Disclaimer: Any element within this story not created by me belongs to the rightful owners. Do not attempt to sue me; you have been warned!
Attention: All characters in this book are purely a work of fiction. In no way were any characters intended to resemble any person, living or dead, in any way. Any resemblance to a person to a character within this story is entirely coincidental.
Note: Please do not use my characters or related concepts within this story without my permission. Thank you for your consideration for the effort I have put into this story.
Contact: To contact me, send in the emails to dude_from_jupiter@yahoo.com or dude_tenchi@hotmail.com. Also, be watching for my pseudoname around the net... Dude Jupiter...
Other: Thanks for taking the time to read my story! Send comments, complaints, ideas, suggestions, or whatever, to my email adresses. THANKS! On with the story already!
FOR THOSE WHO THINK THEY ARE PERFECT: Please be warned, you are not God, so don't try to play the part. I, as a human being, am succeptible to error. I mite spel sum werds incurektly, soo dond git tu maud et mi.


                               C H A O T I C   U N I V E R S E
                                                  by Dude Jupiter


    In the darkness, a small soul is pierced. It cries out in agony against the world that so tortures it, but it can do nothing to stop this horrible pain. It can only reside in the darkness, feeding off of the nothingness and taking the abuse as best it can.
    It is strong. It will survive. It, however, can only take so much before its subconcious mind decides that it can take no more. The concious mind, empowering the willpower, tries to keep the whole of its being intact, but the horrors are chipping through the subconcious mind and attacking the whole in a way the soul cannot fight. It will keep its defenses up as best it can, but it cannot block against everything.
    It cries out, longing for relief, if even only minutely temporary... but there is none. It tries to resist the terrible pain assailing it, but it cannot.
    With an onrush of an amazing force of horrors, the soul is crushed beyond what it can bear. It gives out one last, feeble cry before it slips through an unknown and unseen door...
          *  *  *
   Andrew sat down in one of the more comfortable chairs of the living room. He sank into its depths, and gave silent thanks that the stupid TV wasn't on, that no one was here watching it. He cared not who was saving the world, he only wanted to let his thoughts swirl and gain some peace of mind.
    He closed his eyes and rested his mind. He let any thinking fade away and relaxed himself. Then he let his mind take him wherever it wanted. He let himself review events of the day, sort them out, try to make logical sense of them. Try to set his mind in order.
    He let his train of thought slip to daydreams of how he could have handled situations during the day a little better, how he could have...
    "BOOP! SWING! BONK!"
    Andrew's eyes flipped open to see a big box with a bunch of pictures on it making mounds of noise. He looked around the room to see his younger brother, his eyes glued to the amazing piece of junk. He was watching some dumb cartoon. The characters were running around the screen like idiots and the machine was making noise to disturb the quiet.
    Andrew headed off to his room for some quiet. Upon entering, though, he found his windows rattling and the sounds of a small concert coming from his other younger sister's room. The sick lyrics of some guy-hated hip-hop group poured through the walls, saturating Andrew's room with a steady, rythmic beat. Coming from his third younger sibling's room, (another brother) came the powerful grunge of a heavy metal guitar, accompanied by earth-shaking bass.
    No, too noisy up here...
    That left only one place of solitude, of peace and quiet...
    Andrew left his house and climbed the tallest tree of the yard. He climbed and climbed until he was higher than his house. Then he simply sat down on tha branch he always sat down on and leaned against another branch, which served as an effective 'back-rest'.
    Once again, he sought to sort out his thoughts. He probed his mind and sorted things logically, trying to force logic into the illogical. Trying to give nonsense sense.
    As he sat in the branches, the cool breezes contrasting the warm, beating sun, he suddenly heard a sound. It was almost like a whistle, but with a heavier sound. He opened his eyes, scanning the world about him...
    The neighborhood, the mountains in the background, the sky,...
    Lo and behold in the sky shot down a flaming, yellow, spherical object. The object was crashing down to earth at an amazing speed, leaving a smoking trail behind it. Andrew watched in awe as it headed straight for the mountains. Moments later, a powerful impact was heard.
    Rocks crumbled, explosions cried out, and the rumbling of falling rocks was heard. Fireballs lept up and licked the sky from the mountains, and a billowing cloud of dust was hurled up into the air. This cloud reached up high into the sky, touching the cloud from which the object had apparently fallen through.
    As soon as the dust touched the cloud, the clouds began to grow dark and swirl. Anrew watched in awe. The clouds became darker and darker and swirled faster and faster. Soon, the clouds began to flash in certain areas, as if lightning were striking inside of them. Lightning within clouds was definitely not unusual, but lightning that travelled the circle of the clouds for perhaps half to three-quarters of the distance around was rather odd.
    Andrew continued to watch as the clouds changed colors. The swirling motion continued, until the middle of the cloud dipped down in a funnel. The dust receeded instantly, and the colorful clouds funelled down to the crash site of the object. This continued until all of the cloud had gone down to the mountains. Then there was a bright flash from where the clouds had gone, and... no more. Nothing else happened.
    Andrew scanned the scene. The object had, he gussed, hit Mt. Avia near Flag Target, a great yellow flag upon a huge pole which had become a popular target for mountain climbers of the surrounding area.
    He needed to go see what this was! Not thinking if it might be anything dangerous, he quickly descended from his perch in the tree and landed on the ground. Then he went inside, grabbed a cantene, filled it, and rushed back outside. Just before he left the yard, he heard a door open.
    "Son, where are you going?" came his father's voice.
    "Didn't you see it?!" Andrew asked, itching to leave.
    "See what?"
    Andrew pointed up to the place where the object had crashed. "Something crashed up there! Huge! It..."
    "There's nothing up there," his father said.
    Andrew turned around. Indeed, it looked as if nothing had ever happened. No dust lingered in the air, nor the trail of smoke the falling object had left.
    "I'm going to go look anyways," Andrew said, turning to leave.
    "Be back for supper."
    "Yah."
    Andrew turned his back and set off for Mt. Avia. He felt the hot sun on his back and was thankful he had had enough thought to grab some water. He continued to jog down the streets, keeping himself moving clear out of the city. There he stopped for a short rest before continuing his jog towards the mountain.
    Just before he got to within a mile of the mountain, he slowed down to a walk. He was very winded, and knew he should be saving his energy for the climb. At the back of his mind, however, the sense of urgency in adventure screamed at him to continue running. After all, he could be the discoverer of something great, something totally bizzare...!
    He kept going until he reached the base of the mountain, where the ground began a much steeper ascent than the surrounding land. Andrew paid no attention to the upward slope, though, and continued, keeping Flag Target in his eye... that large pole with the huge yellow flag...
    He climbed until a sheer wall of rock blocked his view from the flag. He continued on a path that went alongside this wall, which led up to the flag. Andrew followed the path, until...
    Finally, he rounded the corner. He stopped immediately, seeing what appeared to be a long cabin. There had never been a cabin up here! He had climbed up here several times, and there had never been a cabin! The building, though, looked old and worn, and it blended in with its surroundings as if it had been there for possibly a century.
    A man sat on the front porch, rocking back and forth on an old, creaking chair, cradling a shotgun in his lap like it was a baby. He wore simple, worn overalls and a straw hat, and his face was covered with a dark beard.
    "C'n I help ya?" the old guy asked.
    Andrew stared blankly. He groped to find words, but remained in a confused silence.
    "I said, 'C'n I help ya'?"
    Andrew snapped out of his thoghts and said, "Uh... sir... how...?"
    "How what?" the man asked, putting his shotgun aside.
     "How did this cabin... appear here?"
    "Appear?" the man repeated, with a laugh. "Why, I've lived up here for years! Decades! Cabin's been mine ever since my pop died!"
    Andrew was completely dumbstruck. Was he hallucinating? Maybe going insane? He couldn't quite tell.
    "What be ye doin up here?" the man asked, still rocking in his chair.
    "Well... just a moment ago, I saw something crash down around here..."
    "Crash down?" the old man asked, leaning forwards in his seat. "You mean like, fell out of the sky?"
    "Yes, yes!" Andrew said.
    "Nope. Nothing fallin' round here."
    Andrew's excitement faded. "Huh? But I saw it with my own eyes...!"
    "Don't always be trusting your eyes," the man said, standing. "If ya dont know what's what, them little spheres can make ya see anything."
    Andrew looked around, and was completely lost to confusion when he saw no Flag Target. That should be the easiest thing in the world to see from here, Andrew thought to himself. This is Flag Target grounds!
    "What happened to Flag Target?" Andrew asked, barely able to keep the confusion out of his voice.
    "Flag Target? What you talkin bout?"
    Andrew sighed in frustrated confusion. "Something's going on here, and I want to know what."
    "Who do you think I am?" the man asked.
    "An alien, for all I know," Andrew spat.
   The man laughed loudly, holding the railing to the porch. "So what if I am?"
    "What happened to Flag Target?" Andrew asked again.
    "And what if it never existed?" the man asked.
    "Huh?"
    "What if Flag Target never existed?"
    "Your house never existed before today, if you want to talk about nonexistence," Andrew retorted.
    "And what if it did? What state is this?"
    Andrew rolled his eyes. "If you don't even know what state you..."
    "What state is this?" the man interrupted.
    "Kansas."
    "Flatlands," the old man said with a hearty laugh. "Now just WHAT in the world would a mountain be doing in Kansas?"
    Andrew gasped as he realized what the old man was saying. Indeed, mountains in Kansas? But Mt. Aria had been there for as long as he had lived! It had been so natural!
    "Look back over here."
    Andrew looked back over to see the same man, clean-cut, wearing casual clothes... blue jeans and a large Tshirt. Andrew stared dumbly at him.
    I'm definitely insane, Andrew thought.
    "Now back to my question - what would a mountain be doing in Kansas?"
    "I don't know!" Andrew said, growing exasperated, yet feeling blood draining from his head at the same time. "It's just always been here! That's all I know!"
    "And what if it hasn't?" the old man retorted with a laugh. "What if this mountain has never existed?"
    "But then why would we be standing here?" Andrew shot back.
    "Not everything makes sense," The old man said. He laughed insanely for a moment before continuing. "And that's  the joy of it - not everything makes sense! In fact, almost nothing makes sense!"
    "You sure aren't making sense."
    "Maybe I don't even exist," the man mused. "Maybe old Matthew doesn't exist, after all!"
    "That's nonsense!" Andrew said, his eyebrows coming together. "You're standing right there."
    "Prove it," Matthew said, a laughing tone to his voice. "Or better yet, prove you exist."
    Andrew shook his head. "It's obvious. I see, I smell, I taste, I hear, I feel."
    "Okay, you've now proven to me that you perceive," Matthew said. "But you have not yet proved that you exist."
    Andrew, nearly ready to pass out, searched his mind for an answer. "Well... I exist! I think! I decide, and... uh... think..."
    "Maybe you don't think," Matthew said, fingering the shotgun affectionately, which made Andrew nervous. "Maybe someone else thinks, and you are his thoughts, but he causes you to believe that you think. Like an artificial intelligence."
    "Artificial intelligences don't think for themselves," Andrew said, sighing and turning to leave. This was all to confusing for him.
    "How do you know?"
    Andrew spun around, a look of pure disbelief on his face. "How do I know? Its obvious! Artificial intelligences may be advanced and able to make many decisions, but they do not think as humans do."
    "How do you know?" Matthew responded with a laugh. "Since when have you been an artificial intelligence?"
    "I haven't. But its completely known that AI's do not think. It's science's basics."
    "Science is nothing," Matthew responded calmly. "Man did not create science, so he cannot know whether or not it follows certain guidelines. And, thus, man cannot know whether anything in this universe is the way they think it to be or not."
    "Whatever."
    "Does an AI think?"
    "No."
    "Does a video game character think?"
    "Does a toy think?" Andrew returned.
    "Maybe."
    "What?!" Andrew half shouted. "You can't be serious!"
    "Maybe they do think," Matthew responded. "Who knows?" then, as an afterthought, he added, "I wonder what toys think about?"
     "Toys are plastic! They can't think!"
     "Oh, how do you know?" Matthew said, sitting back down. "When have you been a toy? You could only know if a toy thinks if you were a toy. When have you been a toy?"
    "Never!"
    "How do you know?"
    "Obviously," Andrew responded. "If I were a toy I think I'd know."
    "But you just said toys don't think. Are you contradicting yourself?"
    "No!"
    "What if toys do think? What if you were once a yo-yo?"
    "I was never a yo-yo!"
    "How do you know?"
    Andrew gritted his teeth. "Just what are you getting at with all this?"
    Matthew's expression took on a more serious look. "I'm trying to make you understand that we cannot prove anything."
    "Science is proven right."
    "Maybe not. What if everything were uncertain?"
    "Science is correct."
    "And what if it were not?" Matthew asked. "We base our 'science' off of experiments performed by numerous scientists. But what can be proven by men doing the same thing over and over?"
    "If an experiment is performed in exactly the same way and yields exactly the same result every time, it can be considered right," Andrew responded.
    "Not quite. Just because an experiment yields the same results the first million times does not mean the next result will be the same."
    "You're insane."
    "Maybe."
    "So you're implying that reality doesn't mean jack."
    "Exactly," Matthew said, standing back up. "Take this mountain for example. You took a history course on Kansas, did you not?"
    "Yes."
    "What mountains did you study?"
    "There are no mountains in Ka..." Andrew stopped in mid-sentence. He realized what he was saying. "B... but I've always known Mt. Aria!"
    "Have you?"
    "Yes!"
    "Let's do some tests," Matthew said. He walked... through... the railing of the porch, much to Andrew's shock, and walked to stand beside Andrew. Then he stuck out his hands into mid-air and arced his fingers, as if preparing to type. Instantly, a black square appeared under his fingers and a white circle formed above the square. Matthew's fingers came down upon the square, typing on what appeared to be the keyboard.
    The words, "KANSAS DATABASE" appeared on the screen. Matthew typed in, "Search: Mt. Aria" into it. The results came up: "Object of search, MT. ARIA, is not found in the Kansas Database. Please make sure you have typed the object correctly and that the object description title, 'MT.', is a valid object description title."
    "Thus I prove that Mr. Aria does not exist," Matthew concluded.
    Andrew stared for a moment before speaking up. "But if it doesn't exist, like I said before, what are we doing here?"
    "Why wouldn't we be here? Just because the mountain we are standing on doesn't exist? Are you really so narrow-minded?"
    Andrew simply shook his head.
    "Ok, then, I'll tap into a GPS and scan the area." Matthew held out his hands again, as if to type. The screen cleared and the keyboard went dark again. Matthew started to type. "OK, I've managed to take control of the nearest GPS."
    "How could you?!" Andrew said in complete disbelief. "GPS satellites are kept controlled under tight security!"
    "You think small little inefficient satellite codes within what you believe to be reality can block out my attempts to hack in with methods out of which you believe to be reality?"
    "Eh.."
    Matthew typed in: "Scan area 6 sector 3 microsector 7a66.2". Instantly a flat plane popped up. Matthew pointed to it.
    "This is where Mt. Aria is supposed to be. However, GPS registers a flat plane."
    "But..." Andrew started. "But how wouldn't anyone notice? I mean, how could anyone not notice that a mountain in Kansas would be... out of the ordinary? Or not notice that Mt. Aria doesn't exist in any databases?"
    Matthew laughed. "Because, like I said, reality is not constant! It ever changes! As of now, this mountain does not exist. You are the only one who will remember it ever existing at all."
    "What?!"
