Imagine this sensation, for 3 days every time you set your ass on that bike seat it was hell.  Now, somewhere around the end of Day 3 and the beginning of Day 4 there was a new sensation.  Lifting your ass off the seat killed ten times more than setting it on there.  Ponder that.  A shooting pain through your ass every time you lift off the seat.  Not on...OFF!

Woke up this morning so excited until you hit the head and realize again that Mexican vs. 1600 riders still has the same outcome...Mexican food wins and the toilets have never been worse.  I am blurry and cold as it rained overnight.

Everyone is wet and tired as we file into the bike holding area to get our bikes and get out the door at 6:30.  Today is 70 miles and we have to be in Boston around 4pm, so we have to make it quick.  Hey, too bad they are holding us hostage again for some reason until 7-7:30ish. 

MOST TOLD STORY ALERT #6!    We are in line to leave and a girl behind us looks at Armando and say's: HEY WE ARE BIKE TWINS"  (Like Armando gives a flying crap).  We all look at the two bikes, and sure'nuff...Twins. 

Girl: Wow, yours must be newer than mine its so clean...when did you get yours?

Armando: February

Girl: ME TOO!  You must take good care of it...

Armando: NO, I NEVER RIDE IT

 Picture this...we have been doing hills for days and its nice to ease into your morning, gradually progressing to the hard parts of the course.  NOT TODAY.  The second we come out of the gate we turn left and up a hill that you cannot even see the top of.  Way to deflate 1600 riders after almost 300 miles.  It was so hard to get up, but we all trudged up it (some walked, but the 4, rather 5 of us - including Dan Jr. made it). 

 So, we are riding along and just make it up another mammoth hill when my chain slips and gets wedged between two sprockets on my bike.  Instantly we try to get it off but nothing comes of it.  Armando screams out: DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BIKES?  Which is funny in itself because we are supposed to know about bikes but know much more about what people are wearing today.   After 7 people converge on the bike situation its fixed.  Its muggy and we haven't even made it to Pitstop 1 yet.  Yikes.

Pitstop 1:  I walk by Sam and Armando in line for the bathroom and...

Sam: Are you wearing contacts today?

(I instantly melt...)

Dan: HOLY SHIT,I LEFT MY FUCKING GLASSES IN THE DRIVEWAY WITH THE MONSTER TRUCK. 

It seems that I took off my glasses when trying to fix the bike because they were fogging up.  I set them down in the middle of the driveway about 10 feet from a monster truck.  When fixed I proceeded to ride the next mile and a half without said glasses and didn't think anything of it (I don't know...)  After much deliberation and bitching someone came and drove me back to the Monster Truck.  It was ridiculous.  So, having now delayed the group by 40 minutes we take off again.  On my pilgrimage in the van I find out the scoop on why the ride is no longer ending in Boston Common.  It seems that last year the event people disobeyed Mayor Menino's request to not take any machinery/vehicles on the lawn of the Common.  Well, guess what?  Some genius tore up half the Common and they are now banned.  The ride now ends in City Hall Plaza.

 Today was the day where all people lost all sense of decency.  Girls are on the side of the road squatting - peeing, Men are doing the same or worse.  Its total pandemonium.

 In the town of Grafton, MA across from some school I saw a cardboard sign on a telephone pole that said: GO DAN in neon orange letters.  As I came around the corner, there they were... Jason and my beloved Jon.  I blew past them.  Jason was all offended...hello, like I have time to stop?  At the next rest stop... Jon and Jason showed up and we chatted there.  It was so nice and it gave me more energy to finish.  

 At some point after lunch Armando, Dan Jr. and I left the weakass girls behind.  I was encouraged up a hill by Dan Jr.'s 18 year old firm bare ass.  Hey, every little bit helps.  We are beginning to realize that we don't have much time to hit the next Pit Stop.  We had to be there by 2pm.  Anyone reaching the Pit after that time would be SAG'd to City Hall Plaza.  We refused to be SAG'd today!!!  So, the 3 of us hit the Pit at 2:05pm and there is a mass of people leaving, telling us not to go in or we are through.  So, I SCREAM TO ARMANDO who was basically lounging on the grass of the Pit that WE ARE MOVING ON!  It sucked too because we were out of water and Gatorade and it was hot and we had to pee.

MOST TOLD STORY ALERT #7!       About 3 miles after the missed Pit, we are cruising downhill and FAST!  There are no cars on our side of the road so people are all over the place.  Oncoming traffic is steady though.  Armando and I are almost at the bottom of the hill when we hear (about 2 seconds apart):

FEMALES: ON YOUR LEFT (code for biker passing... on your left).  Like I said there were 2 voices.  2 girls come blowing by us and about 10 feet past us get TANGLED together.  They are twisting and turning and ambling across the lane.  Now, it was enough that everyone slowed.  Just as it looked like they were going to be okay a male biker SLAMS into the middle of them and the 3 of them go FLYING through the AIR and scattering like pebbles across a pond.  EVERYONE STOPS.  I jump off the bike realizing that one of them was PEEPY WENDY's friend.  She is conscious and bloody.  She wants up, so we move her to the side of the road.  Within minutes the ambulance, ride safety and police were there.  It was amazing.  We stayed for a few minutes then I saw Peepy Wendy passing by and not realizing it was her friend.  So I flag her down and she can help!  When everything looked fine (the other 2 people could have been dead for all I cared) we left! 

 About a mile or two ahead we pull into the parking lot of a convenient store.   This is now Pit Stop #3.  We basically took over the joint with riders.  Eventually Elena and Sam show up.  Elena's knee is hurting her bad, but we are now only about 14 miles from Boston.  We rest just long enough to sustain us.  Buying water and Gatorade and powerbars, we are now READY TO GO.  Did I mention it was hot and sunny much?

 Sometime later we hear the shaking coming from behind us.  ELENA'S MOM IS BACK!  Not only is she shaking that VOODOO STICK at us, she is followed by Elena's dad and her husband, my friend MIKE!  Yeah, it was fun. 

We entered Watertown (I willingly gave up that BEST BUY, my second favorite store on earth was just around the corner).  Heading down Memorial Drive, I gave Dan Jr. a guided tour of Harvard, rather brief.  As we neared the city, poor Dan Jr. asked us to stop and take a picture of the city (from the best view in town, if you're asking)...we just wanted to get there and shot him down...sorry kid.  Over the Salt and Pepper Shaker bridge and up toward Gov't Center.  A few blocks away we could hear the roar of the crowds.  

At 4:20PM we finished the 8th Northeast AIDSRide.  

I met a lot of people on the ride.  Men and Women who rode because they could, because they had to.  Of all the people I met and experienced this with, 3 will forever a memory make.  Elena, Armando and Sam are incredibly funny, caring, generous and damn sexy.  Rockstars all of us, to my 3 comrades... Snapshot.