Habit 4: Think Win/Win * Principles of Interpersonal Leadership
Six Paradigms of Human Interaction * Win/Win * Lose/Lose * Win/Lose * Win * Lose/Win * Win/Win or No Deal
Win/Win * Agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial * A belief in the Third Alternative -- a better way
Lose/Lose * Lose/Lose * Result of encounters between two Win/Lose individuals. * Also the philosophy of highly dependent people.
Win/Lose * Use of position, power, credentials, possessions or personality to get one's way. * The win/lose mentality is dysfunctional to interdependence.
Win * Win at all costs. Other people don't matter. * The most common approach in everyday negotiation.
Lose/Win * Lose/Win people are quick to please or appease. * Capitulation -- giving in or giving up. * Note: Many executives, managers and parents oscillate between Win/Lose and
Lose/Win.
Which option is best? * Most situations are part of an interdependent reality. * Win/Win solutions are synergistic.
Win/Win or No Deal * If we can't find a solution that would benefit both parties, we agree to disagree. -- Most realistic at the beginning of a relationship or enterprise.
Win/Win Benefits and Features * Character. The foundation of Win/Win -- Integrity. The value we place on ourselves. -- Maturity. Balance courage & consideration. -- Abundance Mentality. There is plenty out there for everybody.
* Relationships. -- Courtesy, respect, appreciation for others.
Agreements * Cover a wide scope of interdependent action. * Desired results * Guidelines * Resources * Accountability * Consequences
Supportive Systems * Reward systems must reflect the values of the mission statement. * Processes.
The route to Win/Win: * See the problem from another point of view. * Identify the key issues and concerns involved. * Determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution. * Identify possible new options to achieve those results.
Habit 5: See first to understand, then be understood * Principles of Empathic Communication
Character and Communication * Communication is the most important skill in life * If you want to interact effectively with me, to influence me, you first need to understand me. * Build skill of empathic listening on a base of character that inspires openness and trust.
Empathic Listening * Most people listen with the intent to reply.
* When another person speaks, we are usually 'listening' at one of four levels: -- Ignoring -- Pretending -- Selective listening -- Attentive listening
Empathic Listening * Very few of us ever practice it. -- Only 10 percent of what we communicate is through words, another 30 percent is by our sounds, and 60 percent by body language. * Empathic listening is risky.
Diagnose before you prescribe * Diagnose before you prescribe is a correct principle in many areas of life. * It is the mark of all true professionals * The amateur salesman sells products, the professional salesman sells solutions to needs and problems.
Four Autobiographical Responses * We listen autobiographically (from the perspective of our own paradigms), and respond in one of four ways: -- We evaluate -- We probe -- We advise -- We interpret
Logic * The language of logic is different from the language of sentiment and emotion. * As long as responses are logical, we are at liberty to ask questions and give counsel. The moment responses become emotional, empathic listening is necessary.
Four stages of empathic listening: * Mimic content * Rephrase the content * Reflect feeling * Rephrase the content and reflect the feeling.
Transformational Opportunities * Empathic listening enables us to create transformational opportunities. The key to empathic listening is to genuinely seek the welfare of the individual to whom you are listening.
Understanding and Perception * As you learn to listen deeply to other people, you will discover tremendous differences in perception. * Habit 5 is the first step in the process of Win/Win.
Then seek to be understood * Knowing how to be understood is the other half of Habit 5 and is crucial in reaching Win/Win solutions. The essence of making effective presentations: * Ethos -- your personal credibility. * Pathos -- the empathic side. * Logos -- the logic.
One on One * Habit 5 is right in the middle of your circle of influence. -- You can always seek first to understand. * Spend time with your spouse and children, one on one.