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*Author's note* Hi! This fic is based on one thing, the fact that fanfictionalists LIE!!! Now, all you fanfictionalists (abbr. FF.) are probably thinking about flaming me right now. HOLD UP!!! Okay, if FF. didn't lie, then it wouldn't be called fanFICTION, now would it? And besides, lies make the story more interesting. And it's not like I'm saying that I don't lie. I probably lie more than most of you when writing these things. So...how do you know if a FF. is telling the truth? YOU CAN'T!!! So live with it, and put it to your advantage.
Situation 1: Romance - Heero Yuy/Relena Peacecraft
"Oh Relena, I love you, I have always loved you...I...I was..." Heero stammered. Relena smiled.
"Shhhh...it's okay, I understand, I love you too. I've loved you since that first fateful day..." Relena whispered. The two teenagers moved closer together for a kiss, and then...
BBOOOOOOMMMM!!!
"Oh, d***, the safety guard on my gun was down. Um...Relena, are you okay? Relena? Releeeeeennaaaaa....? Okay, now, don't go wimpy on me NOW, I bled SO much more than this when I self-destructed Wing. Come ON, what is that? Only a quart of blood? You're not THAT weak, are you? Relena? Relena? D***..." Heero muttered, looking down at the unconscious bleeding girl lying on the ground in front of him. "Hey, someone call 911."
Situation 2: Romance - Duo Maxwell/Hilde Schbeiker
A breeze blew threw the trees, breaking autumn leaves off their home and making them dance until they reached the soft, damp soil of the post-shower ground. Duo and Hilde held hands looking over a glimmering lake watching the sunset from a high hill. All was quiet, except...
"So, anyways, Duo, this guy came up to me and said, 'Miss, do you need help?' so I say, 'No! Of course not, I never need help when it comes to shopping and he says, 'Wow, so, do you come here often?' and I told him no, because, well, you know, I was only there for vacation, so anyways, I told him that I knew a Gundam pilot and he says, 'Wow, seriously? Can you get his autograph for me?' and I'm just like, 'WOW! NO WAY! You're a supporter of the pilots?' and he tells me, 'Of course, all the people on L2 satellite #2 just LOVE the pilots', but of course that's only a population of 29 people and most are little children who think the Gundams are really cool, but the real point is that, DUO, YOU HAVE SUPPORTERS!!! Well, ANYWAY, I say to this guy, 'But sir, how..." Hilde was interrupted by Duo.
"Hilde, I love you, and..." Duo started.
"...many people on L2 or L3 or L1 or L5 or L4 like the pilots because I think that they are way cool and deserve appreciation. This guy was just like, 'Sorry, Miss, but, the other colonies think that the Gundams are against them. We're the only group that supports them' so I got really mad...oh, I love you too, Duo...and anyways, I told him, 'There's absolutely NO WAY that can be true..." Hilde continued. Duo sighed and lay down. Hilde didn't notice because she was so busy chatting away at her little story.
2 hours later...
"So the little kid goes, 'Wow, and who pilots Wing Zero, cuz I LOVE Wing Zero, Miss' and I told him that he didn't want to know, I mean, SERIOUSLY, what if little kids looked up to HEERO, I mean, how scary would that be? So, I made up this excuse and..." Hilde blabbed. Duo was fast asleep on the ground.
Situation 4: Romance - Trowa Barton/Catherine Bloom
Trowa and Catherine stared into each others eyes...both felt like they were in a dream. They were so close. Throughout all these years, they had liked each other, and finally, FINALLY, both had coincidentally admitted it to each other at the same time. Now as they each stared into eyes reflecting their own feelings, they felt themselves drawing closer. As Trowa leaned forward to kiss Catherine...
"Ow! That was my EYE!!!" Cathy shouted.
"Oh sorry..." Trowa apologized, moving his hair out of the way.
"Ewww...I have HAIR GEL in my eye...and LOTS OF IT!" Catherine complained.
