| First Impressions 9/10/02 Marlen - The first day I had met her was a really bad day at work. I'd been working fries all day. It was a really rough day. I was walking in a coma. My first day on fries. Anyway I'd just gotten off and changed. I walked out and she was standing there. I was in a daze from teh fries and completely speachless. I don't know how to phrase this but I had a strong feeling of Deja vu' and felt like something had clicked. Oh well done with my ramblings. She extended her hand to shake and said hi. Well for some reason my day felt instantly better. I knew we'd get along real well in that first instant. Erin: At first she seemed really high energy person. Now she's just very enthusiastic. She's really fun to work with and she might not know it but she makes the area around her more happy and energetic just by her presence. Marlen also has that quality. Amy - I don't really like working with her, she seems bossy and negative most of the time. I have enough negativity in my life to choke a goat without adding to it. I'd rather not deal with that vibe also Ana- I really like her. She's friendly and if the job gets tough she'll make time to help you instead of standing there doing nothing. She's sweet, funny, attractive, but she's not my type. Jeremy - The closest thing i have to a friend. He invited me to the work social group. He's fun to work with and I get along with him really well. He just got back from camp Lisa (Manager) - She's okay to be around but It's hard to tell when she's joking and when she's serious. Sometimes she can be annoying by stating the obvious but most of the time she's a good manager. Dave - He seems into just about everything knows his stuff and is fun to work with. Sarah - At first I liked her but now her personality reflects that of one of my childhood friends with the same name. Really negative and bitchy most of the time. Erin : Just recently found out that she used to go to the same middle school at the same time as me. We get along really well together. I think marlen will be one of those people I will miss the most because I doubt I will ever see or or meet her again int he future after she leaves for N.Y. My life seems to me to be in shambles. I'm 19. I've never had a girlfriend let alone a serious relationship. I trust almost no one. I dont have many friends. I dont trust my dad. Almost all the time he has an ulterior motive for doing things. I trust my cousin Dan and that is it. But I can't speak these things I write. I don't know why. I spend more time each day in shadow lives. Friends online aren't the same as real friends. I usually choose to like stuff I relate well to. "Character is much easier kept then recovered " Thomas Paine Some of us aren't so luck, I'm probably beyond recovery. Its so much easier to forget when i no longer keep these thoughts locked away in my head. Most likely this book is the only thing keeping me sane. Everytime I want to take the initiative fear rises up like a ugly monster rearing its ugly head. Preventing me from acting. Overwhelming me sometimes other times fitting insane logic that what i'm doing is justified. When in doubt take the easiest route. I wan't to be happy and make others the same. I doubt I will ever find true felicity. A song which embodies a lot of my feelings is "Running away" by hoobastank. "I dont want you to give it all up leaving your own life collecting dust" "I dont need you to be by my side tell me that everythings all right, just wanted you to tell me the truth. " Everything I am and want to be "I am running away, nothing that I can do my opinions are a waste of time. What is life without friends to live it with you. Hollow that's what it is. Everyone that i knew before moving out on my own puts chains on me by the way they treat me. 19 years and all is not well. "The more I suffer the more it shows how much I care" - Offspring Self Esteem. Words I want to live by but cant. : "The mIddle Jimmy Eat World" - Dont write yourself off yet its only in your head feel left out and looked down on. Just be yourself it doesn't matter if its good enough for someone else. |