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FRI. 27th JULY - Supposed to go out tonight but don't much feel like it. Chris Knox & Alistair Galbraith are playing at Arc. & I like those guys' music OK but I just don't like going out. I tried to make it sound like now I'm going to be all making the social scene & trying to get w/ gurls & all that but, I dunno, I don't feel like it. I feel like sitting at home doing this computer crap & smoking pot & listening to '70s communist free jazz records. Maryann has already gone out & will call me later or I'll call her & she'll be all like Well you should come out, you'll have a good time, & I'll be like, No I already know I won't.
Since we broke up I've gotten more into the idea of doing a band with Maryann - we'd talked about it for ages but the only times we tried to do anything, all we figured out is what we don't wanna do. Trying to do a guitars-&-drums rock band w/ just the 2 of us isn't it. So when we do this thing it'll probably be when we get a 4-track 'cause it'll be more about recording layers of smaller stuff than jammin' it out loud, I think. I still really want to be in a band that does that, though. Not necessarily super loud but definitely rock. 'Cause rock these days all seems so awful, & the stuff that isn't awful is sort of short-term, I just need to go back & check that it is still possible. Actually I am just less in touch with any currently happening rock 'scene' than at any time since I was 14, that's all. The only new rock I hear is that which gets to be on teev, i.e. chart stuff. & the worst songs in the current charts are the ones by "rock" bands, always. But I know there is even bands consisting of people I know, & like, AND like their bands even, here in this town, yeah that's right but I don't go see 'em usually because like I said, I just don't like going out. So my image of rock is currently shaped by, like, Uncle Cracker & Linkin Park. Actually that's the kind of music me & Maryann are going to do in our band, except you know, in like a sort of cute lo-fi version.

(LATER) It's like 1 in the a.m. & that's what I did, stayed at home & resumed my singles-alphabeticising project, we are now up to the letter C! Maryann is still out at her friend's place & I am smoking pot & listening to what do you call that music? Like on that Pussyfoot label, what do they call that "genre" anyway, I don't even know. It's modern & "ironic" but I can stand it because it is actually often clever. &/or funny. I'll probably get over liking it soon like I got over liking Stereolab & the JSBX not so long ago - no OK i still sort of like them, sure, but I'm sorta with Roger Scrotum on this "postmodernist" shit, you know. Anyway I haven't listened to rock music this evening in protest against the current state of rock & as a form of quarantine before ENTERING A NEW SPACE-AGE LEVEL OF MUSIC. Listen instead to jazz (lots) - '70s free jass that I referred to as "communist", I call it that to distinguish it from "free" which really means '60s new thing vibe. Lots of the '70s stuff seems more like Utopian Socialist music than like ecstatic religious music that I guess most of the '60s stuff is. & at the moment I like this stuff the most, I'm listening to Julius Hemphill, Oliver Lake, Human Arts Ensemble, Grachan Moncur, Eddie Prevost Band, Karl Berger & Ed Blackwell duets album, Braxton & Bailey double live album & I say ROCK can fuck off. I mean Rock Hardman. He can just fuck off.

SAT. 28th JULY - Same thing I did last night. Stay at home. Maryann goes out, Jane & Rich watch sport on TV, I stay in my room. I don't anticipate ever regaining an interest in going out...for thing #1, I don't intend to ever drink booze again for the whole rest of my life (easy 'cause I hardly miss it at all) so that's about 100% of the appeal of "going out" already absent right there.
I'm not saying this so's you'll feel sorry for me or whatever, you're just supposed to agree w/ me.

