ch9

The group walks about a block to the nearest movie theater, and they stroll up to the ticket booth.
Frankie- Ten for Shrek.
The lady behind the glass gives him a strange look as she collects the money and hands out the tickets.
Ticket Lady- Theater Five to your left. Enjoy your show.
Frankie- Uh…say…you wouldn’t happen to know which theater American Pie 2 is in, would you?
Ticket Lady- Theater Seven, why? Young man, I’m afraid I’ll need to see some I.D. if you expect to get into that one.
Frankie- Uh…
Greg pushes up past Frankie.
Greg- It’s not for us, it’s for…
Chris- Our grandma.
The other nine look at Chris.
Ticket Lady- Your grandma?
Matt- Oh, yeah…good ol’ grandma…she’s a real kid at heart.
Jesse- She loves them raunchy flicks-
Chris kicks Jesse.
Ticket Lady- You mean to tell me you are all related?
Meagan- Oh, uh, yeah. We’re all cousins…
The lady tilts her head, eyeing the bunch.
Ticket Lady- I see it now…you two must be twins…(She points and Jesse and Meagan)
Meagan coughs.
Jesse- Twins? I don’t have a-
Greg kicks Jesse.
Jesse- Oh yeah, my twin.
Ticket Lady- That is so neat…
Frankie- Yeah, fabulous…
Greg- Uh, we gotta go…
Chris- Yeah…Shrek should be starting any minute now…
Jesse- OOH! HURRY!
They speed walk over to the snack bar.
Frankie- PEANUT CHEWS!
Greg- PEZ!
Chris and Tory- COOKIE DOUGH BITES!
Amy and Jesse- POPCORN!
Matt- Oh my god, I don’t believe it…
Meagan- Yankee Edition popcorn bags!
Anna- Is Shane on there?
Melissa- Ooh…I want POPCORN.
They all get their food and head over to theater five. Once they are sure no one is looking, they dart over to theater seven. Once inside, they aren’t surprised to find that no one else is there, being that it is so late at night. Greg and Melissa head for the back corner. Chris and Tory head for the other one. Matt and Meagan sit off to the left. Amy and Jesse sit front row center. Anna follows Frankie around as he searches for the perfect seat.
Frankie- Thirteen…fourteen…fifteen…
Anna- What are you doing?
Frankie- Shh…I am finding the EXACT middle seat. Sixteen…seventeen…
The speakers sound “Welcome to Regal Cinemas…”
All ten scream.
Matt- It’s…it’s God…
Jesse- He speaks to us…
“Please refrain from smoking while in the building…”
Greg- I KNEW the Big Guy didn’t want people smokin’!
“Popcorn and refreshments can be purchased in the lobby…”
Frankie- How did he know that?
Chris- He sees all…He knows all…
“Please dispose of all trash in the proper receptacles…”
Jesse- Save the Earth!
Amy- Amen!
“If you have any questions…”
Meagan- Will the Yankees win the World Series?!?!
“…no…”
Matt, Meagan, Anna- WHAT?!
“Come to the lost and found if you want your…”
Anna- Who will?!
“…diamonds back…”
Anna, Meagan, Matt- THE DIAMONDBACKS?!
Melissa- Did I miss something…?
Tory- Guys…chill…
Chris- Everything will be aight.
“Please remain in your designated show, as ushers may be checking your tickets at any given time…”
All nine look at Frankie with huge eyes.
Chris- Maybe not…
Melissa- Oh no!
Tory- This was a bad idea…
Jesse- (standing up) I’m goin’ back to see Shrek…’least then I can’t get arrested.
Amy- (following his lead) Me too…
Greg- Man, you guys are wimps.
Matt- Maybe we should go-
Meagan- Amen, Raposo. Anyone who leaves now is a wimp. Now what were you sayin’, Bally?
Matt- We should go…uh…go…to the…uh…Yankees game! Yes…
Anna- YEAH!
Meagan- Aw hell yeah Bally now you’re talkin’.
Frankie- Yeah, nice, Matt. When are we going?
Matt- Oh, um, tomorrow night.
Meagan and Anna high five each other in the air.
Jesse- Ooh Yankees game!
Amy- Do they have cheerleaders?
Tory- Gee, I’ve never been to a hockey game!
Chris rolls his eyes, but as Tory looks at him he flashes a smile.
Melissa- Uh, no…
Jesse- Whoa whoa hold up HOLD UP.
Amy- What is it, sweet thang?
Greg- (whispering to Melissa) Sweet thang?
Jesse- Dude…the Yankees have a baseball team AND a hockey team?! Damn…George Steinbrenner must be RICH!
Frankie, Greg, Matt, Chris, Meagan, Anna- (mumbling in unison) Loser…
Tory- You freak! They are just a hockey team. What idiot doesn’t know that?
