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drpetkovic
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- Select reading
material.
- Tell everyone
along the way, "Just going for a dump, okay?" Always tell
girlfriend/wife, especially when she has visitors.
- Pull pants and
trousers around ankles, then sit down.
- Adjust penis
and testicles to hang comfortably without touching the toilet rim.
- Open reading
material and relax.
- Whilst
waiting, it is traditional to audibly fart.
- Sigh loudly as
the first one bullets out. It is quite normal to experience a cold jet of
water rocket up your anus as a result of the first bomb. This is to be
endured if you want to be a real man.
- Remain sitting
and reading until pins-and-needles set in to your legs and buttocks.
- Rise and look
at the crap. Make mental notes of irregularities to report to friends and
girlfriend/wife, e.g. color, consistency, any visible traces of peanuts etc.
You must tell people about it.
- Take long
length of paper and wipe anus. You must look at the paper before throwing it
into the bowl. (Repeat step 10 until there is no longer any evidence of
feces on the paper)
- Flush. If
there is any residue left on the bowl, under no circumstances attempt to
clean it off. In due course, it will come away by itself. Or, when your
girlfriend/wife next uses the toilet.
- Leave the seat
up. Leave the reading material on the floor (you can use it again later).
- Wash your
hands once.
- Vacate the
bathroom, leaving the door open. It is important to a man's self-esteem that
other people smell his produce.
........
drpetkovic
home page
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