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According to the German Government, I am officially a "heathen".
I noticed when I got my very first pay check in Germany that, in addition to the government taxes, there was about $100 deducted for "Church Tax". When I saw "Kirchensteuer" I thought surely it couldn't be what it seemed. I then checked the date, wondering if it was somehow 999 instead of 1999. After asking around, I discovered that somewhere on one of the zillion visa and residence permit forms, I must have checked the "Protestant" box when asked about my religion. Doing so, legally obligated me to pay church tax to the protestant church of Germany. (There was, very cleverly, no mention of this anywhere on the form.) Is that outrageous, or what? But wait, - it gets worse!
So what to do?
I go to city hall to inquire about this...
I find out that to get out of paying the tax, one must officially "withdraw" from the Church. This is a process which involves paying a DM60/$30 fee, signing a declaration in front of a city official that...
"I, Richard Myers, hereby withdraw from the religious community of the Protestant Church of the Federal Republic of Germany this 1st day of September in the year nineteen hundred and 99. I am fully aware of what I am doing... "
You just gotta love the "I am fully aware of what I am doing" part - they might as well have said "I realize that I will be going straight to hell for this..."
Then, the clerk heaves over this giant hard-bound book and, using both hands, carefully opens it up to a page with a blank for a new name. I am required to sign my name on the first blank line. I fully expect the woman to hand me a needle to prick my finger in order to do it with my own blood.
After signing my name in the "Book of the Damned", I get a signed certificate, stamped with the city seal, which I take to the next office where the next clerk officially strikes the "Kirchensteuer" from my income tax card. I'm free, at last!
My official ticket to hell: