵¹ Moses gave the redemption money to Aaron and his sons, as he was commanded by the word of the Lord .

That is about 35 pounds of silver…quite a booty. I wonder where god spent it?

Numbers 4

Earlier I wondered at how the tribe carried the tabelnacuer through the desert… this chapter deplicts how it is done.

Even though this chapter does an excellent job of saying who gets to take down what, and who cares what, it still conjures you a problematic complex undertaking. You might want to see that for yourself:

The Kohathites

¹ The Lord said to Moses and Aaron: ² "Take a census of the Kohathite branch of the Levites by their clans and families. ³ Count all the men from thirty to fifty years of age who come to serve in the work in the Tent of Meeting.
⁴ "This is the work of the Kohathites in the Tent of Meeting: the care of the most holy things. ⁵ When the camp is to move, Aaron and his sons are to go in and take down the shielding curtain and cover the ark of the Testimony with it. ⁶ Then they are to cover this with hides of sea cows, spread a cloth of solid blue over that and put the poles in place.
⁷ "Over the table of the Presence they are to spread a blue cloth and put on it the plates, dishes and bowls, and the jars for drink offerings; the bread that is continually there is to remain on it. ⁸ Over these they are to spread a scarlet cloth, cover that with hides of sea cows and put its poles in place.
⁹ "They are to take a blue cloth and cover the lampstand that is for light, together with its lamps, its wick trimmers and trays, and all its jars for the oil used to supply it. ¹⁰ Then they are to wrap it and all its accessories in a covering of hides of sea cows and put it on a carrying frame.
¹¹ "Over the gold altar they are to spread a blue cloth and cover that with hides of sea cows and put its poles in place.
¹² "They are to take all the articles used for ministering in the sanctuary, wrap them in a blue cloth, cover that with hides of sea cows and put them on a carrying frame.
¹³ "They are to remove the ashes from the bronze altar and spread a purple cloth over it. ¹⁴ Then they are to place on it all the utensils used for ministering at the altar, including the firepans, meat forks, shovels and sprinkling bowls. Over it they are to spread a covering of hides of sea cows and put its poles in place.
¹⁵ "After Aaron and his sons have finished covering the holy furnishings and all the holy articles, and when the camp is ready to move, the Kohathites are to come to do the carrying. But they must not touch the holy things or they will die. The Kohathites are to carry those things that are in the Tent of Meeting.
¹⁶ "Eleazar son of Aaron, the priest, is to have charge of the oil for the light, the fragrant incense, the regular grain offering and the anointing oil. He is to be in charge of the entire tabernacle and everything in it, including its holy furnishings and articles."
¹⁷ The Lord said to Moses and Aaron, ¹⁸ "See that the Kohathite tribal clans are not cut off from the Levites. ¹⁹ So that they may live and not die when they come near the most holy things, do this for them: Aaron and his sons are to go into the sanctuary and assign to each man his work and what he is to carry. ²⁰ But the Kohathites must not go in to look at the holy things, even for a moment, or they will die."

The Gershonites
²¹ The Lord said to Moses, ²² "Take a census also of the Gershonites by their families and clans. ²³ Count all the men from thirty to fifty years of age who come to serve in the work at the Tent of Meeting.
²⁴ "This is the service of the Gershonite clans as they work and carry burdens: ²⁵ They are to carry the curtains of the tabernacle, the Tent of Meeting, its covering and the outer covering of hides of sea cows, the curtains for the entrance to the Tent of Meeting, ²⁶ the curtains of the courtyard surrounding the tabernacle and altar, the curtain for the entrance, the ropes and all the equipment used in its service. The Gershonites are to do all that needs to be done with these things. ²⁷ All their service, whether carrying or doing other work, is to be done under the direction of Aaron and his sons. You shall assign to them as their responsibility all they are to carry. ²⁸ This is the service of the Gershonite clans at the Tent of Meeting. Their duties are to be under the direction of Ithamar son of Aaron, the priest.

The Merarites
²⁹ "Count the Merarites by their clans and families. ³⁰ Count all the men from thirty to fifty years of age who come to serve in the work at the Tent of Meeting. ³¹ This is their duty as they perform service at the Tent of Meeting: to carry the frames of the tabernacle, its crossbars, posts and bases, ³² as well as the posts of the surrounding courtyard with their bases, tent pegs, ropes, all their equipment and everything related to their use. Assign to each man the specific things he is to carry. ³³ This is the service of the Merarite clans as they work at the Tent of Meeting under the direction of Ithamar son of Aaron, the priest."

The Numbering of the Levite Clans
³⁴ Moses, Aaron and the leaders of the community counted the Kohathites by their clans and families. ³⁵ All the men from thirty to fifty years of age who came to serve in the work in the Tent of Meeting, ³⁶ counted by clans, were 2,750. ³⁷ This was the total of all those in the Kohathite clans who served in the Tent of Meeting. Moses and Aaron counted them according to the Lord 's command through Moses.
³⁸ The Gershonites were counted by their clans and families. ³⁹ All the men from thirty to fifty years of age who came to serve in the work at the Tent of Meeting, ⁴⁰ counted by their clans and families, were 2,630. ⁴¹ This was the total of those in the Gershonite clans who served at the Tent of Meeting. Moses and Aaron counted them according to the Lord 's command.
⁴² The Merarites were counted by their clans and families. ⁴³ All the men from thirty to fifty years of age who came to serve in the work at the Tent of Meeting, ⁴⁴ counted by their clans, were 3,200. ⁴⁵ This was the total of those in the Merarite clans. Moses and Aaron counted them according to the Lord 's command through Moses.
⁴⁶ So Moses, Aaron and the leaders of Israel counted all the Levites by their clans and families. ⁴⁷ All the men from thirty to fifty years of age who came to do the work of serving and carrying the Tent of Meeting ⁴⁸ numbered 8,580. ⁴⁹ At the Lord 's command through Moses, each was assigned his work and told what to carry.
Thus they were counted, as the Lord commanded Moses.

Number 5

The Purity of the Camp

1 The Lord said to Moses, 2 "Command the Israelites to send away from the camp anyone who has an infectious skin disease or a discharge of any kind, or who is ceremonially unclean because of a dead body. 3 Send away male and female alike; send them outside the camp so they will not defile their camp, where I dwell among them." 4 The Israelites did this; they sent them outside the camp. They did just as the Lord had instructed Moses.

Already been discussed.

Restitution for Wrongs
5 The Lord said to Moses, 6 "Say to the Israelites: 'When a man or woman wrongs another in any way and so is unfaithful to the Lord , that person is guilty 7 and must confess the sin he has committed. He must make full restitution for his wrong, add one fifth to it and give it all to the person he has wronged. 8 But if that person has no close relative to whom restitution can be made for the wrong, the restitution belongs to the Lord and must be given to the priest, along with the ram with which atonement is made for him. 9 All the sacred contributions the Israelites bring to a priest will belong to him. 10 Each man's sacred gifts are his own, but what he gives to the priest will belong to the priest.' "

I think being a Hebrew priest would have been the ticket.

The Test for an Unfaithful Wife
¹¹ Then the Lord said to Moses, ¹² "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: 'If a man's wife goes astray and is unfaithful to him ¹³ by sleeping with another man, and this is hidden from her husband and her impurity is undetected (since there is no witness against her and she has not been caught in the act), ¹⁴ and if feelings of jealousy come over her husband and he suspects his wife and she is impure-or if he is jealous and suspects her even though she is not impure- ¹⁵ then he is to take his wife to the priest. He must also take an offering of a tenth of an ephah of barley flour on her behalf. He must not pour oil on it or put incense on it, because it is a grain offering for jealousy, a reminder offering to draw attention to guilt.

We’re starting to get into hocus-pocus here…I thought mediums and seers’ were to be stoned? Let’s continue and see how this pans out.

¹⁶ " 'The priest shall bring her and have her stand before the Lord .

How? I thought any one who saw the holy of holies was to be put to death? Besides, isn’t the act sort of like the witch hunts in the 19^th century. Put her under water, if she drowns, then not a witch, but if she lives, then a witch and burn her at the stake.