    "The mountain has slipped out of your 'reality' and into another 'reality'. It is lost to having ever been in the first reality. Normally, you would  have to carry out the rest of your life in this 'reality', since you cannot shift through the different time-space continuums, dimensions, universes, or whatever you want to call them. However, I can shift through them, so I will take you back to your world."
    "Why... how... what is all this?"
    Matthew cleared his throat. "Andrew," he said. "I need to visit you fairly often. Some people, very rarely, develop minds which can learn amazing and extremely illogical secrets about the space around them. They learn the almost random way of reality, and realize that science is nothing and can fall out at any time to another form of science. The minds who have developed the first science suddenly change to take into account this new science, etc. It is very confusing, but I have been watching you, and I am convinced you are one of these rare minds."
    "What good would such informatio do my mind?"
    "None whatsoever," Matthew said with a laugh. "In fact, possessing such knowledge of the universe(s) is actually quite destructive to one's mind! Insanity is common! But it is an insanity that is... sane."
    "I don't understand."
    "Of course! You have not yet been enlightened."
    "I see. Now tell me - why would I want to learn something that is destructive to my mind?"
    Matthew shook his head. "Once you possess this knowledge, it matters little what happens to you. Things change constantly. One moment you could have a mind as dull as a caterpillar's and the next you are as sharp as a computer. Actually, that's not very sharp, but you see the point in the comparison."
    "Will you please take me home?" Andrew asked, growing tired of all of this confusion.
    "Of course. Just remember, now that I have imparted these thoughts into your mind, things will begin to change for you. Unless you want a terrible time of confusion so horrible that it leads to insanity, you'll visit me."
    "But... but how will I find you?" Andrew asked. "Now that the mountain doesn't exist...?"
    "You'll know where I am. Now close your eyes."
    Andrew obeyed and closed his eyes. He felt a slight movement, a slight drop, and a... heaviness. He knew nothing more.
          *  *  *
    Mr. Hafford, Andrew's dad, took in a deep drag of his cigarette. Immediately, he was thrown into a fit of coughing. He held his hand up high, not wanting the hot, burning nic-stick to touch anything flammable. He coughed violently, holding his hand over his mouth.
    Andrew walked into the room. Mr. Hafford turned to face his son. In a smoker's voice, he said to his son, "Morning, Andrew."
    "Nathaniel Hafford, you need to lay off those cig's!" Mrs. Hafford chided him. "Your lungs are bad enough as they are, you're going to destroy them!"
    "I'm alright."
    "Ci... cigarettes?" Andrew repeated blankly. "Destroyed lungs? But you've never smoked before!"
    Mr. Hafford stared at his son in disbelief. "Never... (cough)... smoked before? Son, are you kidding? Are feeling well?"
    "If he smoked any more, we'd have every fire alarm in the city melting," Mrs. Hafford said in disdain.
    "Uh... yeah," Andrew said, completely baffled. "Yeah, I'm feeling well. I just had this... dream, that, uh... you didn't smoke. Or something like that."
    "Did you enjoy your hike last night?" Mr. Hafford asked.
    "You mean the one to Mt. Aria?"
    "Mount what?"
    "Breakfast's almost ready," Mrs. Hafford announced.
    Andrew sat up straighter in his seat. Things were so confusing, and he would be very glad to sink his teeth into his mom's cooking. He wanted to start this day and end it. It had already been strange enough for one day.
    And Andrew just did not like strange days.
          *  *  *
    Everything seemed quite normal after leaving the house, except for the fact that half a billion tons of rock was no longer to be seen towering over the city. Now everything seemed flat, like Kansas should be.
    Getting on the bus was quite normal. Everyone sat in the same seets. The jocks all sat at one side, spitting lame pick-up jokes at the pretty girls while all the nerds sat in the back looking over their latest nerdo thick glasses or whatever they look at. The Mafia dudes sat together, fingering what was most likely fully automatic weapons under their large trench coats, and the preps all sat together, their heads up high, displaying their completely in-fashion clothes. The techno-geeks looked over articles like "How to Disassemble\Reassemble Your Personal Computer in Less than Thirty Seconds", and everyone else who didn't quite fit into any group just kinda sat around and looked hopelessly out the window, longing to dive out and become roadkill.
    It was Andrew, wonder of the mighty non-cliques, who often came to the rescue of these hopeless misfits-on-legs. He, being the natural genius-of-the-class-type person (regarded as such but not really feeling anything close to), associated himself with these people, which they took much to their pride. Many of them were his friends, and he enjoyed it. He didn't really care what anyone else thought about him, just so long as he knew who he was.
    The ride to school was quite normal. Spitwads flew everywhere, courtesy the guys who thought it was really funny, and small squeals of agony could be heard from the nerds, courtesy those big huge guys who could crush rocks between their toes. The only thing unusual was the fact that no car horns were heard this morning.
    Andrew started his day in Mr. Devhil's class, as usual. The man was supremely evil in every way, but somehow managed to hold his job. It was rumored that he used strange mind-control techniques to convince the principal that his job as history teacher was quite important.
    Mr. Devhil was a man with an in-between build. He wore the same brown, old suit every day, accompanied by a plain red tie. He had tan, scarred skin. His eyes, when out from behind his huge eyelids, bulged out, bloodshot, looking as if they were ready to touch the glass of his small, wicked-looking glasses. He wore a shaggy beard and mustache, which added to his evil look. His brown hair was always combed in the same way, combed in a way that gave the impression that he tried to make it look neat but his hair refused to cooperate.
    The man sat behind his desk, fingers intertwined and elbows on table, completely silent, as the students filed in quietly to take their seats.
    Finally, the door began to close slowly as the last student walked in. All was terribly quiet. Nothing moved, save the door, and everyone heard it creaking and squeeking as it continued to shut. At last the click was heard.
    Immediately Devhil jumped up and shouted, "Okay, class! Time to start. No one so much as speak a single word or you'll be expelled from school! Understand?"
    All students silently nodded. Devhil walked over to one student and leaved extremely close to him. "Do you understand me?" he asked the student.
    The student nodded, his face swallowed in fear.
    "What did you say?"
    The student nodded again.
    "Speak up, boy!" Devhil urged. "I can't hear you!"
    "Yes, I understand!" the boy squeeked.
    "AAAAAA!!!" Devhil ran away and landed behind his desk. He spun around, a look of pure fury on his face. "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK!" he screamed. "GET OUT! NOW! YOU ARE EXPELLED FROM SCHOOL FOREVER! I have officially sold you to the circus! Report to the gymnasium at once and ask for "Bo-bo". Tell him - 'New pooper-scooper'."
    The student got up and walked out of the classroom in dismay.
    "Now, back to our lesson, which this student so rudely interrupted," Devhil hissed. He looked around menacingly and growled before continuing. "Today we're going to discuss the legendary Mount Aria. Apparently, several thousand years ago, some stupid tribe or something of some race in Kansas imagined that there was an invisible mountain right here in Kansas, and a complete religion was founded upon this imaginary rock! Now, of course, we know today that no mountain exists here in Kansas, and anyone who believes that there is or ever was is one complete mentally-defficient idiot!"
    Andrew barely stopped himself from gasping. He heard the slightest 'gulp' in his throat.
    "Now, continuing..."
    He was interrupted as the door opened. Devhil spun to face the door, his face beet-red in fury.
    "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GO JOIN THE CIRCUS..." Devhil stopped as he recognized the principle. "Ah, Mr. Johnsminaim! I was just joking, of couse."
    "Of course," Johnsminaim responded. "Now..." He leaned closer and whispered something in Devhil's ear. Devhil's eyes widened greatly as he listened, as if in pure shock. Then the principle went out of the room. Devhil strode behind his desk and sat down. He intertwined his fingers and closed his eyes.
    "Ah, the stupidity of mortals," he said quietly in a growling sigh. Then he spoke to the class.
    "It seems, students, dear friends, that we have a... new... student." He opened his evil eyes, his pupils narrow like a cat's. "Apparently, her parents lived in Chicago, Illinois. The place where they have everything. There is nothing that you cannot have in Chicago."
    He eyed the class evilly before continuing.                                "Apparently, her parents were stupid enough to decide to move to our little town, Nothingville, which has nothing. It barely has a gas station, yet her parents decided to move away from Chicago to here, Nothingville. Can you imagine that? I guess that some people are just not mentally up-to-grade like they should be.
    "So, as you could have guessed, I'm sure our new little student is completely heart-broken, probably a little mentally deranged, torn apart by the pure insanity of her parents' evil decision." He shook his head, as if reviewing a paper by Kyle Smile, the class clown. "I'm wondering if we should turn her in to the SRS? After all, insane parents can't take care of children properly, and she's only in the 10th grade like you guys, so she can't take care of herself... babies can't take care of themselves..."
    Had it been any other class, there would have been protests. No one, however, wanted to scoop elephant droppings for the rest of their lives, so they said nothing.
    "So, she needs support. I'm sure she will be terribly depressed that her parents are such complete idiots, and that she has to live with them for the rest of her young life. We need to extend our... (sniff)... arms of friendship to her, take her into our group, and..."
    Devhil jumped up, slammed his hands onto the desk, and shouted, "AND TREAT HER NICE OR YOU'LL BE JUGGLING CHAIN SAWS FOR THE REST OF YOUR PATHETIC EXISTANCES!"
    All students made mental notes to follow Devhil's orders.
    "Ok," he said, openening the class door. "You may come in now, if you're sure it won't cause a mental break-down."
    From outside, a soft voice could be heard to say, "Huh?"
    Devhil took on a very explaining tone, as if he were trying to talk to a native Japanese person, or trying to explain nuclear physics to a baby still gurgling and pointing to those big fat monsters on TV from that street, whatever it was. "If you cannot bear to step foot into this small class, this horrible class from the terrible city of Nothingville, I will understand. You may go home and OD on sleeping pills."
    "Eh?" came the voice again. "I'm... pretty sure I can handle the... uh... mental strain!"
    Devhil stepped back into class. From the back corner of the room, a wet, soggy piece of paper was shoved into a drinking straw. Devhil saw this and threw the student an evil glare. The straw found its way to a nearby trash can.
    "Hold on a sec," Devhil said, holding up his hand in an indication for the new student to stop. "I need to... warn you of some things.
    "First: We have some students in my class who think it is very entertaining to... bend my rules and... persecute other students. You need not fear them; no student has ever gotten away with such a thing in my class... ever. I've always caught them, and they shall always be caught. Thank you. You may proceed to enter my hell-room... uh... I mean... CLASS room. If, that is, you can bear the psychological destruction of attending a class within our stupid city, Nothingville."
    Devhil frowned. He whispered to the class, "Not one of you better try to tell her anything about me that's evil. If you do, I shall destroy your life. Remember, I can peer deep into your pathetic souls and see everything."
    All students mechanically nodded, their thoughts shrouded in pure fear. They faced forwards. No one so much as dared to even blink. One student's eyes were completely red, having not blinked for quite awhile. He simply used his trained willpower to keep them suckers open.
    "You may come in now. Plug your nose to avoid the stench of a Nothingville school room."
    The door swung open, but no one could see the new student. There was that initial moment of panic... who could this new student be? There were so many possibilities!
    Perhaps it was some kid with a huge forehead that could complete an algebra book in an hour? Perhaps it was a new guy, some guy all the girls would flock to to just so much as touch his shining hair. Or, on the flip side, maybe it was the new babe of the school, the one that all the guys flocked to to just see the brautiful footprints she left on the ground. Maybe it would be a brand-new muscle man, the type of guy that bent weight bars when he was bored, the type of guy the smaller guys looked at as a new bashing machine.
    Maybe it would be someone from Cuba, or China, or Zimbabwe! Maybe the new student was from Japan, or Europe. Maybe the new student wasn't even from this planet! (Not likely, but definitely not to be ruled out.) (After all, if this story has nonexistent mountains in Kansas, aliens wouldn't be too shocking, eh?)
    Nobody knew anything about the new student. They couldn't even tell the gender... the person had only let out a small whisper or two, too quiet to tell. No one had so much as caught a glimpse. No one could possibly know.
    Andrew drew in a breath. What if it was related to that strange man Matthew? He hoped with everything that this new student had nothing to do with Matthew.
    In walked the new student. Mental alarms went off in every male mind. Friendship alarms went off in very female mind. But the guys were most affected.
    Not to say this new girl was a complete babe, the kind of girl you'd see on the side of a bus. Not quite that perfect, but hey! This was Nothingville, after all, and Nothingville had, well, nothing. Little of this nature could often be expected. Sure, the Nothingville High School had its babes, but they came in rarely, and there were very few.
    Andrew's brain screamed. New arrival, and she is very pretty. Imagine that! A cute girl, my age, in Nothingville! Of course, what are my chances? I'm connected to a legendary mountain of the past and a man who can slip through realities. I am officially a complete weirdo. (Against my will, of course...)
    She was a girl with a rather small frame, which added to her... you couldn't quite call it frail,... delicate would fit better... her delicate look. She was a little smaller for her age, but she had a very nice figure.  Shiny, brown, flowing hair spilled over the sides of her head. Glasses covered her light blue eyes. Her cute face blended in with the rest of her, creating a perfect, but perfectly unreachable girl to Andrew, girl.
    Well, Andrew though. I know this kind of girl. They know they're pretty, and they let it get to their heads. The avoid people like me. They hang out with wilder people. She's completely unreachable. Well,... I've never really put beauty over personality, anyways,... so... I'm not completely shattered! Heh! I've got plenty of pretty g-friends (no, Andrew was not a two-timer or a three-timer or anything like that, I used the term girlfriend to describe friends that are girls...) whose personalities make them as hot as just about any great Hollywood babe!
    "You may choose a seat," Devhil hissed through his seat, fuming with impatience. "Better hurry, we're almost out of seats. Students flood in by the minute."
    Andrew laughed mentally. There were many, many open seats all over the class. And she was the first new person to this school in half a year. Devhil really knew how to push the sarcasm.
    Andrew glanced away. Everyone else's eyes were totally fixated on this new girl except for Andrew's. He, unlike probably the rest of the class, would not actively persue her if she had no interest in him. He might try to become friends with her, but if she didn't want that, it'd be nothing new.
    Andrew looked back at her for a moment, to notice...
    AAh! She's looking at ME!
    Andrew felt his face grow warm as her lips moved into a blessed smile.
    OuCh! She's smiling at...
    "CONTINUING with the lesson," Devhil shouted before the new girl even sat down. "This mountain, supposedly, caused people's faces to suddenly turn red... Just like Andrew's face!"
    Andrew gulped and felt his face grow even hotter. His neck burned and began to itch, and his head moved closer to his shoulders, like a turtle about to retreat to his shell.
    Devhil chuckled. "Look at Andrew! It's getting even redder! I wonder what he's thinking about? Could it possibly be... the NEW GIRL?" He laughed evilly before continuing. "Anyways, their faces turned red. Of course, they were too stupid to know that it was just a freaking sun burn. They thoght this was because their little mountain god thingie was mad at them. So they invented a face paint which kept their faces from turning red. Thus was invented the first sunblock, but it was lost to history. This tribe was the now extinct Antarcticans."
    "Yes, people did once live in Antarctica, but that was 7 octillion years ago. Back before the toilet was even invented! You wouldn't believe how these dudes... never mind. Back to the lesson."
