MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000
THE UNOFFICIAL EPISODE GUIDE

SEASON THREE: 1991-1992


301- CAVE DWELLERS

First shown: 6/1/91
Opening: Favorite new names
Invention exchange: Smoking jacket, Robotic arm wrestling
Host segment 1: Reenacting the 1/2 screen slo-mo credits
Host segment 2: Adding extraordinary names to ordinary things
Host segment 3: Sound effects demo by Joel
End: Stunned by the film's lack of continuity, the Mads exclaim: "We're evil! Evil!"
Stinger: "Dong! The fish are ready!"

302- GAMERA

First shown: 6/8/91
Opening: Tom is teaching exercises to everyone
Invention exchange: Endless salad bar, and Bird cage vacuum
Host segment 1: Tom sings "Tibby" to Tibby, his pet turtle
Host segment 2: Joel tries to make Crow and Tom see Kenny positively (Crow time out)
Host segment 3: The 'Bots are playing beauty salon when Gamera visits!
End: The quality cast of the film, letter, giving Joel a shock to the shammies!
Stinger: "Bye..."

303- POD PEOPLE

First shown: 6/15/91
Opening: Crow's one man (or 'Bot) show
Invention exchange: Monster chord & Public Domain Karoke machine
Host segment 1: Spoofing the recording session
Host segment 2: Wall o'Keyboards & new age from Some Guys in Space
Host segment 3: "You are magic, aren't you Trumpy!"
End: "Will There Still Be a Clown in the Sky?" song, Mads say "It stinks!"
Stinger: "It stinks!"

304- GAMERA VS. BARUGON

First shown: 6/22/91
Opening: The user interface war
Invention exchange: Soda can audio-animation, Disco Cumber-Bubble-bun
Host segment 1: 5000 piece fightin' men & monster set
Host segment 2: Crow and Tom are role playing two monster women over dinner
Host segment 3: Joel reminiscing about movies & big name celebrities
End: Stories from behind the scenes of monster movies, letter
Stinger: Opal guy goes nutzoid

305- STRANDED IN SPACE

First shown: approx. 6/91
Opening: Joel builds an at home shooting gallery
Invention exchange: Variations of the "BANG" gun
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom are fighting over their trading cards
Host segment 2: Cookies, Crow's fishing dream & what "Ward E" is
Host segment 3: Joel giving "Kill him" instructions
End: Trying to sell the premise to a movie producer, letter, Mads dressed like bad guys in film
Stinger: Stryker gets struck!

306- TIME OF THE APES

First shown: approx. 7/91
Opening: It's baseball season on the SOL!
Invention exchange: Cellulite phone, Miracle Baby Growth Formula (It works!)
Host segment 1: "Why doesn't Johnny care?"
Host segment 2: The Scopes Monkey Trial dramatization
Host segment 3: Ape fashion-minute
End: The Sandy Frank song, letter, Baby pushes button
Stinger: "Johnny, you be careful." "I don't care!"

307- DADDY-O
with short: "ALPHABET ANTICS"

First shown: approx. 7/91
Opening: Office chat around the water cooler
Invention exchange: Alien pacifier, Air freshener mobile
Host segment 1: "Hike up your pants" song
Host segment 2: Drag race reenactment
Host segment 3: Spit-take lesson, dumb guy from movie keeps popping in
End: "Want some?" (slap, thump, thump), letter & the button doesn't work
Stinger: "Couldn't help ya if I wanted to, fella. Gym policy."

