Mystery Science Theater 3000
does
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
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((6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...))
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away...
A vast sea of stars serves as the backdrop for the main
title. War drums echo through the heavens as a rollup slowly
crawls into infinity.
CROW: "So, this is going to take a while?"
STAR WARS
Episode IV: A New Hope
It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking
from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the
evil Galactic Empire.
During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans
to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the Death Star, an armored
space station with enough power to destroy an entire planet.
CROW: "Sound familiar, Mike?"
MIKE: "Oh, come on now, Crow, that was uncalled for! The
past is the past. And besides, it wasn't my fault that..."
SERVO: "Mike, you know, at some point you're just going to
have to begin accepting the consequences of your actions. I
mean, sure, a planet here or there isn't much, I'll grant
you. But that's only the beginning, isn't it? Soon, it's a
sector or two, and then whole empires and federations begin
to disappear, and then you've got real problems."
MIKE: "But..."
SERVO: "Enough, Mike; we can discuss this later... AGAIN."
Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents, Princess Leia
races home aboard her starship,
MIKE: "The '200 Meter Dash'."
custodian of the stolen plans
SERVO(in moron voice): "Duh, yup, just gotta keep cleaning
these plans, and everything will be all right."
that can save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy...
The awesome yellow planet of Tatooine emerges from a
total eclipse, her two moons glowing against the darkness. A
tiny silver spacecraft, a Rebel Blockade Runner, firing
lasers from the back of the ship,
CROW: "We're losing firepower! Keep shoveling in those
burritos!"
races through space. It is pursed by a giant Imperial Star
Destroyer. Hundreds of deadly laser bolts streak from the
Imperial Star Destroyer, causing the main solar fin of the
Rebel craft to disintegrate.
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- MAIN PASSAGEWAY.
An explosion rocks the ship as two robots, Artoo-Detoo
(R2-D2) and See-Threepio (C-3PO), struggle to make their way
through the shaking, bouncing passageway. Both robots are
old and battered.
CROW: "Battered or marinated, they'll make a great side
dish."
SERVO: "Cannibal!"
Artoo is a short, claw-armed tripod. His face is a mass
of computer lights surrounding a radar eye.
Threepio, on the other hand, is a tall, slender robot
of human proportions.
CROW: "And what proportions they are, too!"
He has a gleaming bronze-like metallic surface of an Art
Deco design.
Another blast shakes them as they struggle along their
way.
THREEPIO: Did you hear that? They've shut down the main
reactor. We'll be destroyed for sure. This is madness!
CROW: "No, THIS is madness: (as his head starts spinning
around) AAAAA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
MIKE: "Umm, Servo... do you wanna switch seats with me?"
SERVO: "No, Mike."
Rebel troopers rush past the robots and take up
positions in the main passageway. They aim their weapons
toward the door.
MIKE: "Bad door! BAD!"
THREEPIO: We're doomed!
The little R2 unit makes a series of electronic sounds
that only another robot could understand.
CROW AND SERVO: "What??"
THREEPIO: There'll be no escape for the Princess this time.
CROW: "Is HE the villain?"
MIKE: "Kind of unlikely-looking, isn't he?"
SERVO: "I bet he has a bunch of secret compartments where he
stores weapons."
CROW: "Aaah."
MIKE: "Good call, Servo."
Artoo continues making beeping sounds. Tension mounts
as loud metallic latches clank and the scream of heavy
equipment are heard moving around the outside hull of the
ship.
THREEPIO: What's that?
SERVO: "A hailstorm."
EXTERIOR: SPACECRAFT IN SPACE.
ALL THREE: "DUH!"
The Imperial craft has easily overtaken the Rebel
Blockade Runner. The smaller Rebel ship is being drawn into
the underside dock of the giant Imperial starship.
MIKE(in official-sounding professorial voice): "Next on the
Discovery Channel: the mating practices of the Imperial Star
Destroyer."
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER.
CROW: "Hmm... that was fast!"
The nervous Rebel troopers aim their weapons.
MIKE: "Again? Didn't they already aim them at the door?"
Suddenly a tremendous blast opens up a hole in the main
passageway and a score of fearsome armored spacesuited
stormtroopers make their way into the smoke-filled corridor.
In a few minutes the entire passageway is ablaze with
laser fire.
SERVO: "A few MINUTES!? What, did they exchange cordial
greetings first?"
