What am I going to do? It seems like I've gone one step forward and two steps back. I don't have the energy to do practically anything anymore. My room reflects my state.

I think I should move out on my own again. I felt more empowered back then. As it is now i'm worn out, burnt out and trite. From my job, and Ian and Reid are just adding more onto the heap. They come in my room and hang out but they also tear my room up in the process and don't clean up after themselves. I only have enough energy to clean up after myself and with them contributing to my own room's mess it just gets piled up. I'm being consistently eroded and having a trashed room. When they do stuff it seems half assed, an example would be today. Reid brought his computer down and isntead of moving the monitor of the old compute spot back to the closet he plopped it down right on my bed even after I told him not to. I guess he thought it was funny. I had to deal with it when I came in here to go to bed. Several weeks ago I couldn't find a CD i was looking for so I completely cleaned my room up looking for it, I didn't find it so I moved onto the closet that Ian my brother had said was going to clean up months ago. I then proceeded to clean the trashed closet and rearrange it till it was clean. I started at 11pm and ended at 4:30am. The closet is once again back to its old way, completely trashed. When Ian borrows things of mine he almost never returns it and a lot of times he doesn't even ask to borrow it. Instead of returning it he leaves it out somewhere and then conveniently forgets where he left it. Whenever i've talked to him about it he reacts in 1 of 4 ways. He's the first to promise and the last to follow through. 2) He'll deny it even though I its obvious to the contrary. 3) He'll change the subject and say we'll talk about it later. 4) A switch goes off in his head, Nates in a bitchy mood he doesn't mean what he's saying. (Ignore On). He'll say whatever to get out of the conversation and just coast through it, from his responses you can tell when that happens almost instantly.

Since we moved in i've been paying 100% of the bills not including rent. He's not had a job and when he did have his last temporary job he didn't spend it on rent or bills, he spent it on a new video card for his computer cause his last one burnt out and the replacement was too old so he bought a new one. 81$. I've had to work less to be able to go to school and i'm falling behind in the bills. All my savings accounts are maxed out with nothing going into them. I have'nt had any money to buy anything fun in the last 6 months, The phone bill is coming due soon which is 12.95 the cable bill is overdue 105.76 for 2 months, this month and next month. I'm late on my car loan payment again. Ian's job was temporary and that just ended.

On top of havnig no energy Ian will wake me up when its time to go to class even though I couldn't get to sleep until an hour prior, and if I say i'm not gonig to class today because i'm too wasted from sleep deprevation he'll go out he'll send reid in, reid will lecture me about how I gotta get my life together, and ask a rhetoric question like do you ever plan on graduating from college or getting out of school.

This isn't working out for me but I'm trapped. Another thing that really annoys me is being constantly reminded of Ian's habits with borrowing, not putting it back where it belongs and not remembering where he did leave it. Reid brought his computer down today but its a breeding ground for viruses because he downloaded too much stuff without regard for getting viruses or taknig preventative measures. Ian said last night we, as in he and I were going to fix his computer up to reid, basically volunteering me. He bailed out at the last second and I've spent from 10pm-1am trying to fix it up alone. His Cd-Rom doesn't work and its screwed in so tight without a real screw driver you can't get it out. And I'm the only one with the knowhow on how to fix it. Ian only learns enough to get by, i learn to learn and know. I spent the last 4 days learning php programming, a internet script language to build a database driven website to help me beta test a mmorpg game i'm playing.

I should move out on my own again but if I move out Ian won't be able to make the rent and that could lead to other things. I did more stuff for me then I do now when I was out on my own. -- End 3:40am.