Squishy Burgers is proud to be one of the 30 fastest growing fastfood chain in the country.  Twenty years ago, R.J. Squishy brought a single idea to his father, Chester A. Squishy Sr., owner and founder of Squishyville Theme Parks.  That idea was to create a franchise of burger restaurants that served delicious, great tasting food when you wanted it, how you wanted it, and for the price you wanted it.  It was a dream that would enrich and transform our lives from that day forward.  Thank you, R.J. Squishy.

Is there anything that makes us at Squishy Burgers more happy than selling you our homemade Squishy Burgers, with our tender grilled paddies of meat, layered with various vegitable after various vegitable, topped with a season bun, all at a reasonable price?  Heck no!  That's why we're overflowing with new purchasing choices to make at any of our hundreds of national locations! *For a limited time only catch our NEW Fiesta Squishy Burger Flurry! That's right, take the flavor of the Old West, mix it with assorted spicy meats, stir them up with your favorite ice cream and ...  YAY!  You've got a suprise treat you'll never forget! *Grab our limited time only BRAND NEW Chili-Cheese Burrito Fries!  They're S.G.I.W.T.B.F.M! (or So Good I Want To Buy Four More!) *Only for a special time we're offering this limited deal of Get Sick-Get More Food!  If our food makes you violently ill, we'll give you a gift certificate for the amount of disease-induced food plus 38%!  Now that's living.  Remember, When you want an unforgetable experience, go to Squishy Burgers!

RECALLS 4/12/00 Immediate and radical recall on all "Fun Launching Hooray Darts" SquishyMeal Toy prizes.  If you recieved an injury due to this product call us at our emergency hotline before you seek medical attention.  Warning:  "Fun Launching Hooray Darts" contain "Squishy Fluid" that may cause severe acidic scalding or mental retardation if inhaled. 4/15/00 We shall no longer serve our special time only Super Shark Meat Paddy Melt with 100% Shark Meat due to a massive wave of food poisoning.  Squishy Burger's Super Shark Meat Paddy Melt will now be served with 50% shark "composite meat" and various pork additives.  Other side effects also include rectal irritation and mental retardation. 5/1/00 Due to a venom-ridden crop of carrots, lettuce, and pickles, several ingrediant in the Squishy Burger's Veggie Special will be replaced with various pork addititives.  But don't worry, you won't be able to spot them! 5/3/00 Due to a rancid shipment(s) of "pork additives", Squishy Burger shall be re-replacing all previous "pork additive" replacements with the original items or products replaced.  It seems the "pork additives", or more correctly "pig reproductive organs", where causing excessive bleeding and severe mental retardation. 5/22/00 Recalled all new "Battlefield Earth" plastic cups due to allergic reactions (... to the plastic).  If vomiting occurs, that's only natural.  Your body is trying desperately to remove something deadly from your body.  But please do not vomit into the plastic cup.  Chemical reations with vomit and the plastic cup have been known to create a combustion that will not only rob you of your sight for many days, but will instantly melt the cup -- then quickly form a glob of plastic over your hand.  While the outside quickly cools and takes form, the inside of the plastic glob remains uncomparably hot and "volcano-like." 5/28/00 Oops!  Turns out it was the straws of the pastic cups that were causing the inhuman vomiting.  Of course the vomit-cup-explosion-volcano-glob was the plastic. 5/29/00 Oops again!  Turns out is wasn't the straws (although we still have our suspicions about them) but our ice cubes!  Infection-spawning water tubes in the freezers.  And you'll be happy to know in inspecting our soda machines we caught a few new suprises before they even had time to hit the populous and become full blown ... well enough about that...

Battlefield Earth Toys available only at a SquishyMeal near you! (sigh ... we know ...)