308- GAMERA VS. GAOS

First shown: approx. 7/91
Opening: Crow and Tom are into raspy voices
Invention exchange: Self image printers, Fax tissue dispenser
Host segment 1: Joel is making Gaos for kids, Crow and Tom are interfering (Tom time out)
Host segment 2: Trying to stage an elaborate production of an opera "Gameradamerung"
Host segment 3: Ed Sullivan skit featuring "Gaos the Great"
End: Other ways to snuff Gaos, Mads have some ideas
Stinger: Two Japanese clowns reacting to Gaos

309- THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN

First shown: approx. 7/91
Opening: Crow and Tom are in their fort
Invention exchange: A plant that reviews music, Non-permanent tattoo
Host segment 1: Nice things to say to Glen's fiancee
Host segment 2: Joel role playing as Glen
Host segment 3: What would you ask Glen?, then he visits
End: What Glen could've done, letters, giving Frank the giant hypo
Stinger: Glen laughing 'til it hurts

310- FUGITIVE ALIEN

First shown: 8/17/91
Opening: Farmer Joel (with the 'Bots as farm animals)
Invention exchange: Eyes, Ears, Nose & Throat dropper, musical chair and Jack Perkins!
Host segment 1: Hat party
Host segment 2: Joel makes Crow and Tom dress up and act out the movie
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom are confused by movie, Joel has a screenplay model
End: Joel's buttons, letter, torturing Jack Perkins
Stinger: "AHAHAHAHA....you're STUCK HERE!"

311- IT CONQUERED THE WORLD
with short: "SNOW THRILLS"

First shown: 8/24/91
Opening: Ventriloquism
Invention exchange: Noose tie costumes, The "Sony Seaman"
Host segment 1: Tom narrates "The Winter Cavalcade of Fun"
Host segment 2: Sarcastic conversation over dinner
Host segment 3: Celebrity siblings with the same last names
End: Joel & the 'Bots watching Peter Graves' exposition, letters, Mads are watching it too
Stinger: "He learned too late that a man is a feeling creature..."

312- GAMERA VS. GUIRON

First shown: 9/7/91
Opening: School lunch time
Invention exchange: Racy Rorschachs, Collapsible trashcan
Host segment 1: The Gamera song (one version, at least)
Host segment 2: Sawing a robot in half
Host segment 3: Child star Richard Burton
End: Gamera song again & Michael Feinstein in Deep 13
Stinger: "What a monster!"

313- EARTH VS. THE SPIDER
with short: "USING YOUR VOICE"

First shown: approx. 9/91
Opening: Crow's interview show: "Inside The Robot Mind"
Invention exchange: Cheese phone, CD blow drier
Host segment 1: Crow's screenplay "Earth vs. Soup"
Host segment 2: Spidorr the rock group, the custodian of 7th galaxy visits
Host segment 3: Dangerous toys
End: The 'Bots' reports on Bert I. Gordon, Frank sick from eating phone
Stinger: Lip and tongue action, of a sort

314- MIGHTY JACK

First shown: approx. 9/91
Opening: Disaster on the SOL!
Invention exchange: Formal flippers, Ear earmuffs
Host segment 1: Mighty Jack pet food commercial
Host segment 2: Crow and Tom put Joel in the blinding light compartment
Host segment 3: Underwater story pitch
End: "Slow the Plot Down!" shanty & good things about the film, Frank into it
Stinger: He died as he lived -- loving his work

315- TEENAGE CAVEMAN
with shorts: "AQUATIC WIZARDS" and "CATCHING TROUBLE"

First shown: 11/9/91
Opening: Very boring day on the SOL
Invention exchange: Rainy day epicacs, The Mads are fighting
Host segment 1: "Catching Ross"
Host segment 2: The Mads still trying to kill each other
Host segment 3: Examining the pendulum of human development
End: Mimicking the film's end, letter, Mads patching up
Stinger: Teenage Caveman conks his head

316- GAMERA VS. ZIGRA

First shown: 10/19/91
Opening: Root beer party for the last Gamera film
Invention exchange: 3 Stooges guns, Crow-ka-bob
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom's "model" of Gamera
Host segment 2: Shoe box dioramas
Host segment 3: Football talk, then Kenny & Helen visit
End: Different ways to sing the Gamera medley
Stinger: An excerpt from "Fish Argument Theater"

317- VIKING WOMEN VS. THE SEA SERPENT
with short: "THE HOME ECONOMICS STORY"

First shown: 10/26/91
Opening: Joel talks about the lowly waffle
Invention exchange: Meat re-animator, Iron that turns waffles into pancakes
Host segment 1: Name important new uses for waffles ('Bots reprogrammed to LOVE waffles)
Host segment 2: Joel says: "Waffles!"
Host segment 3: Willy the Waffle defends waffles throughout history
End: The Waffle song, "re-animating" Frank
Stinger: "But I'm a PRINCE!"