The deadly bolts ricochet in wild random patterns
creating huge explosions. Stormtroopers scatter and duck
behind storage lockers. Laser bolts hit several Rebel
soldiers who scream and stagger through the smoke, holding
shattered arms and faces.
An explosion hits near the robots.
THREEPIO: I should have known better than to trust the logic
of a half-sized thermocapsulary dehousing assister...
CROW: "Hey! They didn't tell us this was a Star Trek
movie!"
Artoo counters with an angry rebuttal as the battle
rages around the two hapless robots.
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- MAIN HALLWAY.
The awesome, seven-foot-tall Dark Lord of the Sith
makes his way into the blinding light of the main
passageway. This is Darth Vader, right hand of the Emperor.
MIKE: "The Emperor is Voltron?"
His face is obscured by his flowing black robes and
grotesque breath mask, which stands out next to the fascist
white armored suits of the Imperial stormtroopers.
SERVO: "So this would make Vader what, then... a
Libertarian?"
Everyone instinctively backs away from the imposing
warrior and a deathly quiet sweeps through the Rebel troops.
Several of the Rebel troops break and run in a frenzied
panic.
MIKE: "Jerks."
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER.
A woman's hand puts a card into an opening in Artoo's
dome. Artoo makes beeping sounds.
CROW: "I'd make beeping sounds, too!"
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER.
SERVO: "OK, we get the point! This is a substandard Rebel
Blockade Runner. Jeez, why do they have to tell us this
every couple of lines?"
MIKE: "That's 'interior', not 'inferior', Servo."
SERVO: "Well, yeah, that too."
Threepio stands in a hallway, somewhat bewildered.
Artoo is nowhere in sight. The pitiful screams of the doomed
Rebel soldiers can be heard in the distance.
THREEPIO: Artoo! Artoo-Detoo, where are you?
CROW: "Ready or not, here I come!"
A familiar clanking sound attracts Threepio's
attention and he spots little Artoo at the end of the
hallway in a smoke-filled alcove. A beautiful young woman
stands in front of Artoo. Surreal and out of place,
dreamlike and half hidden in the smoke, she finishes
adjusting something on Artoo's computer face,
SERVO: "Wiping off her lipstick... that lucky little
'droid!"
then watches as the little robot joins his companion.
THREEPIO: At last! Where have you been?
Stormtroopers can be heard battling in the distance.
THREEPIO: They're heading in this direction. What are we
going to do? We'll be sent to the spice mines of Kessel or
smashed into who knows what!
Artoo scoots past his bronze friend and races down the
subhallway. Threepio chases after him.
THREEPIO: Wait a minute, where are you going?
Artoo responds with electronic beeps.
MIKE(in ominous voice): "The evolution of the Atari 2600
never ends...."
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- CORRIDOR
The evil Darth Vader stands amid the broken and twisted
bodies of his foes. He grabs a wounded Rebel Officer by the
neck as an Imperial Officer rushes up to the Dark Lord.
CROW: "Can I have some candy, Daddy?"
IMPERIAL OFFICER: The Death Star plans are not in the main
computer.
Vader squeezes the neck of the Rebel Officer, who
struggles in vain.
VADER: Where are those transmissions you intercepted?
Vader lifts the Rebel off his feet by his throat.
VADER: What have you done with those plans?
REBEL OFFICER: We intercepted no transmissions. Aaah....
This is a consular ship. We're on a diplomatic mission.
SERVO: "We have an important meeting with the sand on
Tatooine."
VADER: If this is a consular ship... where is the
Ambassador?
The Rebel refuses to speak but eventually cries out as
the Dark Lord begins to squeeze the officer's throat,
CROW(in strained voice): "You're... choking me... I'd tell
you... can't get... the words out....
creating a gruesome snapping and choking, until the soldier
goes limp. Vader tosses the dead soldier against the wall
and turns to his troops.
MIKE(as Rebel): "Uh... I'm not QUITE dead...."
VADER: Commander, tear this ship apart until you've found
those plans and bring me the Ambassador. I want her alive!
ALL THREE: "So do we!"
The stormtroopers scurry into the subhallways.
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- SUBHALLWAY.
The lovely young girl huddles in a small alcove as the
stormtroopers search through the ship. She is Princess Leia
Organa, a member of the Imperial Senate. The fear in her
eyes slowly gives way to anger as the muted crushing sounds
of the approaching stormtroopers grow louder. One of the
troopers spots her.