¹⁷ Then he shall take some holy water in a clay jar and put some dust from the tabernacle floor into the water. ¹⁸ After the priest has had the woman stand before the Lord , he shall loosen her hair and place in her hands the reminder offering, the grain offering for jealousy, while he himself holds the bitter water that brings a curse. ¹⁹ Then the priest shall put the woman under oath and say to her, "If no other man has slept with you and you have not gone astray and become impure while married to your husband, may this bitter water that brings a curse not harm you. ²⁰ But if you have gone astray while married to your husband and you have defiled yourself by sleeping with a man other than your husband"- ²¹ here the priest is to put the woman under this curse of the oath-"may the Lord cause your people to curse and denounce you when he causes your thigh to waste away and your abdomen to swell. ²² May this water that brings a curse enter your body so that your abdomen swells and your thigh wastes away."
" 'Then the woman is to say, "Amen. So be it."

Great. If something happens to you then you are guilty of sin against god and your husband. But if nothing happens to you, then you are righteous. That’s pretty stupid, and it doesn’t take to many brains to realize how insane it sounds.

²³ " 'The priest is to write these curses on a scroll and then wash them off into the bitter water. ²⁴ He shall have the woman drink the bitter water that brings a curse, and this water will enter her and cause bitter suffering.

This bitter water sounds to me like Montezuma’s revenge. Could it be, instead of god cursing the woman, that she had a reaction to the organisms living in the water?

³⁰ or when feelings of jealousy come over a man because he suspects his wife.

What this verse really says is that feelings of jealousy are okay, and not a sign that maybe the person with this feeling might have some dementia or other psychological problem that is bringing this form of ‘terror’ and fear to the forefront. What’s worse, is that by allowing this mental patient the opportunity to claim that his psychosis is the work of god further enables his behavior.

³¹ The husband will be innocent of any wrongdoing, but the woman will bear the consequences of her sin.' "

We’ve already been told in an early chapter that infidelity leads to stoning and or burnings. How is this suppose to be different? Here the wife is guilty of sin, but they don’t run her out in front of every one and stone her? This is PROOF that the story is man made. You see, if god was sure that this woman was guilty of wrongdoing he would have no doubt and thus she would die when stones were pelting her body. But since it is complete hocus-pocus made up by Moses the Murderer he can only speculate at the guilt of the woman and thus not risk having her murdered.

This whole act of bitter water and the rest is proof of its lack of godliness.

Numbers 6

The Nazirite

¹ The Lord said to Moses, ² "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: 'If a man or woman wants to make a special vow, a vow of separation to the Lord as a Nazirite, ³ he must abstain from wine and other fermented drink and must not drink vinegar made from wine or from other fermented drink. He must not drink grape juice or eat grapes or raisins. ⁴ As long as he is a Nazirite, he must not eat anything that comes from the grapevine, not even the seeds or skins.

This chapter starts off talking about something called a Nazirite. A Nazirite is basically a special consecration of a human being to the service of god. What is interesting to note is that in naming the peoples of the time, their name was often followed by the ‘ite’ suffix. As in Israelites, being the children of Israel (Jacob). In this case it does not mean that…or does it. In 1935 Germany Hitler was in control of the National Socialists…who were later called the NAZI party, thus they would have been Nazirites. Obviously, I’m not serious, but it makes for a good dinner subject.

⁵ " 'During the entire period of his vow of separation no razor may be used on his head. He must be holy until the period of his separation to the Lord is over; he must let the hair of his head grow long.

Cool, I guess that means that James Hetfield is a Nazirite? Rock and Roll is Holy!

The rest of the chapter goes on to explain the law of what is required of a Nazirite. It’s really dull reading and further proof that god thought of us as infants that could do nothing of our own accord.

At the very end of Chapter 6 is the lords blessing:

²² The Lord said to Moses, ²³ "Tell Aaron and his sons, 'This is how you are to bless the Israelites. Say to them:

²⁴ " ' "The Lord bless you
and keep you;
²⁵ the Lord make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
²⁶ the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace." '

This seems like such an odd place to put it. Sort of stands out here among the Nazirite laws.

Numbers 7

Offerings at the Dedication of the Tabernacle

1 When Moses finished setting up the tabernacle, he anointed it and consecrated it and all its furnishings. He also anointed and consecrated the altar and all its utensils. 2 Then the leaders of Israel, the heads of families who were the tribal leaders in charge of those who were counted, made offerings. 3 They brought as their gifts before the Lord six covered carts and twelve oxen-an ox from each leader and a cart from every two. These they presented before the tabernacle.

We’ve already been over this ground.

Notice how the bible does this to you? It deals in telling, re-telling, and re-re-telling of the same stories over and over again. It’s built on this idea that you will NEVER sit down and read it from cover to cover. That you will never see that it is full of impossible stories and outright lies. It’s built with this tiny print, with dual columns, and thin paper. It becomes a icon the minute you pick it up, with it’s gold edged pages and red letters, and therefore something to admire not actually read.

Some people might say that this helps to prove the bible’s authenticity. It does no such thing. Let me give you an example. Have you ever read a book only to find that you would have done something different? Maybe something drastic that would change the whole story, or maybe something minor that would not have effected the whole story. Like adding details about a certain event. Suppose we use Genesis as our example.

In Genesis 1 god creates everything, but some of the things we see in the word are not created until the sixth chapter, like plants. Could it be that someone else felt that it was necessary to add detail there in order to expand on the original story?

Anyway, this chapter goes on, into great detail, about the offers offered by each of the twelve tribes. It takes 12 whole days to do this…or is that 13 being that Sabbath would have had to have been in there somewhere…oh but it doesn’t say that does it. I guess that the Sabbath is only important if Moses says so, but when he and his family are getting livestock and gold from the followers the rules that ‘god’ laid down are just set aside. Here’s the booty that they gathered:

⁸⁴ These were the offerings of the Israelite leaders for the dedication of the altar when it was anointed: twelve silver plates, twelve silver sprinkling bowls and twelve gold dishes. ⁸⁵ Each silver plate weighed a hundred and thirty shekels, and each sprinkling bowl seventy shekels. Altogether, the silver dishes weighed two thousand four hundred shekels, according to the sanctuary shekel. ⁸⁶ The twelve gold dishes filled with incense weighed ten shekels each, according to the sanctuary shekel. Altogether, the gold dishes weighed a hundred and twenty shekels. ⁸⁷ The total number of animals for the burnt offering came to twelve young bulls, twelve rams and twelve male lambs a year old, together with their grain offering. Twelve male goats were used for the sin offering. ⁸⁸ The total number of animals for the sacrifice of the fellowship offering came to twenty-four oxen, sixty rams, sixty male goats and sixty male lambs a year old. These were the offerings for the dedication of the altar after it was anointed.

Then to add insult to injury:

⁸⁹ When Moses entered the Tent of Meeting to speak with the Lord , he heard the voice speaking to him from between the two cherubim above the atonement cover on the ark of the Testimony. And he spoke with him.

This is the same god that ‘walked’ among his people in the first chapter of the bible. Now he’s ‘forced’ to exist in this little tent, not only that, but to live within this metal box. Hogwash!

Numbers 8

Setting Up the Lamps

More of how the tabernacle is to appear…dull.

The Setting Apart of the Levites

This part of the chapter is (again) the explanation that Moses is to take the Levites and make them the priests, which by the end of the chapter Aaron and Moses the Murderer have done.

²⁰ Moses, Aaron and the whole Israelite community did with the Levites just as the Lord commanded Moses. ²¹ The Levites purified themselves and washed their clothes. Then Aaron presented them as a wave offering before the Lord and made atonement for them to purify them. ²² After that, the Levites came to do their work at the Tent of Meeting under the supervision of Aaron and his sons. They did with the Levites just as the Lord commanded Moses.
²³ The Lord said to Moses, ²⁴ "This applies to the Levites: Men twenty-five years old or more shall come to take part in the work at the Tent of Meeting, ²⁵ but at the age of fifty, they must retire from their regular service and work no longer. ²⁶ They may assist their brothers in performing their duties at the Tent of Meeting, but they themselves must not do the work. This, then, is how you are to assign the responsibilities of the Levites."

