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Title: Denial
Author: Drusilla
Email: Drus1lla@hotmail.com
Rating: PG, I guess.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters used within this story, probably with the 
exception of Iain and Brighid, cuz I made them up.  But Buffy and Angel don't belong to 
me, they belong to the evil Joss monster, Mutant Enemy, FOX, and whoever else owns a 
piece of them.
Author's Notes: This is an AU which splits off from canon after Buffy Season 4 'Pangs' 
and Angel Season 1 'I Will Remember You'. Just so you get an idea of where I'm coming 
from, I've decided that everything up to 'Doomed' happens in the Buffyverse, except the 
end of that episode.  Buffy never goes to Riley and makes with the smoochies.  It really 
veers away from canon after that particular episode.
Dedication: To Kaz, thank you for not killing me even after I repeatedly promised you 
there would be more to read.  Trix, I'm working out my comma issues, I promise! Jodi, 
thank you for putting up with me! And to Rina Anne, thank you for the feedback on the 
website, the one and only person who actually gave me any!
Summary: Buffy tells the Scooby Gang she's pregnant.



     It's been a while since I've written in this book.  Not that things haven't happened, 
because so much has.  I had this insane theory though, if I didn't tell anyone, if I didn't 
write it down, if I didn't acknowledge it in some way, then it wouldn't be real.  It couldn't 
be real.  Writing about it would only make it real.  I think I'm hailing from the land that is 
denial right now.  I must admit, it's a rather nice place to be.
     When I thought about it at first, the numbers just didn't add up.  I thought, oh you're 
counting wrong, you have to be.  Come on, Buffy, get a grip, it's just simple addition.  
But the doctor's test wasn't wrong. And that's what had me scared.  Because then I had 
even more time to think about it. To actually do the math.  And coming to that realization 
opened the floodgates.  And I started having the most incredible dreams.
     I think that's going to be the hardest part about telling the gang.  They're going to think 
I'm crazy.  I mean, why wouldn't they?  Hell, a part of me still thinks I'm crazy.  What am 
I going to tell them?  Hey, guess what, guys?  I'm pregnant!  If you think that's a hoot, 
wait til you hear the best part.  Angel's the father.  Yes, my vampire ex-lover who lost his 
soul the first time -- and yes, I do mean first time -- we made love is the father of my 
child. 
    Goodbye, Buffy, have fun in the loony bin!  I can just see it now.  I don't know what to 
do.  Don't I just have the most interesting birthdays?

     Buffy let her pen fall onto her diary, staring at the words she had just written. She let 
out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, as she ran her hands through her hair.  
The ringing of the telephone pulled her from her reverie, and the Slayer slowly crossed 
the room to answer it.  She half-listened to the voice on the other end, promising Giles 
she would meet up with him and the others at his apartment.  Well, the perfect 
opportunity to break the news seemed to be presenting itself.
     Why did life have to be so complicated?  There was so much to figure out now.  Buffy 
knew she couldn't take risks with her life any longer.  She would not risk her child by 
going out and patrolling every night.  She was surprised that her last run-in with the 
demons that had tried to open the Hellmouth hadn't caused her to miscarry.
     "Please just let me bring him into this world safely," she whispered to whatever deities 
might be listening.  "I'll never complain about being your champion again, just please let 
him be born."

