First shown: 2/1/97
Opening: Mike, Tom Servo and Gypsy are pulled back to the SOL, only to discover
that Crow is already there, and has redecorated. Crow seems different. Gypsy discovers
that they are hurtling toward a planet with a "lovely Asia"...Earth! Mike
saves the ship, but drops the tranny in the process. Mike and the bots contact the
planet, and it's NOT Dr. Forrester who responds!
Intro: After a good scream, Prof. Bobo and Dr. Peanut explain to Mike and
the bots just what's been happening on Earth lately. Prof. Bobo sends a bad movie
because it's "Ape Law."
Host segment 1: Servo tries to repair the SOL's engines with a little help
from Crow's friends, the nanites. Crow still seems different.
Host segment 2: An irate Phil the alien demands to speak to Servo. Apparently,
Tom's had a few adventures over the years...
Host segment 3: Crow may be different, but he makes a wonderful espresso.
End: Mike and the bots make an embarrasing discovery about the love lives
of Mike's descendants. Then they discover just who is the *real* power on Earth,
and why they must continue to watch bad movies.
Stinger: John Agar swims softly and carries a big stick.
First shown: 2/8/97
Opening: Crow is handling the SOL's prairie dog problem
Intro: The Apes discover that devolution can be fun!
Host segment 1: The nanites are on strike!
Host segment 2: Pearl is forced to give some laws, and asks M&TB for suggestions--and
Tom has some!
Host segment 3: Crow and Tom have a plan to get Mike's pineal juices;
End: Tom's "Beverly Hillbillies" sketch ends in chaos, but the Apes
are oh-so-civilized again.
Stinger: The wiley cop outwits his suspects.
First shown: 2/15/97
Opening: Crow's goofy eyes make him a "space child."
Intro: The space child is overthrown, Professor Bobo suffers through the 32nd
Annual Lawgiver Daze, Tom offers an assortment of baked goods and Crow takes a fall
from his mile-high meringue pie.
Host segment 1: Mike tries an imitation of the goofy professor. It brings
everyone down...down...down....
Host segment 2: Tom tries -- and fails -- to sing a ballad about what he's
been up to.
Host segment 3: Crow the archeologist, searching for evidence of a previous
him, has a breakthrough.
End: Crow believes there's life beneath the floorboards...and he's right.
Meanwhile in Deep Ape, The Lawgiver is presented with a hunky gift.
Stinger: "The Load" hits the wall.
First shown: 2/22/97
Intro: Tom sets the rules for "Business Casual Day."
Opening: The apes try to fix their mutant neighbors' thermonuclear device,
and (thanks to Mike's suggestion) they succeed. An alarmed Pearl skeedaddles. Ned
the Nanite finds Mike's work order and fixes the SOL in the nick of time.
Host segment 1: The rumors of Pearl's death are greatly exaggerated, but while
she discovers a stowaway, Gypsy grabs the wheel and shakes her (and her spiffy space
van) off their tail.
Host segment 2: Cruising through space, Mike searches for something good on
the radio...and fails.
Host segment 3: Tom takes the wheel and hits something that turns out to really
like Crow!
End: Crow serves up some juicy revenge, a letter arrives from Dr. Peanut,
and a last word from Pearl.
Stinger: In a room full of Donny Mosts, the smarmy corporal out Donny Most-ing
them all!
First shown: 3/1/97
Opening: Artiste Tom creates some negative images of patron Crow.
Intro: We meet The Observers, super-intelligent beings who carry their brains
around with them. Pearl and Bobo are their guests.
Host segment 1: An irritating Observer arrives and bugs everybody.
Host segment 2: The Observers enable Mike to materialize anyone from his memory.
Host segment 3: Crow premieres his documentary on the Civil War.
End: Tom has a plan to make Crow do unspeakable acts, while Pearl and Bobo
get ready for slumber.
Stinger: "We think our brains are the best, wouldn't you agree?"
First shown: 3/8/97
Opening: Trying to fill in the viewers, Mike vapor-locks.
Intro: The Observers test everybody and Servo tests well.
Host segment 1: Servo becomes an Observer -- then the spoons turn up missing.
Host segment 2: The witch from the movie appears, but she's going through
some changes.
Host segment 3: Mike plays his Digger Smolken album.
End: Crow is an imp, Tom and Mike lash out at Leonard Maltin, and Prof. Bobo
makes a brain sammich.
Stinger: "Want some more Brains? Sure, we all do."
First shown: 3/15/97
Opening: Tom "comfort rates" everything around him.
Intro: The Observers get Pearl and Bobo to fight each other, but the SOL crew
aren't getting the message.
Host segment 1: The Observers offer their superior food.
Host segment 2: Mike sends Crow back in time, but soon regrets it.