Numbers 9

The Passover

¹ The Lord spoke to Moses in the Desert of Sinai in the first month of the second year after they came out of Egypt. He said, ² "Have the Israelites celebrate the Passover at the appointed time. ³ Celebrate it at the appointed time, at twilight on the fourteenth day of this month, in accordance with all its rules and regulations."
⁴ So Moses told the Israelites to celebrate the Passover, ⁵ and they did so in the Desert of Sinai at twilight on the fourteenth day of the first month. The Israelites did everything just as the Lord commanded Moses.

Celebration on the sacrifice of babies to god. Maybe we should all have such days, it would only seem fair. After all, if god says that it is okay to kill thousands of children (because he wanted them dead), then it must be okay for other people to die as well. Here’s a short list (I’m sure you can think of some):

· Hitler begins sending Vagrants, children, Jews, Homosexuals, and criminals to their deaths.

· The sacking of the Hage Sofia.

· The dropping of the Atomic Bomb on cities.

· Flying planes into the World Trade Center.

The Cloud Above the Tabernacle
¹⁵ On the day the tabernacle, the Tent of the Testimony, was set up, the cloud covered it. From evening till morning the cloud above the tabernacle looked like fire. ¹⁶ That is how it continued to be; the cloud covered it, and at night it looked like fire. ¹⁷ Whenever the cloud lifted from above the Tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped. ¹⁸ At the Lord 's command the Israelites set out, and at his command they encamped. As long as the cloud stayed over the tabernacle, they remained in camp. ¹⁹ When the cloud remained over the tabernacle a long time, the Israelites obeyed the Lord 's order and did not set out. ²⁰ Sometimes the cloud was over the tabernacle only a few days; at the Lord 's command they would encamp, and then at his command they would set out. ²¹ Sometimes the cloud stayed only from evening till morning, and when it lifted in the morning, they set out. Whether by day or by night, whenever the cloud lifted, they set out. ²² Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days or a month or a year, the Israelites would remain in camp and not set out; but when it lifted, they would set out. ²³ At the Lord 's command they encamped, and at the Lord 's command they set out. They obeyed the Lord 's order, in accordance with his command through Moses.

Can you say, “Bahh, Bahhh” It’s no wonder that god had them sacrifice goats and sheep. It was symbolism at it’s finest.

This part of the chapter wreaks of stupidity. Again, we have god turning into smoke, fire, and clouds. Yet not to long ago he walked around like a man, at one point even stopped to fight with one (Jacob). Now we’re to believe that god took on the herdsman role and guided his sheep through the desert? It’s utter lunacy.

Numbers 10

The Silver Trumpets

¹ The Lord said to Moses: ² "Make two trumpets of hammered silver, and use them for calling the community together and for having the camps set out. ³ When both are sounded, the whole community is to assemble before you at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting. ⁴ If only one is sounded, the leaders-the heads of the clans of Israel-are to assemble before you. ⁵ When a trumpet blast is sounded, the tribes camping on the east are to set out. ⁶ At the sounding of a second blast, the camps on the south are to set out. The blast will be the signal for setting out. ⁷ To gather the assembly, blow the trumpets, but not with the same signal.

…and the Israelites will cower before the great Moses. Sounds like he’s making quite a little kingdom for himself.

The Israelites Leave Sinai

Even though the last chapter says that they were already moving, I assume this is where the descriptive moving starts taking place. The beginning of this chapter is basically which tribe did what when the pillar of smoke moved and in what position in Moses’ army they occupied. There is a good part in it though:

²⁹ Now Moses said to Hobab son of Reuel the Midianite, Moses' father-in-law, "We are setting out for the place about which the Lord said, 'I will give it to you.' Come with us and we will treat you well, for the Lord has promised good things to Israel."
³⁰ He answered, "No, I will not go; I am going back to my own land and my own people."
³¹ But Moses said, "Please do not leave us. You know where we should camp in the desert, and you can be our eyes. ³² If you come with us, we will share with you whatever good things the Lord gives us."

Even after all the laws and the miracles. Even after the massacre by Moses, there is still dissention in the ranks. How does Moses overcome this? Not by saying, “It is god’s will and you WILL do it”, but he bargains with this loser, “Please do not leave us…”

But that’s not all:

³⁵ Whenever the ark set out, Moses said,

"Rise up, O Lord !
May your enemies be scattered;
may your foes flee before you."
³⁶ Whenever it came to rest, he said,
"Return, O Lord ,
to the countless thousands of Israel."

This most assuredly is false. God, the creator of all things. The one that will question anything a human dare ask him (as will find out in Job). The great knower of all things is willing to allow this simple human to command his movement!?

Numbers 11

Fire From the Lord

1 Now the people complained about their hardships in the hearing of the Lord , and when he heard them his anger was aroused. Then fire from the Lord burned among them and consumed some of the outskirts of the camp.

That’s the god we all know and love! But, of course Moses has a little chat with god about his temper and the raining fire stops.

⁴ The rabble with them began to crave other food, and again the Israelites started wailing and said, "If only we had meat to eat! ⁵ We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost-also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. ⁶ But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!"

Which is a contradiction, because they had meat to offer to the priests not two chapters ago. 15

¹⁰ Moses heard the people of every family wailing, each at the entrance to his tent. The Lord became exceedingly angry, and Moses was troubled. ¹¹ He asked the Lord , "Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me? ¹² Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth? Why do you tell me to carry them in my arms, as a nurse carries an infant, to the land you promised on oath to their forefathers? ¹³ Where can I get meat for all these people? They keep wailing to me, 'Give us meat to eat!' ¹⁴ I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me. ¹⁵ If this is how you are going to treat me, put me to death right now-if I have found favor in your eyes-and do not let me face my own ruin."

Moses goes on about his terrible burden and god says nothing about how powerful he is. It’s okay to question god…sometimes, but then not:

²¹ But Moses said, "Here I am among six hundred thousand men on foot, and you say, 'I will give them meat to eat for a whole month!' ²² Would they have enough if flocks and herds were slaughtered for them? Would they have enough if all the fish in the sea were caught for them?"
²³ The Lord answered Moses, "Is the Lord 's arm too short? You will now see whether or not what I say will come true for you."

God tells Moses to gather 70 of the elders and make them leaders so that his burden is lighter.

²⁴ So Moses went out and told the people what the Lord had said. He brought together seventy of their elders and had them stand around the Tent. ²⁵ Then the Lord came down in the cloud and spoke with him, and he took of the Spirit that was on him and put the Spirit on the seventy elders. When the Spirit rested on them, they prophesied, but they did not do so again.
²⁶ However, two men, whose names were Eldad and Medad, had remained in the camp. They were listed among the elders, but did not go out to the Tent. Yet the Spirit also rested on them, and they prophesied in the camp. ²⁷ A young man ran and told Moses, "Eldad and Medad are prophesying in the camp."

Prophecy = fortune telling, seeing, gazing. Which according to the laws of god are punishable by stoning! Let’s see what happens:

²⁸ Joshua son of Nun, who had been Moses' aide since youth, spoke up and said, "Moses, my lord, stop them!"
²⁹ But Moses replied, "Are you jealous for my sake? I wish that all the Lord 's people were prophets and that the Lord would put his Spirit on them!"

Huh? Now it’s okay to divine the future? This is a confusing society. Eat but don’t eat. Work but don’t work. See the future but don’t see the future. It’s a wonder that they survived at all.

³¹ Now a wind went out from the Lord and drove quail in from the sea. It brought them down all around the camp to about three feet above the ground, as far as a day's walk in any direction. ³² All that day and night and all the next day the people went out and gathered quail. No one gathered less than ten homers. Then they spread them out all around the camp. ³³ But while the meat was still between their teeth and before it could be consumed, the anger of the Lord burned against the people, and he struck them with a severe plague. ³⁴ Therefore the place was named Kibroth Hattaavah, because there they buried the people who had craved other food.

“You want your f*ing meat? I’ll give f*ing meat! Here, eat this sh*t!”, Voice of god…

Numbers 12

Miriam and Aaron Oppose Moses
¹ Miriam and Aaron began to talk against Moses because of his Cushite wife, for he had married a Cushite. ² "Has the Lord spoken only through Moses?" they asked. "Hasn't he also spoken through us?" And the Lord heard this.

“Hasn’t he also spoken through us?” Right up there with stupid question every asked. Either he did or he didn’t, the rhetorical nature of this question is stupid.