MIKE: "Not a word, Crow!"
CROW: "Huh?"
TROOPER: There she is! Set for stun!
SERVO: "These guys need some serious field training: like
don't give away your position to the enemy!"
Leia steps from her hiding place and blasts a trooper
with her laser pistol. She starts to run but is felled by a
paralyzing ray. The troopers inspect her inert body.
CROW: "For about twenty minutes."
TROOPER: She'll be alright. Inform Lord Vader we have a
prisoner.
MIKE: "But, I don't wanna."
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- SUBHALLWAY.
Artoo stops before the small hatch of an emergency
lifepod. He snaps the seal on the main latch and a red
warning light begins to flash. The stubby astro-robot works
his way into the cramped four-man pod.
THREEPIO: Hey, you're not permitted in there. It's
restricted. You'll be deactivated for sure...
Artoo beeps something to him.
CROW: "Yeah, 'Beep you!'"
THREEPIO: Don't call me a mindless philosopher,
SERVO: "There's another kind?"
you overweight glob of grease! Now come out before somebody
sees you.
Artoo whistles something at his reluctant friend
regarding the mission he is about to perform.
THREEPIO: Secret mission? What plans? What are you talking
about? I'm not getting in there!
Artoo isn't happy with Threepio's stubbornness, and he
beeps and twangs angrily.
A new explosion, this time very close, sends dust and
debris through the narrow subhallway. Flames lick at
Threepio and, after a flurry of electronic swearing from
Artoo, the lanky robot jumps into the lifepod.
THREEPIO: I'm going to regret this.
CROW: "But it'll build character."
INTERIOR: IMPERIAL STAR DESTROYER.
On the main viewscreen, the lifepod carrying the two
terrified robots speeds away from the stricken Rebel
spacecraft.
CHIEF PILOT: There goes another one.
MIKE: (country policeman voice): "Gotta be doin' at least
seventy, seventy-five."
CAPTAIN: Hold your fire. There are no life forms. It must
have short-circuited.
INTERIOR: LIFEPOD.
Artoo and Threepio look out at the receding Imperial
starship. Stars circle as the pod rotates through the
galaxy.
THREEPIO: That's funny; the damage doesn't look as bad from
out here.
Artoo beeps an assuring response.
THREEPIO: Are you sure this thing is safe?
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- HALLWAY
Princess Leia is led down a low-ceilinged hallway by a
squad of armored stormtroopers. Her hands are bound and she
is brutally shoved when she is unable to keep up with the
briskly marching troops. They stop in a smoky hallway as
Darth Vader emerges from the shadows. The sinister Dark Lord
stares hard at the frail young senator, but she doesn't
move.
MIKE: "Thwow her to the fwoor."
LEIA: Darth Vader; I should have known. Only you could be so
bold. The Imperial Senate will not sit still for this --
when they hear you've attacked a diplomatic...
VADER: Don't play games with me, Your Highness --
SERVO: "What about... nah. Old joke."
MIKE: "Excellent judgement, my metallic friend."
you weren't on any mercy mission this time. You passed
directly through a restricted system. Several transmissions
were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what
happened to the plans they sent you.
LEIA: I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a member of
the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan...
VADER: You're a part of the Rebel Alliance... and a traitor.
Take her away!
Leia is marched away down the hallway and into the
smoldering hole blasted in the side of the ship. An Imperial
Commander turns to Vader.
COMMANDER: Holding her is dangerous.
CROW: "But somebody's gotta do it."
If word of this gets out, it could generate sympathy for the
Rebellion in the Senate.
VADER: I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my
only link to finding their secret base!
COMMANDER: She'll die before she tells you anything.
VADER: Leave that to me. Send a distress signal and then
inform the Senate that all aboard were killed!
Another Imperial Officer approaches Vader and the
Commander. They stop and snap to attention.
SECOND OFFICER: Lord Vader, the battle station plans are not
aboard this ship! And no transmissions were made. An escape
pod was jettisoned during the fighting, but no life forms
were aboard.
Vader turns to the Commander.
VADER: She must have hidden the plans in the escape pod.
Send a detachment down to retrieve them.
MIKE: "How detached should they be, sir?"
See to it personally, Commander. There'll be no one to stop
us this time.
COMMANDER: Yes, sir.
EXTERIOR: SPACE.