Host segment 3: The Observers croon "When I Held Your Brain in My Arms."
End: Mike sets Crow up with a blind date from the year 5000, while Pearl declares
her humanity.
Stinger: "This is your brain. This is your brain in a stinger. Any questions?"
First shown: 4/5/97
Opening: Crow and Tom confuse similiar sounding household products.
Intro: The Observers prepare to dissect Bobo, Pearl begs for a distraction
from the SOL crew, gets one, but then the Nanites give Mike a planet shattering Number
7!
Host segment 1: Crow presents the "Tickle Me Carlo Lombardi" doll.
Host segment 2: Pearl and Bobo survive another world's destruction and have
brought along a new passenger, to boot.
Host segment 3: Mike demonstrates the non-acting method of Lance Fuller.
End: Questions about the movie, and in trying to get away, Mike and the 'Bots
find that they are being held back by the last surviving Observer.
Stinger: Bobo is closely investigating a planet.
First shown: 4/19/97
Opening: Mike is to be removed as captain!
Intro: While camping, Pearl powers down the SOL! With no shields, a face hugging
alien finds Tom appealing!
Host segment 1: Crow's proximity detector detects a lot of humidity.
Host segment 2: Servo goes after the alien, but gets stuck, the big crybaby.
Host segment 3: It's alien eggs omelets for everyone! (But Crow has some criticisms.)
End: The alien is draining the SOL's energy and Mike is forced to become really
repulsive! And at camp, Pearl tells some really scary stories!
Stinger: "People bug me, too!" (The stingers return.)
First shown: 5/31/97
Opening: Tom shows spirit, but Mike and Crow only offer MRxL.
Intro: The campers recall their trip, Tom portages and Pearl shares some pod-like
"zucchini."
Host segment 1: Pod-Gypsy suggests sleep, but Mike is suspicious.
Host segment 2: Mike and the bots try to stay awake, while Bobo is skeptical.
Host segment 3: Pod-Servo seems convincing, until asked about his "collection."
End: Bobo saves the day, but Pearl declares Movie Sign again!
Stinger: Pthpthpthp!
First shown: 6/7/97
Opening: Mike has a moustache and Crow and Tom like it -- sort of.
Intro: Three runaway orphan space children awaken the campers, much to their
dismay.
Host segment 1: The campers are forced to play games with the kids.
Host segment 2: Mike, Crow and Tom help Pearl out by putting on a kids public
tv show.
Host segment 3: Pearl, Bobo and Observer are having "that" chat with
the kids.
End: Crow has a nosejob, and Tom has written a poem for the slumbering kids
(complete with loud music!).
Stinger: "Sure!"
First shown: 6/14/97
Opening: It's walk-a-thon season.
Intro: Pearl is taking the space kids home and has Bobo and Observer send
the movie.
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom try to read Mike's future for 50 cents.
Host segment 2: Mike, Crow and Tom ask Shelli the Nanite to give them the
"big hair" look.
Host segment 3: Crow hires Ortega to cater the break.
End: Crow and Tom have built a roller coaster, while Pearl meets the kids'
parents.
Stinger: "What do you think we came here for...to eat?"
First shown: 7/12/97
Opening: Mike Nelson IS Lord of the Dance!
Intro: Mike mediates a squabble between Bobo and Brain Guy.
Host segment 1: Crow hires a Russian expert: Yakov Smirnoff.
Host segment 2: Crow's a bear, while Bobo and Brain Guy find common ground.
Host segment 3: Crow hires another Russian expert--or someone like him.
End: Tom fails in his attempt to be cute; Bobo and Brain Guy discuss ape movies,
but Pearl returns to settle the matter.
Stinger: "Bring on my fiancee!"
First shown: 7/19/97
Opening: Mike, who once spent two weeks as a Japanese chef, has a relapse.
Intro: Pearl and company are under fire! She begs Mike for air support...and
gets it (with world shattering results!).
Host segment 1: Tom sings about the 70's (and the 50's, too).
Host segment 2: Tom acquires a buttless truck driver body.
Host segment 3: Crow is Turkey Volume Guessing Man!
End: Mike, Crow and Tom are spoofing the end of the film, while Pearl is weighed
down with medals.
Stinger: Jim Stafford is really happy!
First shown: 8/2/97
Opening: Mike and the 'Bots are into "extreme" things.
Intro: Mike is put on trial for crimes against the universe!
Host segment 1: Pearl and Bobo give their opening statements.
Host segment 2: The 'Bots give their video depositions.
Host segment 3: The Observer takes the stand.
End: Crow and Tom hold a candlelight vigil, and the judge gives his verdict
and sentence.
Stinger: Spaz chop!
