Stella cried, "Selwyn! He's so sick. I don't know what
happened. H--he just took a turn for the worse."
Mariah stood there frozen, not knowing what to say. When she found
her voice she said, "I just saw him a couple of hours ago. Nothing can be
wrong with him. There just can't be."
Brian looked from Mariah to Stella and back to Mariah again.
"Um...may I ask, who's Selwyn?"
"Oh Brian, I'm sorry," apologized Mariah, "Selwyn's
a little boy who's got aids. I visit him and spend time with him. He doesn't
have any parents or relatives that he knows of. He's the sweetest little
boy."
"I'm sorry Mariah," sympathizing with Mariah, "I
know how it feels. Why don't we go and visit him?"
"We can't," replied Stella, "he's still with the
doctor. I'll let you know when he's back in his room."
"Thanks Stella." said Mariah, tears streaming down her
face.
Stella just nodded solemnly, turned and walked out the door.
Mariah turned towards Brian, and they looked at each other.
Without a word, Brian lifted out his arms and Mariah walked right into them.
They stayed this way for quite some time, until Mariah stopped crying. All this
time, Brian just held her and whispered little things to reassure her.
"It's going to be okay. Don't worry," whispered Brian.
At that moment Stella walked in.
"Mariah," she said, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but
Selwyn's back in his room. He's not doing very well. I don't think--I--I don't
think he has much time left." Stella said that last part in a small voice.
"Thanks Stella," said Mariah, sniffing, "I'm going
to see him right now." Mariah looked at Brian and said, "Will you
come with me?"
"Of course," said Brian.
They proceeded down the hall together. Mariah held on to Brian's
hand for support. She felt as if any moment her legs were going to give out on
her.
When they got to Selwyn's room, Mariah gave out a little cry. She
looked at him and started crying immediately. The poor boy was lying in his
bed, unable to move. His eyes were closed and there were tubes sticking out of
his mouth for oxygen, an IV was in his arm, and a faint beeping sound counting
his heartbeat.
Mariah walked over to his bed, leaned over and whispered,
"Sel?"
The fragile boy opened his eyes and croaked out,
"Mariah?"
"It's me," said Mariah through sobs, "Sel, it's
going to be okay. You'll be alright."
Selwyn's eyes closed, and opened once again. "Mariah, I know
I'm going to die aren't I?"
Mariah's tears flowed faster. "Sel--"
Brian stood and watched the two. His own tears flowed freely, not
able to keep them in. He just clasped his hands together, and said a prayer in
his heart.
Mariah held on to the little hands of the boy. She didn't know
what to say to him, didn't know how to answer his question. She looked up at
him and saw two teardrops squeeze out of the corner of the boy's eyes. She held
on to him tighter.
"I'm not going to leave you, Sel." whispered Mariah, and
she didn't.
* * *
It was 2 in the morning. Brian was sleeping in a chair, Mariah was
by Selwyn's bed stroking his hand. She couldn't sleep. She did fall asleep, but
she woke up ever 20 minutes to see if there was any change in Selwyn. Before he
fell asleep, his breathing became uneven, and it was getting harder and harder
for him to breathe. She thought of the past couple of weeks, when she first met
him and how they spent their time together. Mariah felt like crying, but she
was all cried out. There was no tears left in her.
"Selwyn, please be okay. God," prayed Mariah. "I
ask you to please make him be alright, he's only 7 years old. He's got so much
to live for. Please?"
At that moment Selwyn opened his eyes.
"Mariah? Were you talking to me?"
"Oh dear, no, I'm sorry I woke you up, just go back to
sleep."
"I can't, it's so hard to breathe." said Selwyn,
wheezing as he said it.
"Don't worry, it'll be okay by morning." Mariah
reassured.
"I'll try to sleep, just for you." Selwyn smiled at her.
"Okay, you do that." Mariah's heart cried.
"Mariah?
"Yes?"
"I love you."
Mariah thought she had no tears left, but she was wrong. Fresh new
ones sprang into her eyes as she whispered back, "I love you too, Sel. Now
go to sleep." She tried to make him laugh, saying the last part like she
was his mother.
Selwyn laughed, coughed, and wheezed. Then he shut his eyes.
Mariah remained crying, trying to keep it soft.
"It's okay," came a voice, "you don't have to be
quiet."
"Brian, I thought you were sleeping."
"I was, but do you know how uncomfortable this chair is?
Sheesh, I might as well be sleeping on rocks."
Mariah laughed lightly through her tears. Brian got up off the
chair and walked over to her. He put his hands on her shoulder as she dried her
tears. Brian began to ask questions about Selwyn, when they met.
"Even though he was seven, I felt so close to him, you know,
like a little brother I never had." said Mariah.
"Should I be jealous?" said Brian with a smile.
Mariah laughed and said, "Brian!"
"I'm joking!"
Mariah stopped laughing and there was a silence. Then she said,
"I felt responsible for him."
"Mariah, don't even think of blaming this on yourself."
"I'm not, I guess, and in a way I am. I know that none of
this was my fault, but--" Mariah stopped short. "Brian, do you hear
that?"
Brian looked up at Mariah and listened carefully. Sure enough, he
heard it. The beeping sound was getting slower. Mariah held on to Selwyn's hand
tighter.
"No, I can't be losing him!" cried Mariah.
"NO!"
Brian tried to gather her in his arms, but she kept fighting back.
"No, let go of
me! He needs me! He's going to make it! He's--" Mariah began crying
uncontrollably now and finally let Brian take hold of her. She knew there was
nothing she could do, but she couldn't accept it. Brian stood there holding
her, his own tears falling down on her hair, as the beeping sound deadened in
the night.