				*~*~*~*~*~*

     Giles listened as Xander and Willow regaled him with what had happened the 
previous week, but he wasn't really paying attention.  His Slayer was sitting on the sofa, 
staring into space.  The young man Buffy had begun dating had come with her. Riley 
Finn, Giles dimly recalled.  He was presently trying to convince her that she should 
inform his commanding officer about her status as the Slayer.
     But Buffy wasn't listening to any of them.  She was sitting with her knees drawn in 
towards her chest, staring at the wall.
     "Buffy, are you all right?" Giles finally asked.
     The other three people in the room looked from the Watcher to the Slayer, wondering 
what it was Giles had seen that they hadn't.  Buffy shook her head no before raising her 
eyes to him.  "No," she whispered.
     "Did something happen that night, at the Hellmouth?" Giles prompted.
     "Something happened the next morning," Buffy answered.
     "Buff, what's up?" Xander asked.
     "Giles, Will," Buffy began, "is it possible to contact someone who's unconscious with 
a spell?"
     "What? Unconscious?! But . . . Buffy . . . what?" Willow stammered.
     "Faith," Giles answered.
     "Faith," Buffy confirmed.
     "Okay, why?" Xander questioned.
     "Yeah, I mean, last we checked wasn't she one of the bad guys?  Remember the whole 
turn to the dark side, trying to kill you and yours she pulled?" Willow demanded.
     "Uh, who's Faith?" Riley asked.
     "She's my identical twin cousin, who whenever she comes to town, hijinks ensue," 
Buffy dead-panned.  "And whose help we happen to need."
     "Are you going to tell us what's going on, Buffy?" Giles asked, sensing that Xander 
and Willow had no clue as to what was happening either.
     "I'll tell you, but first I need to know if it can be done."
     "Why?" Willow asked.
     "Obviously, Faith and I have... issues.  She wants to change, and I think she's ready to 
accept my help.  If she wasn't, she never would have helped me defeat the mayor. She 
wouldn't have told me how."
     "Buffy, that was seven months ago," Xander pointed out.  "Why now?"
     "I need to make things right with her before she wakes up.  I know she's going to wake 
up.  And when she does, we're going to help her.  We're going to be there for her, because 
she's going to be there for us."
     "Buffy, what's going on?" Willow asked, her voice beginning to quiver with fear.
     "Riley, would you excuse us?"
     "Buffy, I know I'm not," Riley cleared his throat.  "I know you and I don't really know 
each other, but if something's happening, we can help.  The Initiative, we can help you."
     "That's good, and you guys can help," Buffy stated.  "You guys do the patrol thing, 
capture the demons, until Faith wakes up."
     "What're you saying, Buffy?" Giles asked.  "You're not going to patrol anymore?"
     "I can't."
     "Why not?" Xander demanded.
     "It's too dangerous," Buffy answered.
     "It's always been dangerous," Willow proclaimed.
     "Buffy, what aren't you telling us?" Giles asked calmly.
     "Can it be done, yes or no?"
     "Yes," Giles answered.  "The two of you have shared a dream before, you are linked 
by the blood of the Slayer, it can be done.  Now what is going on that we need to contact 
Faith, and you can no longer patrol?"
     "Oh, I'm just keeping up my birthday tradition of gut-wrenching misery and horror."
     "Right, birthday in a couple days," Willow replied.  "Is that what this is about, you 
think something's going to happen because it's your birthday?"
     "Something is happening," Buffy answered.
     Giles knelt down in front of her, taking her hands in his.  "What?"
     "I'm pregnant," Buffy whispered.
     Xander, Giles, and Willow all looked around at each other before settling their gazes 
on Riley.
     "Don't look at him," Buffy began.  "It's got nothing to do with him."
     "Are you sure?" Giles asked, as he took a seat next to her.
     Buffy looked up at him, unable to meet his gaze.  "I went to the doctor last week. I'm 
sure."
     "H-how?" Willow stammered.
     "W-w-w, when?" Xander spit out.
     "Who?" Riley asked.
     "If I have to answer that, Will, you're not as smart as we thought you were.  Two 
months, Xander.  And Riley, it's _really_ none of your business."
     "Two months," Giles stated, doing the math in his head.  "That's..."
     "November," Willow replied.
     "Thanksgiving," Buffy said.  "To be exact."
     "That's impossible," Giles shook his head, rising to his feet.  "You know that's 
impossible."
     "Besides, you were only there for five minutes!" Willow exclaimed.
     "I was there a lot longer than five minutes," Buffy began.  "And before I get anymore 
questions," she sighed and stood up.  "I don't have all the answers.  And trust me on this 
one, that bothers me a hell of a lot more than it can bother _any_ of you.  I'm absolutely 
certain of three things though.  One, I'm two months pregnant. Two, Angel's the father.  
And three, I'm keeping this baby."
     "We'll get in touch in with Faith, Buffy," Giles stated.  He put a hand on her shoulder 
and gave a slight squeeze.  "And I'll help you find those answers you need."
     "I'm not telling him," Buffy said quickly.
     "What?" Willow asked.
     "Why not?" Riley followed up.
     "He may have the answers you need, Buffy," Giles told her.
     "And, Buff," Xander swallowed and walked over to stand in front of her.  "I'm not his 
biggest fan, that's true enough.  But don't you think he has the right to know?"
     "He does, but there are some other things I have to figure out first."
     "Like what?" Riley asked.
     "Oh, like telling my mother," Buffy stated.
     "You haven't told her?" Willow asked in a small voice.
     "No," Buffy answered, shaking her head.  "I had this kind of insane theory that, the 
sooner I said anything, the more real everything would be.  I think it's time I said 
something to her though.  She'll know soon enough, right?"
     "Would you like me to come with you?" Giles asked.
     "No, I can handle mom.  But thanks, Giles.  I'm going to go," Buffy said, taking her 
jacket down from the peg by the door.  "Can you look up that spell, Will?"
     "I'll get on it, Buffy.  You sure you don't want any moral support for the mom talk?"
     "I'll be okay," the Slayer replied.  "I'll see you guys later."

				 *~*~*~*~*~*

     Mom took it a lot better than I thought she would.  She argued with me a lot, about 
keeping the baby, about Angel being the father.  But I know, I know it.  I know this baby 
is ours, and I won't give him up.
     Riley doesn't know how to act around me now.  I know he wanted a relationship with 
me.  But I'm pretty sure he wanted a relationship with a girl who isn't about to have 
someone else's baby.  That's okay.  I'm not ready to be in a relationship with anyone who 
isn't Angel.

				 *~*~*~*~*~*

     I turned the page of the photo album I was looking through, an album Uncle Xander 
put together for Daddy.  He actually put quite a few albums together for Daddy.  This 
particular one was pictures of Mom when she was pregnant with Iain.
     I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you.  You knew, but you didn't really 
know.  These trips down memory lane are getting a lot harder for me.  I'm finding out 
things I never knew about my own family.  That's a lot to take.
     Anyways, Happy Birthday, Mommy.

Love,
Brighid