First shown: 8/16/97
Opening: Crow and Tom's "Dog and Bear" game gets out of hand.
Intro: Bobo, then the Widowmaker, then the SOL are dragged into a wormhole.
Host segment 1: The SOL crew is unstuck in time.
Host segment 2: Mike is transformed into a small robot.
Host segment 3: The wormhole deposits the SOL crew in a rather lovely sylvan
glen.
End: All seems normal again on the SOL (except for the presense of the evil
Krankor), but Pearl and Observer have arrived on Earth in Roman times!
Stinger: The Phantom says: "Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah!"
First shown: 9/6/97
Opening: Tom harmonizes his overtones with the fundamental.
Intro: Servo's "fundamental" turns out to be pre-recorded; meanwhile
"Apearlo" and "Brainguyus" settle in with a delighted Callipygeas
and suspicious Flavia.
Host segment 1: The manly beach dance is postponed because Mike's trunks are
a bit small.
Host segment 2: Apearlo & Brainguyus' jam becomes a beef commercial.
Host segment 3: Tom's a newsy with very up-to-date news.
End: The SOL crew sings "Sodium;" meanwhile as Callipygeas and Brainguyus
bond, Apearlo and Flavia trade...er...pleasantries.
Stinger: A less-than-manly beach dance.
First shown: 10/4/97
Opening: It's Friday at the dorm and Mike and the bots have a window!!
Intro: The window is going back, but a drunken Crow smashes it, while Apearlo
and Brainguyus liven up a dull Roman party with pants!
Host segment 1: Crow expresses interest in Pitch's line of devil dolls, Mike
disapproves.
Host segment 2: The bots set up a British pub, with a *very* stout ale on
tap.
Host segment 3: Pitch helps Crow transfer Servo's soul, Mike disapproves.
End: Crow dresses Mike up as Hugo, Mike disapproves. Meanwhile Apearlo and
Brainguys, attending Lesser God Day at the Colosseum, see a familar face in the arena!
Stinger: Hugo takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
First shown: 10/11/97
Opening: Tom and Crow are worried about Mike's eyelash mites.
Intro: The Nanites take on the mites, and it doesn't go well; meanwhile The
Mad Goth (aka Bobo) is getting more attention than goddess Apearlo.
Host segment 1: Mike's love of Noh theater causes confusion.
Host segment 2: Tom comes down with Roji Panty complex, while Pearl and Observer
have no luck with Bobo.
Host segment 3: Mike and the bots are near despair, then Krankor visits.
End: Crow has some suggestions, while a conk on the head from Pearl restores
Bobo's memory, with unfortunate consequences.
Stinger: Little boy faw down.
First shown: 11/7/97
Opening: Crow and Tom think Mike's encyclopedias are outdated.
Intro: Mike has new encyclopedias, while Pearl, Bobo and Observer languish
in prison.
Host segment 1: Mike's tea time is interrupted by the Bots trashing some escape
pods.
Host segment 2: Crow's a Bellerian...or is he? Meanwhile Bobo's escape plan
fails.
Host segment 3: Servo installs railings.
End: Tom is buff, Crow less so. Meanwhile Pearl, Bobo and Observer try an
escape, and a fire begins!
Stinger: Our hero bravely screams like a girl and bails out.
First shown: 11/22/97
Opening: Mike explains what's happened since the last show, but Tom just needs
him to say the words "Lost in Space."
Intro: Mike & Pearl have a nice friendly chat.
Host segment 1: Tom sends Crow back to 1985 to convince Mike the dude to stop
taking temp jobs.
Host segment 2: Crow succeeds and, returning to the SOL, finds Mike's surly
big brother Eddie in Mike's place, and learns that Mike's new future was worse than
the old one.
Host segment 3: Having seen the future, Crow returns to the past to keep Crow
from performing his mission.
End: Mike refuses to say what needs to be said, and, during another nice chat,
Pearl points out a troubling detail--a detail that is watching TV in the cheese factory
break room.
Stinger: "Matt, it's time for you decide if you're gonna be one of my
team players or not."
First shown: 12/6/97
Opening: Crow is cashing in on his catchphrase, "You know you want me,
baby."
Intro: Mike tries to find himself a catchphrase, while Public Pearl TV begins
its highly dubious pledge drive.
Host segment 1: Crow & Tom order a monkey, which escapes and throws stuff.
Host segment 2: While Mike continues to struggle with Henry the monkey, PPTV
presents a preview of "Pearl! Pearl! Pearl! Pearl! Pearl!"
Host segment 3: Tom asks to be doppled to the nanite world, and soon regrets
it.
End: Bobo tries and fails to talk Henry down, so Mike takes deplorable action.
Meanwhile, Pearl is counting her ill-gotten gain.
Stinger: "'m I nuts!"