BUMPER STICKERS

• Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
  
  
• 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
  
  
• Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
  
  
• Don't use a big word where a diminutive selection will suffice.
  
  
• ...Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
  
  
• A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
  
  
• For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
  
  
• I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
  
  
• The beatings will continue until morale improves.
  
  
• I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
  
  
• Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
  
  
• Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
  
  
• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
  
  
• There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
  
  
• I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
  
  
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  
  
• A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
  
  
• I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
  
  
• Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
  
  
• If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
  
  
• Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
  
  
• Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
  
  
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  
  
• If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
  
  
• If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
  
  
• Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
  
  
• It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
  
  
• Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
  
  
• Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
  
  
• Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
  
  
• Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
  
  
• Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
  
  
• Do witches run spell checkers?
  
  
• Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.
  
  
• Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
  
  
• Dain bramaged.
  
  
• Department of Redundancy Department
  
  
• Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
  
  
• What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
  
  
• Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
  
  
• COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
  
  
• Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
  
  
• 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
  
  
• Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
  
  
• Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
  
  
• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
  
  
• C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
  
  
• C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
  
  
• Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
  
  
• The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
  
  
• BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
  
  
• The name is Baud......James Baud.
  
  
• BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
  
  
• Access denied--nyah nyah na nyah nyah!
  
  
• C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
  
  
• Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
  
  
• Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
  
  
• As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
  
  
• Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
  
  
• Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
  
  
• E Pluribus Modem
  
  
• ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
  
  
• Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny.
  
  
• A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
  
  
• An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
  
  
• CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
  
  
• Does fuzzy logic tickle?
  
  
• A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
  
  
• Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
  
  
• You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same.
  
  
• Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
  
  
• I was put together wrong, so falling apart is a step in the right direction
  
  
• As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
  
  
• Warning: dates in Calender are closer than they appear.
  
  
• I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
  
  
• Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
  
  
• Hard work never hurt anyone - but why take chances?
  
  
• Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
  
  
• I'm not a complete idiot, parts are missing.
  
  
• The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
  
  
• I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
  
  
• Keep honking...I'm reloading.
  
  
• Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
  
  
• All generalizations are false.
  
  
• Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
  
  
• I brake for no apparent reason.
  
  
• I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
  
  
• Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
  
  
• We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
  
  
• He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  
  
• I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
  
  
• Rehab is for quitters.
  
  
• Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
  
  
• I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  
  
• Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
  
  
• No radio - Already stolen.
  
  
• OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
  
  
• Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
  
  
• It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
  
  
• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
  
  
• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  
  
• Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
  
  
• Caution: I drive like you do.
  
  

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