MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000
THE UNOFFICIAL EPISODE GUIDE

SEASON FIVE: 1993-1994


501- WARRIOR OF THE LOST WORLD

First shown: 7/24/93
Opening: The Official SOL welcome by Tom Servo
Invention exchange: The Square Master, Bittersweet Hearts
Host segment 1: Hot slot 'Bots
Host segment 2: Trying to get a post-apocalyptic driving permit
Host segment 3: Things to do after the apocalypse
End: Phone call from Megaweapon, letter, Mads discover an "active lifestyle"
Stinger: The Paper Chase Guy checkin' out the babe

502- HERCULES

First shown: 7/17/93
Opening: Casual day on the SOL
Invention exchange: Cellular Desk, Instant Karma
Host segment 1: Constellations for the '90's
Host segment 2: Wondering about a '70's rock band
Host segment 3: Crow does the 'Match Game' by himself
End: Crow and Tom are talking about Amazons, then some visit, Frank at the Desk
Stinger: "He's like something out of a bad dream!"

503- SWAMP DIAMONDS
with short: "WHAT TO DO ON A DATE"

First shown: 7/31/93
Opening: Crow and Tom are doing the 'Spock in love' "Star Trek" episode
Invention exchange: U-View, Andrew Lloyd Webber Grill
Host segment 1: Tom wants to date Gypsy
Host segment 2: He asks Gypsy if she wants to go on a date
Host segment 3: They go out on a date (like in the short)
End: Tom thought the date went well, Gypsy dumps him, letter, Frank watching himself
Stinger: "Ssssssssshut up!"

504- SECRET AGENT SUPER DRAGON

First shown: 8/7/93
Opening: Crow and Tom build an annoying robot
Invention exchange: Virtual Comedy, Micro-Golf
Host segment 1: The "Secret Agent Super Dragon" theme (Jazz version)
Host segment 2: Crow writes a script based on the spy movie genre
Host segment 3: "Post-kill" puns
End: Dr. F.'s Super-Villain conference call
Stinger: Jumping the Super Dragon, with xylophone accompaniment

505- MAGIC VOYAGE OF SINBAD

First shown: 8/14/93
Opening: The SOL-tie awards
Invention exchange: Chin-der wear, Rat Pack chess set
Host segment 1: Meeting of the Junior Jester Club
Host segment 2: "What would you do if Sinbad came to your town?"
Host segment 3: Crow goes on his life quest (outside the SOL!)
End: The 'Bots are amazed by the channel catfish puppet, letter, Frank meets Mr. Fistie
Stinger: Laughing horse

506- EEGAH!

First shown: 8/28/93
Opening: Deep frozen Crow
Invention exchange: Pork-orine, Replacing Frank's blood with engine coolant
Host segment 1: Subtle forms of Hell
Host segment 2: 'Bots want to alter Joel's face
Host segment 3: Why '60's sitcoms are run by single dads
End: Washing the movie off Crow and Tom, letter, Frank's check up and fluid change
Stinger: "Fake it." "That's what I've BEEN doing. Now I'm getting sick."

507- I ACCUSE MY PARENTS
with short: "THE TRUCK FARMER"

First shown: 9/4/93
Opening: Tom Servo is naked!!
Invention exchange: Cake 'n Shake, Junk drawer organizer
Host segment 1: Art therapy projects
Host segment 2: Night club scene like in the movie
Host segment 3: Joel, Crow and Tom present "The Roots of Jimmy's illness"
End: Crow and Tom are acting out cafe scene from movie, letter, digging out Rodney
Stinger: "What? What's so funny?"

508- OPERATION DOUBLE 007

First shown: 9/11/93
Opening: Joel has his home movies on videotape
Invention exchange: Lederhosen-hosen, Sara the bobbing buzzard
Host segment 1: Joel's diabolical plan
Host segment 2: "The Sean & Neal Show: Parallel Lives"
Host segment 3: Joel is trying to hypnotize Tom, Torgo returns
End: Dr. Forrester using his magnetizer on the SOL
Stinger: "Thunderball" pushes the button

509- GIRL IN LOVER'S LANE

First shown: 9/18/93
Opening: Crow and Tom are wanting to give each other bellybuttons
Invention exchange: Evil baseball promotions, "Don Martins" (a type of shoe)
Host segment 1: Song: "What a Pleasant Journey"
Host segment 2: Crow and Tom act out the pool hall scene
Host segment 3: Crow is acting like Jack Elam
End: Crow and Tom are mad, changing the ending, letters, Frank wants to get into the act
Stinger: "Are you waiting for a bus?"