SUN. 29th JULY - last night was the 1st night I spent actually alone the whole way thru the night, I celebrated my new Futuristic Space Age Swinging Single status by not going out. Dude I don't even have to go out, I have the world at my fingertips right here. There was another show I was supposed to go to at Arc but I wasn't feeling good, I didn't want to go out - I sat at the computer in my rm & played records - I was going to watch this Radiohead concert on TV out of curiosity, as you know there is much talk among the cognscenti - well everyone really - about their last 2 albums & I am the last person left on the planet that has never heard them - I expect little because my previous (I admit casual) acquaintance w/ that band would lead me to expect - NOT MUCH. But it'd be "state-of-the-art" not-much so I was interested, kind of. Maryann had gone out to Gilbert's & said maybe she'd watch it there - it turned out neither of us did, she because Merrin & Dene wanted to watch "RAMBO" & me because Jane & Richard wanted to watch rugby. So we still don't know. But I guess I still don't know about Pink Floyd's later work either. I guess what I'm saying is I feel no urgency....except of course I do feel urgency, if I don't hear (or, better, participate in) some music that makes music seem MORE IMPORTANT THAN TV soon I will...well I won't do anything. I'll continue being fucking unhappy though. AnyWAY, I was sayin'. Maryann was out & it was gonna be the 1st time she did not come home. I'm supposed to be cool w/ this...in fact am...but...oh you know. It seems like this big final thing. Things actually are going to be different & even if it's better (which I haven't had any faith in) it'll be at the cost of ... oh something. I don't even feel like trying to talk seriously about any of this right now, hell w/ it. Anyway what I was going to tell you about was I went on ILE around midnight & I saw that Di was on there too at the same time so I got talking to her on the thread she'd started about cars & I started this one about I HATE GOING OUT & she got on that & I guess we took over the thread for a while talking to each other then someone posted w/ her name but a fake email address "duane - i want you - lady die" - & I was very embarrassed because I thought it was some unknown 3rd party who was disgusted w/ us for using the thread for flirting-type shit & saying, you know, knock that shit off. It wasn't tho', it was her friend who was with her at the time - Maryann told me - I went Oh that's cool then, I c'n just get w/ her friend, & she went, He's gay. OK then, even better!
So like I say who even needs to go out.

[PUNTER QUESTIONNAIRE! - (1) WHO is reading this? - (2) WHY are you reading this? - just 2 questions, but you can answer any other unasked q's too if you want - mail reply to me here.]

MON. 30th JULY - that Radiohead thing was actually last night. So I tried to watch it. Didn't try very hard, there seemed little reason to, they were obviously just as feeble & vain beneath the "interesting" modern veneer as they had been when struggling to "rock" last century. So (it's official) ROCK'S STILL DEAD until I come out of hibernation & ride the Great White Buffalo to INTENSITIES IN 10 CITIES. I'd tell you more about MY PERSONAL LIFE but I know you'd be disappointed in me. I performed ONE (1) random act of minor kindness to a semi-stranger, ONE (1) awkward act of reaching out to break the ice of non-communication with another. I have to be fuckin high to do this stuff though. Oh my life is tuff.

THURS. 2nd AUG. - who reads this? At least 3 people according to my survey! Rock!
Stella Brennan was 1 of them & she told me, check out yhchang.com, OK I did, so can you.
Check it out I have gone out to see a band tonight, tell you the truth I can hardly stand being here. I don't drink any more which might maybe make being out making the "social scene" tolerable...I seem to remember it used to work...yeah well those were the days. Well they weren't really. (That's 1 of Ritchie Venus's catchphrases, good one eh.)

SAT. 4th AUG. - hey that band the other night were OK! I mean I already knew that 'cause I've seen 'em before but they are MORE THAN OK. I mean for a bunch of gurls. & after they stopped the music that came on was, check it, "No Kissing In Public" by Space Dust! Because they knew that I was there in the audience & they are all like totally in love with me, THAT'S WHY!
Hey & here's more about how fuckin BEYOND WONDERFUL I am, I was in this movie I saw last night & damn I was good. No allright I personally was merely OK but it's pretty hard to get over that I went to a movie & saw myself up there on the screen, it was kind of a blast even tho as you know I hate movies. This movie ("SNAKESKIN") really was a lot better than I'd (I admit) smugly predicted, I mean from having seen the script & having various behind-the-scenes insights I felt it would be weighed down w/ self-conscious referentiality & cosmik hippy crud but definitely 1 thing that I hadn't really picked up on was it was gonna be real funny. 'Cause it was. Also good - Oliver Driver & 2 other guys (names - don't know) SUPER as gang of evil skinheads, REAL convincingly just-like-the-real-thing (when I was there in Methven working on the thing Olly D. was in method-actor mode & still "being" the speed-crazed nazi creep after & before doing his scenes & was genuinely real intimidating)...Melanie Lynskey as the heroine Alice (yeah George Gosset saw it before me, in Chch, told me he found her character insufferably annoying...whadda you expect, that guy is 1 crusty curmudgeon, also a fuckin misogynist too) is real GOOD nearly as good as she was in "Heavenly Creatures" & that's GOOD...Melanie L., did I meet her, oh 1 time, yeah I was in the caravan thing writin a letter to my gurl fren & M.L. came out of the thing at the back of the caravan where she had been sleeping & I talked to her for a while, what is she like you ask well OK I'll tell you, she was, is, a V. CHARMING YOUNG LADY. Of course. oh & my sister, her appearance in the movie (waitress, cafe scene where the old Maori lady gives them the SINISTER WARNING in the classic WISE MOVIELAND NATIVE WISDOM style) is a hi-lite naturally...I was pretty buzzed by the whole thing...I wasn't loaded man, I just felt like I was...of course about 10 min's after it ended i suffered a heavy emotional crash, like a kid who et 2 much sugar @ a party...boo hoo...Back at'cha 'bout this anyways because now I better go & see if Rico & his boyz are in town yet, the CM ENSEMBLE out of CRISISCHURCH, CITY OF JESUS...they play tonight, R U there already or what 'cause you should be, thee Chch free-rock garage art scene = tha guntz baby! AND, party @ Matty Middleton's afterwards. Dunedin Rock City! Later chimps!

