Chapter 19

The sounds of yelling that had woken him up became louder as A.J. entered the living room.

He walked into the kitchen and was instantly drawn to the refrigerator. Unwilling to deal with arguments at the moment, he ignored his friends’ screaming. He grabbed a carton of orange juice and slammed the refrigerator door, unaware by choice that his band mates had finally noticed him and were now staring at him. Giving another leisurely yawn, A.J. poured himself a glass of juice and sipped it three or four times before turning around and leaning against the counter.

“Morning,” he said, smiling. He raised his glass in a mock toast to his friends.

Howie was stifling a grin at his behavior. A.J. could tell. He was biting his lip down so hard he might have drawn blood had he done it much longer. But Kevin and Brian were stony-faced. That was what caught A.J.’s attention.

He set the glass down and folded his arms over his stomach. “Where’s Nick?” he asked, sensing that had something to do with it, since all were present except the blonde.

Howie’s good mood vanished. “He’s gone,” he said quietly.

A.J. smirked. “Gawn, gawwwwn,” he warbled, cackling soon after at his own mocking remake of *N SYNC’s “Gone” that had been released the year before.

His band mates stared. Even Howie didn’t seem to think it was very funny.

A.J. cleared his throat. “O-kay… Don’t all laugh at once,” he mumbled. “So what’s going on?” he inquired, losing his comic attitude.

“He’s gone,” Kevin snapped, blatantly losing his patience. “As in, not here anymore, vanished, disappeared. Ya get it?” His Southern accent was getting thicker, a sure sign he was either scared, pissed, or both.

A.J.’s eyebrows rose. “He’s not here?” They shook their heads. “Well, then where the fuck is he, then?” They didn’t answer. “You guys are real helpful.” Glares.

Brian ran his hands through his hair, clearly upset. “What do we do? We have to wait until twenty-four hours after we report his disappearance until the police can do anything. And we have no idea where he is…”

A.J. shrugged. “How hard can it be to find him? He probably went to an arcade or something.” He meant it to lighten the mood, but instead of shits and giggles, he got angry scowls. “What? Did he take his car?”

“No,” Kevin said, sighing. “But he left a note.”

A.J.’s eyes dilated. “What? Where?”

Brian handed him a torn piece of paper. It was from Nick’s journal.

“I know I’m not helping any of you by leaving, but I’m also not doing anyone any good by staying. If I stay, I’ll only make Howie more upset and I can’t risk being around him. I don’t trust myself. I have serious problems and I don’t want to be with you guys until I deserve to be. I’m sorry for leaving, but I hope you can understand.

“Please don’t look for me. The group can go on without me. Howie can sing better than I can anyway, give my solos to him. He’s been ignored for too long, and I’m finally beginning to realize that. I’ve been a selfish bastard for so long and I’m tired of being the brat.

“I’ll write you all again when I know where I’m going, but I won’t stay in one place for long. After all, being Nick Carter has a lot of drawbacks along the lines of publicity.

“Howie, please don’t be angry with me. I know you have every right to be and you can hate me if you want, but I’m going to try to make it up to you someday. I’m sorry.

“Nick”

A.J. shook his head. “He’s gone?” he asked, his voice raspier than usual.

“His room is empty,” Brian said softly. “He left early this morning. He left the note under Kevin’s door.”

It was only following the long silence that A.J. noticed Howie hadn’t said a word since he walked in. “D?”

Howie raised his eyes from the floor. He pursed his lips. Brian and Kevin also turned their attention to their Latin band mate. “We can’t go on without him,” he said plaintively.

Although what he said was obvious, his friends shook their heads in agreement.

“So what now?” Brian asked, sighing.

Kevin pursed his lips. “Time to face the public.”

Howie and A.J.’s eyes widened. Brian gaped. “What?” they cried.

Howie’s sense of reason finally found its way back to Howie’s lips and the rattled singer said slowly, “You mean… Tell them Nick’s gone?”

Kevin shook his head. “No. Tell them Backstreet is goin’ on hiatus.”

“And behind the music?” A.J. inquired, frowning slightly.

Kevin sighed. “Lord knows…”