poemevnoth

Silently I sit
A smile on my face, a crack in my soul
It’s all for you
All of this pain
All of these tears
The turmoil inside
Frustration wrapped around me
Like a heavy blanket
In the middle of June
I cannot shake it, I cannot shed it
I struggle within myself
To find an ounce of contentment
A drop of joy
A crumb of hope
I find it in you
I avoid speech that it may disrupt
Disrupt these feelings
A gift from you that you never new you gave
From elation to despair
And back again and again
A vicious cycle I cannot break alone
It wears me out and tears me up
Its all for you
I never chose this path
That you now drag me down
Of hate and of love and of everything between
My thoughts are invaded
Your image haunts me
Its like a ghost I long for
When I see you
My heart rips as it sinks and jumps at once
Its all for you
How I long for a moment
Even thought it hurts
Just one moment
Of your gentle touch
Your beautiful voice
To fill my soul with all things that feel good
And to fill my eyes
With salty tears
Of both joy and pain alike
Its all for you
The one that makes me want
Makes me desire, distrust
Hate, lust, and love
Soothingly hurting myself
I feel like I’m drowning
In the intensity and confusion
Of the feelings you unknowingly cause
Only you can save me
But I haven’t the strength left in me to cry out for help
The fear that you will let me drown stalks me, kills me inside
Its all for you
In a constant battle between my feelings
Of everything
And of nothing.