    Devhil kept yapping about the strange 'Antarcticans. Apparently, history had changed once again. Now people had lived on Antarctica, which was 7 octillian years ago. Just last week, Andrew had been told that the universe was several billion years old. Now, apparently, it was over 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 years old. And everyone else just seemed to accept it, as if it had been a truth their entire lives. Also, everyone, including the ones who had even climbed Mt. Aria with Andrew, seemed to 'know' that once a legendary mountain had been thought to exist here. As if no mountain had ever, ever been here.
    Well, Andrew thought to himself. I am beginning to have  rather interesting history,... even if it keeps changing...!
          *  *  *
    The day passed quickly. For everyone, that is, except Andrew. He was stuck in a world where history kept changing on him. Apparently, his best friend had a broken finger which he had broken a couple weeks ago. The friend had enterred the school with a perfectly normal finger.
    Finally, school over, he walked out of the building, thankful that the ceiling didn't suddenly fall in on him or something. He walked down the long sidewalk and finally collapsed onto a bench near the road, waiting for the bus. No, on second thought, he didn't want to ride home, he wanted to walk. So there he sat on the bench, breathing and sighing and thanking God the day was over.
    And that history hadn't changed so much that his mother had decided to have an abortion or something.
    Remaining quiet, he heard strange noises behind him. He turned around and saw the new girl walking out of the school buildings...
    ...and half the guys from the school waiting there for her. They all looked expectant, eager, waiting...
    Wow, Andrew thought. She really has become popular for just her first day.
    The girl walked out of school. Instantly...
    "Hey, my house is on your block! I'll walk you home,...?"
    "Hey, you're that girl from my chemistry class! Want to study tonight?"
    "Hey, babe, how's about a date? Jes you an' me!"
    "Could you believe I found these earrings on the ground? Here, you can have 'em!"
    "Ah... I lost my telephone number... can I borrow yours?"
    "You must be an alien - you're definitely out of this world!"
    "I need some water... it's getting HOT!"
    "I like addition! How bout we add the..."
    The poor, helpless new student just looked around the mob of guys, looking into expectant faces, desiring eyes, and wishing minds. She could only hold back a scream.
    Finally, the rest of the guys who had either stayed in to finish work, serve detention, or whatever they had to do piled out, each armed with a lame and witless remark for the new student girl.
    Andrew sighed. This all definitely had something to do with Matthew.
    The poor girl...
    What is her name, anyways? Andrew wondered.
   The poor girl just stood there looking around and half a zillion guys all spitting dumb pick-up jokes at her. More and more came.
    "Let's get to know each other!"
    "Check out my new Einstine Weekly Newsletter! Bet you'll love it!"
    "Do you like the Godfather?"
    "If you join the Trench Coat Mafia today you can have military-issue M-16's for half price - only today!"
    "Look at my science project! It's a collection of bacteria-infested puke-chewing worms! Neat, huh? My phone number is 638-7342!!!"
    "Hey, babe, I got lotsa money. Let's go window shopping, huh?"
    "Take you out for coffee?"
    "Take you out for Chinese?"
    "Take you out for crocodile?"
    Andrew sighed. He must have been the only guy in the school that didn't flock to her heals trying to kiss her toes. But then again, he was the only one that remembered standing on a mountain in Kansas that didn't exist talking to a man who could slip into other universes.
    Somehow, when the bus arrived and started honking after 10+ minutes, the girl managed to break free of the crowd and run down the sidewalk. She ran up to the bus and, just before dashing into it, turned and saw Andrew sitting on the bench. Andrew smiled at her. She looked at him in confusion for a moment before jumping into the bus. All the guys stood where they were, not moving, looking at the girl in the bus window. They waved, stupified, at this girl. Then one guy got the amazing idea to join her. He bolted for the bus. Every guy in the school followed, save Andrew.
    The bus driver, seeing an oncoming crisis, shut the door and floored the accelerator. The bus took off down the road, filled with only one person. The guys stood on the curb waving good-bye.
    Wow, Andrew thought again. I wonder what makes her so irresistable?
          *  *  *
    Andrew threw open the door, half expecting to be blown away by the thick blanket of smoke which had been infesting the house when he left. However, his father was watching some TV show, and the characters were smoking.
    "I'm sure glad I didn't ever start smoking," Mr. Hafford thought aloud to himself. "I surely wouldn't want to destroy my lungs! Like these people are doing! Egh!"
    "That would be terrible," Mrs. Hafford, who was in the kitchen, agreed. "Andrew, could you feed the dog? I'm kinda busy right now."
    Andrew drew in a sharp breath. Not again! "Dog?" He asked. Now he had a dog?
    "What do you mean, dog?" Mrs. Hafford replied, putting a can or two of dog food on the counter. She put a can opener with the cans. "You telling me that after four years you don't remember you have a dog?"
    Andrew sighed, taking this new bit of information in. Another history change. He had never owned a pet. Now he was a dog owner of four years. Try to act accordingly.
    "And feed the parrot while you're at it."
    Parrot?
    "And remember to do your chores. Do you have any homework?"
    Andrew sighed. "Yeah, I guess." He quickly glanced at his notebook, in which he always wrote his homework asignments. He opened it. There was nothing there. "Never mind, I don't have any homework."
    "I wonder if the teachers are just being nice to you?" Mrs. Hafford mused aloud.
    "Why would they?"
    "Well, you were so much attached to the dog and parrot, and when they died on the same day a couple weeks ago, you were so heart-broken! To tell you the truth, I actually talked to some of your teachers and asked them to let up on you for a couple weeks..."
    Andrew sighed. New history change: His 'pets' had died a couple weeks ago. He made a quick mental note: act sad when pets are mentioned. Boo hoo. Poor Fido and Polly.
    "Oh, those critters... Duke and Ferry, remember 'em?"
    Andrew sniffed quietly. "Yes," he said, trying to break his voice a little. "They were so... so... so good."
    Andrew looked at the counter. The dog food and can opener were gone. Wow. These history changes sure snuck up on a person!
    "And both of those deaths just two years after your father's! How... (sniff)... oh, I'll never be over Nathaniel's death!"
    Andrew's neck began to tingle. He felt goosebumps travel all over his body. No, not this! Not this! He looked back to his dad's chair... it was empty. The TV was off. All of his dad's things, like his newspaper and magazines, were gone.
    Andrew ran out of the house as fast as he could. This was sickening! He needed to see Matthew right now! He ran down the streets, not quite knowing where he was going, but subconciously sure he was headed in the right direction. He kept going until he came upon the log cabin that belonged to Matthew.
    He ran up to the door and pounded on it. He pounded and pounded until finally it flew open. Matthew stood there smiling.
    "So you've finally decided to see me?" he said. "How may I help you?"
    "History has changed again and now my dad's dead!" Andrew shouted. "What is going on?!"
    "Oh, your father's alive again," Matthew said casually. "In fact, right now he's mayor of the city of Nothingville. But soon that will be over. In a while, gravity will cancel out, and this earth will operate in zero-g. Since there is no gravity to hold the earth together, and it has 'been this way for awhile', there will be no earth. So prepare yourself."
    "Wha?" Andrew cried out. Then, in desperation, he asked, "Why does history keep changing, and how come no one seems to notice except for me?"
    "Those who understand see the changes, those who do not understand do not even notice the changes. The changes occur, and instantly change the entire reality. I won't say universe, because often several universes assimilate to form another bigger, more chaotic one. No one, of course, notices... except for those who understand."
    "How long has all of this been going on?" Andrew inquired.
    "I dunno," Matthew replied thoughtfully. "The age of everything is constantly changing. A few days ago the age was about 984,982,342,364,726,782,647,234,640,174,914,948,374,723,428,400. Yesterday, it was 7,434,634,634 for most of the day. Right now, the age of this universe is 3 years... yet we have people 100 years old living! See? Everything is chaotic."
    "Crazy."
    "Yes. Your father is no longer mayor of Nothingville. He, having undergone this complete change of mind and surroundings, will not notice anything. His mind will adjust accordingly and he will once again take on his normal role in life. Everything will seem the same."
    "So everything is completely chaotic, but nobody but those 'in the know' notice anything," Andrew surmised.
    "Correct."
    "But... what if someone's age suddenly reduced? And kept reducing? Could he live for hundreds, thousands of years, and not even notice anything?"
    "Theoretically, yes, but you've got to remember that everything is still chaotic. Perhaps the person will live for hundreds of years and then suddenly be born again. Then his old life simply ceases to exist and fades into his new life. Most of the time, that is. The two beings can split off to form two separate lives, or join together or something. Just whatever happens."
    "How old am I?"
    "Your being was established 16 years ago, if that's what you're asking," Matthew replied. "Your years of life have varied from 1 day old to 40,000 years. That was during a month-long period in which man had, six trillion years in the past, discovered a mirical formula which extended the human life-span to about 200,000."
   "Wow."
    "Yeah. You were 7 relative years, 4 months, 1 week, 3 days, 18 hours, 22 minutes, 33 seconds, 44.4 nanoseconds, 83.1 picoseconds old when you suddenly became 40,000. Quite a jump, huh? But now you are protected from such changes... to a degree. Until you accept the truth, you are still affected much by the tossing and turning of this universe."
    "What do I have to do to accept the truth?"
    "Nothing, really," Matthew responded absent-mindedly. "You don't have to slay ten giants or anything. Actually, you just have to learn about this changing universe and become at ease with it. You learn how to flow in with these changes, you lost your mind a little, and then you are truly at ease. Then you learn how to manipulate these changes. For instance... what would you say if I told you I could move the sun in a circle in the sky?"
    Andrew sighed. "Well, I've been learning that nothing's impossible."
    "Indeed, so many strange things happen! Watch the sun!"
    "It will destroy my eyes."
    "Ah, indeed. Fool, you learn much but understand little! Look at the sun!"
     Andrew looked up. He found a pitch-black sun up in the sky. Light was still shining down on the land from some unknown source, (possibly no source at all) but the sun sat there dark.
    Andrew continued to watch and the sun did a circle in the sky. It swirled around, its speed growing faster and faster. Continuing, it accelerated to a speed so fast that it appeared to be a dark ring in the sky.
    "Now tell me - is it the sun or the earth that is moving?" Matthew interrogated.
    "How would I know?" Andrew demanded. "I know so little of all this!"
    "That matters not!" Matthew retorted. "Concentrate! Which is moving? Which?"
    Andrew closed his eyes. He concentrated on movements, logic, possible answers. He found nothing.
    "Don't concentrate on things," Matthew said. "Concentrate on nothing! Clear your mind and concentrate on nothing!"
    Andrew, accustomed to clearing his mind, did so. Then he began to think about nothing. Nothing at all.
    He felt something suddenly open up before him. He saw shifting elements in his mind, powers at work, things in motion and nonmotion. He concentrated upon the earth and the sun...
    "The sun is moving," Andrew responded finally.
    "Great! Great!" Matthew said. "Now,... now that you've tapped into this knowledge briefly, do you feel any diffent?"
    "Yes," Andrew said. "My thoughts are a little more... disorderly, yet this seems to lend order to me."
    "Great! Perfect! Only the insane people truly understand everything."
    "But then why are insane people all locked up in psycho wards?"
    "Those are the people who jumped into their knowledge too quickly and completely lost control. They went completely insane and lost touch with any reality. If you submerge yourself in this knowledge slowly and gradually, you only lose your mind a little but this helps you gain control."
    "I see," Andrew replied. "Well, okay! I'm hooked. Teach me more."
    "No. Not today."
    "Too quick?"
    "Yes. Go home and enjoy life. Come back to me in a week."
    "One whole week?"
    "One week. Come back sooner and I'll erase your mind."
    "Got it."
    "Oh, for sane insnity!" Matthew sighed. "I daily strive to mak myself a little more insane while still remaining oompletely sane! You are now a little mentally under-rated, yet completely sane. Isn't it a wonderful feeling?"
    "Blissful."
    "Imagine living in a completely lost fantasy land, like me, ony the fantasy land is reality! It is more wonderful than the ice-cream man on a hot, smouldering day!"
    "Yes, simple things in life are sometimes more valuable than a million-dollar bill," Andrew agreed.
    "Not quite," Matthew disagreed. "Be sincere. Which would you rather have? An ice-cream cone thingie on a hot day or a million dollars?"
    "That depends on many factors, including temperature, length of lack of moisture, and..."
    "Factors are for fools," Matthew stated. "I would rather have a million bucks, by golly! Then I could buy a million ice cream cone thingies! Which to be better: one or one million?"
    "What would you do with a million ice cream cone thingies?" Andrew asked.
    "Why, eat them, of course," Matthew responded. "Or share them. You'd be surprised how many people would like an ice cream cone thingie."
    "I should go now," Andrew responded. "I'd better get home before the Great Red Spot on Jupiter erupts in a massive nuclear reaction which will destroy the entire planet."
    "How'd you know that?" Matthew inquired quickly.
    "Uh... it just came to me," Andrew responded.
    "When you become attuned to these things, you'll be able to see the coming of so many more things! You'd be amazed how many things I can see right now!"
    Andrew turned to leave. He walked down the mountain and into the tiny city of Nothingville.
    Wait... walked down the mountain?
   Andrew smiled as he realized the mountain was back! He wondered if it was still Mt. Aria or not!
          *  *  *
    The rest of the day went fairly smoothly, save the sudden lack of earth. This, however, quickly went away, and everything returned to... mostly... normal. The day passed into the next, and Andrew found himself walking to school. Somehow, when he awoke, he had known that the schoolbus had been broken down for nearly a week, and the students were all angry about this.
    So he walked to school. Upon reaching it, he heard the roar of a mob. He managed to separate a few words and phrases...
    "...go on a date?"
    "Be my valentine in Feb..."
    "...so cute, so wonderful, I lo..."
    "Check the pecks, ba..."
    Andrew sighed. He looked over the mob of guys. In the middle, that new student girl was pushing her way past one expectant guy after the other. They were all trying to impress her some way or the other, and all failing. Obviously, she had come to go to school, and had no intention of being taken by one of the zillion guys actively pursuing her.
    Andrew lived out that school day just as before. When she managed to break out of the mob after school, he gave her another smile, even a wave, but nothing more. During the day, the bus had taken on the form of 'fixed', so she jumped aboard, along with half the guys from the school cramming themselves in. One lucky guy plopped down beside her and sat with his chin high, his eyes gleaming.
    Apparently, this boy thoght he was the privilaged one for the day. He held that little white nose up high, smiling cheerily as he sat beside ... her. He smiled no more as one of the huge guys in the school smashed him in the nose, easily snapping the tender thing, and sending out a fountain of blood.
    The huge guy sat down in the seat with her. He was enormous, his shirt ripped in places as he moved, since his muscles flexed out so far. He probably weighed a couple tons, because when he sat down in the seat the   * new girl * was nearly catapulted out of her seat, and the metal supports under the seat bent to a grieviously dangerous angle. The seat nearly gave out, but barely held the massive weight.
    The guy, blood on his knuckles, smiled at * her *.  "So, babe, what do ya think about this?"
    He flexed his muscles and immediatly his shirt ripped into a million shreds. His massive pecs, the size of car tires, pressed against the seat in front of him. His biceps, as large as toaster ovens, bulged, exposing blue, bulging veins. His stomach was a perfect design, six-pack obvious.
    "Sports drink," he commanded flatly. "I need refreshment."
    Some little guy from the back heldout a bottle of sports drink. The big ol guy reached out and wrapped his massive fingers around the tiny bottle, accidentally catching the boy's hand in his. The big guy gasped as he heard a squeel of pain and heard numerous bones cracking. He yanked his hand away from the boy and turned to face him. He found a small arm in his hands. One end was bloody and shredded, the other, being the hand, was crushed into a small wad of human skin.
    The little guy screamed in agony, examining the stump where his arm had once been. Blood flowed out. He screamed continually.
   * She * just sat there in agony. She could not understand these fools. Maybe Nothingville wasn't the place for her, after all. Then again...
          *  *  *
    Andrew came home to find that his mother had died sixteen years ago, just after having Andrew.
    "It has been 16 years now," his father said in a sigh. "Dead."
    "Oh well," Andrew said happily. "She'll be back from the dead soon."
    "Back from the dead?" his dad questioned. "What do you mean? Your mom never died!"
    "I know!" Adrew said happily. "I was just kidding with ya!"
    The rest of the day was event-filled, of course.
          *  *  *
    In fact, most of the week passed as it had for the past couple days. Guys still flocked to the * girl *'s heels in vain, and Andrew continually greeted her from his bench every day. Nothing much happened. Until * that * Friday...
    (Actually, in reality it was a Monday, but history changed so it was a Friday, of course)
          *  *  *
    The day began like normal. Andrew had history period first (of course) with Mr. Devhil. Many students found it more convenient to drop the 'h' in Devhil. It was like any other day.
    "Get in your seats before I obliterate your souls," Devhil shouted as the students filed in at attention like soldiers. They all rushed to a seat. One unfortunate person tripped on the way to his desk. He was sentenced to 12 years of clown performance. He left the classroom, hating his life.
    "Today we're going to study the land and people from which I come from. This land is flowing in my blood. Can anyone guess what my ancestors' land is?"
    A few students had guesses.
    "Canada?"
    "Brazil?"
    "China?"
    "The center of the earth?"
    "Today we are going to study that place down below. It has a very warm climate..."
    Andrew could barely listen. The past few days school lectures had meant little to him. He had been thinking of something very * special *...
    ...specifically, he had been thinking of his new life! How wonderful it was!
    The day continued on into lunch hour...
          *  *  *
    "Here, let me buy you lunch!" Some guy suggested.
    "Ignore him; I'll buy you two lunches!"
    "I'll buy ten!"
    "Twenty!"
    And thus began the daily auction of who would buy        * her * lunch for the day. The guys continued until the bid went to the rich guy, who put in a bid of 1600 lunches. He smiled in pride as he shoved the money for the day's lunch towards * her *, and frowned in tortured humiliation as she refused and paid with her own money. Then she managed to break away from the mob of guys.
    Andrew was in a complete daze. Spaced out, facing forwards, lost in thought, he didn't even know what he was eating. Dubbed "sewage pie" by the students, it was a horrid array of the worst food, but Andrew noticed not. He was absorbed in thought.
    From behind him a voice came. "blah blah blah," it said (Actually the voice said something else but Andrew wasn't really paying attention).
    He felt a tap on his shoulder. He snapped out of his thought and sraightened. "Yes?" he said simply.
    "May I sit by you?"
    He turned to see * her *! The new student girl! But here? Asking... Andrew?
    Andrew feared he had plunged off into the deep end.
    But no, here she stood, asking him, of all people! Andrew managed a "yes" which brought a smile to her lips.
    "So what's your name?" she inquired ever-so-casually.
    "Andrew Hafford," he responded. "And you?"
    "Mesha Lizla. Kinda weird, huh!"
    "No, not really," Andrew said, trying to define 'weird' after he gained his new abilities.
    "Well, I always thought it was weird."
    "Those guys are nuts," Andrew put in without thinking.
    "Yeah. That's why I chose to sit by you. Every guy in this school wants me and 99 out of 100 of them dont even know my name. They're all crazy, except for you."
    Andrew blushed slightly. From behind, he heard Devhil's voice saying, "Andrew, better put on some face paint! The Aria god is getting mad at you again! Bwa ha ha ha! Your attempts to secure this girl just because you are the star of this story will not be successful!"
    Andrew ignored his insane history teacher and continued eating the slime on his plate. He seemed not to notice the taste, even though people around him were commenting on the 'little wiggling tentacles' that were supposedly creeping out of the food. He began to slip into quiet thoughts again when he heard...
    "Schfo fhwuat dwo yowe dgschu?"
    He snapped out of his thoughts. "Excuse me?"
    "So what do you do?"
    "...As in?"
    "As in, hobbies and junk."
    "Well, right now I'm finding out theories about how this universe is ever shifting and how history changes every few seconds!"
    Mesha thought this was a joke and laughed. Andrew, not expecting her to have believed him anyways, laughed, half believing it to be a joke himself.
    "I do a lot of stuff," he responded. "A lot of junk with computers. Making computer games."
    "Really?" She asked in interest. "What languages?"
    "C\C++, BASIC, QBASIC, things like that. Maybe PASCAL soon."
    "What's BASIC stand for?"
    "Beginner's All-purpose Symbolic Instruction Code," Andrew responded. "It's really a great language, but C++ is a lot more powerful."
    "That sounds interresting," she responded. "How do you make a game?"
    "Actually," he responded. "It takes a long time. First you have to plan for it, then take forever creating it, then take forever debugging! Right now it's all in BASIC and QBASIC, but I'll soon start programming in C++."
    "You seem like an interesting person," Mesha said softly, her eyebrows closing in together, her eyes taking on a dream-like, concentrating look. "You seem like a person with... many secrets. Many hidden things."
    "Maybe I am," Andrew responded with a light laugh.
    Mesha sighed. She shook her head. "I don't know where that little subject-change was supposed to lead."
    "A subject doesn't have to lead anywhere," Andrew responded. "Just speak your mind."
    "Penny, please?"
    "Yeah, I'd give a penny for your thoughts," Andrew said. "IOU."
    "I'll hold you to it."
    "Great."
    "I have this strange feeling," she said. Instantly, the entire cafeteria went silent. Everyone was waiting, hoping she'd say that feeling was for them. However, their hearts were crushed...
    "No, its not a feeling of love for anyone of you pathetic morons!" she shouted. Realizing her volume had been somewhat of great magnitude, she began turning red. Devhil cracked a few 'Mt. Aria jokes' and then everyone went back to eating their slime.
    "It's this... feeling," she explained to Andrew moments later. "Like... like something's... wrong. Cold. Lost."
    Andrew concentrated on her words. "Ever lost a loved one?"
    "Everyone does."
    "Recently?"
    "No."
    "I'm not a psychologist, but why do you think you get this feeling?"
    "I don't know," she confessed. "It's just that... something doesn't seem right. I walk around during the days, wondering what could possibly be wrong."
    "It's left."
    "Excuse me?"
    "Well, I was just thinking... If it's wrong, then it can't be right. So, since it is not right, it has to be left."
    "Are you insane?" she asked.
    "Yes."
    "Shall I call the guys in the white suits?"
    "If you wish," Andrew responded, drinking his milk, which seemed intoxicating at the moment. Things were strange, he couldn't help it. Perhaps history had changed, and now they added alcohol to milk. Who knew. One thing was for sure, Andrew didn't care right now.
    "Actually, I feel insane sometimes, myself," she confessed. "I think it's a plus to be insane."
    "Sure it is," Andrew said, brightening up. "It really helps writers out, why not us?" (Author's note: Insanity REALLY helps writers! I'm living proof!) (Yes I am insane) (Not to say you should call those dudes in white or anything, though)
    "Friends?" she suddenly asked.
    Andrew nodded. "Sure, heck yah."
    She rolled her eyes and indicated the guys of the school. "So you'll protect me from... them?"
    "Sure."
    "Thank you SO much!"
          *  *  *
    Andrew gasped as he felt his back slamming into cold metal. He heard the locker doors creak behind him, and the powerful force from in front pressing him into the lockers.
    The day had passed quickly. He had been retrieving stuff from his locker, when suddenly that guy with tire-sized pecks picked him up and slammed him against the locker. So now he here hung in the air, smashed against the locker.
    "Why'd you steal missy prissy from me, you little cocky arrogant pig?" he demanded, twisting his face in rage. Andrew was sure this thing resembled a pig more than him. A harmless observation, yes, until one verbalizes it.
    "When you wrinkle your ugly, fat nose like that your nostrils stick up and look like a pig's nose and your flabby cheeks really add to that look, not to mention your perfectly pink skin! If any human were a pig, you were."
    The pig face wrinkles his nose even more. "I'm gonna smash you into the locker, punk!" he growled. He balled his massive fist, about the size of a micro-wave, and pulled it back, ready to punch.
    Andrew sighed. "Oh no!" he screamed. "Santa Claus is standing behind you with an axe!"
    The big guy dropped Andrew in a gasp. He fell down on his hands and knees and threw his hands over his neck, letting little whimpers escape his mouth. He pleaded in a tear-broken voice to Santa.
    "Please, Santa!" he cried. "Don't kill me! I been a good boy, I swear! I wasn't gonna hurt little Andrew here, I was just... stretching his collar out a little so it'd be more comfortable! Honest! I wouldn't do nothin' bad!!"
    Andrew walked away, leaving the huge thing to kneel on the ground pleading for mercy. Mesha followed him. Andrew cleared a path through the expectant guys and out of the school. He managed to get her to the bus without so much as a rose given. Except, of course, for one guy.
    He was a dork. He was tiny, he had dark yellow teeth behind thick green braces. He had thick, black, plastic glasses that could have been mistaken for a ski mask. Of course, the nose piece was taped together. His ears were huge, he had a part in his hair. He wore high-water, brown dress pants held extra inches up by red suspenders over his white dress shirt. He had breath that smelled like century-old nuclear waste (or, more accurately, the school cook's cooking), and he stumbled over grass. He strode up to Mesha with a thick, yellow smile.
    "Why, hello!" he said cheerfully. He held out a huge vase filled with roses. "Forty roses," he said. "Huh huh huh... thought you'd like 'em!"
    Mesha accepted the gift warily. The guy smiled. "Huh huh huh... do you like 'em enough to marry me?"
    "It's a little soon," she said, afraid she'd offend the kid. Well, at least she was decent! Any other girl wouldn't be afraid to hurt this kid's feelings. "I'm not getting married soon!"
    "Oh, okay," he responded, filling the air with radioactive rays. "Well, when you decide to find someone to marry, remember me!"     "Uh... yeah," Mesha responded. Then she and Andy left.
          *  *  *
    "Who was that?" Mesha asked when they were out of earshot from the dork.
    "Earl," Andrew responded. "School dork. A really interesting person. He built a nuclear reactor in their family garage. He rebuilt a model rocket and made it so powerful it landed on the moon. One day his house lifted off and flew 200 feet into the sky before crashing back down. Earl had sabatoged NASA rockets, stolen their engines, and attached them to his house. Of course, the FBI were sent to investigate, but Earl shot them with a ray that completely disentigrated them.
    "That was back when he was really popular in school. As the grand finale of all his experiments, he built a machine that could change personalities. Unfortunately, it made him a complete dork. It also reduced his mad-scientist tendencies, so now he's just a kid. Really sad. He's been trying forever to try to get the machine to work again to transform him back into his original self."
    "Wow," Mesha responded. "Weird history."
    "I guess," Andrew said thoughtfully. "Maybe not weirder than 'Tentical Tony', though. He took 12 octopuses from the lake in his back yard (he was rich) and surgically connected all of their brains together so they would act as one creature. Tony and Octy, as he called them... uh... it, became best friends. He trained the thing so well it could make his dad's coffee, but one day the thing attacked Tony with all 96 tentacles and killed him. It was a horrid death. The family claims that they were the ones that painted the walls red, but everyone seriously doubts it."
    "Wow," Mesha said. "Nothingville sure has a strange history."
    Andrew laughed in spite of himself. Actually, history meant little to him right now, since it was never quite the same!
    "Yeah," he agreed, though. He was pretty much telling the truth. "Anyways, here's the street where I turn off. I'll see you later."
    "Great," she said. "You can walk me to school... I come by here 7:38 sharp every day, not a second sooner and not a second less. After all, it's a good 22 minute walk to school. At liesurely pace."
    "Wow. You gather details."
    "Yes."
    "Good-bye, Mesha!"
    "Good-bye, Andrew!"
    The two parted and set off for their houses.
          *  *  *
    Man I hate it when Dad's a drug smuggler! Andrew thought to himself. This was the second time in two days that history had changed and his dad had been involved in peddling drugs.
    His dad was right now preparing to drop almost a full kilogram of methanphetamines off at some guy's house for a very hefty carrying fee. Dad might become rich this time!
    But no, suddenly he was folding an envelope. Andrew's three sisters (his two brothers had been changed into sisters for two days now!) walked through the house, chatting gibberish about lipstick or whatever sisters talk about. They all went outside to go to the mall or whatever.
    Andrew just prepared himself for another eventful evening. He entered his room...
    "Oh, please, no..." he murmered to himself. His room was filled to the brim with Mega Dude junk! (You know, that cartoon guy on TV that acts like a clown) (actually, you wouldn't know because I just made Mega Dude up Andrew sighed and wondered what this was about.
    "Son, I bought you a very rare Mega Dude doll!" his mom called as she opened the door. "I knew you liked to collect Mega Dude things because they are so rare, and so when I saw this super-rare baseball card, I couldn't turn it down. After all, you are the biggest basebll card collector in the city!"
    Andrew turned around. His room was filled to the brim with baseball card stuff. He sighed. History sure was changing quickly tonight.
     Well, he could live with that. Today was his visit with Matthew. After one whole week of waiting, he could finally go a little more insane. This whole week he had felt... held back. Held back from some sort of marvelous goal. He had been longing to visit Matthew to go more insane. More insanity, more! He was so happy that today was the day...!
    He had to rent a boat for five bucks to get to the island in the middle of the lake that had appeared a day ago. He rowed his way across and landed on the island.
 He went up to the door and knocked.
    "Come in, Andrew," came a familiar voice. "I've been expecting you."
    Andrew enterred. "Any significant changes about to occur that I cannot see?" he asked with a smile.
    "Not really, but you won't have to row back. The lake is gone. Now we're in a sandy desert just outside of town. So... you ready for some more abilities and more insanity?"
    "Am I ever!" Andrew confessed happily. "What do I do this time?"
    "Nothing, as usual!" Matthew exclaimed. "You just gotta go a little more insane! And keep yourself sane at the same time, that is. Also, today I shall train you a little. Eh... training first!"
    "I'm ready."
    "Okay," Matthew said happily. He threw up a small, blue, rubber ball. It flew right up to ceiling. Then, instead of falling, it just stayed there on the ceiling. "Get the ball without using your legs."
    Andrew frowned. "How? That's impossible."
    "Remember - nothing's impossible."
    "Right," Andrew said sarcastically. "So I'm supposed to fly?"
    "That would be the objective," Matthew sad, picking up both of his legs and folding them so that he was sitting cross-legged, floating three feet in the air. "Fly up there and get it. It's not that hard."
    Andrew nodded. He picked up his legs but fell to the ground. "See," he said. "Gravity pulls me down. How do I do it?"
    "You just do it!" Matthew responded. "You say gravity holds you - why? Don't let dumb 'ol gravity keep you down."
    Andrew concentrated on this and lifted his legs. He fell. "I tried."
    "You try too hard," Matthew explained. "Remember, this reality is completely chaotic. Any concentration linked to this chaotic world will produce chaotic results. Concentrate on nothing, one of the only stable elements of existence."
    Andrew concentrated on nothing. He lifted up his legs and found himself floating up. He continued floating until he retrieved the ball and fell back down. He held it up in pride. "Got it!"