Remember also, that Aaron was the one that created the golden calf. He has been plotting to take control from the beginning. But since he can’t overpower Moses, he instead some how gets control of the church.

³ (Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.)

This verse just sort of looks shoved in there. Obviously added later. Moses, the humble man, wouldn’t need to write that he was humble.

⁹ The anger of the Lord burned against them, and he left them.
¹⁰ When the cloud lifted from above the Tent, there stood Miriam-leprous, like snow. Aaron turned toward her and saw that she had leprosy;

God settles everything for Moses. And Aaron’s attempt at a coup fails. Don’t worry about poor Miriam, she’s healed because Moses prays for her.

Numbers 13

Exploring Canaan

¹ The Lord said to Moses, ² "Send some men to explore the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the Israelites. From each ancestral tribe send one of its leaders."

Oh, this can’t be a good sign for the people that already live there. I see much death and destruction on the horizon.

¹⁷ When Moses sent them to explore Canaan, he said, "Go up through the Negev and on into the hill country. ¹⁸ See what the land is like and whether the people who live there are strong or weak, few or many. ¹⁹ What kind of land do they live in? Is it good or bad? What kind of towns do they live in? Are they unwalled or fortified? ²⁰ How is the soil? Is it fertile or poor? Are there trees on it or not? Do your best to bring back some of the fruit of the land." (It was the season for the first ripe grapes.)

Who cares? Really, who cares? This is suppose to be the land that god has given them. Sounds to me like Moses has no idea what the land is really like. If that is the case, then why hasn’t god shared that information with him as well? He tells him when it’s time to wipe his butt, but he doesn’t let him in on anything that may actually be useful.

Report on the Exploration
²⁶ They came back to Moses and Aaron and the whole Israelite community at Kadesh in the Desert of Paran. There they reported to them and to the whole assembly and showed them the fruit of the land. ²⁷ They gave Moses this account: "We went into the land to which you sent us, and it does flow with milk and honey! Here is its fruit. ²⁸ But the people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large. We even saw descendants of Anak there. ²⁹ The Amalekites live in the Negev; the Hittites, Jebusites and Amorites live in the hill country; and the Canaanites live near the sea and along the Jordan."

So they return and tell everyone that the place is as great as god says that it is, but listen to this next section:

³⁰ Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, "We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it."
³¹ But the men who had gone up with him said, "We can't attack those people; they are stronger than we are." ³² And they spread among the Israelites a bad report about the land they had explored. They said, "The land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw there are of great size. ³³ We saw the Nephilim there (the descendants of Anak come from the Nephilim). We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them."

Doesn’t that make it sound like after one of the says that they should wage war on the land they change their story? Is this passage saying that they lied about what they saw? But to whom, according to the earlier passage they has told the whole Israelite community how great the land was.

Numbers 14

The People Rebel

¹ That night all the people of the community raised their voices and wept aloud. ² All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, "If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this desert! ³ Why is the Lord bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken as plunder. Wouldn't it be better for us to go back to Egypt?" ⁴ And they said to each other, "We should choose a leader and go back to Egypt."

Sounds like trouble is a brewing. Let’s see how they get themselves out this crazy fix this time:

⁵ Then Moses and Aaron fell facedown in front of the whole Israelite assembly gathered there. ⁶ Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh, who were among those who had explored the land, tore their clothes ⁷ and said to the entire Israelite assembly, "The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. ⁸ If the Lord is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us. ⁹ Only do not rebel against the Lord . And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will swallow them up. Their protection is gone, but the Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them."
¹⁰ But the whole assembly talked about stoning them. Then the glory of the Lord appeared at the Tent of Meeting to all the Israelites. ¹¹ The Lord said to Moses, "How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them? ¹² I will strike them down with a plague and destroy them, but I will make you into a nation greater and stronger than they."

So god comes to Moses again and says that he will save him and make him great. Am I the only one that remembers that Moses killed a man, tried to hide it, and then fled from this murder? Why is he so great? But it’s okay, god can easily be swayed, as we will see:

¹³ Moses said to the Lord , "Then the Egyptians will hear about it! By your power you brought these people up from among them. ¹⁴ And they will tell the inhabitants of this land about it. They have already heard that you, O Lord , are with these people and that you, O Lord , have been seen face to face, that your cloud stays over them, and that you go before them in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. ¹⁵ If you put these people to death all at one time, the nations who have heard this report about you will say, ¹⁶ 'The Lord was not able to bring these people into the land he promised them on oath; so he slaughtered them in the desert.'

Man is Moses good or what? Of course, the ‘all-knonwing’ god agrees with him:

²⁰ The Lord replied, "I have forgiven them, as you asked.

But god is not done:

²¹ Nevertheless, as surely as I live and as surely as the glory of the Lord fills the whole earth, ²² not one of the men who saw my glory and the miraculous signs I performed in Egypt and in the desert but who disobeyed me and tested me ten times- ²³ not one of them will ever see the land I promised on oath to their forefathers. No one who has treated me with contempt will ever see it. ²⁴ But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it. ²⁵ Since the Amalekites and Canaanites are living in the valleys, turn back tomorrow and set out toward the desert along the route to the Red Sea."

That’s just funny. Now the Israelites begin their wanders.

³² But you-your bodies will fall in this desert. ³³ Your children will be shepherds here for forty years, suffering for your unfaithfulness, until the last of your bodies lies in the desert. ³⁴ For forty years-one year for each of the forty days you explored the land-you will suffer for your sins and know what it is like to have me against you.'

Sort of like a warrenty on a car: 40 years or 600,000 dead, which ever comes first.

³⁶ So the men Moses had sent to explore the land, who returned and made the whole community grumble against him by spreading a bad report about it- ³⁷ these men responsible for spreading the bad report about the land were struck down and died of a plague before the Lord . ³⁸ Of the men who went to explore the land, only Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh survived.

³⁹ When Moses reported this to all the Israelites, they mourned bitterly. ⁴⁰ Early the next morning they went up toward the high hill country. "We have sinned," they said. "We will go up to the place the Lord promised."
⁴¹ But Moses said, "Why are you disobeying the Lord 's command? This will not succeed! ⁴² Do not go up, because the Lord is not with you. You will be defeated by your enemies, ⁴³ for the Amalekites and Canaanites will face you there. Because you have turned away from the Lord , he will not be with you and you will fall by the sword."
⁴⁴ Nevertheless, in their presumption they went up toward the high hill country, though neither Moses nor the ark of the Lord 's covenant moved from the camp. ⁴⁵ Then the Amalekites and Canaanites who lived in that hill country came down and attacked them and beat them down all the way to Hormah.

War. It doesn’t say how many went. It doesn’t say how many were lost. It doesn’t seem to care.

Numbers 15

This chapter begins with more repeating of what the people are suppose to do about offerings. But it soon takes a twist:

The Sabbath-Breaker Put to Death
³² While the Israelites were in the desert, a man was found gathering wood on the Sabbath day. ³³ Those who found him gathering wood brought him to Moses and Aaron and the whole assembly, ³⁴ and they kept him in custody, because it was not clear what should be done to him. ³⁵ Then the Lord said to Moses, "The man must die. The whole assembly must stone him outside the camp." ³⁶ So the assembly took him outside the camp and stoned him to death, as the Lord commanded Moses.

…not on the Sabbath we hope.

Tassels on Garments
³⁷ The Lord said to Moses, ³⁸ "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: 'Throughout the generations to come you are to make tassels on the corners of your garments, with a blue cord on each tassel. ³⁹ You will have these tassels to look at and so you will remember all the commands of the Lord , that you may obey them and not prostitute yourselves by going after the lusts of your own hearts and eyes. ⁴⁰ Then you will remember to obey all my commands and will be consecrated to your God. ⁴¹ I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt to be your God. I am the Lord your God.' "

I can’t say that I’ve ever seen any people walking around with blue corded tassels on their clothes. What happened to this law?

Numbers 16

Korah, Dathan and Abiram

1 Korah son of Izhar, the son of Kohath, the son of Levi, and certain Reubenites-Dathan and Abiram, sons of Eliab, and On son of Peleth-became insolent 2 and rose up against Moses. With them were 250 Israelite men, well-known community leaders who had been appointed members of the council. 3 They came as a group to oppose Moses and Aaron and said to them, "You have gone too far! The whole community is holy, every one of them, and the Lord is with them. Why then do you set yourselves above the Lord 's assembly?"