Meagan- Tory, Jesse, and any other person in here who’s just exceptionally dumb-
Amy- Hey…
Matt- The Yankees are a BASEBALL team.
Anna- Not a hockey team, not a football team, not a soccer team. A BASEBALL team. Got it?
Tory- Oh shut up…not like I care anyways.
Jesse- (beginning to tear) Well…fine. *sniffle* I’ll just go watch Shrek now.
Amy flashes the others evil looks as she follows Jesse down around the corner to the hall door.
*Down by the door*
Amy- (hugging Jesse) It’s ok honey…I still love you.
Jesse- *sniffle* You do?
Amy- Sure I do! Now let’s go watch the big green burger!
Jesse- I think you mean ogre.
Amy- Riiiight.
They are about to open the door when a tall, very muscular usher swings open the door and stops when he sees the two teenagers.
Usher- Hey, you kids got passes?
Amy and Jesse look at each other.
Amy- Uh…well…
Jesse- We’re (faking a sob) l-l-l-LOST…
Amy looks at Jesse like he’s crazy as his eyes widen at her to cooperate.
Amy- (falling into the usher also faking a sob) We don’t know where to g-g-GO…
Usher- (peeling Amy off his stomach) Well…uh…where are you supposed to be going?
Jesse- Sh-sh-sh-sh-
Usher- God damn, kid, say it already!
Amy- SHREK!
Usher- Oh, right. (Opens the door and points across the hall) It’s right over there, Theater 5.
Jesse- Oh…wow, hey, thanks, man. You’re a lifesaver.
Amy- (throws her arms around the big guy) Thank you!
Usher- (once again peeling Amy off of him) Uh.…no problem. If you’d excuse me, I have to go check the rest of the theater for passes.
Amy and Jesse look at each other with huge eyes.
Amy- (yelling audibly for the others to hear) Check the theater?
Jesse- (doing the same) For passes?
Usher- Yes and ow for the love of God would you quit yelling? I’m right here.
Amy- Uh, there’s no one else in here.
Jesse- Yeah…no way, Jose.
Usher- Actually, my name is Bruno.
*Back up in the seats*
Chris- (whispering) Oh shit…
Frankie- Not good…
Greg- Dude…what are we gonna do?
Melissa- (beginning to hyperventilate) I’m going to go to jail…I’m a HORRIBLE PERSON!
Anna- (in a loud whisper) Oh I’ll send you to jail if you don’t shut the hell up!
*Back down by the door*
Bruno the usher- I hear something. Like…like voices.
Jesse- Oh you hear those voices too? (Laughs quickly, waving his hand) I get those voices all the time. Don’t they just get on your nerves? My mom always says to ignore those voices because one time they told me to stick my head between the little things on the stairs- you know what I’m sayin’? Anyways, I did it and I got stuck in there and we tried using butter on my head to slide me out but that didn’t work and so then she had to call the fire department and they came and had to take one of the rail things out and there was sawdust all over my mom’s special carpet and-
Bruno the usher- Kid, what the hell…hey wait a sec. I know exactly what you’re talkin’ about because a similar thing happened to me…
*Back up in the seats*
Greg- What the hell is Jesse talking about?
Meagan- I don’t know, but Bruno is a dumb ass and he seems to believe it.
Matt- I say we hide under the seats.
Tory- No way. Uh uh. NO WAY.
Matt- What do you mean “no way”? You have no choice!
Frankie- Quit being a pansy and hide under the seats.
Tory- I am not a pansy! Who here thinks I’m a pansy??
The other six’s hands go up, with the exception of Chris.
Chris- You’re not a pansy, hun. You’re a…a…
Tory- Delicate rose which cannot be hidden under the seats of a popcorn-infested movie theater.
Meagan, Anna, and Melissa roll their eyes.
Anna- Tory, shut up and get under the seats.
Melissa- Bruno’s story will be over soon.
*Back down by the door*
Bruno the usher-…and so then my mom had to come and help me sew my swimming trunks back together…in front of all my friends…
Amy- Wow…those darn voices!
Bruno the usher- Yeah…
Jesse- Say…how long ago did this happen, Bruno?
Bruno the usher- Uh…I’d say this past June.
Jesse and Amy cough as Bruno walks past them into the theater.
Jesse- Bruno, wait-
Bruno flashes his big flashlight around the seats from his perch down by the screen. All of the eight others are hidden under the seats, so he can’t see them.
Amy and Jesse run up and turn to look at the seats, then sighing loudly in relief.
Amy- Heh, see? Nobody else in here.
Jesse- But good work, Bruno. I salute you.
Bruno the usher- Aw, thanks, kid. Here, here’s some stickers from the theater. It’s on me.
Amy and Jesse- AWESOME! Thanks, Bruno!
Bruno the usher- (as he leaves the theater) No problem, just doin’ my job.