Brian raised his baby blue eyes to watch his friends slip into his
hotel room. They had been worrying about him non-stop since his attitude had
changed. He was no longer the care free joker that he had once been. He didn’t
want to go out to the movies with them or go to dinner. It seemed almost as if
he didn’t even want to hang out with them any longer. They all thought the
change had been brought about by his sudden divorce to Leigh. Brian had refused
to talk about it or release any details about why the two came to the decision.
But they were wrong.
Brian buried his head into his pillow hoping to hide his
tear-stained features from them. He knew Kevin would become ‘Super Dad’ if he caught
him crying, and Howie and Nick would become his incredible side kicks. And AJ
would be the villain. He’d laugh and tell him to suck it up. That ‘real men
never cried’. It wasn’t that he didn’t want their help, he just knew they
couldn’t help him. Whatever was wrong with was his problem, and no one could
help him.
“Brian?” Kevin’s worried voice
drifted through the feather comforter that he had pulled up over his
head. “Are you alright? We were heading out and we thought we heard you
crying.”
That was one thing he had forgotten. Being ‘Super Dad’ gave Kevin
these weird powers. He could hear when one them starting crying from across the
entire hotel.
“I’m fine Kev.” He mumbled into the pillow. “I must have been
snoring or talking in my sleep. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to
sleep.”
He silently prayed that Kevin bought his cheesy lie. Lying was one
thing that he wasn’t very good at. And to top that off ‘Super Dad’ also had the
power to detect any lie.
“Alright.” Kevin sighed. “I don’t believe you but I can tell you
don’t want to talk. I’ll stop by when we get back. Then you tell me everything.”
‘Whatever you say Super Dad.’ He thought
bitterly ‘But you still won’t be able to help me. Only one person can help
me. And he must never know.’
Brian sighed in relief when he heard Kevin herd everyone out of
his room. Sitting up, he looked around blankly. Only one person could help him.
And Brian would never let that person find out the truth.
That person was Nick. And he could never find out Brian’s secret
because it would ruin their friendship forever. Brian knew he couldn’t have
what he wanted, so he wouldn’t risk his and Nick’s bond. He’d dies if they lost
that. And what was it he needed?
He needed Nick.
It was true. Backstreet Boys little choir boy was gay. He wasn’t
ashamed of it. Not in the least bit. He had had a couple relationships with
men. Then when he joined the group he decided to try and go for women. He had
to protect his new found friends’ images. He had dated many women, hell, he
even married one! But none of them ever meant as much to him, or made him as
happy as any of his male partners did.
And then he found his worst fear coming true. He was falling in
love with one of his band mates. He tried to force himself to stop but he
couldn’t. You can’t help who you fall in love with and you sure as hell can’t
stop it. He freaked out, to put it lightly, and purposed to Leigh on a whim. He
figured if he married her, he could get Nick out of his mind. But it didn’t
work. Being trapped in a relationship where you didn’t love the person only
seemed to heighten his need for Nick, his forbidden love.
And that was what is was meant to be.
Forbidden. He could never have Nick and he knew Nick would hate him if he found
out. Nick wasn’t homophobic, but he certainly wasn’t wild about those kind of
people. He had been with Nick a few times where Nick had made fun of some gay
men, or lesbian women. Every time Brian would go home and cry himself to sleep,
knowing that that just made the ditch between him and Nick wider. A few times
Leigh had caught him crying and asked him what was wrong. He had never been
able to tell her. And that is what drove her to file for the divorce. She had
no trust in him or for him. It hurt, but he was relieved that she had done it
for him. He couldn’t lie to himself any longer. He couldn’t be in a
relationship with a woman again.
Now he faced the impossible task of telling the rest of the guys
with out having Nick find out. He couldn’t stand being the butt of jokes for
the one he loved. Maybe he’d tell Kevin tonight when he stopped by to talk.
‘Super Dad’ would understand. That’s another one of his many powers.
So it was decided. Tonight he would tell Kevin.