The Imperial Star Destroyer comes over the surface of
the planet Tatooine.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- DESERT.
The Jundland Wastes, where the rugged desert mesas meet
the foreboding Dune Sea. The two helpless astro-droids kick
up clouds of sand as they leave the lifepod and clumsily
work their way across the desert wasteland. The lifepod in
the distance rests half buried in the sand.
THREEPIO: How did I get into this mess? I really don't know
how. We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life.
Artoo answers with beeping sounds.
THREEPIO: I've got to rest before I fall apart. My joints
are almost frozen.
SERVO: "And you've gone what, about 300 feet from the escape
pod?"
Artoo continues to respond with beeping sounds.
THREEPIO: What a desolate place this is.
Suddenly Artoo whistles, makes a sharp right turn and
starts off in the direction of the rocky desert mesas.
Threepio stops and yells at him.
THREEPIO: Where are you going?
A stream of electronic noises pours forth from the
small robot.
CROW: "Please tell me he's not singing the Macarena."
THREEPIO: Well, I'm not going that way. It's much too rocky.
This way is much easier.
Artoo counters with a long whistle.
THREEPIO: What makes you think there are settlements over
there?
Artoo continues to make beeping sounds.
THREEPIO: Don't get technical with me.
Artoo continues to make beeping sounds.
ALL THREE: "Shut up!"
THREEPIO: What mission? What are you talking about? I've had
just about enough of you! Go that way! You'll be
malfunctioning within a day, you nearsighted scrap pile!
Threepio gives the little robot a kick and starts off
in the direction of the vast Dune Sea.
THREEPIO: And don't let me catch you following me begging
for help,
MIKE: "Don't worry; I won't!"
because you won't get it.
Artoo's reply is a rather rude sound. He turns and
trudges off in the direction of the towering mesas.
THREEPIO: No more adventures. I'm not going that way.
Artoo beeps to himself as he makes his way toward the
distant mountains.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- DUNE SEA.
Threepio, hot and tired, struggles up over the ridge of
a dune only to find more dunes, which seem to go on for
endless miles. He looks back in the direction of the now-
distant rock mesas.
THREEPIO: That malfunctioning little twerp. This is all his
fault! He tricked me into going this way... but he'll do no
better.
In a huff of anger and frustration, Threepio knocks the
sand from his joints. His plight seems hopeless, when a
glint of reflected light in the distance reveals an object
moving towards him.
THREEPIO: Wait, what's that?
SERVO: "Taxi? Taxi!"
A transport! I'm saved!
The bronze android waves frantically and yells at the
approaching transport.
THREEPIO: Over here! Help! Please, help!
MIKE: "Yes, help us all! End this cheesy movie!"
CROW: "Mike, has that ever worked before?"
MIKE: "Well, uh..."
CROW: "Then just FORGET IT, OK?"
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- ROCK CANYON -- SUNSET.
The gargantuan rock formations are shrouded in a
strange foreboding mist and the onimous sounds of unearthly
creatures fill the air. Artoo moves cautiously through the
creepy rock canyon, inadvertently making a loud clicking
noise as he goes. He hears a distant, hard, metallic sound
and stops for a moment. Convinced he is alone, he continues
on his way.
SERVO: "No! Wait! Go back!"
In the distance, a few pebbles tumble down the steep
canyon wall and a small dark figure darts into the shadows.
A little further up the canyon a slight flicker of light
reveals a pair of eyes in the dark recesses only a few feet
from the narrow path.
The unsuspecting robot waddles along the rugged trail
until suddenly, out of nowhere,
MIKE: "Well, I think it actually probably came from
SOMEWHERE."
a powerful magnetic ray shoots out of the rocks and engulfs
him in an eerie glow. He manages one short electronic squeak
before he topples over onto his back. His bright computer
lights flicker off, then on, then off again. Out of the
rocks scurry three Jawas, no taller than Artoo. They holster
strange and complex weapons as they cautiously approach the
robot. They wear grubby cloaks and their faces are shrouded
so only their glowing eyes can be seen. They hiss and make
odd guttural sounds as they heave the heavy robot onto their
shoulders and carry him off down the trail.
ALL THREE: "Dink dink, dink dink dink DINK DINK dink!"
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- ROCK CANYON -- SANDCRAWLER -- SUNSET.