SUN. 5th AUG. - last night at the CM ENSEMBLE show at Arc Maryann told me she'd had this good idea for when we form our band, what she would wear for onstage gear is pyjamas & a machine gun bullet belt. I'm like, That would rule but you know what would be better is we both wear pyjamas & a machine gun bullet belt, it's the BAND UNIFORM. We ran a considerable distance w/ this idea, I won't ruin any of the surprizes we got in store for you yet but you wait, you'll see!
Anyway the music they did was good, it was pretty different stuff to what I'd expected 'cause I was thinkin LOUDNESS, electricity & rock loudness because (mainly) because Lynton "Bam Bam" Reliant was in the lineup & I hardly ever seen him do stuff that was not sorta pretty much rock. Yeah but, NOT THE CASE, it was all acoustical instruments played by 8 guys all distrib'd unevenly around the rm, Lynton on the stage playing real "jazz" drums, Nick by the ladies' WC on saxophone, Ricko playing violin near the door, etc etc all round the rm & sometimes changing positions & instruments, the idea that you can walk thru getting different angles on it & affecting the composition by so doing, participating if you wish - yeah it sounds like a pile of toss I suppose - I thought it was great. Very Familiar Ugly. They were performing 1 of Nick's compositions that involved when someone walks out Gilbert had to ring this bell & it means, stop playing. Maryann & Pat K. were the 1st punters to walk out after the prescribed time & Gilbert stood on a chair & struck the bell but they didn't hear it or something & they kept playing. & a while later I walked out too & same thing. So it was probably a pretty flawed rendering of the "piece". Well Nick seemed to think so. I dunno, it mostly sounded good.
After that I'm @ Matt Middleton's party & I've decided I gotta stay up all night to conduct my new way of life, so when Matt & Folina wanted to go to bed I told everyone there they should come w/ me so I put 'em all in my van (cue song : "Square Wheels!") - we drove round lookin for stuff to do for a few hrs - we dropped a couple people off along the way & then me & Lynton & Ricko & Dan & Ina & Di was all who was left of the Party In The Van, we hung out down by the wharf, also et pizza parked by the duck pond in the Leith Valley, smoked pot, smoked pot, smoked pot, smoked pot...just y'know, did a bunch of boring stuff. I dunno, it was cool, I was enjoying hanging out w/ ppl for the 1st time in 4-EVA . End up @ my place approx 6 in the a.m. & by then everyone has kind of run out of funny stuff to say...we put on Sir Lord Baltimore & even that does not really spark things up again, even when we put on Snoop : ditto. So OK it's gettin late. Smoke more pot & we all feel like goin to sleep. It's obv. gotten to where I got to admit staying up all night doesn't seem like such a great fantastic idea any more, let's put 'em all to bed. Me & Ricko get Maryann's bed, Dan & Lynton my bed & Di, well let's put her in the single bed in the lounge. Hey so you missed out on all the hot gay sexxx action Ms Fag Hag, yeah but thanks fer the pizza tho!
Yeah anyway still I had a good time & I changed my mind about all that "I Hate Going Out" crap, I'm totally into it, going out is great, I'm going out more & STAYING out. Always!

THURS. 9th AUG. - Hey it's like springtime! Not actually springtime but like springtime. We (= me & Jane & Rich) spent most of the day working in the garden, I didn't even hardly go on ILE. When we moved in here our garden was all full of garbage that the bogans who lived there before us had just thrown in the weeds, it was gross.So today we got busy on it (ongoing proj. of X months), burned weeds & chopped-off branches in a 44-gallon drum & dug broken glass & rusty cans & plastic outta the ground, hey we're gonna make this place real nice. Hey I know! A barbeque! you wanna come?
I'm sorry my diary is not always exciting. "ROCK CITY ROCKER", yeah ha ha that's a good one.
But, can you tell there's something I'm avoiding discussing? Yeah well there is.

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