Oh, these guys have to be in for some real trouble. Moses tries to quell this uprising:

⁴ When Moses heard this, he fell facedown. ⁵ Then he said to Korah and all his followers: "In the morning the Lord will show who belongs to him and who is holy, and he will have that person come near him. The man he chooses he will cause to come near him.

Of course, god, in his perfect love decides to kill everyone, but Moses convinces him not to and instead we have this mess:

²⁸ Then Moses said, "This is how you will know that the Lord has sent me to do all these things and that it was not my idea: ²⁹ If these men die a natural death and experience only what usually happens to men, then the Lord has not sent me. ³⁰ But if the Lord brings about something totally new, and the earth opens its mouth and swallows them, with everything that belongs to them, and they go down alive into the grave, then you will know that these men have treated the Lord with contempt."
³¹ As soon as he finished saying all this, the ground under them split apart ³² and the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them, with their households and all Korah's men and all their possessions. ³³ They went down alive into the grave, with everything they owned; the earth closed over them, and they perished and were gone from the community. ³⁴ At their cries, all the Israelites around them fled, shouting, "The earth is going to swallow us too!"
³⁵ And fire came out from the Lord and consumed the 250 men who were offering the incense.

Notice, that we begin to really see that MOSES is really god, not god. Because he foretells what will become of those against him. He even goes so far as to tell god what to do (not necessarily here, but in other chapters) and god does it. So who is the real leader?

Again, god kills women and children…some love.

⁴¹ The next day the whole Israelite community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. "You have killed the Lord 's people," they said.

They were holy men,chosen as leaders by god, so it only makes sense to wonder why holy men would be killed. It was hard for them to understand. And how does god offer them an answer:

⁴⁴ and the Lord said to Moses, ⁴⁵ "Get away from this assembly so I can put an end to them at once." And they fell facedown.
⁴⁶ Then Moses said to Aaron, "Take your censer and put incense in it, along with fire from the altar, and hurry to the assembly to make atonement for them. Wrath has come out from the Lord ; the plague has started." ⁴⁷ So Aaron did as Moses said, and ran into the midst of the assembly. The plague had already started among the people, but Aaron offered the incense and made atonement for them. ⁴⁸ He stood between the living and the dead, and the plague stopped. ⁴⁹ But 14,700 people died from the plague, in addition to those who had died because of Korah.

That’s right, he kills them. Only Moses is allowed to be questioning of god’s commands. Only Moses is allowed to offer ideas and counter arguments to god. We, the flock, the meek sheep, are but burnt offerings. Welcome to the bible.

Numbers 17

The Budding of Aaron's Staff

¹ The Lord said to Moses, ² "Speak to the Israelites and get twelve staffs from them, one from the leader of each of their ancestral tribes. Write the name of each man on his staff. ³ On the staff of Levi write Aaron's name, for there must be one staff for the head of each ancestral tribe. ⁴ Place them in the Tent of Meeting in front of the Testimony, where I meet with you. ⁵ The staff belonging to the man I choose will sprout, and I will rid myself of this constant grumbling against you by the Israelites."
⁶ So Moses spoke to the Israelites, and their leaders gave him twelve staffs, one for the leader of each of their ancestral tribes, and Aaron's staff was among them. ⁷ Moses placed the staffs before the Lord in the Tent of the Testimony.
⁸ The next day Moses entered the Tent of the Testimony and saw that Aaron's staff, which represented the house of Levi, had not only sprouted but had budded, blossomed and produced almonds. ⁹ Then Moses brought out all the staffs from the Lord 's presence to all the Israelites. They looked at them, and each man took his own staff.
¹⁰ The Lord said to Moses, "Put back Aaron's staff in front of the Testimony, to be kept as a sign to the rebellious. This will put an end to their grumbling against me, so that they will not die." ¹¹ Moses did just as the Lord commanded him.
¹² The Israelites said to Moses, "We will die! We are lost, we are all lost! ¹³ Anyone who even comes near the tabernacle of the Lord will die. Are we all going to die?"

When David Copperfield comes out on stage to perform magic he some times uses some one from the audience. He’ll use the person in a card trick or some other slight of hand trick that can be deceived at eye level. But if he needs to make some one disappear he usually has one of his staff members do the trick. Why is this? Because the beautiful Kelly knows where to stand in the tank. She knows where the false bottom is, or the door out the back. She understands that it is a trick and not real magic.

Notice that in this short chapter, that Aaron’s staff has grown into a tree. Well duh! It’s obvious that Moses and Aaron have placed themselves at the top. This chapter is raw propaganda. If this event indeed happened, how do we know that Moses didn’t in fact show them a real Olive tree, claiming that it was Aaron’s staff? It would go right along with his slight of hand from the beginning.

Numbers 18

More rhetoric and repeats about the duties and tithes for the Priests. Remember that Aaron and Moses are setting up a dynasty, they are power hunger and want to control the Israelites. They long for the wealth that they saw in Egypt, so at every turn they have they remind the people that them must offer their possessions to god:

¹⁴ "Everything in Israel that is devoted to the Lord is yours.

²¹ "I give to the Levites all the tithes in Israel as their inheritance in return for the work they do while serving at the Tent of Meeting.

²⁴ Instead, I give to the Levites as their inheritance the tithes that the Israelites present as an offering to the Lord .

²⁶ "Speak to the Levites and say to them: 'When you receive from the Israelites the tithe I give you as your inheritance, you must present a tenth of that tithe as the Lord 's offering.

We’ve seen this time and time again. God needing animals. God needing gold. God needing incense. All this material stuff for a deity that has never spent a nickel of it. And realize that god only wants 10% of it…what becomes of the other 90%? The church keeps it. Aaron gets rich and fat. Moses gets rich and fat.

³¹ You and your households may eat the rest of it anywhere, for it is your wages for your work at the Tent of Meeting.

What an insult. The people wandering the desert want a homeland. They want freedom from oppression. They want loyalty, love, and security. What do they get instead? Murder and oppression from god. Who threatens them with death if they don’t give up their valuables. That’s the bible at it’s root. God is not in this book.

Numbers 19

This chapter is more law from god. In it, god commands that they kill a cow (with out defect of course) and that when the cow is completely destroyed and nothing but ashes, they are to take the ashes and add them to water for the sake of atonement. It’s really dull reading talking about the ceremony of what is clean and un-clean again.

It mostly deals with death of human beings. What really weird, is that it’s okay to murder people in war, as well as burn up cows just for the fun of it, but if my mom dies then I’m unclean. What doesn’t make any sense is that god created death…how can anything god does be unclean?

Numbers 20

Water From the Rock

¹ In the first month the whole Israelite community arrived at the Desert of Zin, and they stayed at Kadesh. There Miriam died and was buried.

Doesn’t sound like Miriam was completely healed from her curse…hum.

² Now there was no water for the community, and the people gathered in opposition to Moses and Aaron. ³ They quarreled with Moses and said, "If only we had died when our brothers fell dead before the Lord ! ⁴ Why did you bring the Lord 's community into this desert, that we and our livestock should die here? ⁵ Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to this terrible place? It has no grain or figs, grapevines or pomegranates. And there is no water to drink!"

The Hebrew have been complaining that they have been oppressed for thousands of years…isn’t this a form of oppression as well? But it’s okay, Moses will convince god to do something for them, you just watch and see:

⁶ Moses and Aaron went from the assembly to the entrance to the Tent of Meeting and fell facedown, and the glory of the Lord appeared to them. ⁷ The Lord said to Moses, ⁸ "Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink."

See? Why did god choose these people? They’ve done nothing but be a pain in the ass since Abraham. He could have chosen a people that had something going for them, like the Egyptians, or the Romans, or the Chinese (who were already the greatest nation on the earth by that point). Instead, we are to believe that this forgotten band of slaves evaded Egypt because god had chosen them? It’s insulting to the intelligence.

After god tells Moses what to do we get:

⁹ So Moses took the staff from the Lord 's presence, just as he commanded him. ¹⁰ He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, "Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?" ¹¹ Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank.
¹² But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them."