    "Now prove that you did, indeed, retrieve it," Matthe challenged.
    "To say that I feel it and see it would be to imply that I perceive chaos. To say that possibly I know nothing and think that I have retrieved it even though I may not have would be to imply that in chaos I achieved nonchaos. Therefore, the only conclusion I could make would be to say that I did not retrieve this ball. But then again, to 'conclude' would be to imply that logic was used in a completely chaotic condition, which is not completely accurate. To surmise this implies that, once again, nonchaos is imprinted into a chaotic situation, completely illogical. Thus creates a fractal result to your question."
    "Very good," Matthew replied. "You are wise to state that, though we in-the-know seem to know and be able to control much of this complete chaos, it is still complete chaos, and perhaps we are just as blind to certain things as people not in-the-know are blind to the constant history changes in their life."
    "So now pretty much everything in the universe yields a fractal-type answer to almost every question."
    "Correct. Ask a question and logic becomes involved, but since logic can't be used in a completely random situation, the logical answer is incorrect. To state that requires logic, which is again incorrect. To state that again logic is incorrect requires logic, which is incorrect. And so on into infinity. However, to state the principle of infinity in this situation requires logic, which is incorrect. And that statement requires logic, which is incorrect. But what if logic is correct? No, complete randomity rules. We can never know anything, but we can never not know nothing of everything. However, it requires logic to state this, which is incorrect."
    "I see," Andrew responded. "Now, before you say logic is incorrect one more time... what's the next excercise?"
    "Touch your toes."
    "Excuse me?"
    "Touch your toes," Matthew repeated. "It is not a difficult thing to understand - touch your toes."
    Andrew shrugged his shoulders and bent down. He touched his toes. He came back up. "Next?"
     "Do it again," Matthew said.
    Andrew touched his toes.
    "Again."
    Andrew did it again.
    "Ten more times!"
    Andrew did it ten more times.
    Matthew smiled wickedly.
          *  *  *
    Andrew groaned, having touched his toes 42,000 times. Matthew had stopped time, so he could do this as long as Matthew demanded. Andrew just kept touching and touching and touching.
    "6,000 more times," Matthew said, yawning.
    Andrew touched his toes 6,000 times.
    "10,000."
    Andrew touched his toes 10,000 times.
    "8.3."
    Andrew stopped. "8.3? How do I do 3\10ths of a toe-touch?"
    "You do," Matthew responded. "Don't let the fraction bother you. Just do it."
    Andrew touched his toes 8 and 3\10ths times. Matthew applauded. "Very good! Now you may have more insanity."
    Andrew closed his eyes and smiled in ecstasy as a blast of insanity hit him. He felt new understanding, new happiness, new everything hit him. He was happy in this bliss-like state. Insanity was wonderful!
    "Ah, the insanity of the young," Matthew said thoughtfully. "They see so much! Us grey old fogies are pretty wise, ya know, but we don't have so much creative energy as you young'uns. Well, now you're happily insane. Tell me if you understand my next statement...
    "The air is cold under the burning sun and the fat purple dinosaurs are stuck in active volcanoes while their toes are being feasted upon by flesh-hungry roaches that just walked through sulferic acid!"
    "The Code for: 'My best friend has just been infested with baseball-sized bacteria and is currently taking a bath in acid rain. Please advise."
    "So now you understand The Code?" Matthew asked.
    "Yes. Fully."
    "Report back to me in four days," Matthew said. Any sooner and I shall slice your fingers off and ship them to a hot dog company."
    "Understood. Good-bye."
    "Good-bye, Andrew."
          *  *  *
    7:36. Waiting. Will she be here at the time...?
    Andrew sought out nothingness and concentrated. He saw the shifting randomity. He felt the chaos. Great. His sisters had all turned into brothers. They were the "Hafford Gang", and they were currently robbing a grocery store.
    7:37. No sign of Mesha whatsoever. Andrew again retreated into his mind. He sought out nothingness, it came like a puppy.
    "blah blah blah"
    Andrew opened his eyes. "Excuse me?"
    "Good morning, Andrew!"
    "Good morning. Have you had your break today?"
    "Uhn?"
    "Never mind. So you sleep well last night?" he asked, starting the walk to school.
    "I guess," Mesha responded. "I don't know, I stayed up late reading a novel. It was so addicting! It was by this lady Erica Spindler."
    "I've read her book All Fall Down," Andrew said. "Right now I'm reading George Lucas' Star Wars books. A New Hope. I've seen the movies, sure, but never really read the books."
    "I've read 'em all," Mesha said. "So you like reading?"
    "A superior form of entertainment. During the summer I put away a book or two a week, reading liesurely at that. During school, it drags a little."
    "I see."
    "It's weird though. Whenever I read a book, I feel like I've watched the movie. But when I watch the move, I feel like I've read the book."
    "Me too. What kind of books do you read?"
    "Just about anything I can get my hands on," Andrew replied, just not about ready to reveal what kind of evil some books could bring forth! (Arrrrrg! Some books can be so bad, but isn't that the point? Never mind, pure books can make good books too.)
    "Me too," Mesha said. "I especially like to read and submit stories to my favorite website, http://www.geocities.com\dude_from_jupiter\ !!!"
    "Yeah, I like that site, too," Andrew said.
    The two continued on to school. Fortunately, no major changes occured. Only a few, like satellites crashing to earth and things. Other than that, it was a nice, sunshiny day. All was happy. The birds were singing, the bugs were flying (all this though very early in the morning), some guy pruning his hedges screamed as he watered his plants with some thick, red fluid... (Just goes to show ya, if you're going to be in my stories, don't carry big, sharp things!)
    They entered the school. The masses of guys wept bitterly as Andrew and Mesha passed them. The big guy with tire pecs was huddling in a corner, eyes bloodshot, shivering. He was mumbling something...
    "No, no! No, no Santa my friend! He good man! He BIG AXE! Ooooh, bad boy! You'd bad boy! You get yer head chopped off! Heheheh! No Santa my FRIEND! I love the tooth fairy!"
    Obviously insane. Andrew and Mesha left the big thing to sit in the corner, sucking his thumb, shivering insanely. They continued on to their first class... DEVHIL.
    "Okay, students," the teacher said wickedly. "Today, I am sick. We have a substitute teacher. Now, you all may be wondering why I am here telling you I am sick if I am sick! Why I did not just call in and stay home. Well, I'm FAKING! And if word of this EVER gets out... you KNOW what will happen! You'll spend your life slapping chalk-board erasers together to get the chalk out! Here is our sub teacer now! His name is Mrs. Frekkkkennnn! If you don't like him, too bad! You'll just have to live with her for a day!"
    Suddenly, this dude jumped into the classroom. He wore a black leather jacket, and black pants. He had a mohawk which was black at the base, orange most of the way up, and black at the top. He had a huge nose ring, about twelve ear rings in each ear, lip rings all the way across, and a few eyebrow rings. He had chains hanging off him from every inch of his body, and rings the size of golfballs on his fingers. He was carrying a humongous boom box which was blaring some hardcore heavy metal. If the song lyrics had been edited, there would have been no song left.
    "Hey, man!" he shouted in a voice that made him sound somewhat high. "Yo! I's gonna be teachin y'all history today, and if ya got a prob with ma lesson, you c'n BITE ME!"
    No one moved.
    "Hey, morons! Loosen up! Lez party! Anybody bring some booze?"
    Everyone sighed. No one brought booze to school. Sure, maybe the TCMafia brought machine guns and junk, but that was different.
    And so the class began. "Hey, man, let's study the history of cuss-words! Long, long ago, when the letter 'F' was invented..."
    Andrew sat there and listened to the subbie talk and yap and blah about the history of curse words. It mattered little to Andrew, so he mostly ignored the teacher. He kinda drifted off into thought...
          *  *  *
    "Time for math, students!" the math teacher exclaimed. "And I'm sure you're all excited!"
    "Noooooooo!" the students shouted in unison.
    "Well, that's just great! Isn't this wonderful? Now, let's study our favorite of all time - adding! Isn't adding fun, students? Well, of course it is! Let me teach you all how to add, and then you can grow up to be big boys and girls! You'll know how to do things just like your mommies and daddies!"
    Profile:Mr. Kasch, the infamous math teacher. This... being... cannot possibly comprehend that he is teaching 10th graders. He thinks he is teaching 4-year-olds and he uses his happy-joy methods to pound addition and subtraction into their heads. Famous line: "Let's learn, kiddies!"

    Kasch smiled and he held up a happy face. "Can anyone tell me what this is?" he asked gleefully.
    "A happy face," everyone responded in a mechanical unison.
    Kasch held up another smiley face. "Now - this happy face is one, and this happy face is one. If we put both of them together - what do we have?"
    "Two," came the unison reply.
    "Great job! Let's learn, kiddies! Now - what is two... plus one?"
    "Three."
    "Great job! Spectacular! You are really good kids! Now - what happens when... errrk... eeek... SShhhhrrrKKKKassshhhh.... KKkkkkkrrrrchchsssschhhh... KKKKbbbbbbhiii...."
    Kasch began to jerk around violently. His body writhed in a random pattern, but he remained standing. Then it stopped. In fact, everything stopped.
    Andrew looked around. Nothing was moving. Everything was stopped. Only he was left moving. It was as if... time had stopped. Time didn't often stop. Well, it was a phase thing. It'd soon pass.
    But no, not so incomplex. Andrew gasped as a black, shaddowy figure came right up out of the floor, standing tall, as if on an elevator. Then another arose. These two both stood probably seven feet tall each. Andrew could see nothing of them. They were both cloaked in huge robes which covered every inch of them. Their faces could not be seen and their hands were gloved.
    Immediately, both lifted their hands and they each put their clenched fists together, as if to hold a sword. Sure enough, blue energy sword materialized in their grips. They were large, wicked-looking weapons with spikes and curves to boggle one's mind. (No, I'm not about to go dark fiction! Believe me, I can write it, but not in this case :) ) (I say that because usually when the bad guys come in my dark fiction stories I would immediately begin my 'Dark Descrips'...  but I'll leave this part of the story with a little less descriptions than most of my stories!)
    Andrew jumped up, shocked. The two beings began their approach, weilding their swords. Andrew backed away, wondering what in the world to do. The beings kept on approaching, slicing their sword through the air menacingly, leaving light-blue, ghostly trails and humming through the air.
    One stepped forwards. He towered over Andrew, sword held ready. Andrew bumped into a wall with his back and faced the evil creature. What to do?
    Defy the impossible was the first thought in his mind. He shot out his hand and in it appeared a green energy sword. He lept up to the ceiling and right over the two creatures. He landed behind the back one, twirled around, and sliced the creature in the back. It howled out in pain, its fingers clawing and the sword fading away. Then the cloak fell flat to the ground, as if there had never been a body beneath. The cloak seemed to melt into the ground.
    The second creature spun around, slashing his sword through the air. Andrew dropped down, and the sword hummed over his head. Andrew felt the cool of sweat instantly break out on his face.
    The sword kept moving, and Andrew jumped up. He threw a slice at the huge thing, but it brought its sword back in front of it in a block. Andrew's sword was batted away, but for some reason, the creature lost its grip and the sword phased out. Andrew thought this very peculiar, but did not care at the moment. He struck the monster and it disappeared, just like the first.
    Andrew sensed time restoring, so he quickly returned to his seat. However, he had to practically leap into his seat. Time just then rastarted, and the momentum in his leap continued to carry the seat off its legs. In the middle of the teacher's sentence, Andrew and his seat flew towards the nearest seat. The force knocked over that seat too. Both seats, equipped with students, came crashing down with terrible force.
    How strange this must have seemed! No one had seen the fight, as time had been slowed or stopped. So, to others, it would have looked like Andrew was just sitting there perfectly, when suddenly his seat lept up and smashed into another seat. Very strange.
    "Students, are we having a quarrel?" Kasch asked with a huge, fake smile. "My rule stands: no killing in the class!"
    "I wasn't doing anything!" the other student shouted. "He just... uh... flew at me!"
    "Are you implying that humans can fly?" Kasch said a little more sarcastically than he most likely intended. "How perposterous!"
          *  *  *
    That huge guy with tire pecs sat in the darkness of the janitor's closet, shivering, insane. His eyes were completely red, having not closed his eyes in fear for almost 24 hours. Not having slept for about 30+ hours, he was delusional. He just sat there, shivering, fearing Evil Santa and his Terrible Axe of Judgment.
    Santa was evil. He had known it for years. Santa had a big axe, the Terrible Axe of Judgment. He travelled around the world every night, killing the bad boys and girls of the world, adding their heads to his infamous Hall of Heads.
    Because he was evil, he slipped a few good boys and girls into his hit-list, too. This was terribly frightening to huge Billy, who had a secret fear of Santa and his evil side-kick the Tooth Fairy. These two gangsters were ruthless killers, he knew it! And they were out to get him... he was on their hit-list!
    The world of light invaded his dark retreat. He saw the evil face of the janitor poking into the closet...
    No, not janitor! Delusion setting in, his mind racing, he reached a horrid conclusion...
    White beard! Large wooden handle in hand! IT IS SANTA KLAUS, HE HAS COME TO KILL ME! MUST KILL SANTA KLAUS!"
    The poor janitor was no match for big Billy. He was just a simply old man, somewhat evil, who swept the halls every day. He had no muscles.
    In moments, he lay, bound, in the janitor's closet, spinal cord in several pieces. The rest of his skeleton was powder. Of course, I feel sorry for the janitor, so moments later history changed and the janitor was left in one piece, but still bound.
    Big Billy set off to kill off the race of Santas and Santa Helpers, and every Tooth Fairy. HE WOULD KILL THEM ALL!
          *  *  *
    Andrew walked Mesha home. Nothing happened. Andrew was still a little spooked by the recent attack. He could not, however, visit Matthew until the four days had passed. He was on his own.
    That night, however, there was another attack. He was sitting in his room, silently thinking, when suddenly a shadow creature phased through the wall, bearing a large energy sword! This one was seven feet, too. He raised his sword to attack...
    Andrew used his abilities and caused an image of himself to appear behind and on either side of the creature, and his real self still in front. Each Andrew, real and image, raised the green energy sword and readied for attack.
    Apparently, the creature was not fooled by Andrew's images. He lept at the real Andrew and slashed the sword. Andrew heat-butted the creature's knees, the creature having jumped amazingly high. The creature lost its midair balance (whatever THAT is...) and did an involuntary flip in the air. It landed on its head, whatever that was, and continued a little somersault on the ground.
    Meanwhile, Andrew had begun a 360 horizontal slash. He would have hit the monster, but it dodged just in time. It reformed its energy sword and lept up, turning his leaping motion into a swing. Andrew, somehow, blocked this. Using techniques he had never even learned, he slid his sword down the enemy's, having noted that this sword had not a wrist gaurd! Having not expected this, the enemy did not try to undo this clever move. Andrew's sword slid right down the enemy's, into his wrists, and out. Two gloved hands fell to the ground. The being cried out in agony. Andrew finished the job, causing the cloak to fall, like before bodiless, to the ground, only to melt away.
    Andrew sighed. Who were these creatures?
          *  *  *
    The next days passed quickly. Major history changes were quite frequent, but Andrew could cope with them. Attacks from the dark creatures came every so often, but Andrew, somehow, seemed able to handle them.
    Right now, his father was the President of the United States. He was leading a war against Cuba, demanding that the 141 pink elephant hostages be released. (Really, don't ask!!) The leader of the Cubans refused, so the Pres had planned a nuke invasion. Millions upon millions of Americans had protested, so he had turned to normal warfare.
