Cosplay is the oldest and most revered tradition of anime conventions. The cosplay presentation is always the big ticket, finale show of the convention, the one you can't get into without enduring the longest lineup.

Cosplayers spend many months working on their costumes and rehearsing their little playlets, which generally lampoon the characters they are portraying.

There are even professional cosplay costume designers and makers, for those who prefer wallowing in the admiration of others to putting their souls into the project.

Given this level of dedication, I just cannot understand why these presentations consistently suck so bad.

In a country where high school drama classes can put on a passable version of a broadway show, or even Tommy, cosplayers cannot seem to rise to the level of even a special-ed elementary class play.

They already have pre-established characters and often great background stories, yet after months of work, very few seem to be able to create a 3 minute production which can be described as anything other than totally lame.

Additionally, the execution is invariably atrocious. Nobody knows where to stand, they trip over their lines written down on paper in their hands like it's a Greek manuscript they've never seen before, they either mumble inaudibly or shout with the microphone inside their mouths so loud that anything they say is incomprehensible, nobody knows where or when to move, or what to do. Then everybody claps and the next theatrical abortion stumbles onto the stage.

As the Professor put it, "Look, all you'd have to do is play Black Coffee from Cowboy Bebop Vitaminless and prop up any male and female characters you like and you would walk away with 1st prize at any anime convention in this country. There, that took me 2 seconds!"

I just don't get it.

Anyway, my favorite was this troupe of girls who portrayed the entire Inuyasha gang. Not a terribly original theme, but executed with love and detail. They even had little girls portraying Shippo and Kirara (on all fours, complete with 2 tails).

Cute seemed like the ticket. The crowd favorite was a 4 or 5 year old girl portraying Sailor Luna (Sailor Chibi Moon's replacement) from the new live action series,"Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon". Topical, too.

Overall costume-wise, I believe the costume experts who pore over every costume with a fine-toothed comb chose a girl (I think it was a girl!) wearing a very complete furry blue suit representing Kilmari of Final Fantasy.

I think she should have won a prize for wearing that thing all day long. It was heavy and hot and covered everything but her eyeballs. Once you're in, you don't get out. I marvelled at her endurance hour after hour.

special note to Harmony:

I do have theatrical experience in a past life.

The translation of anime to "dorama" (live action) has a long history of miserable failure. The exceptional successes include Sailor Moon and Great Teacher Onizuka.

Oddly though, audiences flock to see "seiyuu" (the voice actors) in live appearances. No attempt is made at any theater in these affairs. The focus is on theme songs and stock phrases in character voices which bring squeals of delight from fans.

The unreality of animated characters seems essential to our love of them, and this is the very thing that is lost in a stage or even film adaptation.

Theater folk do indeed get involved in cosplay, however they seem to stick to wardrobe, lights, and sound, i.e. stage infrastructure. So all the props and costumes are in place, but no writers, directors, or actors show up!

Models do have a place in high end cosplay. In Japan, there are professional cosplay costume wearers who show off costume constructor's work to best advantage. At AnimeExpo in Orange County, California, there is a Sailor Moon "franchise". The City of Hope, a local children's hospital, sponsors a long standing Sailor Moon group. The group maintains beautiful costumes for about 20 characters. These have been painstakingly constructed and refined over many years. There is competition for who will "present" (wear) which costume each year. So modeling and posing skills are prized and practiced.

But still no writers, directors, or actors. I remain mystified.