Oh, that’s ugly, and very important. Moses and Aaron have now sinned in the eyes of god, and because of this they will not get to see the land themselves. The probable truth about this verse is that it was added later, in an attempt to justify why Moses and Aaron were not among those who were able to see the chosen land. After all, every Sunday school student would have asked, “Teacher if Moses was so important to god, how come he didn’t get to see the land?” Well here’s your answer, in a nice neat little package. Perfect, ancient, marketing.

There is no argument from Moses here. He doesn’t fall on his face and do battle with god. He just accepts gods command this time without any fight. Seems kind of odd that he would chose this one time to just accept god at face value, when something so important is on the line. No, this story is probably a complete lie. Not to mention that Chapter 20 is broken down into two entirely different events…when ever this happens it is usually because some one added something in order to fix a mistake they saw in the history. Here is the second part of Numbers 20:

Edom Denies Israel Passage
¹⁴ Moses sent messengers from Kadesh to the king of Edom, saying:
"This is what your brother Israel says: You know about all the hardships that have come upon us. ¹⁵ Our forefathers went down into Egypt, and we lived there many years. The Egyptians mistreated us and our fathers, ¹⁶ but when we cried out to the Lord , he heard our cry and sent an angel and brought us out of Egypt.
"Now we are here at Kadesh, a town on the edge of your territory. ¹⁷ Please let us pass through your country. We will not go through any field or vineyard, or drink water from any well. We will travel along the king's highway and not turn to the right or to the left until we have passed through your territory."
18 But Edom answered:
"You may not pass through here; if you try, we will march out and attack you with the sword."
19 The Israelites replied:
"We will go along the main road, and if we or our livestock drink any of your water, we will pay for it. We only want to pass through on foot-nothing else."
20 Again they answered:
"You may not pass through."
Then Edom came out against them with a large and powerful army. 21 Since Edom refused to let them go through their territory, Israel turned away from them.

I guess god was on Edom’s side. But that’s not all:

The Death of Aaron
²² The whole Israelite community set out from Kadesh and came to Mount Hor. ²³ At Mount Hor, near the border of Edom, the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, ²⁴ "Aaron will be gathered to his people. He will not enter the land I give the Israelites, because both of you rebelled against my command at the waters of Meribah. ²⁵ Get Aaron and his son Eleazar and take them up Mount Hor. ²⁶ Remove Aaron's garments and put them on his son Eleazar, for Aaron will be gathered to his people; he will die there."
²⁷ Moses did as the Lord commanded: They went up Mount Hor in the sight of the whole community. ²⁸ Moses removed Aaron's garments and put them on his son Eleazar. And Aaron died there on top of the mountain. Then Moses and Eleazar came down from the mountain, ²⁹ and when the whole community learned that Aaron had died, the entire house of Israel mourned for him thirty days.

God finally punished Aaron for all of his transgressions? The passage is not clear. Did he die of natural causes? Did Moses stab him? Did god strike him down? It’s a mystery. Odd, don’t you think?

Numbers 21

Arad Destroyed

¹ When the Canaanite king of Arad, who lived in the Negev, heard that Israel was coming along the road to Atharim, he attacked the Israelites and captured some of them. ² Then Israel made this vow to the Lord : "If you will deliver these people into our hands, we will totally destroy their cities." ³ The Lord listened to Israel's plea and gave the Canaanites over to them. They completely destroyed them and their towns; so the place was named Hormah.

Another holy war. The word ‘destroy’ in “we will totally destroy their cities” really has a different meaning in Hebrew. It means the complete giving to god. As in destroying something so that it is gods and no one else’s. Therefore, this passage says, “God if you let us kill all the men of this city. We will completely destroy it so that you can have it back.” God agrees, and let’s the Israelites kill all the men…which means that they raped all the woman and plundered all the land, but that seems to have been left out of the telling…I wonder why?

The Bronze Snake
⁴ They traveled from Mount Hor along the route to the Red Sea, to go around Edom. But the people grew impatient on the way; ⁵ they spoke against God and against Moses, and said, "Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the desert? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food!"
⁶ Then the Lord sent venomous snakes among them; they bit the people and many Israelites died. ⁷ The people came to Moses and said, "We sinned when we spoke against the Lord and against you. Pray that the Lord will take the snakes away from us." So Moses prayed for the people.
⁸ The Lord said to Moses, "Make a snake and put it up on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live." ⁹ So Moses made a bronze snake and put it up on a pole. Then when anyone was bitten by a snake and looked at the bronze snake, he lived.

What the????? Isn’t this an IDOL!!!!! Look at the idol of a snake and be healed! That’s a contradiction to gods commandments: 16

The Israelites do some traveling and come out the other side:

Defeat of Sihon and Og
²¹ Israel sent messengers to say to Sihon king of the Amorites:

²² "Let us pass through your country. We will not turn aside into any field or vineyard, or drink water from any well. We will travel along the king's highway until we have passed through your territory."

²³ But Sihon would not let Israel pass through his territory. He mustered his entire army and marched out into the desert against Israel. When he reached Jahaz, he fought with Israel. ²⁴ Israel, however, put him to the sword and took over his land from the Arnon to the Jabbok, but only as far as the Ammonites, because their border was fortified. ²⁵ Israel captured all the cities of the Amorites and occupied them, including Heshbon and all its surrounding settlements. ²⁶ Heshbon was the city of Sihon king of the Amorites, who had fought against the former king of Moab and had taken from him all his land as far as the Arnon.

More war. Now, what doesn’t make sense is that god says they won’t get their promised land, but he’s willing to let them just conquer who ever they come across?

³¹ So Israel settled in the land of the Amorites.
³² After Moses had sent spies to Jazer, the Israelites captured its surrounding settlements and drove out the Amorites who were there. ³³ Then they turned and went up along the road toward Bashan, and Og king of Bashan and his whole army marched out to meet them in battle at Edrei.
³⁴ The Lord said to Moses, "Do not be afraid of him, for I have handed him over to you, with his whole army and his land. Do to him what you did to Sihon king of the Amorites, who reigned in Heshbon."
³⁵ So they struck him down, together with his sons and his whole army, leaving them no survivors. And they took possession of his land.

God says, “I have given you these people” And what does Moses do? He kills them all. He’s starting to prove he is a great leader. Hitler would be proud.

Numbers 22

Balaam is a spiritualist hired by Balak to curse the Israelites so that maybe he can defeat them in a war. Balaam is told by god not to do what Balak says and to refuse to go. Balak keeps sending people, and (according to the story) god tells Balaam to go but not to do anything. That’s what verse’s 1 through 20 say, but the next section of the chapter will, of course, contradict it:

Balaam's Donkey
²¹ Balaam got up in the morning, saddled his donkey and went with the princes of Moab. ²² But God was very angry when he went, and the angel of the Lord stood in the road to oppose him. Balaam was riding on his donkey, and his two servants were with him.

God was very angry…two points: 1. Every other time he is angry he kills thousands of people, why is the one guy so lucky? 2. Hello, god said in verse 20 that Balaam should go with them, so what right does this god have for being anger, he told him to go! Either god is a fucking moron and can’t remember what he’s said less than 12 hours ago, or this is completely made up!

²³ When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road with a drawn sword in his hand, she turned off the road into a field. Balaam beat her to get her back on the road.
²⁴ Then the angel of the Lord stood in a narrow path between two vineyards, with walls on both sides. ²⁵ When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord , she pressed close to the wall, crushing Balaam's foot against it. So he beat her again.
²⁶ Then the angel of the Lord moved on ahead and stood in a narrow place where there was no room to turn, either to the right or to the left. ²⁷ When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord , she lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat her with his staff. ²⁸ Then the Lord opened the donkey's mouth, and she said to Balaam, "What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?"
²⁹ Balaam answered the donkey, "You have made a fool of me! If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now."
³⁰ The donkey said to Balaam, "Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?"
"No," he said.
³¹ Then the Lord opened Balaam's eyes, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell facedown.
³² The angel of the Lord asked him, "Why have you beaten your donkey these three times? I have come here to oppose you because your path is a reckless one before me. ³³ The donkey saw me and turned away from me these three times. If she had not turned away, I would certainly have killed you by now, but I would have spared her."
³⁴ Balaam said to the angel of the Lord , "I have sinned. I did not realize you were standing in the road to oppose me. Now if you are displeased, I will go back."
³⁵ The angel of the Lord said to Balaam, "Go with the men, but speak only what I tell you." So Balaam went with the princes of Balak.