    Andrew became best friends with Mesha. He was the only guy in school she liked, because...
          *  *  *
    "Because you don't fall to my feet without even knowing my name," Mesha confessed. "You just aren't like that! You've proved to me that you are interested in my personality, and not just my 'new' sticker."
    "I like your personality," came a familiar voice. It was that kind of voice. A stuffed nasal voice, accented by gallons of fluids in the throat, somewhat gurgling. A voice that could kill. Literally. A voice that owned a breath that no sports guy's armpits could possibly compete with. A voice that belonged to the ex-genius, Earl.
    "Duh, lookin' nice today!" Earl commented.
    "She always looks nice," some big 'ol jock commented, knocking Earl away like he was a... a... a younger brother. Earl flailed helplessly to the ground. "So, babe, want to come watch us... GUYS play football?"
    "No thank you," Mesha responded. "But maybe if you guess my name I'll let you touch my write. Lightly."
    The guy's eyes lit up. Then he activated all six brain cells to work up a response. Sure, he was big and muscly, but he was one with very few muscles in his head. He thought for a few minutes...
    "I don't know your name but I'll give you mine," he said. "Oh, wait... that was't funny...uh... how bout... uh... Duh... I'll guess your name! Uh... Jeniffer! You look like a Jeniffer!"
    "Wrong. Good-bye, John Al Alliard," Mesha sighed.
    Wow! Andrew thought. She's good with names!
    John left, and Earl stepped back up. His face was completely red on one side. Devhil, just happening to be standing nearby (by the way, this is after school), cracked a few Mt. Aria jokes. They had died by now, but Devhil managed to keep them flowing.
    "I made you a potentiometer-testing device. Useful in all situations... requires one 9V battery. Compatible adapter not included."
    "Potenti... what?" Mesha asked, completely baffled.
    "I kind of also built you a digital multimeter with a built-in oscilloscope! And a built-in organizer, fax machine, cell phone, computer, copy machine, scanner, wireless modem, AM\FM radio, tape deck, CD player, MP3 player, TV, microwave AND toothbrush!"
    "Uh..."
    "Here!" Earl said, handing her a small black box with a large red button. "Press this and the complete system will pop out! Amazing, huh?"
    "Uh... uh... thank you," Mesha said softly. "I'm... speechless."
    "Oh, I have a speeh!" Earl declared. "Forescore and seven years ago, our fore-fathers... n... no, that can't be right,... wrong speech, hold on..."
    Earl banged his head on one side and a computer chip fell out of his ear on the other side. He shook his head around a little before finally...
    "Ah, there it is!" he declared, as a spark lept from his left eye to the middle of his upper lip. "Ahem...
    "O Great Mesha, holder of the soul that is so precious in mine eyes - Hear me now, O Great Mesha! Grant me my humble request!"
    "What would that be?"
    Earl's face went blank. "Mode: accept. Transfer brain control to program she_accepted.exe. Beginning transfer... transfer complete. Loading previous conversation... loaded. Begin sequence she_accepted.exe."
    Earl's head jerked and then a smile appeared on his face. "I need to read you a poem! I mean, quote a poem I wrote for you! *LOADING POEM.TXT... LOADED. PROCEEDING WITH SHE_ACCEPTED.EXE... CONTINUING!* Here it is...

Your hair is, like, totally hair!
Even when you're gone, it's like you're still there!
I love to see your wonderful face,
A face I would not like to see in disgrace!
You smell of honey-suckles seem to fill you-
My love, dear love, I could never kill you!
You are in my mind night and day...
Whenever I see you, I'm like, "Hey!"
I know this poem is kinda stupid,
But I hope we get hit by arrows from a cupid!
I want to take you out on a date,
But you got this jerk with ya... I hope I'm not too late!
I want to perform multiple scientific experiments on your      brain...
But I won't tie you up to be hit by a train!
So here is my humble request -
Please don't treat me like a pest.
Roses are red, violets are blue...
I LOVE YOU!
    **The end of poem.txt...**
    **Ending she_accepted.exe...**
    **Ended. Transfering to MAIN.SYSTEM**
    **Transfer complete.**
    "Uh... how romantic!" Mesha put in.
    Earl blushed and kicked a nearby trash can as hard as he could. The thing fell over. What he was trying to prove no one could quite tell.
    Mesha and Andrew slipped away. Andrew, after saying good-bye to Mesha, left for Matthew's house.
          *  *  *
    "And they've been attacking you for the past four days?" Matthew questioned.
    "Yes."
    "Why didn't you come and tell me?!" Matthew demanded.
    "You threatened to destroy me, somehow, I forget exactly how... But you did. I just obeyed you."
    "But this is serious!" Matthew said. "Actully, since that statement implies logic... oh, never mind. I'll leave infinity to itself. Your situation is serious. You could be killed!"
    "Why are they attacking me?" Andrew inquired.
    "I don't really know," Matthew said. "But there must be some reason. These guys are assassins. Someone wants you dead. Or, perhaps, they are relaying a message of an uprising."
    "I don't know," Andrew said.
    Matthew frowned. "Hold on, let me contact the Head Hauncho."  He closed his eyes, concentrated, then opened them. "Yes," he said softly. "He says there have been numerous reports of uprisings from the Dark Ones. This is a rebellion."
    "Is that bad?"
    "Is being strapped to a falling nuclear missile while rabid dogs are chewing on your toes bad?"
    Andrew thought about that for a moment. "That depends on how large the nuclear missile is."
    "Not necessarily," Matthew said. "Remember, science is nothing. Just because an ice-cream cone thingie looks like it is just one scoop does not mean that it is not four thousand gallons of ice cream."
    "But if logic does not apply to this situation," Andrew said in thought. "Then four thousand gallons could be equivilant to half a pint, since the measurements might change. Chaos."
    "Correct," Matthew agreed. "But I would very much like an ice cream cone thingie with a four thousand gallon scoop."
    "So would I," Andrew said. "But four thousand gallons of ice cream might still equal one half pint since logic does not apply."
    "But if it were four thousand gallons of ice cream, whether it were four thousand gallons or one half pint, it would still be four thousand gallons. And I would very much like an ice cream cone thingie with a four thousand gallon scoop. Imagine what you could do with an ice cream cone thingie like that!"
    Andrew closed his eyes in concentration. "What flavor is this ice cream?" he inquired.
    Matthew gasped. "Oh my goodness! I never thought about that before! I suppose I would like it to be vanilla... no, chocolate... no, twist... no,... wait! The answer to your question depends upon what the ice cream man is serving!"
    "The ice cream man is serving every flavor in the world," Andrew responded.
    Matthew shook his head. "I could not choose. I suppose I'd have to choose no flavor."
    "Flavorless ice cream?"
    "Correct."
    "Why wouldn't you just choose one of those little fudge bars?" Andrew asked.
    "Because those are not ice cream cone thingies, which is what we're discussing!" Matthew shouted. "If you have something more important to discuss than ice cream cone thingies, then just interrupt me! Goodness!"
    "What about the imminent rebellion of the Dark Ones?" Andrew reminded Matthew.
    Matthew's frown faded into a smile. "Ah, yes! Well,... I suppose we should fight them. Now back to the important things - ice cream cone thingies!" Matthew frowned. "Why in the world can't the ice cream man choose a flavor randomly to ease the mental strain on the part of the buyer?"
    "I assume he assumes that the buyers, assuming that the ice cream man assumes what they want, purchases the flavors, assuming the ice cream man assumes that the producer assumes what the buyers would like, and they assume they have enough money so they go, assuming their flavor will be there. I assume the seller assumes that the buyers know what flavors they want."
    (Whoa! That was kinda funny! While you were reading that, did you kinda forget what assume means or wonder why they called it a weird name like assume or something? When you repeat a word a million times, or say it very slowly, it becomes strangely funny!)
    Matthew rubbed his chin. "Ah, I see your point. Well, enough about ice cream cone thingies, I hear the ice cream man now! Let's go get some stuff."
    The two went outside. The ice cream man pulled up. "Can I help you two?" he asked.
    "YES!" Matthew responded. "WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU CARRY FOUR THOUSAND GALLONS OF FLAVORLESS ICE CREAM TO MAKE A SINGLE-SCOOP ICE CREAM CONE THINGIE????"
    "Uhhh... I don't," the guy responded. "Listen, mac, if you're gonna spaz out on me, kindly lay yourself down in front of my tires. Otherwise, just spit your order and make it quick."
    Matthew puckered his lips and spat a little piece of paper out onto the window counter thingie that ice cream trucks have.
    "Oh my gosh!" the ice cream man shouted. Noticing that the paper read, 'One four thousand gallon scoop of flavorless ice cream for an ice cream cone thingie', he said, "Man, I wasn't being literal!"
    "Oh," Matthew said, wiping the paper away. "May I have my order?"
    "Sir, I told you, I don't carry four thousand gallons of flavorless ice cream!" the ice cream guy screamed. (Hey! He screamed for ice cream! Heheheheheh)
    Matthew frowned. "Whatever happened to 'the customer is always right!' Back in my day, when they were inventing trees, the customer was ALWAYS right, even if there was no way he could be right! He ALWAYS got his service, even if it was something normal mortals considered completely impossible! Waiters learned to train pigs to fly when the customers began refusing to pay tips until that happened! What ever happened to all this?!"
    "So you expect me to pull a freaking four thousand gallons out of a thing that couldn't hold one hundred?"
    "Yes. I could do it."
    The ice cream man smiled a sarcastic smile. "Mister, you pull out four thousand gallons of ice cream from my container, you got it ALL for FREE!"
    "Easy enough," Matthew said. The driver let him in. Matthew proceeded to produce a fire hose from his pocket and he shoved it into the container. Then, using a pump he 'found behind the driver's ear' (no more difficult that 'finding a quarter behind an ear', mind you), he pumped out four thousand gallons of flavorless ice cream from the container. Just as the man had said, Matthew got his ice cream for free.
    "Wow," the driver said, smiling, rubbing the back of his neck. "You've really got talent! Say - you wouldn't like to work for the ice cream company, would you?"
    "No," Matthew said. "I can't stand the music."
    "Whatever," the driver said, starting to drive away. "But we sure could use someone like you. You sure know how to stretch supplies out!"
    Matthew nodded. "It takes superior minds to perform superior deeds. Now... good-bye! Take care! May your music not drive anyone any more insane than they alreay are!"
    "Bye, mac!" the driver called out, looking over his shoulder to Matthew. Unfotunately, not looking where he was going, he ran into a fire hydrant, and a shower erupted.
    Matthew frowned, looking at his four thousand gallons of ice cream. "I can't eat this," he said with a sigh. "All my life I've wanted to eat the biggest ice cream cone thingie in the world. I've always wondered what it would be like. But now, if I eat it, I will know, and that will spoil everything! Then I couldn't wonder what it was like! I couldn't sit for days on end, fantasizing about it, wondering how much it would affect me! NO, I WILL NOT EAT THIS ICE CREAM CONE THINGIE! I SHALL SHUN THE EVIL THING! I WILL UPHOLD MY VALUES!"
    With that, Matthew threw it and it evaporated. (Yes, I know 4,000 gallons of ice cream weighs a lot but logic is NOTHING in this story!) Matthew smiled. He knew he had done the right thing.
    "You may leave now," Matthew said. "But come back tomorrow. We need to make some plans regarding our special Dark One friends. Until then, battle them as they come. Your insaity will help you fight well."
    Andrew nodded. "I shall return tomorrow."
          *  *  *
    The night passed uneventfully, if you regard sleeping on the moon uneventful. Apparently, earth had been destroyed 8,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 years ago, and the moon was the 'Smallville' of the universe. Of course. Logical, even in chaos. Andrew always ended up in a type of Nothingville. Always. It never failed.
    That night faded into a... somewhat... normal day.
    Andrew lifted his head from his pillow and, on his floor, saw a huge, eight inch spider crawling across his floor. Andrew's heart sank. Not only would he have to battle and kill this beast, he would have to clean up the... juices... after the battle.
    There wasn't much battle, really. One 'foot soldier' took care of the job, but it also managed to pop the monster like a water balloon, spreading its brown-yellow guts everywhere. Andrew nearly lost his lunch... but, thankfully, he had not had lunch yet, indeed, not even breakfast! Therefore, he couldn not lose his lunch.
    He had to go to school, though. He asked his mom to clean up the guts. Both of her moms agreed. (Apparently, bigamy had now become a factor in his family, at least for a short while!) (Really, folks! There was just this big 'ol spider crawling on my floor! It's like 11:35, I'm in my bed typing this story on my personal pocket organizer, and I see this fairly large sized spider crawling on my floor! Disheartened, I had to squash the sucker. I pulled the paper away (it was the closest thing) and looked. Ewww! It was twitching and junk, and his poor guts were on the paper! I frowned, realizing I was a murderer! I let him have one last swim in the giant whirlpool then came back to write some more before I went to bed! Heheheheh) (Come to think of it, why do people like me flush dead things down the toilet? As if a trash can were not adequate? Perhaps I envisioned the little thing coming back from the dead and attacking me for revenge? I don't know why! Perhaps it's like a funeral or something, I don't know. As if flushing it into the city sewer system made it any deader.)
    So he set out for a normal day of school. Strangely, Mesha wasn't at the meetingplace by 7:38. This was definitely very strange... she was ALWAYS there by 7:38, even when history changed in the most major of ways! Well, perhaps she was sick today. He would send her a 'get-well' card or something...
          *  *  *
    Strangely, the day passed without event. There were no major history changes at all the entire day. In fact, there were very few changes at all. The day was almost completely normal. No attacks from the Dark Ones either.
    There was no word as to Mesha. Perhaps she was sick. Or maybe something worse? No, nothing he could tell...
    He'd find out though. But first he had to waste seven hours of  perfect day, sitting, listening to people ramble on and on about things he cared little for. Somehow, though, his grades managed to pull through. In fact, ever since his first wave on insanity, his school life had only imporved. His grades had gone up! Insanity truly was wonderful!
    And so he found himself walking to Matthew's house after school instead of his house. On the way there, he realized that Matthew's house had travelled much closer to the city. It took him less time every day to return to his house than the day before. Strange, but perfectly plausible.
    He knocked on the door and waited. No response. He knocked on the door again.
    "AAAAAHHH!" came a scream from behind the door. "Military ants are trying to use nuclear weapons to anhilate my refrigerator!"
    Andrew waited patiently. Nothing happened.
    "I said, Aaaaahhh! Military ants are trying to use nuclear weapons to anhilate my toaster!"
    "I thought they were trying to anhilate your refrigerator?" Andrew reminded him.
     There was a short pause before... "Oh yeah. That's what I meant! Aaaaaaahh!"
    Andrew moved not. Soon the door opened. There stood Matthew. "I didn't fool you?"
    "No," Andrew sighed. "Sorry. I came here to discuss plans with you regarding the Dark Ones."
    "Ah yes!" Matthew said. "Well, come in, come in!"
    Andrew stepped in. They both sat down, and then Matthew started talking.
    "Now, what, per chance, would you do if you were faced with the decision of eating a two ton scoop of chocolate ice cream on an ice cream cone thingie or a two ton scoop of vanilla ice cream on an ice cream cone thingie? I spent all of last night trying to make a decision. I decided that I would like a shiny nickle better."
    Andrew shook his head. "Dark Ones," he reminded Matthew.