318- STAR FORCE-FUGITIVE ALIEN II

First shown: 11/16/91
Opening: Crow and Tom are arguing about what makes a puppet
Invention exchange: Big noses, "Who's that guy with the BIG head?"
Host segment 1: Tom Servo's dead!!!!
Host segment 2: Captain Joe action figure commercial
Host segment 3: The Fugitive Alien medley
End: Designing the ultimate evil person, letters, Frank embarrassing Dr. F.
Stinger: Ken says: "Captain, I've got it fixed. It's all working again."

319- WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST
with short: "MR. B. NATURAL"

First shown: 11/30/91
Opening: Mexfood combos
Invention exchange: Breakfast bazooka, Between meal mortar
Host segment 1: Mr. B. Natural...male or female?
Host segment 2: Who's that guy with the BIG head? (again), Glen revisits
Host segment 3: KTLA Presents...your future!
End: Drowsy from movie (and bread), letters with Glen and Frank shot at again
Stinger: Mr. B, what would YOU know about dignity?

320- THE UNEARTHLY
with shorts: "POSTURE PALS" and "APPRECIATING OUR PARENTS"

First shown: 12/14/91
Opening: Making a funny home video scene
Invention exchange: Hard pills to swallow, Celebrity home products
Host segment 1: "Appreciating Gypsy"
Host segment 2: The many faces of Tor Johnson
Host segment 3: Combination of games based on the movie
End: Lingo, letter, and lingo for killing TV's Frank
Stinger: "Time for go to bed!"

321- SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS

First shown: 12/21/91
Opening: Crow and Tom are looking at Christmas catalogs
Invention exchange: Wish squisher, New toys on the Isle of Misfit Toys
Host segment 1: Crow's song: "A Patrick Swayze Christmas" (Crow time out)
Host segment 2: Reviewing other cheery Christmas specials
Host segment 3: Everybody's Christmas essays
End: A Christmas carol, J&TB's exchange stockings, letter, Mads exchange gifts
Stinger: Martian laughing

322- MASTER NINJA I

First shown: 1/11/92
Opening: The 'Bots build a model car
Invention exchange: Boil-in-a-bag IVs, Pop-up books for adults
Host segment 1: Crow's "The Van Patten Project" theory (Crow time out)
Host segment 2: Acting out characters in the movie using theme music
Host segment 3: Other kinds of num-chuks
End: "Master Ninja Theme Song!," letter, Frank fluffing Dr. F.'s pillow
Stinger: "To them it's some kind of ritual."

323- THE CASTLE OF FU-MANCHU

First shown: 1/18/92
Opening: The SOL's Teen Club
Invention exchange: Telephone transducer chip & big head (once again), The Joe Besser "Stinky" Bomb
Host segment 1: Crow upset, "Why Caucasians playing Asians?", Mads laughing
Host segment 2: Flying carpet Shriner CB skit, Tom loses it like Crow, Mads ordering out
Host segment 3: Joel trying to cheer up Crow and Tom with the story of Fu-Manchu, then loses it, Mads celebrating
End: "What's the use?," Mads toasting their victory?, Joel & the 'Bots defiant, Mads try to give the movie a shot
Stinger: Monkey pile on the castle guard!

324- MASTER NINJA II

First shown: 1/25/92
Opening: Improv
Invention exchange: Conveyer belt buffet, Perpetual habitat
Host segment 1: The 'Bots design their own custom vans
Host segment 2: General Timothy Van Patten
Host segment 3: Detectives & what their pets should be
End: Van Cleef dress-up doll, letter, Frank pleas for the return of "The Second Hundred Years"
Stinger: Lee Van Cleef with a hamster