The eight Jawas carry Artoo out of the canyon to a huge
tank-like vehicle the size of a four-story house. They weld
a small disk on the side of Artoo and then put him under a
large tube on the side of the vehicle and the little robot
is sucked into the giant machine.
MIKE: "Hey, you guys, Ross Perot was right!"
The filthy little Jawas scurry like rats up small
ladders and enter the main cabin of the behemoth transport.
INTERIOR: SANDCRAWLER -- HOLD AREA.
It is dim inside the hold area of the Sandcrawler.
Artoo switches on a small floodlight on his forehead
CROW: "Hey, Servo, I thought you said Threepio was the one
with all the attachments?"
SERVO: "Just wait, my friend. I'm sure it's only a matter of
time."
and stumbles around the scrap heap. The narrow beam swings
across rusty metal rocket parts and an array of grotesquely
twisted and maimed astro-robots.
MIKE: "They got a little rough during their rugby game."
He lets out a pathetic electronic whimper and stumbles
off toward what appears to be a door at the end of the
chamber.
INTERIOR: SANDCRAWLER -- PRISON AREA.
Artoo enters a wide room with a four-foot ceiling. In
the middle of the scrap heap sit a dozen or so robots of
various shapes and sizes. Some are engaged in electronic
conversation, while others simply mill about. A voice of
recognition calls out from the gloom.
THREEPIO: Artoo? Artoo-Detoo! It is you! It IS you!
A battered Threepio scrambles up to Artoo and embraces
him.
CROW: "I think this confirms what we already know about
Threepio's... 'orientation'."
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- ROCK CANYON -- SANDCRAWLER -- SUNSET.
The enormous Sandcrawler lumbers off toward the
magnificent twin suns, which are slowly setting over a
distant mountain ridge.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- DESERT -- DAY.
Four Imperial stormtroopers mill about
SERVO: "First the droids mill about, now the stormtroopers.
I think General Mills has a little not-so-subtle product
placement going on here."
in front of the half-buried lifepod that brought Artoo and
Threepio to Tatooine. A trooper yells to an officer some
distance away.
FIRST TROOPER: Someone was in the pod.
MIKE: "The Pod People?"
The tracks go off in this direction.
A second trooper picks a small bit of metal out of the
sand and gives it to the first trooper.
SECOND TROOPER: Look, sir -- droids.
SERVO: "And they're shedding!"
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- DUNES.
The Sandcrawler moves slowly down a great sand dune.
INTERIOR: SANDCRAWLER.
Threepio and Artoo noisily bounce along inside the
cramped prison chamber. Artoo appears to be shut off.
THREEPIO: Wake up! Wake up!
Suddenly the shaking and bouncing of the Sandcrawler
stops, creating quite a commotion among the mechanical men.
CROW(as one of the robots): "It's about time they installed
shock absorbers on this thing!"
Threepio's fist bangs the head of Artoo
CROW: "See? Villain. Told you!"
whose computer lights pop on as he begins beeping.
SERVO: "Oh, not again!"
MIKE: "Well, at least he's not John Agar."
SERVO: "Mike, I warned you never to mention... that NAME...
ever again!!"
At the far end of the long chamber a hatch opens,
filling the chamber with blinding white light. A dozen or so
Jawas make their way through the odd assortment of robots.
THREEPIO: We're doomed.
A Jawa starts moving toward them.
THREEPIO: Do you think they'll melt us down?
Artoo responds, making beeping sounds.
CROW: "I hope they melt HIM down, at least."
THREEPIO: Don't shoot! Don't shoot! Will this never end?
MIKE: "Hey, that's just what we're asking!"
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- DESERT -- LARS HOMESTEAD -- AFTERNOON.
The Jawas mutter gibberish as they busily line up their
battered captives, including Artoo and Threepio, in front of
the enormous Sandcrawler,
SERVO: "Ooh, a firing squad! This should be fun!"
CROW: "No, it's a police lineup."
MIKE: "You guys are both wrong. They're at the DMV for
their license photos. I remember what that was like,
although I never actually saw them take the picture. I had
this really big goober that was bothering me, see..."
CROW: "Alright, Mike, we get the picture."
MIKE: "No, I got the picture. In fact, I still have it
around here somewhere."
He starts fidgeting around in his seat, looking for his
wallet, and continues doing so throughout the next scene.
which is parked beside a small homestead consisting of three
large holes in the ground surrounded by several tall
moisture vaporators and one small adobe block house.
