Underground Society for the Protection of Left-Handers

Join Us, Brother! (or Sister)

There's Still Time to Repent!

    The Underground Society for the Protection of Left-Handers was established in 1996 by the glorious dissidents known as "The Inner Circle".  For years, they planned and studied for the gradual overthrow of the villainous right-handers.  This brilliant strategy had been fatefully dubbed, the "Grand Scheme".
     The Grand Scheme has been in operation for some time.  While the final stages may be some time ahead (or it might not...) the effects of the Grand Scheme will soon be felt by those in the highest levels of the dexterous-controlled network of dictators.
     The totalitarian regime of the decaying old guard will soon end, and then, the U.S.P.L.H. shall usher in a new era of prosperity and euphoria for all who share in our supremely correct beliefs.
     Sadly, some lefties do not yet realize the path that fate has chosen for them.  In fact, some may even be coerced into preventing our ascention.  But we will succeed...
"When It Ends, We Will Be Left"

    Even if your are among the oppressive majority of right-handers, there is still a chance at salvation.  The Right-Handers for the Protection of Left-Handers as an enemy sympathyzer branch of the U.S.P.L.H.  In exchange for your service and unswerving loyalty, you will be spared during the final stages of the "Great Scheme".  Once the Grand New Order of Lefties has assumed supreme power, R.H.P.L.H. members will receive upper-level status among the right-handers.
     If you are selected to be apart of this elite group of enlightened individuals, count yourself among the fortunate, for you have the opportunity to take part in a turning point in the annals of humanity. 
     In these troubled times of discomfort and heartache, you are wise to look to your galvenized lefty brethren for guidance.  With your devotion, and servitude to the cause, your sacrafices will not be forgotten...
"We May Be Right, but They are Correct"

To apply for admission in the U.S.P.L.H. or the R.H.P.L.H., submit yourself to logging into our guestbook.  Please give an e-mail address where you can be reached, and hand preference (The Sacred Trial will be administered to those claming to be Lefties, so you right-handed wannabees had better be honest!) as well as any comments you might have on our glorious order.  Good luck on your admission!  Semper Pax Laevus!

Need More Proof of Our Power?

Here is a brief list of the USPLH's deeds so far...

*Control of the Presidency for the last 20 years!
*Counteracting the flouridation of the water supply by saturating the air with butter particles!
*Remember the fall of the Berlin Wall?  That was us!
*Have been gradually reducing the usage of semi-colons in legal documents!
*We invented bacon bits, and by God, we can take them back!
*Successfully concealed our secret base on the moon from NASA astronauts!
*Have destroyed the careers of those who have opposed us, such as  Richard Nixon, Bo Jackson, and most recently, John Travolta!
*Gave nuclear weapons technology to Canada!
*Receives royalties for all Pokemon merchandise!
*Own 70% of New Zealand!
*Broke in to the National Archives and replaced the Bill of Rights with a "Bazooka Joe" comic!
*And more!  Far more than you could ever imagine!

No! You must not go!  If you go to the advertiser's site, they'll destroy you, and everyone you love!