510- THE PAINTED HILLS
with short: "BODY CARE & GROOMING"

First shown: 9/26/93
Opening: The 'Bots are doing "The Tonight Show" with Crow as Jay Leno
Invention exchange: "Cholester-do all" (Frank's heart), "Back-Talk"
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom debate about the woman in the short
Host segment 2: Term papers & Crow's "report" on President Hayes
Host segment 3: Crow T. Robot: the new gold standard
End: Discussing the movie's message, Dr. Forrester trying to revive Frank
Stinger: Naughty girl goes into the shower

511- GUNSLINGER

First shown: 10/9/93
Opening: "Blowing" up Tom's head
Invention exchange: The Scanner Planner, New whiffle items
Host segment 1: Funeral talk
Host segment 2: The Gypsy Express
Host segment 3: Tom Servo demonstrates quantum linear super-position
End: The '70's: A pretty foul decade, deep fried letter, Dr. F. blew up Frank's head!
Stinger: "What about our clothes?"

512- MITCHELL

First shown: 10/23/93
Opening: Joel's toothpick sculpture
Invention exchange: Daktari stool, Mads are getting audited
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom's 'Outward Bound Experience", Gypsy overhears the Mads plotting 'Method 53' and thinks they are talking about Joel
Host segment 2: Gypsy is trying to figure out how to get Joel off the SOL
Host segment 3: Temp Mike Nelson helps Gypsy get control of the hidden escape pod in Bay 14
End: Joel escapes the SOL leaving behind a plaque and a final word, the Mads are upset that Joel has escaped them, but start laughing when they realize they have another victim to send into space (Mike)
Stinger: "Your lying through your teeth!" "Buzz off!" "No, you buzz off!" "I SAID BUZZ OFF, KID!"

513- THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE

First shown: 10/30/93
Opening: The 'Bots are training Mike
Invention exchange: The Gutter-Bumber-Shoot, Dr. Forrester's Dream Buster
Host segment 1: Mike is trying to get control of the SOL
Host segment 2: Designing hats for Jan, the girl in the movie
Host segment 3: Discussing the movie's message and an embarrassing moment from Mike's past
End: A visit from Jan, Dr. Forrester likes the idea of Frank's head in a pan!
Stinger: "Who's to tell me to blow if I don't want to?"

514- TEEN-AGE STRANGLER
with short: "IS THIS LOVE?"

First shown: 11/7/93
Opening: Mike is trying to phone his grandmother
Invention exchange: Frank-n-forcer, Waiter-baiter
Host segment 1: "What is love?"
Host segment 2: Crow and Tom want to rumble, but Mike sort of sets them straight
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom get Mike to act like Mikey from the film
End: Mike sings "The Janitor Song," Dr. Forrester cleaning up after Frank
Stinger: "And he didn't steal no bike neither...I did!"

515- WILD, WILD WORLD OF BATWOMAN
with short: "CHEATING"

First shown: 11/13/93
Opening: Mike and the 'Bots are playing Blackjack
Invention exchange: Atomic powered hair dryer, "Razor-back"
Host segment 1: Unanswered questions about the short
Host segment 2: The 'Bots write essays to try to answer them (Crow cheats! -- He copies Gypsy's paper)
Host segment 3: Mike, Tom & Gypsy meet to decide what to do about Crow
End: Crow responds to the charges against him, letter, Dr. F. likes his new 'atomic' hair style
Stinger: A batgirl puts the bite on the wormy guy

516- ALIEN FROM L.A.

First shown: 11/20/93
Opening: Boot camp at Fort SOL
Invention exchange: "Vend-A-Gut", Fridge Utters
Host segment 1: Who Crow and Tom think Kathy Ireland reminds them of
Host segment 2: Song: "My Wild Irish Ireland"
Host segment 3: "Guess Kathy's Emotions" game
End: Nothing more to say about the movie, letter, Frank loses count
Stinger: "Yuk!" says Kathy

517- BEGINNING OF THE END

First shown: 11/25/93
Opening: Wrong number
Invention exchange: "Re-comfy Bike", New playing cards
Host segment 1: Mike calls the Mads and catches them "off guard"
Host segment 2: Crow's screenplay: "Peter Graves goes to college at the University of Minnesota"
Host segment 3: Tom Servo at the Improv
End: "No grasshoppers before this film," post-card, Bert I. Gordon special effects, Mads are boxing
Stinger: "All right men. Into the woods."

