Don’t let the address fool you, this ain’t the Braddock Road you know. From Braddock, turn on Union Mill Rd at the stop light where Braddock becomes New Braddock. From here make a left turn at the next light, and now you’re on the vestigial tail of Braddock Road, left from when the glaciers carved up Centreville in 1986. Now you can see the shopping center… by far the easiest way to get here is to find the 28/29 crossroads and turn to get to the gaudiness that is Copelands. Now follow the arc of the shopping center eastward, Red Rocks is on the other side.

Okay, aside from that, Red Rocks is pretty okay. Good beer selection (I love seeing a Red Hook ESB tap, along side the microbrew that’s probably some renamed Dominion variety). Great liquor selection; I’m not a big tequila fan, but the sight of the post-bar made even my mouth water. Check out the rack of fruit syrups behind the bar; Red Rocks is completely prepared to make any of the fru-fru drinks that I never order (I hate it when my alcohol tastes good). As I scouted the Centreville area the day before, I couldn’t pass up this place without an afternoon beer, and it was a thoroughly pleasant experience. In fact, I’m thinking of dining here next time I’m spending an evening in Centreville, I bet it would be an enjoyable couple of hours. But after 9:30, you find yourself thinking, “The movie’s about to start, turn down the goddamn lights!”

Aside from the tequila (I’d keep that as my sole theme, but what do I know) this place fancies itself as quite the live music venue. Without a stage, or even an obvious orientation to the layout, Red Rocks has their bands in the middle of an elevated dining area. Thus the drinking crowd surrounds the music, like an arena stage in reverse. Also, this elevated area is designed for dining, not spectacle, so the only way to see the band is to sit along side them (not an option, the acts they’re booking are classic rock cover fare and playing too loud for any comfortable proximity) or to be one of three people that can fit into the short stairway. Maybe this is for the best, maybe the layout adds some audio blocking to the main bar area… but overall the system seems ill thought out. We were chased out of the place by the atonality of the band that night; but acts rotate, your mileage may vary.

Okay, so I want to like Red Rocks, mainly because it was Centreville’s one hope of a buried treasure. It’s as much off the beaten path as the area will get, it’s small, it’s got a good grasp of a south-western look that doesn’t show up too often… and it’s not overcrowded. I love sitting at the bar, looking at that beautiful glass array, 30 gold foil liquor labels shining back… oh, and they’re carrying On Tap, the newspaper of DC nightlife; I’m not sure where else in NoVA you can get that. But the fact is, we were sitting around Red Rocks discussing its glaring faults. Easily fixed faults, but there nonetheless. Lighting, music, these are factors that burrow under my skin and crawl around, until I can’t enjoy all the stuff that’s right about the place.

Wow, first paragraph and I'm already off topic.

Red Rocks. I was really really excited for this place. I have been known to drink cups of tequila before so I know I like the stuff. I have fond memories of other tequila bars, and fonder memories generated from stories of tequila bars my brother and friends told me about. So, it is safe to say I was open to the idea.

Initial impressions were good. Brian is dead on saying the place was too well lit. I would go a step further to say the bar area was too crowded too, but I'm sure there aren't hockey jersey face painted morons flocking around the obvious focal point of the establishment every night.

As a plus, the bar is decorated very nicely and provides an alternative setting to the usual generic bar. I like the tiles, animal skulls and horns and Indian dream catchers. And I could see them so clearly thanks to the glaring light. Ahem. The bartender (didn't catch her name, damn) was friendly and quick and beer here is good. If and when I return I would like to sample their tequila and mixed drinks (like I wanted to when we first got in), but I didn't get to for reasons I'll get to now.

There was a band the night we were there. They had a good dirty look, so I was initially psyched, but man did they suck. I could feel pain in my jaw from the sounds they were making. I spent a good part of our visit wishing I had Gummi Bears I could lick and throw at them - the assembled crowd had to have that explained to them. Am I the only one who does that? We had to leave that place immediately of I was facing a mutiny.

The sad thing is this bar has a lot of potential. I love the decor and the beer is very reasonably priced ($3.50 for a pint off draft). It just needs to stop blinding my eyes and hurting my ears. Sadly, I have to give it a thumbs down for now but I am willing to return for a re-evaluation. The chance of this being an off night is just too great.

Nice fucking bar.