Drive to the intersection of US-50 and VA-123. Look around - you'll find it.

You walk in and you're facing a bifurcation; bar on the left, tables on the right. The bar's really cool; a short counter perpetually strung up in Christmas lights (if I remember correctly, this time of year makes such a determination hard to do), with the ubiquitous Golden Tee machine and a circular table by the front window which is always free. I've come here with a big group and taken five in the front table for a private conversation, looking out the window watching the Fairfax night scroll by. Beyond the bar is a window separation from the more restauranty half, with quasi-seating around it... so diners get this fishbowl effect as their drinker neighbors lean up against the glass partition, violating personal space and yet not causing any noise; I've grown to like the effect, weird as I'm making it sound. The back of the place has all this buffet/salad bar machinery that I've never seen in operation; it just looms, the hulk of a Sunday double life. Dart games spring up among all this; the walls portholed with folded-in dart boards. In the restaurant half, where I normally sit do to group economics or desire to eat, there are a half-dozen booths in good repair. The center area holds a mass of tables, easily reconfigured to the needs of the patrons but never making way for dancing (amen!). Normally this houses the big crowd of the evening, whomever's going to be sending up the most singers...

Yeah, this place has sold it's soul to karaoke. I believe it's Wednesday through Saturday at Patriots; so it would take some doing to avoid. But this is also one of the few karaoke acts I'll tolerate. The musical selection jives with me; that's a personal taste, I know, but generally there's not too much awful stuff being sung here (content and talent). Oh, and look for two Tom Waits penned pieces, the Eagles' version of "Ol' 55" and Rod Stewart's cover of "Downtown Train". I dusted off "Ol' 55" myself on our latest visit, and was pleased to hear some applause when the songwriter credits came up. Us Raindogs turn up everywhere, especially in bars; but that's kind of the point, I suppose.

Didn't I mention the food on the outset of this review? I've finally had something besides pizza; on the last outing the hamburger that served as my dinner wasn't bad, but didn't distinguish itself. The pizza, though, is some of the finest deep-dish stuff I've had outside of dedicated pizzerias. Patriots is the penultimate Pitcher-Pizza one-two punch.

Last time we were there Anthony and Tracey went out with us; they're too fun not to be out and about more often. But this wasn't my first time at the rodeo; I've had a lot of good conversations here, a lot of beer-soaked happy memories. I dig this place, dig it to death, never come away without planning my next trip back.

But about the bar.

The Patriot Cafe is a bar / restaurant of a conventional design -wood walls, beer, stuff like that. They have food, which is quite good and a friendly staff. The big deal here is three nights of karaoke a week and cheap $4 pitchers of beer from 8-9 on karaoke nights. The beer is domestic, and to tell the truth, kind of flat (although Tracy says that makes it taste better) but how can you argue with $4. If this was The Pub, these would be large or xtra-large pitchers (cheap bastards). Everyone at the table agreed that the karaoke list was the best we had found so far (yes, even better then my precious Inn Zone).

Brain sang and Anthony (who takes an act of God to get out of his house) sang twice. Both got some of the strongest applause that night - especially when Brain sang Ol' 55 (by the Eagles) and went off on how they suck and Tom Waits was what made the song great. Me and the bar agree.

Which brings me to my next point - this place has a good crowd. Very friendly, good at participating (even if they can't sing worth shit) and willing to sit down at a stranger's table and introduce themselves. They are what make the atmosphere as comfortable and fun as it is.

At the urinal, make sure to notice the gang sign stenciled there. Most of it was from MS13, which is the big local gang.

A special thanks goes out to Sam, our waitress, who did an exceptional job. Anyone else who visits and gets Sam - be nice to her or somehow, some way I'll find out.

Of note - this was the first place that picked up on the fact that Brian and I had notepads and were taking notes about the place. We got off with the short explanation, "we're, uh, writers."

As a final note, chicks dig Brian. Three girls commented on how cute and talented he was. Sadly, he only heard one girl and she was very drunk. If any girls see Brian on the street, make sure to tell him how cute he is.

I did a portrait of Brian while we drank. Is he hypnotizing or hypnotized?