The man who said point blank to me "I don't do cards" sent me an ecard *sigh* and a sweet ecard too. I wonder when he actually sent it, it was only last night...
"What unfulfilled fantasies do you have?" He asked.
I replied "Only one"
He (of course) asked "What is it?"
I told him "I envision me in a long beautiful dress, in a place with small, round tables circling a dance floor and in the back of the room there's a live band playing light jazz with a female singer with a dusky voice, as I dance with my partner until the wee hours of the morning basking in the music, and in being in love."
Maybe I'm just crazy.
I love Joseph. I really do....more than I should I sometimes think, but I don't do things half assed. Never have. It's all or nothing for me. Not necessarily extremes, but more of a committment issue. If I'm going to do something, for goodness sake, why wouldn't I put my whole heart into it?
What kind of a life do you lead if you don't live as much as you can?
Sometimes Joseph really confuses me, though. I don't know what he's doing sometimes. That doesn't make any sense. I don't know what his point is, might be a better way of describing it. He told me I love him because I'm a "pleaser" which I'm sure was a thinly veiled insult (veil courtesy of seran-wrap)but it's been true for most of my life. I HAVE been a "pleaser" but all that got me was to a funeral because when someone needed me most I broke up with them and sent them away.
I've been thinking a lot about Chris today. I miss him a lot today. Maybe it's just the rain reminding me of him. Maybe it was the music I was listening to this morning. I adore Leonard Cohen music. I think the only other person I know who loves it as much is Steve. But I don't talk to Steve anymore. He married Amanda, who dislikes me pretty intently, so I hear. I never had a problem with her. Oh well, such is life.
Maybe it's not just Chris that decided to come back into my mind this morning. There have been a few people that have popped back into my recalled memories today. Jason, John, Shawn, Adam, Rob, and Chris have all been playing tag in my brain. That's six people. That means that I'm missing two (Not including Joseph, of course) One is...hmmm...Rick...But who's the mystery guy. I don't remember.
I was also thinking about...hmmm..another what's-his-name (how sad) that I spent the night with up in Woodstock back when I lived in New York. The guy was a roadie with the Counting Crows and knew how to play every Pink Floyd song in existance on an acoustic guitar. And he played them well. We drank tequila and made out on a gingham couch, and then went to bed under flannel sheets under the stars. His house had almost totally glass ceilings. The whole house was made of nothing but wood and glass. There were SO many windows! And it was on a huge hill, surrounded by a forest. It was wonderful. One of the most romantic nights of my life. If not the most romantic to date. There were so many candles, so much romance. And no relationship to screw it all up *laughs*
OH! RICHARD was the one I forgot! From Boston. He was a Kindergarden teacher. Such a sweetie. I really liked him. Kind of wish we hadn't lost touch....
I'm going to stop brooding now, and go do some actual work. Yes, I do work once in a while. Sheesh...a bunch of mother hens, the lot of you!
I may be back later. I'm going to lunch with Phyllis today...she will know by the time we eat whether she got the job at Inland Games or not. I really hope she did. She needs something wonderful to happen for her right now.
So do I.
Oh...remind me to tell you about shopping for the orphan girl later. I might have time, I'm staying at work tonight until 7pm for a cocktail reception for new recruits.
I wanted to look nice for it, but hardly any of my clothes fit right now. I'm so bloated I feel like a Midol commercial!