The Jawas scurry around fussing over the robots,
straightening them up or brushing some dust from a dented
metallic elbow. The shrouded little creatures smell
horribly, attracting small insects to the dark areas when
their mouths and nostrils should be.
SERVO: "That's why their eyes glow: they're like bug
zappers!"
CROW: "Mike, what are you DOING!?"
MIKE: "I'm tryin' to find my license."
SERVO: "We don't want to SEE your license, Mike!"
MIKE: "No, no, I'm sure you'll like it once you see it. I
guess it's not here, though; I'll have to show you later."
CROW: "Dear God, please make him forget."
MIKE: "Forget what, Crow?"
CROW: "Oh, nothing. And thanks, Big Guy!"
Out of the shadows of a dingy side-building limps Owen
Lars, a large burly man in his mid-fifties.
SERVO: "President Clinton?"
His reddish eyes are sunken in a dust-covered face. As
the farmer carefully inspects each robot, he is closely
followed by his slump-shouldered nephew, Luke Skywalker. One
of the vile little Jawas walks ahead of the farmer spouting
an animated sales pitch in a queer, unintelligible language.
CROW: "So this is the San Francisco of Tatooine?"
A voice calls out from one of the huge holes that form
the homestead.
MIKE: "Or is it one of the huge holes in the movie's plot?"
Luke goes over to the edge and sees his Aunt Beru
standing in the main courtyard.
BERU: Luke, tell Owen if he gets a translator to be sure it
speaks Bocce.
SERVO: "Why would it speak an Italian bowling game?"
LUKE: It doesn't look like we have much of a choice, but
I'll remind him.
Luke returns to his uncle as they look over the
equipment for sale with the Jawa leader.
OWEN: (to Threepio) You -- I suppose you're programmed for
etiquette and protocol.
CROW: "Is this the famed 'Mr. Manners'?"
THREEPIO: Protocol? Why, it's my primary function, sir.
OWEN: I have no need for a protocol droid.
THREEPIO: (quickly) Of course you haven't, sir -- not in an
environment such as this -- that's why I've also been
programmed for over thirty secondary functions that...
OWEN: What I really need is a droid that understands the
binary language of moisture vaporators.
MIKE: "Would that be, 'drip, drip, drip'?"
THREEPIO: Vaporators! Sir -- my first job was programming
binary load lifters, very similar to your vaporators in most
respects. You could say...
OWEN: Do you speak Bocce?
THREEPIO: Of course I can, sir. It's like a second language
for me... I'm as fluent in Bocce...
OWEN: All right shut up! (turning to Jawa) I'll take this
one.
THREEPIO: Shutting up, sir.
SERVO: "That's a first."
OWEN: Luke, take these two over to the garage, will you? I
want you to have both of them cleaned up before dinner.
LUKE: But I was going into Toshi Station to pick up some
power converters...
CROW: "I already don't like the kid."
OWEN: You can waste time with your friends when your chores
are done. Now come on, get to it!
LUKE: All right, come on! And the red one, come on. Well,
come on, Red, let's go!
As the Jawas start to lead the remaining robots back
into the Sandcrawler, Artoo lets out a pathetic little beep
and starts after his old friend Threepio. He is restrained
by a slimy Jawa, who zaps him with a control box.
Owen is negotiating with the head Jawa. Luke and the
two robots start off for the garage when a plate pops off
the head of the red astro-droid's head plate and it sparks
wildly.
LUKE: Uncle Owen...
OWEN: Yeah?
LUKE: This R2 unit has a bad motivator. Look!
OWEN: (to the head Jawa) Hey, what're you trying to push on
us?
The Jawa goes into a loud spiel. Meanwhile, Artoo has
sneaked out of line and is moving up and down trying to
attract attention. He lets out with a low whistle. Threepio
taps Luke on the shoulder.
SERVO(as Luke): "Don't you EVER touch me there again, do
you HEAR?"
THREEPIO: (pointing to Artoo) Excuse me, sir, but that R2
unit is in prime condition... a real bargain!
LUKE: Uncle Owen...
OWEN: Yeah?
LUKE: What about that one?
OWEN: (to Jawa) What about that blue one? We'll take that
one.
With a little reluctance the scruffy dwarf trades the
damaged astro-droid for Artoo.
MIKE: "If you ask me, Uncle Owen got the short end of the
stick on that one."