God is an asshole. You’d think he could be a little more forthcoming with his grand design. Instead he plays mind games with donkeys! And again, at the end of this section he tells Balaam to go with them and only do what he tells them to do.

Notice as well, that the Angel of the lord is god again, not some other angel. This is confusing. Why does he appear as a man, an angel, a cloud, a burning bush, a pillar of light? Why can’t he just chose a form and stick with it! Even George Burns understood that.

Numbers 23

Balaam's First Oracle

¹ Balaam said, "Build me seven altars here, and prepare seven bulls and seven rams for me." ² Balak did as Balaam said, and the two of them offered a bull and a ram on each altar.
³ Then Balaam said to Balak, "Stay here beside your offering while I go aside. Perhaps the Lord will come to meet with me. Whatever he reveals to me I will tell you." Then he went off to a barren height.
⁴ God met with him, and Balaam said, "I have prepared seven altars, and on each altar I have offered a bull and a ram."
⁵ The Lord put a message in Balaam's mouth and said, "Go back to Balak and give him this message."
⁶ So he went back to him and found him standing beside his offering, with all the princes of Moab. ⁷ Then Balaam uttered his oracle:

"Balak brought me from Aram,
the king of Moab from the eastern mountains.
'Come,' he said, 'curse Jacob for me;
come, denounce Israel.'
⁸ How can I curse
those whom God has not cursed?
How can I denounce
those whom the Lord has not denounced?
⁹ From the rocky peaks I see them,
from the heights I view them.
I see a people who live apart
and do not consider themselves one of the nations.
¹⁰ Who can count the dust of Jacob
or number the fourth part of Israel?
Let me die the death of the righteous,
and may my end be like theirs!"

11 Balak said to Balaam, "What have you done to me? I brought you to curse my enemies, but you have done nothing but bless them!"
12 He answered, "Must I not speak what the Lord puts in my mouth?"

If I were Balak I would have run this bastard through right there. If he really is king, he should have, it would be his responsibility to eliminate anything that could hamper his ambitions, not to mention damage his sovereignty. But he doesn’t, he gives Balaam another chance:

Balaam's Second Oracle
¹³ Then Balak said to him, "Come with me to another place where you can see them; you will see only a part but not all of them. And from there, curse them for me." ¹⁴ So he took him to the field of Zophim on the top of Pisgah, and there he built seven altars and offered a bull and a ram on each altar.
¹⁵ Balaam said to Balak, "Stay here beside your offering while I meet with him over there."
¹⁶ The Lord met with Balaam and put a message in his mouth and said, "Go back to Balak and give him this message."
¹⁷ So he went to him and found him standing beside his offering, with the princes of Moab. Balak asked him, "What did the Lord say?"
¹⁸ Then he uttered his oracle:

"Arise, Balak, and listen;
hear me, son of Zippor.
¹⁹ God is not a man, that he should lie,
nor a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?
²⁰ I have received a command to bless;
he has blessed, and I cannot change it.

²¹ "No misfortune is seen in Jacob,
no misery observed in Israel.
The Lord their God is with them;
the shout of the King is among them.
²² God brought them out of Egypt;
they have the strength of a wild ox.
²³ There is no sorcery against Jacob,
no divination against Israel.
It will now be said of Jacob
and of Israel, 'See what God has done!'
²⁴ The people rise like a lioness;
they rouse themselves like a lion
that does not rest till he devours his prey
and drinks the blood of his victims."

²⁵ Then Balak said to Balaam, "Neither curse them at all nor bless them at all!"
²⁶ Balaam answered, "Did I not tell you I must do whatever the Lord says?"

And Balak, the idiot that he his, doesn’t get it, and thinks Balaam needs another location and we move into chapter 24. By the way, if Balak is really an example of the type of leaders that existed outside of Egypt then it’s no wonder Israelites were able to conquer the area, but also, if that were the case, then so would have the Egyptians.

Numbers 24

Balaam then offers this blessing (from god) and Balak is angry:

¹⁰ Then Balak's anger burned against Balaam. He struck his hands together and said to him, "I summoned you to curse my enemies, but you have blessed them these three times. ¹¹ Now leave at once and go home! I said I would reward you handsomely, but the Lord has kept you from being rewarded."

Right…sure, this happened. A king who summons a priest or a witch to do his bidding is mocked by the person he summoned and instead of burning this guy at the stake and eating his eyes, he says, “Okay, fine, don’t help me, just go home”. Are we really to believe this?

The rest of the chapter is a bunch of fortune telling by Balaam (after the fact history of course), remember that this sort of thing is against god’s law in the camps of Israel. Odd, don’t you think, that god says, No fortune telling, but he offers it to people all the time?

²⁵ Then Balaam got up and returned home and Balak went his own way.

Yeah, right and I’m the Pillsbury dough boy.

Numbers 25

¹ While Israel was staying in Shittim, the men began to indulge in sexual immorality with Moabite women, ² who invited them to the sacrifices to their gods. The people ate and bowed down before these gods. ³ So Israel joined in worshiping the Baal of Peor. And the Lord 's anger burned against them.
⁴ The Lord said to Moses, "Take all the leaders of these people, kill them and expose them in broad daylight before the Lord , so that the Lord 's fierce anger may turn away from Israel."

Yep. And god is love. And god loves us all. How come Yesu didn’t mention all the murder god did against people in his speechs?

⁶ Then an Israelite man brought to his family a Midianite woman right before the eyes of Moses and the whole assembly of Israel while they were weeping at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting. ⁷ When Phinehas son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron, the priest, saw this, he left the assembly, took a spear in his hand ⁸ and followed the Israelite into the tent. He drove the spear through both of them-through the Israelite and into the woman's body. Then the plague against the Israelites was stopped; ⁹ but those who died in the plague numbered 24,000.

Yuck. Sick. Ugly. What makes this chapter even worse:

¹¹ "Phinehas son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron, the priest, has turned my anger away from the Israelites; for he was as zealous as I am for my honor among them, so that in my zeal I did not put an end to them. ¹² Therefore tell him I am making my covenant of peace with him. ¹³ He and his descendants will have a covenant of a lasting priesthood, because he was zealous for the honor of his God and made atonement for the Israelites."

God says, because this guy murdered a woman and an unarmed man for me I’ll make him a great nation. That’s just evil. But it’s okay, because god says:

¹⁷ "Treat the Midianites as enemies and kill them,

Peace, love, and understanding are still thousands of years away.

Numbers 26

Another Census is taken. I guess god lost count of all those that he’s killed so far.

This one comes out to total 601,730. This is one of those things that makes little sense. The first census put the total at 603,550. God has killed 38,971 (or so) Israelites in this chapter alone. That leaves 564,579 living. That’s a difference of 37,151 people. It’s possible that the math works here. But it doesn’t make god look good.

Numbers 27

Zelophehad's Daughters

¹ The daughters of Zelophehad son of Hepher, the son of Gilead, the son of Makir, the son of Manasseh, belonged to the clans of Manasseh son of Joseph. The names of the daughters were Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milcah and Tirzah. They approached ² the entrance to the Tent of Meeting and stood before Moses, Eleazar the priest, the leaders and the whole assembly, and said, ³ "Our father died in the desert. He was not among Korah's followers, who banded together against the Lord , but he died for his own sin and left no sons. ⁴ Why should our father's name disappear from his clan because he had no son? Give us property among our father's relatives."
⁵ So Moses brought their case before the Lord ⁶ and the Lord said to him, ⁷ "What Zelophehad's daughters are saying is right. You must certainly give them property as an inheritance among their father's relatives and turn their father's inheritance over to them.
⁸ "Say to the Israelites, 'If a man dies and leaves no son, turn his inheritance over to his daughter. ⁹ If he has no daughter, give his inheritance to his brothers. ¹⁰ If he has no brothers, give his inheritance to his father's brothers. ¹¹ If his father had no brothers, give his inheritance to the nearest relative in his clan, that he may possess it. This is to be a legal requirement for the Israelites, as the Lord commanded Moses.' "

That’s a nice law. It obviously doesn’t hold much water, because women are still second class citizens everywhere in the world.