    "Ah, yes! Well, I spent all of last night thinking over our problem. I also talked with the Brothers to see what they thought. They are investigating the situation. We may be required to attack the main Dark base of this area. I spent all of last night reviewing the records to find out where the main Dark base of this area is, and I finally know."
    "So there's no plan right now?"
    "No."
    "What exactly are the Dark Ones?"
    "They are creatures that live in complete darkness. They are terribly evil and live in lives of constant torture, deep within the bowels of this planet. They have masses of influence over the chaos of this universe. We, the Brothers, try to balance the world out, cancelling out their evil deeds. When you become a Brother, you will take on the task of righting their wrongs.
    "Every now and then they try to come out of their world of darkness to attack the Brothers, to perhaps destroy them and take control of the planet. Then they could wreak their havoc. That is why we, the brothers, train ourselves to fight them.
    "Even rarer is when one Dark One cannot take the torture they constantly receive. Then they simply perish as far as being a Dark One and they suddenly appear as living in our world as one of us. There are a few thousand Dark Ones living living in our world as humans right now, but 999 out of 1000 times, the ex-Darkies never remember a thing about their past... but are still haunted by it. Spooky, huh."
    "Yeah."
    "So the plan is for now, fight 'em as they come. Train yourself, too. Close your eyes say the magic password, and you will enter a sort of video game reality, where you can train."
    "What's the magic password?" Andrew asked.
    Matthew sighed. "I can't tell you. If I did, I would be thrown into that land!"
    "Then just push the coin return button and you'll exit the game!"
    "You know the coin return button never works," Matthew said, annoyed. "You ever tried it? You put in your quarters, push the button, and what happens? Nothing. No money back. It has failed every time."
    "Then write it down."
    "Same as putting a dollar bill into the machine."
    "JUST SAY THE MAGIC PASSWORD!"
    "Okay, okay, okay. But you'll have to leave so I can train. The magic password is... 'Please insert one quarter. The coin return button does not work. Press A to jump, B to punch, C to kick. Use joystick to move character. Ready, set, GO!'"
    Suddenly, Matthew fell back into his seat and his eyes closed. He just lay there. Andrew got up and left.
          *  *  *
    Knock knock!
    He waited patiently. No answer.
    Knock... knock?
    No answer.
    KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
    "COMING ALREADY!"
    Andrew waited. The door flew open. There stood Mesha.
    "How come you weren't at school?" he asked.
    "I... I'm sick," she said.
    She did look a little pale, maybe weak...
    "Oh," Andrew said. "I was just checking..."
    "That's fine," she said. She stood in the doorway nervously. As if trying to hide something...
    "Are you okay?"
    "Yes, I'm okay," she responded.
    "No, you're not. Something's bothering you."
    "This isn't a good time," Mesha said.
    "Something's on your mind and you won't tell me."
    "How can you tell?"
    "I can tell. I have very strange ways."
    "No, I'm fine!" she reassured him.
    "No you're not."
    Andrew sighed. He could sense, with his abilities, that something was wrong. Mesha was not acting like her normal self. He could separate out the smallest things about anyone now. He was pretty insane yet sane, and could see the extremely minute things in life.
    "I... I'm just... not feeling well."
    "Physically. Now," Andrew said. "Tell me about your mind. Penny for your thoughts."
    "You'll still owe me for last time too."
    "Two cents. Heck, wanna buck?"
    "I'm... scared," Mesha suddenly confessed. "And I don't know why! I'm having nightmares, horrible visions in the day, terrible thoughts bombard my mind! I think I'm losing my mind! What do I do?!"
    "Eh... I don't know," Andrew confessed. "What kind of things appear to you, in your dreams, and visions, and whatever else?"
    "I can't tell," she said. "It's too dark."
    "Too dark?"
    "Yes. I... just want to live a normal life!"
    "You have a normal life," Andrew said.
    She shook her head sadly. "No, I don't. Maybe it's seemed that way, but..."
    "But?"
    "I'm constantly seeing these things! They tell me I am theirs! Every night I sit alone in my room, wondering where I am, who I am... Andrew..."
    "What? What, Mesha?"
    "I'm sixteen years old and I can't remember ever being fifteen!"
     Andrew stared blankly at her. Was this a history shift? No, it couldn't be! History was relitively stable at the moment. Mesha could not ever remember being 15. This was really happening.
    "I... I..." Andrew stuttered.
    "I can't take it anymore!" she said, breaking into desperate tears. "Why aren't I like everyone else? I can't remember my parents! They don't live here! Only I do! But why, every time I enter the dining room, is there food set out on the table? My life is filled with ghosts!"
    Andrew shook his head to make sure he was awake. Unfortunately, he was.
    "I go to school carrying books I didn't ever have! Somehow my 'parents have visited the principal'... but I don't have parents! Andrew, I'm scared!"
    "It's okay, Mesha, I'm sure there's an explanation!" Andrew assured her. "You'd find it amazing what kind of things happen in this universe!"
    "What is that?" she asked.
    "You'd never believe me."
    "I'm terrified, Andrew! What  kind of things?"
    Andrew shook his head. "I..."
    "Please tell me..."
    "I," Andrew said, resolving to tell what he knew. "I am going to join a Brotherhood that deals with  strange reality. We, the insane, realize that the universe is in complete chaos. History is ever shifting, and factors all over the universe are changing! Nothing is stable, and all is chaos. There are a group of beings that live underground, called the Dark Ones, who are rising up to attack us, and we must stop them."
    Andrew mentally cursed himself. The thoughts of the insane were so random. He shouldn't have spat all that out like a raving lunatic. But perhaps it would help... no, on second thought...
    "What does that have to do with..." Mesha started. "Oh, no, Andrew. This is not a time for humor."
    "I'm not joking!" Andrew said. "Uh... I can take you to a man who can explain everything!"
    "I will go with you, I guess," Mesha said.
    So the two set out. They walked and walked, until finally they reached the spot. But... there was no house to be seen.
    "Matthew?" Andrew called out. "Matthew, it's me!"
    No response. Nothing happened.
    Mesha sighed. "Where is this man? Andrew, is this a joke? I'm really depressed, I really hope this is not a joke."
    "It's not!" Andrew said. "I'm sure Matthew is here somewhere!"
    Andrew and Mesha kept searching, but Matthew could not be found. They kept walking until Mesha stopped short.
    "What?" Andrew asked.
    "I heard a movement."
    "I didn't," Andrew said.
    "I did," Mesha said. "It came from that bush over there."
    Mesha walked over to the bush. She gasped. A guy with a camera jumped up and laughed nervously.
    "Uh... Heh heh heh! Uh, Andrew, we kinda got caught!"
    Andrew stared in confusion.
    "But man that was funny!" Josh, the name of the guy, said. Josh was one of Andrew's friends from school. "Jeeze, all the way up here, you had her believing in that fake guy 'Matthew'!"
    "What?!" Mesha said.
    "Huh?" Andrew asked in complete confusion. Was this...? No, this was real again!
    Mesha's eyes widened suddenly as Josh rambled on.
    "Well, we got it on tape! Really funny, huh! Gosh, she believed a story like the one you told her? What a ditz. What a gullible person. You was right... she really is a blonde!"
    "I... I... I didn't say that!" Andrew said in desperation. What in the world was Josh doing?! Trying to save his own butt?
    "Andrew...!" Mesha gasped. "You said... this is a... Andrew, this is a joke you're playing on me? To show the world how ditzy I am? Well, shows what kinda friend you are! I confide my deepest secrets in you, and you're a jerk like the rest! I thought you was different! I thought you were someone I could trust! Well, it appears I'm wrong."
    "Mesha, I didn't do this!" Andrew pleaded. "Josh is lying!"
    "Of course he is," Mesha said. "Just tell me the next time history is about to shift, okay." She walked up to Andrew. "Just tell me!"
    "It's shifting right now!" Came Josh's laugh-broken voice.
    Mesha's frown deepened, and her anger turned to rage. She hauled back her hand and slapped Andrew's face hard. Andrew was thrown into a state of complete shock. He felt a sting on his cheek, sure, but that was nothing compared to the sting his heart felt...
    Mesha, broken in tears, turned and headed away, back to Nothingville. Andrew watched her go, wanting desperately to run after her and try to explain, but knowing that would be futile. He could only stand and watch her go.
    Rage built in him. He turned to face Josh. "What the hell did you do that for?!" he demanded.
    Josh frowned in anger. "Andrew Hafford!" came Matthew's voice. Josh faded away and Matthew appeared. "Why did you do THAT?"
    "Matthew! It's you! You did this! You jerk!"
    "I'm not the fool, Andrew," Matthew retorted. "You are the fool! Revealing the universe's secrets to a 16 year old girl who cannot understand it! And trying to reveal my position! You fool! Is she more important to you than the wellfare of this universe? Choose now!"
    "I would choose her," Andrew said in anger.
    "That is a very selfish choice," Matthew said, narrowing his eyes. "You would choose one human over saving every living being on this planet?"
    "Perhaps."
    "You fool! The Brotherhood consists of peoplen dedicated to the cause of saving these Earth people from complete chaos! It is good that she has forsaken you! She was only getting in the way."
    "I'll be with her if I please!" Andrew shouted, holding out his hand and phasing in his energy sword. "And you are NOT going to stop me!"
    Matthew frowned. "Would you really fight me?" he asked calmly. "Would you, the ameteur, really dare to challenge me?"
    "I would do it for Mesha."
    "Very well, then," Matthew said. "If you win, you may go to Mesha and do whatever. You may tell her of all the secrets of the universe, but you will not be able to prove anything. Your abilities will be gone, you will never see me again, you'll go back into your oblivious state. Your life will return to normal. Perhaps the Brothers will fail to stop the invasion and it will be your fault. Then the human race will be easily destroyed. However, if I win, you must go by my rules and live by what I say until you are one of the Brothers. Deal?"
    Andrew nodded. "Fine. Deal."
    "Very foolish, indeed," Matthew said. He held out his hand casually. A large energy sword appeared.
    Matthew stopped. After a moment, he added, "And, if I win, you have to buy me and ice cream cone thingie."
    "Also deal."
    The two brougt up their swords, ready to fight. Andrew wore a look of determination. He was determined to win this fight. It was like... winning Mesha. He WOULD win!
    Matthew, on the other hand, wore a look of boredom. He knew this fight would be easy, like Bobby Fischer playing chess against a kid who had just finished taking the chess instructions booklet out of the pack. (If you don't know who Bobby Fischer is, he is the greatest chess player in the whole world and my role model as far as chess! Gosh, he's even got his own movie, and it's really cool!)
    Andrew lept forwards, slashing his sword. Matthew put up his sword, as if to block, and then simply vanished. Andrew's sword kept swinging until it was batted easily out of his hands and it phased out. Andrew looked up. A sword was crashing down upon him!
    Andrew threw himself away and crashed onto the ground. He turned this into a roll, bringing him onto his feet. He phased in his sword.
    Matthew was nowhere to be seen. Andrew bent his knees and scanned the area. He could not see Matthew anywhere. He kept quiet, listening for noises.
    A voice came... "Ice cream is big and large and it fits so neatly into the cone tthhiinnggiiee..."
    Andrew blinked his eyes. What was happening? He had seen 'double vision' in movies, he had crossed his eyes and seen double vision... but now he was HEARING double vision? It was a very hard-to-describe sensation, but it was occuring.
    ""WWhhaatt''ss tthhee mmaatttteerr,, AAnnddrreeww?? IIss tthhiiss aa ssttrraannggee sseennssaattiioonn ttoo yyoouu??""
    "ST st OP op  IT it NO no W w!" Andrew pleaded, noticing strange sounds in his own voice. "TH th IS is IS is NO no T t FA fa IR ir!"
    """OOOhhh yyyeeesss iiittt iiisss!!! YYYooouuu cccaaannn dddooo ttthhhiiisss tttoooooo,,, iiifff yyyooouuu wwwaaannnttt!!!"""
    Andrew gasped as his sword disappeared. Matthew flew by carrying it. He snapped it in half (yes, he snapped an energy sword, it IS solid after all) and threw the phasing-out pieces aside. Then he vanished.
    "C*m* g*t m*, *ndr*w!" came a voice, shattered with strange effects. "D*n't l*t str*ng* s**nds d*str*ct y**!"
    Andrew formed his sword and held it up. He started slashing wildly in 360 arcs, just spinning around. Realizing this would soon make him dizzy, he quit, but he continued to slash blindly.
    Finally the sword was batted out of his hands. It melted through the floor and phased out. Andrew gasped, finding the glowing energy of a sword right under his chin. He held very still, hoping Matthew would not finish him...
    He suddenly wondered why the sword broke through the floor but Matthew touched it...?
    "I win," Matthew said calmly. "And you lose. I could kill you right now. Surrender your life to me."
    Andrew made a motion to get away, but the sword followed his neck. So he held still again. But he couldn't surrender! No, he might lose... her...
    "Your life is mine. Say it."
    He said nothing.
    "Say it."
    Nothing.
    "Say it! I really want an ice cream cone thingie!"
    "It," Andrew responded.
    "I wasn't being literal! Tell me that your life is mine, that you surrender."
    Andrew sighed. He opened his mouth and forced himself to say it...
    "I... surrender!"
    "Yes! Yes! Oh yah! Ice cream! Ice cream! Oh yah! ICE CREAM, HERE I COME!"
    "What about my life?"
    "Oh yes. Yay. I own your life."
    "What are the guidelines," Andrew sighed, more of a statement then a question.
    "You must NEVER, EVER, EVER, NEVER... never-never bobever, bannana-fanna fofever, fe fi fofever... NEVER! Ever tell anyone about the secrets of the universe like that again, nor try to show ANYONE ANYTHING about my existence!"
    "And I can see Mesha?"
    "Yes, but how are you going to convince her that you was not leading her up here to play 'candid camera' on her?"
   Andrew stopped short. He was right. He couldn't show her Matthew, so he couldn't disprove anything. He was stuck. Horrid.
    "Yes sir."
    "Remember, I own your life. If you disobey me, you shall die... if I choose."
    Andrew nodded. Rage built in him. He sought only to kill Matthew. Kill...? Andrew wanted to kill?
    What was wrong with him? He wasn't a killer.
    Matthew's eyes opened. "Andrew...? Why are you having thoughts of murder? Do you think I'm being unfair?"
    "Yes!"
    Matthew, for the first time since Andrew had met him, put on a serious look. His face went red, but not in embarassment or anything.
    "I am not being unfair," Matthew stated in a voice lower than normal and with a more serious tone. "I am doing my best to protect this universe from destruction. I have been working for thousands of years. I have protected you from complete obliteration more times than atoms you have in your body. I have dedicated my life to save the universe. We the Brothers are constantly undoing random changes in this reality and others! We never stop! Darn you, can't you see the reality before you eyes?!"
    "I'm sorry, but I like Mesha more than I can say! She was like my best friend! And now she's gone, like blink."
    "You wouldn't blink your darn eyes without the likes of me and my Brothers!" Matthew shouted in rage. "Can't you see this? You may be in on some secrets, but you still don't help on anything! You are still 'under my wing'! You want to experience complete disorder? First your mind would be completely lost. Then your body would atomically deassemble. Then the memory of your very existence would be erased from this universe! You want that? As if you had never existed. Or, maybe you'd go through thousands of years of mindless, tortured existence in whatever way chaos chooses! Reality would be lost! You want that? Go ahead!"
    Andrew shook his head. "I don't believe any of this any more. It's a fantasy. It's not real. I can't accept what you say."