*SNAP* back to reality
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" We're related!!!!!!!!!"
"You're my brother!!!"
"You're my sister!!!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and both ran away from each other.
Situation 4: Romance - Quatre Raberba Winner/Dorothy Catalonia
Two blondes sat in a fancy diner drinking champagne and eating the most expensive foods on the menu.
"Quatre, why are you doing this?" asked Dorothy, her face pink from drinking.
"Because I love you...I love you dearly and cannot live the rest of my life without you..." Quatre whispered.
"Oh, Quatre-koi...is this...? Are you...?" Dorothy stammered as she stared into the clear green eyes of her true love. Quatre kneeled on the ground and pulled out a velvet jewelry box. Dorothy's eyes went wide as she gasped with delight.
"Doro-koi...will you...will you mar...OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!"
"HaHAH! Touche! Gotcha this time, never be off guard!" shouted Dorothy, looking extremely evil. She had stabbed Quatre with the closest thing to her...a fork.
"Ow! That hurt, Dorothy! Why'd you do that?"
"Because YOU are an IDIOT! I WOULD'VE married you if you had staged a magnificent war, but NO, you didn't!"
"Then what do YOU think I should've done?"
"You should've been the leader of the colonies...like Mister Milliardo, and staged a perfectly wonderful war..." You know the rest, ne? And so it continues...de ja vu...
Situation 5: Romance - Wufei Chang/Sally Po
(oooh, goody! I get to do another snap back to reality thingy for this one...)
It was another long day at the Preventers office and Sally plopped into her chair. She picked up the newspaper and her cup of java and waited. Her date with Wufei was at eight and she wanted to relax a little before the horrors of preparing for a date. To her surprise, who should come in but Wufei. He looked sad.
"Sally...I...I have to cancel this date," he muttered.
"Why? Is something wrong?" asked Sally.
"I...don't love you anymore."
"WHY??? Is there another woman?!" demanded a furious Sally.
"Kind of..."
"Is it..." Sally trailed off. A look of horror dawned on her face as Wufei nodded. "I expected this day to come...you love..."
"Nataku," was the silent response.
heehee *SNAP* back to reality
"Wait a sec...why am I depressed about breaking up with a boy about 10-20 years younger than me?" Sally laughed. "He's just a baby!"
"And I was dating an old hag?" Wufei scoffed. The two both laughed for a few minutes hysterically and then stopped abruptly.
"BABY???"
"HAG???"
*Heero Death Glares (TM)*
Situation 6: Deathfic - H/D/Q/T/W (this will save time since it applies to everyone)
"Oh, H/D/Q/T/W! Don't leave me!" cried R/H/D/C/S.
"I'm sorry, R/H/D/C/S...I don't want to leave you...but, my time has come...goodbye," H/D/Q/T/W whispered as they lay in R/H/D/C/S's arms. They closed their eyes...and there was silence. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked down at the unmoving body of her true love. Everything was still, everything was quiet. A tear ran down her cheek and fell on H/D/Q/T/W's face. Then...
"Hey, what is this wet stuff?" asked a very annoyed H/D/Q/T/W. R/H/D/C/S gasped and jumped up in shock. "You...you're not dead?" she asked.
"I thought I was...guess I'm not," stated H/D/Q/T/W.
"But, how can that be?" she asked.
*SNAP* back to reality
"Ooooh yeeeaaahhh...I almost forgot. I'm immortal!" H/D/Q/T/W said cheerily.
"Immortal?" R/H/D/C/S asked in surprise.
"Yeah, I can never die, because I'm ME!"
"Does that mean I'm immortal too?" she asked excitedly.
"Dunno, let's see," H/D/Q/T/W said as he pulled out his gun and shot R/H/D/C/S. The young woman lay dead and bleeding on the floor.
"Oops, guess YOU'RE not immortal..." he said.
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