What I like to point out about verses like this is that ever single name that can possibly be named is there. If Moses had this much info, how come he doesn’t even know who his own mother was?

Joshua to Succeed Moses
¹² Then the Lord said to Moses, "Go up this mountain in the Abarim range and see the land I have given the Israelites. ¹³ After you have seen it, you too will be gathered to your people, as your brother Aaron was, ¹⁴ for when the community rebelled at the waters in the Desert of Zin, both of you disobeyed my command to honor me as holy before their eyes." (These were the waters of Meribah Kadesh, in the Desert of Zin.)
¹⁵ Moses said to the Lord , ¹⁶ "May the Lord , the God of the spirits of all mankind, appoint a man over this community ¹⁷ to go out and come in before them, one who will lead them out and bring them in, so the Lord 's people will not be like sheep without a shepherd."
¹⁸ So the Lord said to Moses, "Take Joshua son of Nun, a man in whom is the spirit, and lay your hand on him. ¹⁹ Have him stand before Eleazar the priest and the entire assembly and commission him in their presence. ²⁰ Give him some of your authority so the whole Israelite community will obey him. ²¹ He is to stand before Eleazar the priest, who will obtain decisions for him by inquiring of the Urim before the Lord . At his command he and the entire community of the Israelites will go out, and at his command they will come in."
²² Moses did as the Lord commanded him. He took Joshua and had him stand before Eleazar the priest and the whole assembly. ²³ Then he laid his hands on him and commissioned him, as the Lord instructed through Moses.

Moses the Murderer begins the passing of the torch.

Numbers 28-30

More of the same. Another chapter(s) dedicated to the laws of offerings. What is that, 3 so far? I can’t keep track.

Numbers 31

Vengeance on the Midianites

¹ The Lord said to Moses, ² "Take vengeance on the Midianites for the Israelites. After that, you will be gathered to your people."
³ So Moses said to the people, "Arm some of your men to go to war against the Midianites and to carry out the Lord 's vengeance on them. ⁴ Send into battle a thousand men from each of the tribes of Israel." ⁵ So twelve thousand men armed for battle, a thousand from each tribe, were supplied from the clans of Israel. ⁶ Moses sent them into battle, a thousand from each tribe, along with Phinehas son of Eleazar, the priest, who took with him articles from the sanctuary and the trumpets for signaling.

Um, what are they fighting with? I’ve heard no commandments for god on building swords. I’ve read no laws or instruction on strategy. I’ve seen not a single instance of learning to shoot a bow. Are we to believe that this people who can’t figure out what to eat from day to day had not only the ability to create swords, but had the intellect to use them?

⁷ They fought against Midian, as the Lord commanded Moses, and killed every man. ⁸ Among their victims were Evi, Rekem, Zur, Hur and Reba-the five kings of Midian. They also killed Balaam son of Beor with the sword. ⁹ The Israelites captured the Midianite women and children and took all the Midianite herds, flocks and goods as plunder. ¹⁰ They burned all the towns where the Midianites had settled, as well as all their camps. ¹¹ They took all the plunder and spoils, including the people and animals, ¹² and brought the captives, spoils and plunder to Moses and Eleazar the priest and the Israelite assembly at their camp on the plains of Moab, by the Jordan across from Jericho.

Yep, plunder and murder. Typical.

¹⁵ "Have you allowed all the women to live?" he asked them. ¹⁶ "They were the ones who followed Balaam's advice and were the means of turning the Israelites away from the Lord in what happened at Peor, so that a plague struck the Lord 's people. ¹⁷ Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, ¹⁸ but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.

That’s what we modern men call genocide, it’s wrong for the Nazi’s but it’s okay for the Jews.

³² The plunder remaining from the spoils that the soldiers took was 675,000 sheep, ³³ 72,000 cattle, ³⁴ 61,000 donkeys ³⁵ and 32,000 women who had never slept with a man.

That means that there were 32,000 ten year old girls. I would assume that means there were a least as many boys and half as many mothers. That means that Moses may have murdered 48,000 woman and children. And what does Moses do after that:

⁴⁷ From the Israelites' half, Moses selected one out of every fifty persons and animals, as the Lord commanded him, and gave them to the Levites, who were responsible for the care of the Lord 's tabernacle.

That’s right, he enriches the priests, thus ensuring their power.

⁵¹ Moses and Eleazar the priest accepted from them the gold-all the crafted articles. ⁵² All the gold from the commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds that Moses and Eleazar presented as a gift to the Lord weighed 16,750 shekels.

I still see no god here. Only Moses the Murderer.

Numbers 32

There are some chapters in the bible that sort of sit funny where they are. This is one. At the beginning of the chapter it shows the Israelites on the border of their promised land (like they’ve already been). It shows them being frightened of going on (again) and it shows god saying that they won’t get to go in (again). This could be a re-telling of the same story, on with a different outcome, or it could be that they have shown back up at the same place only to do the same thing again. Luckly we don’t have to make that distinction:

¹⁴ "And here you are, a brood of sinners, standing in the place of your fathers and making the Lord even more angry with Israel.

Accordingly, then, it’s 40 years later and they are about to make the same mistake again. Stupid!

The rest of this chapter talks about them arming themselves for crossing the Jordan to fight for their holy land.

Numbers 33

It is a recap of the wandering Israelites.

Numbers 34

God explains where each tribe is suppose to live when they re-enter Canaan.

Numbers 35

Starts by explaining that the Levites get their own special places including:

⁶ "Six of the towns you give the Levites will be cities of refuge, to which a person who has killed someone may flee.

¹⁵These six towns will be a place of refuge for Israelites, aliens and any other people living among them, so that anyone who has killed another accidentally can flee there. ¹⁶ " 'If a man strikes someone with an iron object so that he dies, he is a murderer; the murderer shall be put to death. ¹⁷ Or if anyone has a stone in his hand that could kill, and he strikes someone so that he dies, he is a murderer; the murderer shall be put to death. ¹⁸ Or if anyone has a wooden object in his hand that could kill, and he hits someone so that he dies, he is a murderer; the murderer shall be put to death. ¹⁹ The avenger of blood shall put the murderer to death; when he meets him, he shall put him to death. ²⁰ If anyone with malice aforethought shoves another or throws something at him intentionally so that he dies ²¹ or if in hostility he hits him with his fist so that he dies, that person shall be put to death; he is a murderer. The avenger of blood shall put the murderer to death when he meets him.
²² " 'But if without hostility someone suddenly shoves another or throws something at him unintentionally ²³ or, without seeing him, drops a stone on him that could kill him, and he dies, then since he was not his enemy and he did not intend to harm him, ²⁴ the assembly must judge between him and the avenger of blood according to these regulations. ²⁵ The assembly must protect the one accused of murder from the avenger of blood and send him back to the city of refuge to which he fled. He must stay there until the death of the high priest, who was anointed with the holy oil.

All well and good, but doesn’t this mean that the city would be full of murderers and thugs? I suppose since Moses murdered someone himself he felt that if he could flee then it would only be fair to offer the same to others.

²⁶ " 'But if the accused ever goes outside the limits of the city of refuge to which he has fled ²⁷ and the avenger of blood finds him outside the city, the avenger of blood may kill the accused without being guilty of murder.

Funny. Isn’t this against one of the commandments?

Numbers 36

And this is the last chapter. A rather dull chapter about the law of inheritance.

Numbers

Murders:

Raining Fire on the Israelites (unknown number of dead)

Poisons Israelites that craved meat (unknown number of dead)

The Explorers of Canaan for spreading a false report (8)

Man stoned for Collection wood.

Korah, Dathan, & Abiram (with their families including children) are swallowed by the earth.

250 ‘Godly’ are consumed by raining fire.

14,700 in a plague for questioning god killing the 250 ‘Godly’ men.

An Isrealite (Zimri) and his Midianite (Cozbi) lover (run through with a spear)

24,000 for having sexual relations with the Moabites.

The Moabites just for being who they were(~20,000).

The Midianite children and old women (~48,000).

Crimes against Humans

Miriam is made Leprous for Plotting against Moses

War

The Amalekites and Canaanites route the Israelites

Arad Destroyed

Defeat of Sihon and Og

The Midianites

Running Contradictions: 16