    Matthew looked hard at Andrew. "You were like the son I never had. But no. You cannot dismiss the truth, Andrew. You have witnessed the chaos. You have even perceived it. But now you simply dismiss it? Very well. It is my duty to continue to protect you from complete chaos, and I shall continue to do it. Report back to me when you're ready to continue training."
    "Whatever."
    Andrew left the house, intending never to return.
          *  *  *
    Mesha collapsed onto her bed in tears. How could Andrew do this? She had just let him into a deep, hidden part of herelf and he had treated her like a fool. And his friend had hinted that such things had happened before. Andrew was not trustworthy.
    How could she live with this? Her life was haunted enough as it was. She was constantly in torture, not physical, but mental. Andrew had been a release from this torture. But now he was part of the torture.
    She cried into her pillow, getting it wet. Obviously, Andrew didn't care about her feelings or their "friendship". He had been playing her for a dumb little joke. She was a joke to him. She cursed herself for ever believing, ever liking, him. How could she have been so foolish?
    Just a terrible mistake on her part, she told herself. A foolish mistake. Well, she'd make sure THIS never happened again.
    She would not play the fool again. Sure, she'd carry on... living was the only way to escape problems. However, she would retreat. The world would be escorted out of her life and she would concentrate on developing her life for her future career. She would not let some jerk destroy her.
    She would stand on her own two feet in this world of chaos if it killed her.
          *  *  *
   Andrew sat in room, for the first time in weeks feeling alone. Lonely. No one at his side.
    This was sick. Matthew had destroyed his relationship with Mesha. Of course, his euphoric insanity had played a small part in this, but it almost could not have been helped. He had accidentally spat out the true secrets of the universe to an 'outsider'. He, though he had not yet even attained the rank of Brotherhood, knew that this was unacceptable.
    Further, he had tried to reveal one of the Brothers. This, also, he knew to be unacceptable.
    But Matthew didn't have to over-react the way he did. He could have just hidden himself and be done with it. And then repremanded Andrew later in a less destructive way.
    Absorbed in this thought, Andrew barely had time to fall off of his bed and onto the floor as a sword hummed through the air which he had just occupied. He rolled away and the sword came crashing down again, cutting a gaping hole in Andrew's bed.
    He lifted his head to see a blue, blazing light filling his vision. He fell aside, forming his own sword as he rolled to evade having a sword embedded into his skull. He rolled onto his knees and jumped up.
    The Dark One pulled back his hands, the sword disappearing. In each hand a red energy sphere appeared. Then it suddenly smashed its hands together. The energy exploded outwards in a shockwave of energy.
    Using what little Andrew knew of these energies, he caused his own to swirl about him madly. This created a tornado-type effect... The initial shockwave energy nearly destroyed Andrew's room, and then any energy that hit his shield was flung off at even higher speeds, damaging the room even more. Almost every small item was destroyed, the walls were severely damaged, and much furniture was half-destroyed.
    The being, seeing that Andrew was using a tornado-like shield, decided to try to use an attack that would break through this! Such amazing intelligence is required in fights like these!
    It noticed the flaw in Andrew's shield - it was open at the top and the bottom. The Dark One simply shot little red sparks out of its fingertips and caused them to go through the openings. Andrew noticed this just in time to form his sword and deflect them off onto the ceiling or floor, causing small explosions.
    Moving his concentration, he accidentally let his tornado shield down. That's when the Dark One opened its eyes wide (though, of course, nothing of it could be seen) and shot white lasers at Andrew, who just barely managed to dodge. The lasers hit the wall, carving burned lines into it and igniting small explosions.
    More explosions followed as the Dark One shot, from his palms, small purple darts. They smashed into things and walls and floors and ceilings and blew up, sending destructive debris everywhere. Andrew dodged the small terrors, zig-zagging closer, and closer, until...
    SLASH! The cloak of the being fell and melted away. Andrew stood, panting.
    The door opened. His mom stood there frowning.
    "Turn down your freaking stereo!" she demanded. "The bass sounds like explosions downstairs!"
    Andrew nodded, tired. He felt sweat soaking his face. "I'll... turn it down. It won't ever play that loud again," he said, seeing that his stereo was now a puddle of melted plastic and parts. No, wait, it wasn't completely destroyed. One single, small chip of plastic remained from his 50-CD changer tray.
    Actually, as he looked around his room, he found a few more surviving parts. A magnet from one of the 20 surround-sound speakers, a piece of clear plastic from one of the 10 tape decks,things like that.
    He shook his head sadly. Everything he owned was gone. He'd have to wait for history to change everything back to normal. And who knew how long that would take?
          *  *  *
    In the dark, misty, stuffy room, a small figure, built like a mouse (actually more like a mouse's baby) moved around the room, placing this here and attaching that there. A few sparks shot out of the invention, and a single one burned the little thing's tender skin.
    "Ouch!" Earl spat. "Geeze! I can't even build things anymore!"
    Luckily, however, he had found some *very* important blueprints. They would change his life! Soon Mesha would be his!
    Earl laughed wickedly as he connected the last wire.  He was immediately shocked, AC power, obviously, as he felt about 120 polarity shifts per second.
    Luckily, this was just the cord to the built-in pop machine. It was not the main power line to his main invention. Earl happily threw the switch to his machine...
    Instantly the entire room lit up. Lights blinked, screens flashed words, everything went wild. Engines warmed up, computers booted up,  and the pop machine's engine switched on. Unfortunately, the pop machine was faulty. It went bezerk and started shooting pop cans out like bullets. Earl dodged them desperately, and each one smashed into a wall and blew up, sending pop everywhere. Naturally, following Earl's trend of bad luck, each can just so happened to shoot directly at Earl.
    After the machine ran out of pop cans, it started shooting its internal parts at Earl. Chunks of metal, parts, even the engine shot out. Earl dodged.
    Finally the pop machine blew up, in its last attempt to kill Earl. Debris went everywhere, but Earl had managed to dive behind a box or something. After this he came out of his cover and approached his main invention.
    Earl opened the circular glass door and stepped into the small cylinder. He closed the door. He fit snugly in the machine. He reached up his hand to a keypad by the door, and started typing...
    "Activate main system"
    RESPONSE: MAIN SYSTEM ACTIVATED
    "Prepare all transfer mechanisms"
    RESPONSE: ALL TRANSFER MECHANISMS ACTIVE
    Earl slipped the little diskette in his hand into a drive beneath the keypad.
    "Prepare to transform specimen's living variable into specified variables"
    RESPONSE: READY. DISKETTE LOADED. PRESS ANY KEY TO CONTINUE OR ANY OTHER KEY TO BEGIN.
    Earl pressed a key. Instantly his body was zapped with forces beyond his comprehension. He felt things changing, everything changing! His mind swirled and he fell into a near-unconcious state. Things went dark, until...
    It stopped. Earl opened his eyes. He was alive! He sighed in complete happiness and relief.
    COMPUTER REPORT: TRANSFORMATION HALTED. INSERT DISKETTE LABELED "EARL TRANSFORMATION DISKETTE TWO" AND STRIKE ENTER TO CONTINUE...
    "Noooooooo!"
    Earl looked down to his body. His legs were bigger than before. His forearms and hands were larger than should be. His body was completely out of proportion!
    "I thought it was all on the disk I gave you!" Earl shouted.
    ...no response...
    "*Sigh...* Activate voice unit."
    "Yes sir?"
    "I thought all of my new traits were on this disk."
    "You gotta be kidding! There are like fifty disks!"
    "Crud."
    "The rest are in your room. Bring them all to me and I'll begin the process. But,... you kinda look rediculous. You'll hafta get by your mom & dad without being seen!"
    Earl sighed again. "I'll get the freaking disks, but... is there any way you could distract my parents? Sneaking past them is *hard*."
    "I'll try."
    "What could you do?"
    "Overload the power plant. That would mean no electricity for indoor lights... then it would be dark enough for you to sneak anywhere! I would consume so much energy that the power plant would be nearly destroyed. Then I could switch on the generator using the back-up generator's power. Then I could operate normally."
    "There's only one flaw with your plan," Earl said.
    "What?"
    "It's still broad daylight outside. Daylight would come in through the windows."
    "Oh. In that case I could create a distracting hologram."
    "That sounds good."
    "Good."
    "Good."
    "Good."
    "You don't always have to have the last word."
    "Good."
    "Good?" Earl repeated. "What's good?"
    "Good."
    "Good is good?"
    "Good, good is good."
    "Good that good is good? How could that be good? Everyone knows that good is good."
    "Does good know that good is good?"
    "I don't know," Earl confessed.
    "Good."
          *  *  *
    Half an hour later...
          *  *  *
    "COMPLETE! Your new self is ready!"
    MegaEarl... now known as... Ralph... opened his eyes. He grinned, exposing now gleaming teeth. His fresh, minty breath went past his teeth, filling the small, cylindrical chamber with a sweet smell.
    "Ahhhh," Ralph said in a deep, masculine voice. "Now I'm a genius again! I can solve great mysteries of the universe, like why people drive one mile to a health club to walk three miles on a treadmill!"
    Ralph pushed the door open and stepped out into his lab. "Great idea!" he thought aloud. "Computer, record this - hydrofeloxidatonatofiniatopsidosis!"
    "Recorded," the computer said. "But... what does it mean?"
    "Actually, I just made it up," he said. "But I just had this great idea of how to make a planet-destroying death laser beam, and the first word that came to mind was hydrofeloxidatonatofiniatopsidosis. I could easily forget my idea of how to make the death beam, but if I hear that single word, the idea will immediately return to me."
    "Oh."
    "Yes. Wonderful. Hey! I just had an idea to solve the world's power needs!"
    "Wonderful, sir. What is it?" the computer asked.
    "We'd need to put a sphere of solar panels around the sun, extending out past Earth's orbit. Then we'd have microwave emitters placed in a circle around Earth's orbit which would beam the harnessed energy to Earth relays in microwave form. This energy could easily be dispersed around the Earth."     "Wonderful idea, sir," the computer said. "But... that's a bit large-scale. What are your immediate plans?"
    Ralph, ex-Earl, flashed a gleaming, shining super-movie-star smile, one that could knock any lady with sense dead on her back. He subconciously flexed his massive muscles (large, but not bulging like those body builders). He felt completely new.
    "I'm going to win the best lady in the school."
          *  *  *
    764-3367.
    Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring!
    "Hello, this is Mesha. Please leave your name, number, and message... unless you've betrayed me and showed yourself as a complete jerk, such as Andrew."
    Beep.
    "Mesha, please listen to me!" Andrew pleaded. "Return my call! It wasn't what you thought it was! I can explain! You know my number... bye..."
          *  *  *
    Mesha came home from a day of sitting in the park. She pushed a button on her phone...
    "You have four hundred and twenty two messages," an annoying, monotone, dull, female voice said. "Four hundred and twenty one calls are from line number 764-1111. One call is from... unknown number. Press 1 to listen to the messeges. Press two to exit. Press 3 to delete them all. Press 4 to delete certain ones. Press 5 to take anyone of your choosing hostage. Press 6 for auto-dial to the godfather. Press 7 if you want a random gangster to take someone out for you. Press 8 if you would like to order some illegal drugs. Or, press 9 to submit your name to a popular hit-list. Or hang up to hear the options again. Or shoot your phone jack with magnum pistols if you wish to disconnect this phone from phone services. Thank you!"
    Mesha pushed the 'voice unit off' button and walked away. So, Andrew had called  her 421 times. Too bad. She'd just have to delete them.
          *  *  *
    "So," a being said.
    "So." Another being said.
    "We are ready to begin?"
    "Yes. So," the second being said.
    "So."
    "So so that that it's so."
    "So so?"
    "So so, brother, so you better believe it."
    "So."
    "So, you believe me that so is so so that it is so?"
    "So."
    "So?"
    "So."
    (Told ya! If you say a word a lot it gets weird!) I mean... the word 'so'? It looks like another language or something!"
    "We are ready to attack?"
    "Yes. We shall deploy our first section of troops to attack California. The Brotherhood is weak there... but they are many. We will defeat them all. Then we shall move on to Missouri."
    "Sounds good, but what about places outside the US?"
    "The US has the most insane people," one of the beings said. "At least from our point of view. If we control that much insanity, we control the world."
    "Agreed. Take over the United States of America!"
    "We should also take over all the writers' minds," one of the beings said. "We do need insanity, after all. That makes Dude Jupiter our prime target!"
    "I quite agree. He belongs in the insane assylum, but I guess no one ever got around to arresting him or anything."
    "The world needs him," the one explained. "They want to tap into the mind of a completely insane person. They want to be completely baffled with utter nonsense. Otherwise, how would they maintain their sanity?"
    "A dose of insanity always keep sanity," the other agreed.
    "So we begin tomorrow."
    "Yes."
    "LONG LIVE THE DARK ONES!"
          *  *  *
    Matthew sat in the silence of his house. Nothing moved. Nothing stirred. All was still. Nothing moved. Nothing stirred.
    Seriously! It was like totally still! Not even a freaking clock pendulum moved! There was no air current whatsoever! Not an atom moved! Not a single cell in Matthew's body moved! Not even his blood!
    Suddenly a Dark One popped up. Matthew jumped up, forming his sword in his hands. He brought his sword before him and prepared to fight.
    Behind him another one appeared.
    Then another.
    Then another. And another.
          *  *  *
    A lone person sat at his desk, typing a story on his pocket organizer, the Sharp Wizard OZ-770, sold in the wonderous Radio Shack for a mere $100! Some soft rock was playing in the background (a miracle, it was usually something with a faster or harder beat, like rap or harder rock). He typed happily, forgetting the troubles of school and reflecting upon what he had read in his book recently... not the one he was writing, the one he was reaing.
    Dude Jupiter smiled as the sweet smell of musk incense filled his nose. His favorite lamp lit his desk and formed weird images from the swirling smoke.
    He took a big 'ol swig of unsweetened tea, savoring the wonderful taste. Stronger the better, he mused silently.
    Suddenly a Dark One came out of his closet, bearing a sword...
    Dude Jupiter's eyes widened. A Dark One? Crud! If he was killed now, he'd never finish the story!
          *  *  *
    That day, hundereds of emergency 911 calls reached California police. Dark beings emerging from unknown places were reported everywhere. These beings attacked and killed many people and then simply disappeared.
    The police thought it was most likely a super-organized gang, or something like that. Others, alien enthusiasts, were giddy with delight - the Visitors had finally come!  Others thought it was just plain nonsense, while still others knew the truth.
    An attack to every other US state was impending. California's Brotherhood had nearly been shattered. In such a short time, too. The Brothers in the rest of the US feared their impending attack...
    Could they beat the Dark Ones? Was it possible?
     Perhaps it was, perhaps not...
          *  *  *



------) THE END?
OF COURSE NOT!
    Well, that's all for right NOW. I haven't yet finished the story, as you could tell easily. I just wanted to post THIS much of the story before I left on a trip!! So, the rest of the story should appear soon! Just hold your breath and PRAY for a good, and not an insane, ending. But, of course, Dude Jupiter, I, the Author, or whatever you want to call me, AM insane, after all, so the story must have an insane ending!
    You can contact me at my email adresses or you can take control of a military satellite and beam a hologram of yourself into my room, but email would be easier, most likely. I don't care if you send me hate mail or anything, because I don't even bother to read most of that junk... I've discovered an interresting use for the "delete" button!!
    Have fun!!!!! (I don't know, it sounded good)

                  Dude Jupiter

    Source: geocities.com/dude_from_jupiter