Chapter 8:

So Many Words for the Broken Heart

"What the hell is taking so long?" Nick demanded. He looked tired and had been pacing in the exact same spot since we got to the hospital.

It was so sad just seeing three of us. We were only three now, because as soon as a nurse got a look at Brian talking about the blood on his hands when there was none there, she said they'd have to check him in for a bit, just to observe him, and make sure he calmed down all right. Brian’s parents were with him. Kev, Nick and I had called ours on the way to the hospital. They were understandably upset, but relieved that we were okay.

I didn't even know if I could keep my cool. I'd kept it together in class for Alex and in the bathroom for Brian, but Nick and Kevin might just do me in. Nick was cussing like a sailor, without Brian's presence. Nick knew Alex had been shot. So did Kevin and I but none of us knew how bad it was. We'd been in the waiting room for over an hour.

I was still shaking, even though the nurse gave me a blanket. Glancing across the room at Kevin, I was still shocked. Ever since we had arrived at the hospital, Kevin had been a complete mess. Just sitting there all by himself crying. He was not trying to hide it either.

Finally, I went over and sat next to him, putting an arm around his back.

"It'll be all right." I said. "Alex is strong; he'll pull through."

"God, I hate hospitals! I hate this! Howie, I can't do this now, it's too soon!"

Kevin's words confused me. Too soon for what?

"I can't take this Howie! Brian can't take this! Neither can Alex, he was shot for God's sake!" The emotion continued to rise in Kevin's voice until he actually sounded angry.

"Kevin. What are you saying, bud, huh? What's wrong?" Somehow, I knew his behavior was coming from something else.

"My dad- I hate hospitals! Howie, I can't keep doin' this!" Kevin was all hunched over, his hair falling in his eyes. I glanced briefly at Nick who spun and punched the wall, a mighty stream of cursing followed.

Slowly, too slowly for my liking, I put two and two together. Kevin's dad had died last year. He'd had cancer and was real sick. That was the reason his family had moved here, to give him a fresh start, since he was the only one still at home. I could see now how much Kevin truly disliked the fact that his cousin and friend were patients here.

"Kevin, not everybody who comes in the hospital dies. Brian is going to be fine and we're praying to God that Alex will be too! I know your dad had it hard, and I'm real sorry about that. But we gotta believe that it's gonna turn out different for Jay and Brian." I sighed as Kevin continued as he had before. What I said didn't make any difference at all to him.

Somewhere during the wait, I remembered Denise. And I went cold. I didn’t know if the hospital had contacted her or not, but she wasn’t here yet. I knew that I would have to be the one to call her and explain that some psycho kid at school had shot her son. How could I tell her that? She was like my own mother. Alex was like my little brother . . . Nevertheless, I found myself by the phone in the waiting room, dialing the familiar number with a shaking hand.

In a rush, I explained what happened. Somewhere in me I thought that if I talked faster, it would make everything less real, and it would hurt less. It didn't work. I found myself weeping like a child just as I had when Alex's head rested in my lap hours before.