518- THE ATOMIC BRAIN
with short: "WHAT ABOUT JUVENILE DELINQUENCY"

First shown: 12/4/93
Opening: Final dress rehearsal for "Love Letters"
Invention exchange: The Mads, Crow and Tom Servo
Host segment 1: "Weather Servo 9" - Tom is a weather satellite
Host segment 2: Mike demonstrates chin puppetry to Crow and Tom
Host segment 3: Magic Voice talks to the film's voice-over guy
End: Crow is Hank Kimball-The Fugitive, letters, "Dr." Frank meets Dr. Fist
Stinger: Spanish for "AAAAAAAH!"

519- OUTLAW (OF GOR)

First shown: 12/11/93
Opening: Mike, Crow and Tom are roughhousing
Invention exchange: Really real Time Machine, Fabio Kit
Host segment 1: Memories of Mike's acting career
Host segment 2: A word that describes all of the "skin" in the film
Host segment 3: "Palance on Palance - Believe It Or Not" a book on the making of the film
End: More groin shots in this film than in all others, Mads are "dancing through the ages"
Stinger: "Get out of here, you disGUSting WOORRRRRM!"

520- RADAR SECRET SERVICE
with short: "LAST CLEAR CHANCE"

First shown: 12/18/93
Opening: Mike performs Crow's maintenance checkup
Invention exchange: Mike's ingenious escape plan, "Hypno-Helio-Static-Stasis"
Host segment 1: Trooper Tom Servo presents: "Why Don't They Look?"
Host segment 2: The 'Bots simulate Mike's 10 year high school reunion
Host segment 3: Mike & Crow build the Quinn Martin Nature Preserve
End: Beating "Hypno-Helio-Static-Stasis" with "Extato-Euphora-Fun"
Stinger: Hysterical maid

521- SANTA CLAUS

First shown: 12/24/93
Opening: A caroling session on the SOL
Intro: The Mads & Mike and the 'Bots exchange gifts
Host segment 1: Mike, Crow and Tom are the rock band "Santa Klaws"
Host segment 2: The 'Bots stage a "Nelson family reunion"
Host segment 3: An "all inclusive" Christmas song: "Merry Christmas...If That's OK"
End: Snow day on the SOL, Pitch and Santa fight it out in Deep 13
Stinger: Laughing mechanical reindeer

522- TEEN-AGE CRIME WAVE

First shown: 1/15/94
Opening: Mike and the 'Bots are trying to escape from the SOL
Intro: "Mace Mousse", The escape plan fails
Host segment 1: The golden age of the "doughy guy"
Host segment 2: The first deli in space
Host segment 3: "Mystos" commercial
End: Tom delivers some letters, Frank is "Doughy Man", Dr. F. sprays Frank again, again, and again (with the mace mousse)
Stinger: "TURN IT OFF!"

523- VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS

First shown: 1/22/94
Opening: Mike and the 'Bots quarterly workout
Intro: Dr. F. cuts costs at Deep 13 by firing TV'S Frank!
Host segment 1: Checking up on Frank, Dr. F. hires Torgo?
Host segment 2: Signing a card for Frank, then he asks about employment on the SOL!
Host segment 3: A musical tribute to Frank, he then is determined to get his job back!
End: A Letter to Frank, he tricks Torgo into getting fired, then Dr. F. rehires him!
Stinger: Tribute to Frank Zappa

524- 12 TO THE MOON
with short: "DESIGN FOR DREAMING"

First shown: 2/5/94
Opening: Gypsy's tea party
Intro: Deep 13's annual celebrity roast, the SOL's first annual celebrity tennis open
Host segment 1: Reenacting the movie's launch sequence, but Nuveena, the woman from the short, "pops" in
Host segment 2: Mike and the 'Bots prepare to leave with Nuveena
Host segment 3: Nuveena makes Crow and Tom into the futuristic appliances from the short, but Mike doesn't like that, so she "pops" out in a huff
End: Letters, Nuveena "pops" into and out of Deep 13
Stinger: "Ahh, ridiculous!"